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Waking up beside Leon for the second day in a row was a magical experience.

Because he still held me.

His head rest across my chest, he'd even drooled on me a little bit.

And rather than be put out by that, I only found it cute.

We were still naked and none of that was scary.

Emboldened by what I'd said last night, I leant forward to kiss his ear. Electricity crackled through me and awakened warmth in my chest.

His eyes flickered open, a tired smile on his lips as he raised his head to kiss me back.

I purred as we leant away from each other. He tightened his arms around me.

"This is really nice." He yawned and snuggled up against me even closer.

"It is." I was already shaky with the words on my tongue. I'd planned to wait at least a bit but I was too excited. "Do you wanna go sit by the lake tonight? Camp out again?"

"Oh dang." He lifted his head, staring into my eyes. "That sounds great."

The lake was out a fair way, across a field and towards the hills that surrounded our town. It was a quiet place so far from everything. A place we could be left to ourselves out in the open.

I squeaked and kissed him on the lips. He kissed me back then flopped over my chest, sighing. "I'm still sleepy."

"Same." I rubbed at his mane.

"You don't sound it." He yawned again.

Maybe I was a little energetic. I squeezed him tightly. I couldn't be blamed. "Too happy."

He chuckled as he nuzzled the base of my neck. "Last night was so good."

"It really was, really enjoyed it." I kneaded his ears, holding his head in the crook of my arm. "And I wanna do it again too, and more and like-"

"Will." He grinned. "Haven't seen you like this in a long time."

I laughed. "Yeah." I paused. "Haven't felt anything like this in a long time."

"It's good." He tightened his hold on me. "Really good."

I put my hand on his back and lay there with him, head warmed through with all we'd done. All we'd shared.

It was almost midday, we'd slept in way longer than we'd meant to.

With a yawn, he sat up and rubbed my ears. "Don't mean to scare you," he said. "But is it, like, okay if I head off?"

That did hit a sensitive note within me, but I tried to smooth it over with what we'd just said to each other. This was good. "Yeah, of course." It made my heart beat a little funny. "You alright?"

"Yeah. I just realized I'd probably sit here with you all day but we've got plans now. And I wanna shower in my own place, get in some clean clothes. Maybe do something special and get ready for tonight." He took in a deep breath. "Just don't wanna, like, burn myself out on you. And I really hope you're not upset about that."

"Pff." I snorted a chuckle. "Why would I be upset?" I tried to sound surprised, but within me there was dissonance. Personally, I wanted to keep riding these emotions I felt alongside him. Everything he'd just said was more than just reasonable, it sounded sensible too.

But it wasn't quite what I wanted, what I envisioned for today as I woke up. That we'd spend all our time together, like we usually did.

"Hmm." He stared into my eyes for a long moment. "Just not sure, I guess. You really are so happy and I kinda feel like I'd be stopping that, at least for a little bit."

In a way, it was annoying he had such clarity on me. Days ago, I think I would have shied away from that notion, presented myself as ambivalently as possible. I shrugged it off. "You're right, but that's okay."

His ears twitched. "I can shower here, I don't mind," he started backtracking. "Not like we uh, really need clean clothes." His voice took on an awkward twist.

I shook my head. "Nah." I sat up beside him. "You should do what you want." I was surprised to find my heart aching as I spoke those words. I felt like I was letting go of all the things we'd just done, and that was so bewildering to me. Way too confusing. Because we'd see each other again, tonight even. To do something I was so excited to do, but this tiny, little disruption to our time spent together suddenly felt so important.

"You sure?"

"Yeah man, like, it's just for the afternoon." I sounded so crestfallen and that just... I did not like that. Not one bit, but I wasn't sure how to stop it.

He sighed. "Sorry," he mumbled.

I rubbed at my face, flustered. Feeling too many things. "It's alright, I promise it is I'm just... bleh. I'm bleh."

He chuckled dryly. "What's up?"

"I dunno..." I leant away, suddenly feeling a bit embarrassed too to be naked beside him. "You know how I told you I've been kinda... numb?"

"Yeah."

"Feeling too much now." I scratched at my neck.

"Ah." He smiled. "Good."

"Good?"

"I think so."

"Why? It's confusing."

"Means you've got something to think about." He poked my face. "Can I make a suggestion?"

"Yeah of course."

"When I go, spend some time alone and think about everything you're feeling." He nodded to himself. "It's what I do. It's what I've been doing a lot of lately because of all this."

"Hmm."

"Promise it helps." He patted my arm.

Yesterday I'd felt a touch amused that he was struggling over these feelings but it seemed like it made sense to me. Maybe this was normal, and I was just slow. And yesterday's certainty was just my ignorance, being blinded by too many emotions. Which felt reasonable. These feelings were so new to me.

But he knew how to deal with them far better than I could ever hope to.

"I'll give it a shot."

He grinned and tipped forward, hand on my cheek as he kissed me on the lips.

Warmth ran through my chest. I beamed at him as he leant back. "Thanks," I said.

"Cutie." He smooched the air.

I laughed, so suddenly giddy. But he got up, stretching. I glanced at his bum, something warm trickled through me. Then he turned, hand on his chest. He watched me while I stared at his flaccid cock.

He cleared his throat. "Being naked with you might very quickly become my favorite pastime."

I kicked my sheets off of me, I was still a touch hard. His eyes ran across my body.

He purred, though he reached for his clothes and dressed.

My heart beat faster and faster though I knew what was coming. I got up and hugged him, marveling how his clothes pressed against my nudeness. He was right, being naked with him was a great way to spend the time. He rubbed my back as he hugged me.

"Really excited for tonight." I pecked his snout.

"I can tell." His hand dropped to flick my nuts. I jolted, giggling.

He waited for me to get dressed, all that positivity started to curdle immediately.

A touch of sadness crossed my thoughts as we wandered downstairs.

I held the front door open for him, more vulnerable than I was comfortable with.

"See you later Will." He side-hugged me and stepped out.

"See you tonight." I waved excitedly as he walked away, feeling a mess. He spun and waved back before I closed the door.

With a sigh, I turned, my father stood with his arms folded against the doorway to the lounge room.

That vulnerability scattered in an instant.

We made eye contact again, a nervy grin split my face, the coals of embarrassment flared to life within me. Emotional whiplash made me meek.

"So." He stepped forward to put a warm hand on my shoulder. "Nice seeing Leon again."

An awkward smirk shaped my lips. "Yeah." My voice almost cracked.

"Guess things are sorted between you two?" he asked.

"Mhm." I nodded briskly.

"Good. Uh, I'm not like. Going to ask, about... that. But." He stopped to clear his throat, his hand fell from my shoulder. "Might er, want to be a bit quieter."

My heart sunk in my chest. I scrunched my face up, entire body aflame with embarrassment. "I see." My voice cracked that time.

A heavy silence followed, neither of us moved. We stared at the ground, I could tell he found this just as bad as I did. "Might be the weirdest time I'll ever say this, but I am proud of you."

"Uhuh." I screwed my eyes even tighter shut. I hated this, needed this moment to end. Needed to cleanse it from my system forever and never look back upon it.

"No issue with Leon uh, staying over. By the way. Just being clear on that." He rubbed at his cheek. "Just, um, quieter."

"Noted." I wished I could squeeze between the floorboards and never be seen again.

"I want to shut up. I think no parent wants to be privy to this sort of thing, but maybe they should in some way. At least at your age." He took a deep breath.

"I'm 18, Dad."

"Doesn't mean you're ready for everything in life." He sighed. "Trying to say if you need someone to talk to about... things. I'd rather you asked me instead of I don't know what. Porn's not going to teach you how to-"

I breathed out so hard it almost became a hiss.

He raised his hands. "Just doing what I think is right."

"I know." I groaned. "And thank you, but you've- you're... I dunno. I appreciate it, just, stop." I spoke as gently as I could manage, but this embarrassment was bordering on anger.

He laughed. "You've no idea how little I want to be saying these things. So I'll leave it at that. You're not a stupid kid, just wanted you to know I'm here if you need someone. And now we'll never speak of this again unless you do need me to." He tussled my ears and walked off.

My brain was on fire, desperately trying to shovel the last minute of my life into the flames. Incinerate the memory and scatter the ashes far away.

But I think I was too happy to really try, even as I teetered on the edge of strange sadness.

As awkward and as embarrassing as this was, Leon had made me so happy. And my father had enabled that for me, trusting in my ability to handle something like that.

Leon's parents were both distant, they took a more hands off approach to raising him than my parents did. And for a long time, I'd been envious of that.

But for once I felt I had some clarity on how my parents' efforts came together.

So I cut the embarrassment. Or rather, embraced it.

As I was making lunch, Dad came into the kitchen and headed for the pantry.

"Hey," I said, voice quiet.

"Hey."

"Sorry if ah, we kept you up or something." I rubbed the back of my head, sweating from every pore on my body. "But thanks."

He tilted his head. "Hmm." He clicked his tongue. "You're welcome."

"It's... really awkward, but, um. I don't know if I would've been ready, like, you know. If you hadn't..." I rubbed at my face.

He laughed. "Sure. Just wanted to make sure you were safe."

"Yeah..." I bit my lip. "But you made me feel that too, not just like... doing it safely. I dunno. If things went wrong or something, I think I would've y'know. Come to you, and I think that would've really helped." It wasn't until those words left my mouth did I understand how much having a safety net had mattered. So much of my confidence had come from the fact that he'd be there to catch me if I needed him to.

An odd look filled his face. He put a hand on my shoulder. "You've no idea how happy that makes me." He grinned. "Your mother put a lot of faith in me when I promised I'd do my best to help you through all the guy stuff." He sighed, content. "And this isn't like, something I knew how to do really. So I only ever wanted us to have an open dialogue where we could talk if we had to. Only you never really wanted to and I didn't want to be too forceful." He wrapped me in a hug. "So I am really happy that's been the case if ever you have needed it."

I hugged him back, at ease. "Thanks," I said again.

He tussled my ears. "Just keep it down." The embarrassment surged back into me. "Because there's a lot of things I don't ever want to explain to your mother and this tops that list by a long shot."

I grimaced, stepping back from the hug. "I know."

He snickered, staring at me. "You are so lucky I'm a pushover, because I almost stormed up there last night and threw him out."

I froze up, wincing.

"Yeah, look at you." He laughed.

"Were you like, listening?" I gulped and stared at the floor.

"God no. I had pillows shoved against my ears." He snorted. "It wasn't loud but in the dead of night, sounds travel Will. Come on." His stare grew tense.

I nodded, clenching my jaw.

"I'm messing with you." He chuckled, easing up. "I heard a thing or two and didn't realize what it probably was until this morning. Figured it was worth warning you over." He clapped me on the shoulder. "But please, never again."

I nodded.

He went back to rummaging through the pantry.

His joking was warning enough.

I wasn't so hungry anymore but I forced down a sandwich. It did feel good in a weird way to let him know he'd done well by me. That felt like the most mature thing I'd ever done, especially given the circumstances.

But it was so unbearably awkward, only none of that mattered. Because as soon as I was on my own again, all I could think about was tonight. Which made me excited and also dredged with it that confusing tangle of things I'd felt this morning.

Which in turn made me think on what Leon had suggested earlier.

I took a long shower, trying my best to reflect on the storm of emotions within me.

Most notably, I was happy. That joy blazed so strongly above everything else, which made it harder to really feel out those other emotions. I wasn't so sure I still had all the courage and confidence I'd come across last night. That this morning had, in some way, scattered them.

Embarrassment was next. And that wasn't surprising, but it was two pronged. Obviously my father contributed so much to it, but part of it was still over Leon and I having sex. That we'd gotten naked and touched each other. That he'd penetrated me, both with his finger and his penis.

I'd never seen myself as a bottom. I'd never seen myself as a top either, but bottoms held a more awkward stigma. But was I even a bottom? I'd have to try more to know for sure.

And then it really hit me that I didn't have much of a sexual identity.

I wasn't even much of a masturbator. I just looked at porn, which was usually pretty vanilla and I jerked off with my right hand. Never tried other things.

Never really thought about it... until now.

There was more I wanted to try with Leon. And that lit a fire in my cheeks.

But did it have to dip into that embarrassment?

Memories from last night ran rampant through my mind. We'd been so... careful, so unlike the sex I'd watch late at night in the privacy of my room. And it all came together. But it came together well, in a way that was so comfortable. So good for the both of us. So unlike my expectations. But that's what felt right.

Maybe this embarrassment was pretty silly.

This morning, when Leon said he wanted to head off it was the embarrassment that made me feel sensitive. That he was leaving my room, where we'd hidden away and had sex in private. Taking those memories out into the world.

Of course he wouldn't share them. But that embarrassment had given me that concern like it was somehow real.

And the stupidest part about it was that I wanted, more than anything else, for Leon and I to not keep this cloistered away. That I'd asked to spend tonight with him out by the lake for that very reason.

And though that embarrassment had barbs that stuck to my thoughts, it now felt debased. So much easier to ignore.

Which in turn led to a touch more comfort.

The other prong of it was something that I was easier about. My father knew. And that only bothered me on concept. In truth it probably had been for the better, given our conversation earlier.

I turned off the taps in the shower, letting the water drip from my fur as I took long, deep breaths.

If this was the sort of thing Leon did all the time, then it made everything about him make so much more sense. He'd always been so considerate, so emotionally open. But if he'd never shied away from the things he felt and examined them like this, that made sense.

And finally, after all those years of numbness, being able to listen to my own emotions made me want to be like that too.

As I toweled off, I could feel that confidence returning to me.

There was so much more in my head than I really knew how to make sense of, but trying to think further on it only led me in circles.

At my core, I was detached from something larger. My life up until this point had been school and routines, but I didn't know what I wanted for myself now that highschool had ended. I had nothing but friends to fill my time, but I couldn't make a living off of that when I'd need a living. Those thoughts were a constant distraction as I tried to explore the things I felt.

This introspection wasn't something I was well acquainted with yet, but I'd keep trying.

I'd speak to Leon about it too, see what other advice he had for me.

Because above all else, I never ever wanted to feel so empty again.

I sat naked on my bed, appreciating the quiet moment. Glad in truth to have some time to myself, to seek out the comfort of being alone in this space that was truly mine. I hoped Leon was feeling the same, though my heart was racing as I stared at Walt's gift. The photo of the three of us when we were 16. All smiling, happy and so unaware.

When Walt gave it to me I felt like we'd never do something similar again. But was that really the case? It didn't have to be. Part of why I felt that way was because I couldn't imagine myself ever showing those emotions again. At the time, I was so full of apathy that it simply wasn't possible to consider.

And yet, barely over a week later I now felt like this.

That tickled my heart.

I sighed.

I missed Walt.

A lot even.

Way too much.

I'd been texting him every day, but recently as things with Leon were heating up I wasn't as frequent with it. And I felt so bad about that. Maybe tonight we could call him. In fact, we should call him. Together, the three of us. No more texting one on one.

And maybe...

I licked my lips.

Leon and I could tell him about what we'd been up to.

I dressed in shorts and my favorite shirt, feeling better and better about everything.

My mind was fuzzy with appreciation for Leon. Had he stayed like I wanted him to, we'd probably still be in bed, heads empty, just goofing around or something.

Late afternoon approached. I wanted to get some snacks for tonight, treat it like a picnic or something. I dunno. I was feeling a touch romantic but wasn't sure how to express it.

I grabbed my wallet and headed downstairs. My father was tidying up the lounge, I stepped up to him.

"How do I look?" I asked.

He cocked his head, licked the pad on his thumb and smoothed back a clump of fur on my forehead. "Handsome." He grinned at me, something bright in his eyes pulled a smile out of me too.

"Thanks."

"Date tonight or something?"

I nodded, eyes wide.

"Cute." He clapped me on the back. "Hope you have a nice time."

It hadn't even occurred to me that this would be a date.

I could've squealed, overexcited as I ran to the store.

I wasn't even sure what I wanted to get, but I left with a bag full of chips and sweets. The kind of garbage we'd both eat too much of if given the chance.

My phone buzzed with a message from Leon as I was walking home.

_Where we meeting?

I'll come to you_

I turned towards his place.

He was waiting for me outside, we fell in stride together. He smelled nice, fruity again. But I wasn't so sure I had it in me to really cuddle up to him already.

Things felt almost normal. Same as they'd ever been between us. Best friends and nothing more. But there was an eagerness growing within me the longer I stayed by his side.

We started walking away from the town, cutting through streets and heading west for the hills.

A golden sunset painted the sky vibrant hues of orange and pink. Stretched shadows unfurled behind us, their exaggerated movements swayed in and out of closer contact.

The longer I stared at the sky, the warmer I felt.

Leon's hand brushed mine.

I grabbed it.

He smiled at me.

By the time we made it to the lake, the sun had mostly set. The sky above gripped by twilight that also danced upon the water's surface.

We'd done a remarkably good job at avoiding speaking about each other. But here at our destination, he threw an arm over my shoulder.

"This was a really good idea," he whispered in my ear and kissed my cheek.

A dumb grin filled my face. "Just glad we're doing this." I purred.

He'd brought a bag with him, which he slung off of his shoulder and knelt to unpack something.

"I made us cookies." He pulled out a tupperware box and dropped it on the lush grass.

"I bought some trash." I dropped my shopping bag beside it, giggling. I might be pushing new heights of maturity but I still ate like a teenager.

"Healthy dinner." He picked through the snacks, smirking.

I could tell he was nervous, the way he kept finding new things to stare at.

I felt it too. I sat beside him, reaching for his cookies. Choc chip with a sprinkle of sea salt and damn they were soft and delicious.

They also gave me a springboard for conversation, something we could talk about to take the tension out of the air. Every new time we were together, it felt easier to broach the reality of the situation.

We were in love and our idle chatting only circled that drain while we ate our full.

By the time we were finished, the stars had come out above us and my heart started to race. Softer emotions welled up within me. I put my head on his shoulder and an arm around his back.

"Leon," I started. "I really wanted to be outside with you again, like the night Walt left."

He took in a lengthy breath.

By a starlit lake, I grabbed his hand and held it to my chest.

"I was really scared after," I kept going. "Things got weird. We just lost Walt and I didn't want us to fall out. I didn't know what to do about it." I nuzzled his mane, delighting at how warm he was to the touch. "But now none of this feels wrong to me. I love you Leon."

He smiled and put an arm around my shoulders. "I'm so happy this happened. I was scared too and really, really ashamed. But yeah. You're right. None of this is wrong." He kissed my cheek. "I love you too Will."

My heart spilled warmth through my chest. "Should we tell Walt?"

"I think so." He drew another long breath. "Feels right."

"What do we tell him?" I swallowed, suddenly nervous. "That we're, like, boyfriends?"

Leon chuckled. "I wanted to just say we loved each other."

"Ah." My heart tripped. Had I overstepped?

"But boyfriends..." He paused. "Are we?"

"I dunno." I grew easy as he wrapped me in a proper hug.

"Could be." He nuzzled my cheek. "Feels like we were kinda messing around, but it's becoming more than that right?"

"Yeah."

He kissed me on the lips.

I kissed him back, purring.

"Let's not say it yet though." Leon smiled at me. "We'll take that slow, I think. Went too fast already maybe, I don't want this to push us apart again."

I nodded, heart unsteady. He was right but... "Hard to separate all these feelings." I felt no fear or shame, only clarity. "I want you. But that want is so... everything. I want your friendship, your body, your love, you and all you are."

He took a long breath, his smile widened. "Never expected something like that out of you." He scratched at my ears. "I want all of that from you too." He paused, focus in his eyes.

"But?" I prompted.

"But poor Walt." He shook his head. "Think how it might be for him if the moment he leaves we commit to a relationship. We're still working it out, and I think that's what we should tell him. And if we become boyfriends, we'll tell him that too. But only when it happens."

At first I found myself concerned, but that outlook held more nuance than I knew how to handle immediately. The longer I thought on it, the more sensible it seemed. He wasn't rejecting me. Just acknowledging what was happening here for what it really was.

I'd gotten ahead of myself. Wanted for him too strongly.

I didn't want to feel bad without him, as I had earlier today and that's exactly what would happen if we over-indulged every positive beat of this.

I was so thankful he was considerate, wise with emotions far beyond what I'd ever considered.

He kissed me briefly on the lips, the reassurance lifted my worries.

He pulled back, staring into my eyes. "Love you," he said.

The action was simple, but what that meant was so much more complicated.

And I don't really know what happened.

I started breathing a little harder, a dam of emotions within me burst.

I sniffed, tears in my eyes before I could even hope to stop them.

All those years of apathy. Of feeling myself spinning amidst a storm of numbness.

None of it had prepared me to feel loved as I now felt. That this wasn't as simple as I'd tried to make it. That there was more to think on and understand. That my emotional illiteracy had left me unable to make sense of anything. But I was getting better, and that never felt more real to me than right now.

Taken step by step through this with someone I cared for. I could see, could know, could feel it for myself. And embracing that only made me eager for more.

It energized every part of me. I'd never hid anything from Leon. He knew me for all my faults, all my idiosyncrasies. All my wants, my needs. My past, what I wanted of my future. He knew all of that and more. And he loved me.

And I loved him for all the same reasons.

It hadn't occurred to me just how much of my life this touched upon. How since I was 5 I had two people I experienced everything with. And one of them was now out of reach.

And as Leon and I struggled to cope with that, we only grew closer.

Whether we'd meant to or not, we'd fallen for each other in a storm of change.

And were it anyone else, I might fret that it could be temporary. But he wasn't one to misplace emotions, he knew how to guide them well.

And I wasn't one to let go of anything easily.

He looked surprised as he held me in his arms. "You okay?" he asked. The same question he'd fallen back to last night every time we did something new. I heaved in a breath, shuddering as the tears kept coming. I could only nod.

All he did was hold me as I cried on him, and all it did was intensify those emotions. It took me quite some time to get used to them, to feel on top of them.

"Thanks," I mumbled. Shaking, tears on my cheeks, I buried my face in his mane. "Let's call him," I sniffed.

"You sure?" He rubbed my back. "Like right now?"

I sniffled and nodded.

He lifted his phone as he started video calling our friend. I braced against his shoulder.

Walt answered.

And seeing his aloof smile again twisted my belly.

Grief flooded through me, raw and unfiltered.

"Hey," I croaked, more tears in my eyes.

"Leon! Will!" Walt's smile widened and then fell in an instant. "Everything okay?"

Leon's paw came to rest on my shoulder. "Things are great."

"I see?" Walt tilted his head. "You broke Will." Though there was good humor in his voice, I could tell he was concerned.

I rubbed tears off of my face with the back of my hand, smiling. "Miss you too, jerk."

Leon smirked, then he kissed my forehead.

Walt's expression shifted. He looked mystified.

"So." Leon moved his phone a little closer to us, his head rest on mine. "Will and I-"

"Are really god damn cute?" Walt peered at his phone, a massive grin on his face. "Spill it."

Leon chuckled. "The night you left we stuck to each other and things kinda happen-"

"Things?" Walt interrupted.

"Uhh." Leon glanced at me, nervous.

Heat rose in my cheeks but it was more disbelief at my own thoughts than embarrassment. "We blew each other, he means," I said, voice husky. Being open about it thrilled me to no end.

Leon scrunched up his face.

Walt froze for a moment, made a surprised sound. Then he howled with laughter, the sound of it tickled my heart. When he was finished he looked a tad flustered. "Wow. Damn. Alright."

"This is cursed." Leon rubbed at his face. "I didn't- well, whatever. Yeah. It was like that but now-"

I surprised myself with just how willing I was to get into it. This wasn't our secret and it never had to be. Walt would understand perfectly.

"He's skipping the week where things got weird." I sniffed back tears, feeling stronger than moments before. "Why're you skipping the week where things got weird?" I stared up at Leon's chin.

He bit his lip. "I don't actually know." He cleared his throat. "We didn't mean to, you know. It kinda happened. And things got weird but we sorted it out and kept going. Like more... stuff, I mean." He sounded so nervous.

"Damn." Walt took a long breath. "That's something."

"I came out to my parents," I added. "I feel so stupid happy." I grinned, tears rolling down my cheeks. For the first time in my life I felt truly validated. Supported by everyone around me. I had the emotional and physical freedom as well as the agency to explore myself with someone I adored. No part of me felt unloved or unseen and this euphoria had no end in sight.

"Aww. Will." Walt's voice was joyous. "Haven't seen you cry since we were cubs but dude. This is so good. I'm happy for you guys, really."

"Thanks." I nodded, strength flooded through me.

"Yeah, thanks dude. It's so nice." Leon kissed my ear. "But we're still working things out."

"Sure. But I love this. Keep me in the loop." Walt's voice softened. "Kinda since you and I tried to date a bit, I was always curious if you two might be better for each other. Maybe I should've said something?" He put a hand on the back of his head. "Glad there's something there for you. Really hope it's what you both need so I know my two best buds are gonna be looking after each other better than ever."

He was good at hiding it, but there was something sorrowful underpinning his words.

Leon took a deep breath. "Glad you're not like, upset or something."

"Why would I be?" Walt tilted his head.

"Like... Thought you might be upset we'd done this as soon as you left. Or because we didn't work out or something. I don't know." Leon shrugged. "Didn't want you to hurt over it."

"Ah." Walt nodded. "I guess part of me's wondering if I was like... holding you two back or..."

"No." I shook my head. "I wasn't ready for this, it came out of nowhere and it probably could've happened without you leaving."

"Agreed," Leon added.

A moment of quiet followed, the three of us unsure what to say.

"You guys out by the lake?" Walk asked.

"Yeah."

"Cute. I can hear the water." He sounded a bit quiet, his speech all tight and breathy. "Miss you guys so much." His voice cracked. He shuddered and sniffed, trying to hide his face behind his hand. "I'm sorry. I- I kind of hate that I'm missing this. I wish I could see you both being happy. Third wheel your dates, get up to all the dumb shit we used to do. Thank you for calling me, it's just a video but it really helps."

Grief lodged itself in my throat. I understood exactly what he meant. And there were so many words I wanted to tell him, but I couldn't find them fast enough. But Leon could.

"What's stopping you?" He asked, shaking his phone. "I'd call this a date, right Will?"

"Of course." I tried to keep my voice strong.

"My arm's getting tired." Leon lowered his phone to a more comfortable position. "So I reckon you're meeting your third wheel quota."

I smiled down at Walt, a gentle lightness slowly unwound the grief within me. "Dumb stuff hasn't ended either." I rubbed at my cheeks. "It's different, but we got you. You won't miss much." As those words left my mouth, I eased up. Because it was true. Things would be different, but we could accommodate the changes. Stay just as close as ever.

This wasn't the loss I feared it would be.

A painful change, sure. But it was only change. And we could handle that.

It was something I could accept, even if it wasn't what I wanted.

Maybe it helped to have such a positive change alongside it.

I nuzzled Leon's shoulder.

He was the first to cry over Walt's move, but now he was as steady as ever. Perhaps shaken I'd embarrassed him, but he bounced back firmer than he was before. One of us had to be.

"You know I love you just as much as Will, right?" Leon tilted his head. "And that'll always be true, no matter how differently that love gets shown."

Walt nodded.

"Echoing that," I said, feeling stronger with Leon by my side. "I love you buddy."

Those words were so simple, so true. So necessary for me to say. Guilt no longer stalked my thoughts, I'd come clean. Fessed up to myself, to Walt, to Leon. Never before had I felt so able, so secure in speaking my mind. For years I'd ruin myself with overthinking. Trying to be perfect when nobody else expected that of me. They knew how to make sense of me. All I had to do was open up, give them more to make sense of.

And I was glad to because there was no judgement.

With them there never was.

Breath streamed through Walt's lips. "Thank you, both of you." He forced his aloof smile back on his face, though there were tears in his eyes. "I love you both a lot and as soon as we get a chance to be stupid together again, I'm throwing myself at it."

"Same."

"Yep."

Walt sighed, relieved. "Alright. I think that's enough of that." He dabbed at his eyes. "Think I wanna lie down, and you two should get on with whatever it is you're doing out late, alone." His voice took on a mischievous twist. "You know, distanced from the town. Bet it's a quiet night hmm? No clouds, stars out. Water lapping right in front of you. Sounds romantic." He snickered. "Don't break the silence too much."

Leon snorted.

"He's a moaner," I whispered just loud enough for Walt to hear me, laughter in my throat.

Leon shifted, shoving me off of his shoulder. A torn look on his face.

"Nice." Walt chuckled. "I'll see you two later."

"Cya."

"Bye," Leon muttered.

Walt hung up.

And we were alone, just like he said. The stars were out, and they were bright. The idle sloshing of the lake helped relax me and there was nobody around.

Relief struck my thoughts. Neither Walt nor Leon made a big deal about me sharing how I really felt. They took it as it came, didn't freak or anything. Just rolled with it. And that was soothing.

"Duuuuuuuuude." Leon winced. "I can't bel-"

I threw myself on him, arms crisscrossed around his back as I kissed him on the lips.

He caught me, if he was surprised he didn't show it. He kissed me back, his coarse tongue pressed into my mouth.

And on the shores of the lake we made out, so lost in each other.

Leon broke it first, all flustered and panting. "I was going to get a little shitty with you," he spoke in a rough monotone, staring into my eyes. "But you trying to embarrass me made me hard."

There was a hint of frustration in his voice I found exciting.

"Really?" I tilted my head. "Because I can do it more."

"Hah." He grabbed my tail. "You really think I'm a moaner?"

"Big time." I wasn't going to tell him my father had heard us yet, but this was my revenge in any case. There wasn't a doubt in my mind, he was a moaner and he was louder than me every single time we'd done something.

"It's a good thing Walt was right then." He nudged me over onto my back and rose up on his knees. He rest a hand on his waistband, his shorts tenting. "And there's no one around." He pushed his waistband down, his cock strained against the white fabric of his boxers.

I licked my lips.

This no longer felt strange, something to be so uncertain about. I knew exactly where this was going and what it'd feel like. Him acting firmer only excited me further.

That wasn't to say I was ready for everything.

But I was ready for this. And with him, I felt safe exploring more.

I reached for the outline of his cock.

He clicked his tongue. "Before I forget." He reached into his bag and pulled out a small bottle of lube. "I want more." He stared into my eyes, a strong grin on his face. I'd never seen him so bold before. "I brought condoms, but if you're-"

I nodded. He fell quiet. "Not like we could've gotten anything from anyone else," I said, giddiness rising in my chest.

"Mmm." Leon put his hand on the back of mine, pressing it against his dick. "You go."

"Huh?"

"Top me," he kept speaking in a lower voice that riled me up even more. "Your turn." He squeezed my hand.

I'd been so prepared to lay on my back, legs in the air while he plowed me for a second time that this blindsided me.

But I wasn't going to say no.

In fact, with my thoughts running hot there was so much courage in me to really try.

I squeezed his dick, staring him in the eyes. Lust drummed up within me, he watched me back. So full of trust, of desire.

I pulled his boxers down, his cock bounced out. I grabbed it, moving closer to him as I kissed him on the lips, he gasped into me. I jerked him, my heart fluttering as he grunted and shifted in my arms.

More than anything else, I wanted him to feel good.

He meant so much to me and this was a way I could repay those feelings directly.

If he was bold, I could be too.

And I know what he liked, he'd told me. I wasn't too sure how to do it, but I knew the gist of it and that's all I needed. I had the courage to try.

I exhaled as I ran my paws down his body, my head trailing after. I lifted his shirt and rubbed my nose against his chest as I pushed him over in the grass.

He moaned softly, putting his hand on the back of my head. I licked his belly, gentle as I worked my way down to his dick.

I kissed his crotch, right above his shaft. He tensed, his breath tight as he sat up, staring down on me. I pushed my nose into the space between his nuts and his thigh, lapping at his fur. He shuddered.

I flicked my tongue across his balls. He squeezed my ears, moaning.

"Damn." He chuckled. "What are you doing?"

I stared back up at him, his cock in front of my face as I ran my tongue up the base of it.

He convulsed, fists clenched as he moaned even louder. I waited for him to open his eyes. He was gritting his teeth. "Oh. Mmf-" A bead of precum gathered on his tip.

Body worship wasn't something I sought out when I watched porn, but I'd come across it often enough and it was never distasteful. I kissed the underside of his cock, drifting down back to his nuts. I sucked them, rolling them across my tongue.

He squeezed my head with his thighs as he adjusted how he was sitting. "Can't handle this." He stared at me, already breathing heavy.

I placed a hand on his hip, trying to nuzzle his leg as he held me in place.

"Will." He gave a breathy laugh. I grabbed him, staring into his eyes with a coy smile on my lips. He loosened his hold on me, leaning back as I kissed the inside of his thigh.

He purred, head turned up towards the sky.

I reached for the lube while I planted kisses up his chest.

He grunted, grabbing me by an ear.

"You okay?" I asked, voice smug as I imitated his carefulness from last night.

He exhaled heavy. "Not what I expected." He shook his head. "But really, really good."

I laughed, squeezing some lube onto my finger. "I can keep going if-"

"Not going to last if you do," he said gruffly.

My hand drifted past his balls.

My heart was pounding as I touched my finger to his ass.

He shifted as he moaned, eyes going wide. I waited for him to relax, staring into his eyes with my finger on his hole.

"Feels nice, doesn't it?" I tilted my head a little.

He nodded, stiff. "Keep going," he mumbled.

I pushed my finger in.

He moaned louder, his face scrunched.

Drawing those feelings out of him was ecstasy. I leant back a bit to put my head in his lap as I nuzzled the side of his cock.

He jolted, gasping. Wild-eyed he bared his teeth as he clenched his jaw. His cock was throbbing.

"Will." He was almost growling. I wasn't sure if it was a warning or what, so I waited again for him to settle, my finger still braced inside of him.

He was tight and really hot. I couldn't even fathom what it'd feel like inside him.

A drop of his precum landed on my cheek.

I grinned, my own cock straining against my clothes.

He relaxed a bit, I drew my finger back. He moaned and let out a stilted "Awh yeah."

That felt like the only confirmation I needed. I fingered him, growing more and more overwhelmed with the sound of his moans. The way he convulsed, he started thrusting his hips back against my hand.

His voice went almost hoarse, he kicked a leg out across my arm.

And staring at me through a mask of pleasure, he begged. "Fuck me."

That same haze was in his eyes as last night, all that lust and desire.

More than anything, it became a need for me to sate him.

I pulled my hand back, leaping to my feet as I tugged my pants down.

My underwear was wet with my own precum.

My heart hammered in my chest, I was shaking from excitement as I covered my cock in lube, I pressed more into him as well.

My chest was heaving as I knelt, lifting his legs against my shoulders. Their weight brought my stillness.

He still stared at me through that haze of want.

I drew in a long breath and pressed my cock against his hole.

I exhaled as I slid in, warmth rushed to fill me. Intense pleasure ground itself through my body.

He moaned so loudly.

Truthfully, I wasn't much quieter.

He was incredibly hot, he felt unlike anything I'd ever known before. So tight, each point of contact coerced another wave of pleasure through me as I kept pushing into him.

He shuddered as I bottomed out.

My head was tingling, I was dizzy off of the pleasure.

Everything I'd done to get him ready had only made me hornier and hornier, now suddenly immersed in the warmth of his body I wasn't sure how long I could last.

But I leant over him, same as he'd done for me.

And staring into his eyes gave me strength.

He put a hand on my back pushing against me.

I started pulling out.

He threw his head back and bellowed a moan that only intensified the urges within me.

I started to push back in, self control slipped out of reach. Lost to the pleasure I kept thrusting into him. My breath came ragged, the air around us filled with loud sounds of our passion.

I couldn't keep myself up, I fell over him, bucking my hips as hard as I could.

I kissed him.

His entire body tensed. He jerked his head back and trembled as he groaned.

His cum jetted up my chest.

The muscles in his pelvis tightened around me. I faltered, wincing and gasping.

Couldn't keep up.

I grunted as an orgasm threw me out of focus.

A torrent of pleasure soaked my mind and left me full, no room to think.

I panted on top of him, shaking as my body caught up to the rush.

Between ragged breaths he spoke. "I love you Will."

I shuddered. "I love you." I kissed his ears, his cheeks. His lips. I held him tight against me as all the energy I had left lit up within me and burned bright. I kept kissing him, no longer sure where each smooch started and ended.

His panting slowed, his fur was almost damp with sweat. He went lax and easy in my arms as we kissed each other again and again.

"That was really, really good," he muttered. But he batted my ears a bit harder than just playfully. "You're dirty though." He purred. "Expected more of last night, awkward fumbling around each other. But dammit dude, that was... wow." He nuzzled my face.

I chuckled, still basking in the afterglow. "Really glad you liked it." I kissed his muzzle. "Had no idea what I was doing, just wanted to try."

He took in a long breath. "You did really damn well."

"So did you." I cuddled up to him even harder.

I was someone who usually felt a touch insecure over trying new things, but that thought never crossed my mind.

I relaxed. He turned to face me, holding me in his arms. We kissed again, which got a little heavier when he started rubbing his paws into my back.

My thoughts ran blank, too lost in the fuzz of joy and budding exhaustion within me.

The lake lapped endlessly against the shore, a natural metronome that brought us peace.

Snuggling under the stars, I felt at ease. His hands touched my soul as much as they touched my body. I felt so loved, so accepted, so firmly grounded and free in a way I'd never known.

The first night we'd blown each other, we weren't ready. But we found ourselves from that, we explored it together in the safety of my room. And now, more comfortable we'd come back to the stars where they watched us unjudging.

There was no shame between us. Hopefully there would never be again.

I came close to tears but was too overjoyed to give in.

And only now, as I immersed myself in comfort did I feel ready to tackle anything.

The rest of my life may not be solved yet. I still had no path forward but I had faith in who'd be joining me on that journey. So I was ready, excited even. Aglow with positive emotions over something that had once left me in a state of numbness, so unfeeling and drained.

By starlight I'd become whole. At peace with myself, capable of loving and being loved unashamedly. A state of mind I'd been detached from since childhood, so full of energy. Of emotions.

My best friend held me in his arms, his breath tickled my ears and only made me feel stronger.

He loved me too.

And every single time that thought crossed my mind it twinkled joy in my chest.

Epilogue

My father put his hands on my shoulders, a distant smile on his face. "Split up the drive," he said. "Stop if either of you get tired alright?"

"We will." I nodded.

"Good." He clapped my arm. "And if you need more money or something, just ask alright?"

"Sure. Thank you." I nodded again.

He released me. I stepped back and grabbed my suitcase's handle. But hesitation gripped me, it'd be a while before I saw him again.

I let go and stepped forward to hug him. He wrapped his arms around me.

"I'll miss you," I mumbled. "Thank you for helping us do this."

"Not a problem." He ruffled my ears, something sombre in his voice. "It'll be good for the both of you." He pulled back from the hug. "Love you Will," he said, staring into my eyes.

"Love you too Dad." I grinned at him.

With a contented breath, I turned. It was the first time I'd be going somewhere else without him.

I put my bag in the trunk of Leon's beat up car and fell into the passenger seat.

Leon glanced to me, smiling. He reached over to wave out my window. "See ya!"

My father nodded and waved a farewell to the both of us, I shot one back.

And we were off.

Four months on from Walt's move, Leon and I were finally going to visit him.

But this was no weekend trip, we'd planned for a month and might stay even longer.

Leon and I were at a point where languishing without prospects was unreasonable. Our town had trade skills that didn't interest us and basic jobs on offer, and that was it. Anything more specialized was filled by people who had proper training and education in things we didn't have direct access to here.

The notion of going to college became increasingly more appealing, especially once Walt started a degree. There were regional colleges here, sure, but there was also a golden chance for something better. And as soon as I brought it up with my father, he put forward the idea of this trip.

Leon and I lunged at the opportunity and Walt was overjoyed to hear it.

So we'd spend a month, or more, in a big city with our best friend. And we'd feel out our options.

We hadn't spoken much past it, but it was obvious to me what had to happen if we found something we'd like to do.

We'd leave the nest, move out. Settle in someplace else.

As much as that saddened me, it also felt right. Same as Walt moving, it wasn't forever. It wouldn't be impossible to go home.

But with Leon and Walt, I felt ready to try and this trip was testing how that'd actually feel.

The drive was uneventful, just long and tiring. Almost five hours all up, but we stopped every hour or so to switch drivers.

The rolling hills of countryside I'd grown up around my entire life gave way to more wooded patches and eventually tall evergreens.

And past them, suburbia.

It was almost unnerving to drive though the endless sprawl of houses, so much bigger than our rural hometown.

But we made it to the freeway, and there on our right stood an elegant stonework sign.

_Welcome to Fowling!

The City of Potential_

Skyscrapers rose ahead of us, densely packed in the city's central district. But all around it, a mess of houses and occasional larger landmarks stood out.

Walt's family lived in an inner-city suburb, down the road from a large park that was well-kept with vibrant flowerbeds, sculptures by local artists and a fountain. It seemed so wildly upmarket to me, but according to Walt this was very middle of the road for Fowling.

His home was two floors, a spacious upstairs with a roomy basement. Through video calls I'd seen every corner of his house but standing outside of it sent electricity buzzing through me. I was almost shaking, too much energy as Leon rang his doorbell.

Footsteps pelted down a hall.

My heart thundered in my chest.

The door flung open.

Walt damn near tackled us off of our feet.

We stumbled back as we caught him, embracing the hug as strongly as he'd thrown himself into it.

He whined, his tail wagging so fast it kept smacking against my legs.

He let out the heaviest sigh.

I felt that, I really, really did.

"It's so good to see you again." His voice was coarse and croaky. He pulled back from us, grinning wildly. I couldn't stop myself from smiling, out of the corner of my eye I caught Leon's toothy smirk.

Every single last thing felt right in the world again.

He showed us around his house, we stopped to catch up with his parents too. His mother asked what was new with us and made a show of support when Leon mentioned I was his boyfriend.

Every single time that happened, it only made me ecstatic all over again.

Walt led us downstairs to where we'd be staying in his rumpus room. The sofa folded out into a bed, which he'd already made for us. The entire area had been cleaned.

Walt's room was right beside us, we had the entire downstairs to ourselves and it was perfect.

Opposite our bed was a large TV, which we'd undoubtedly spend a lot of time in front of.

We caught up in proper, reminisced about some things, talked over some sensitivities we hadn't broached before. Walt told us some more about his degree, mentioned some of his new friends that Leon and I were only vaguely aware of.

Though so much was different and the nature of our friendships had deepened and shifted in a way that could never be undone, it was like nothing changed between us.

We settled down to watch a dumb movie, keen to laugh over poorly acted scenes and silly plot points. The sort of thing we used to always get up to. But I snuggled up to Leon out of habit.

He whistled. "Walt."

"Hmm?"

"Get here." Leon lifted his arms.

Walt hesitated, then he cracked a smile and joined the cuddle, the sofa bed had plenty of space but we packed together tight in a warm hug.

Leon rest his chin between Walt's ears, the wolf's eyes shut as he took in a deep breath. At peace.

I reached over to scratch Walt's belly. He glanced to me, longing flashed. His smile froze as he wriggled tighter against Leon, sighing.

"Damn." He snorted. "Really tried not to tear up." He growled as he put a hand on top of mine, his voice cut low. "Dickheads." He sniffed. "Missed you too much for this." My heart warmed in my chest.

Leon chuckled. "Felt wrong to not include you."

"Always welcome in the cuddles," I added.

"Thanks." Walt rubbed at his nose. He took a moment, emotions battled on his face before he lifted the remote and started the movie.

The seamless transition back into our usual idiocy was golden. Not a beat skipped between the three of us, and yet our friendships felt so much warmer for the moment we'd just shared.

I had been worried things might feel wrong. That Leon and I had progressed too far to really hold Walt's friendship in the same capacity we once had. Only we could, quite literally even. And that felt right. Felt good.

Felt far better than nothing.

Months ago this moment might've felt like any other day, only now I could see it for how special it truly was. A real confirmation that no matter what happened we'd always have each other. That we'd be there for each other through whatever changes we'd face.

There was a lot in life I needed to work out still, but friends weren't one of them. Acceptance, love and support were all things I had, things that'd only help me sort out the rest of my life. I felt safe, felt at ease.

Understood in a way that encouraged the best out of me.

And I'd make the most of it.

We all would.