FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Sunlight brightened my room.

My heart ached as I roused.

Not from shame, just out of fear that things mightn't be as they seemed. That last time this happened it was so much worse than I could've imagined.

But Leon was already awake.

He rolled to stare me in the eyes.

And he smiled.

It warmed my heart.

I smiled back.

Relief surged through me. I inched forward and hugged him. He looked a bit surprised, caught off guard by me going for it. But he held me in his paws. The moment stretched long between us, just silent and warm in my bed.

Then he breathed out, tension vanished from his body. "You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah." Something bold filled me. I wanted to kiss him on the snout, but I shied away from it. That didn't feel quite right, not yet. "How about you?"

His smile widened. "Doing real good." He squeezed me. "Really happy."

"Same."

His paw drifted down my back and over my hip.

I stiffened, leaning away from him as he nudged my morning wood with the back of his hand. Something sour flickered on his face, he withdrew his hand.

I snatched him by the wrist and put him back over me, heart pounding. "Unexpected," I said. "Not unwanted."

Hungry thoughts ate at my mind.

He squeezed me, weakly.

I gasped.

But he withdrew his hand again. "Maybe not first thing in the morning," he mumbled. "Don't mean to be like, I dunno. On and off. Just, let's not right now."

I nodded. "That's okay."

"Everything's alright." He yawned. "Sorry. Just, I dunno. Not conflicted, just thoughts." He cleared his throat. "But make no mistake, we'll do more later if you wanna as well."

It amused me to no end that he was uncertain and struggling to speak his mind, but for me it came easier than anything ever had before. That this stuff was starting to make sense.

"All good." I wanted to smooch him so badly but the thought of scaring him was so intimidating. Again I backed off. "Let's only do what feels right."

"Yeah. Thanks." He stared at me, another smile creasing his face. I thought he was going to say more, but he didn't, which in turn made me wonder if perhaps I should. That the way he made me feel right now was worth noting to him. That all this warmth and joy and eagerness within me was so foreign but so wanted.

But the only word I knew how to describe that with was love. Which was true, but was it right? Could I speak it to him and have him know how I meant it? How did I even mean it, truly?

There was longing within me. I wanted him.

Because I loved him. More than platonic. Sexual too, but was it also romantic? I couldn't tell. Wasn't sure how to.

He made me feel so happy, so safe, so understood. And I felt the moment surround us, only it wasn't slipping away.

For as long as we held each other in my bed I felt I could say it at any time and it wouldn't be misplaced. But we couldn't stay here forever.

Leon sat up with a sigh as the morning started to drag on. "Promised my dad I'd help him with something today. Sorry."

"It's alright." I gave him the warmest smile I could manage. "Whenever you're free, I'm keen to spend more time with you. Um, like this." I winced. "Or not. Like, whatever's good."

"Mm." He licked his lips. "We'll see what happens."

"Not like, ashamed or anything are you?" I asked. He'd already said he was doing good but it did worry me to my core.

"Nah. Just a little... off, like trying to work out what I really want I guess." He shook his head as he got up and stretched. "Need some time to think is all."

"I see." I bit my lip.

He scowled at his feet. "I think I keep misspeaking." He rubbed at his cheek. "I mean like, when I touched you. I was kind of unsure but I wanted to, then I didn't but I still do but..." He scrunched up his face. "Sorry. Still thinking about things that happened with Walt as well, and that was a big struggle for me."

"It's ok." I wasn't sure how to handle this, wasn't sure if I even needed to. Leon was good at working these things out for himself.

He clicked his tongue. "When I said want I meant kind of specifically, like what things we do. I do want this and it's been really exciting." He scratched at his mane. "Thoughts are all jumbled, probably should shut up until I know what I even mean." He smirked. "I'll see you later. Thanks for understanding."

I shot him a cheesy grin. "All good man, see you."

He turned and left. I listened to his footfalls, growing more and more at ease. No shame. What we'd done was good. And it was confusing, sure. But I wanted more of it, all of it even. So many things I wanted to try with him, whenever we'd get to them.

Patience was odd for me, because I was so terrible at being patient with myself but for Leon I could wait as long as I needed.

He made it halfway down the stairs before he paused.

"Oh hey, didn't know you were here." My father's voice reached my room.

I coughed.

Dammit.

My cheeks caught fire.

"Yeah, sorry. Came over late last night, wanted to speak to Will about something." Leon sounded hesitant, a little bewildered. I could only imagine his expression. He'd always had strong composure except for his eyes, which were undoubtedly wide and bulging.

"Ah yeah, fair enough." My father paused for a moment. "I'll see you later."

"See you," Leon mumbled.

And I really hoped that's all it would be.

I hesitated in my room, too embarrassed to have to see my father. But I didn't have to wait long, a few minutes later he stepped out, his car rumbled to life and he was gone.

I don't know why I tiptoed as I made my way through my house to make a late breakfast. I was just spooked, and I stayed spooked the entire day.

I was in bed during the early afternoon when my father came back. Just hanging out, watching dumb videos to put my mind at rest. I heard him bring in bags of shopping, the front door closed.

He started climbing the stairs towards my room.

There was a knock at my door.

He poked his head in. "Close your eyes so this is easier."

I stared at him a moment, head tilted with warmth in my cheeks. He squinted at me.

I shut my eyes.

He entered my room and put something on my bed. "Not making any presumptions," he said. "Just being responsible." He left.

I stared at the foot of my bed. Awkwardness punched up my throat.

My cheeks burned.

Why?

A box of condoms and a tube of lube.

I groaned, wincing.

Why???

Embarrassment so strong it hurt wracked me. I yanked my phone out of my pocket.

I want to die. Look what my dad just gave me.

I sent Leon a picture.

LOL

He replied.

HAHAHAHAHAHA

After a short delay, another message came in.

Fuck!!

And another.

That's good though right?? Shows he cares.

I grimaced.

I guess. But why like this?

Naw dude, it's like he's respecting your decisions. Just awkward as hell. Does he think we're messing around?

Don't think so, he said he wasn't presuming anything. But I did MAYBE mention something when I came out...

Oh.

That put a lump in my throat.

_I don't think he knows what we're doing though. He's just... like that

Yeah, what a legend_

Leon's response tacked so much relief to my chest.

_I guess.

Stop guessing and think about putting them to good use?_

I stared at my phone, mouth agape.

Damn

Yeahhhh that was maybe too much, lol. I'm just messing

Awkwardness had become so frequent in the last week that I was now able to think while drowning in it. Thoughts warmed my cheeks. I couldn't believe myself as I typed out a response.

_But what if you weren't messing?

If I wasn't messing, we probably wouldn't get much sleep tonight._

I grinned.

_Which is fine because we have nothing on tomorrow

I'll come around after dinner. I did some thinking too, made sense of some things. Think I know what I want ;)_

I shut my eyes after reading his response. Arousal rushed to fill me. Were we really doing that? Already? I felt no hesitation.

Sounds good.

I collapsed back against my bed, breath streaming through my lips.

Damn.

I hardly felt prepared, but I was excited. This was an axis of myself I never had anyone to share with until now.

Exploring it became so pressing, so necessary. Had to know what new things were like.

Had to find out with him, my best friend who meant the world to me. Who I could trust with anything.

My phone buzzed again.

_You're sure? Like, you want us to do that?

Yeah._

His response took longer than I anticipated.

Ok. I'm nervous. I want to but it's a lot? And when I was joking earlier I didn't even think this could be serious, but I'm okay that it is. Really want to make sure you are too.

That made me pause. Leon's considerations were important for me, he'd always had a better understanding of how these things can matter.

I was also nervous. But everything else sexual had felt right in the moment. I couldn't imagine this being any different.

It'll be good I think. I'm nervous too, but it'll be good. And if it's not, we'll stop. So I want to, I trust you more than anyone.

I sat on my bed, staring at the plastic stars on my ceiling, hoping I wasn't making another mistake.

_Means a lot to hear that. Thanks Will, I trust you too so I guess we're doing this. See you tonight

Cya_

I was giddy. Bewildered too.

That this had come about from my father's actions. And that was a very awkward thing to consider. So I simply didn't.

I sectioned off those thoughts and did my best to ensure there was no overlap.

Which uh, I wasn't particularly good at.

I kept wincing to myself, feeling awkward and embarrassed yet somehow thankful.

And waiting for hours in that state sucked. My mood swung from horny to nervous, but never both at once. It was better than nothing, I realized. That at least I was feeling things even if they weren't always good.

But finally there was a knock at the door just past 9pm. I threw myself out of bed to try get there first, but Dad answered.

"Ah Leon," his voice reached my room as a muffle. I started down the hall. "Nice to see you again. Uh, staying the night?" There was a touch of something awkward in his voice that sent a fierce blush through my cheeks. He'd know.

"Yeah." Leon hesitated.

I almost stumbled down the stairs. "Hey." He stared at me, eyes wide and sprinted to my side.

I took one last glance back at my father before we vanished up to my room.

He wore the stupidest grin I'd ever seen, beyond embarrassed. I winced as we made eye contact. He chuckled under his breath and strode back to the lounge room, shaking his head.

As soon as my bedroom door was closed behind us, Leon turned to me.

"Fuuuuuuck." He stretched the word and laughed.

I rubbed at my brow. "Don't think about it," I muttered. "This is normal and we do this thing all the time."

"Sure." He snickered. "It's all just a big coincidence."

"That's what I'll be telling him if he asks."

"Is he going to?" Leon grimaced.

I feigned a gag. "I hope not, but it's not impossible."

He stared into my eyes for a short moment, the both of us fell into awkward chuckles.

"Man. It's awkward but, don't think it'll matter really. He's... cool." I picked my word very carefully.

"Reckon he'll dob us in, tell your mom?"

"Not a chance." I sat on the edge of my bed. "She's sorta cool, would probably flip at him if she knew he was buying me stuff like that though." I reached over to open the drawer of my bedside table, where I'd stashed the condoms and lube.

Leon quirked an eyebrow and grabbed them, staring at their labels. "Part of me was hoping he'd tried to embarrass you. Gotten all those like, pride condoms or something. Flavored lube, could you imagine?"

"I'd REALLY rather not." I gave him a dangerous look.

He laughed. "All I'm saying is if he knows you're partial to strawberry milkshakes he knows-"

"Stoooopppp." I screwed my face up. "No no, no. Noo."

He fell beside me, cackling.

I laughed too, my cheeks on fire.

He threw the box of condoms at my head.

"Dunno what to do now," he said, the box bounced weakly off my cheek.

I lay down next to him, drawing in a big breath. "Yeah."

"Let's not... do it, like, right away."

"Of course." I swallowed nervously. "Wait til my parents go to sleep. And if it doesn't happen, that's fine."

"Yeah."

A long pause stretched between us.

"Wanna watch a movie or something?" I asked.

"Sure."

"Torrented a bunch of dumb action things." I rolled over to grab my laptop.

"Maybe something a bit sexier?"

I cocked my head. "Like... porn?"

He jolted. "No, uh. Well not no. But I meant like, normal movie just not guns and explosions and stuff." His words dripped embarrassment. He cleared his throat. "Actually not porn, yeah. Um. Not yet, at least."

"Mm." I handed him my laptop to find something he wanted.

Truthfully, it felt like a time killer to me.

I didn't really care what it was.

I just wanted to cozy up to him and hold him while we waited for my parents to go to sleep.

And then...

And then I wasn't so sure.

I did truly want to mess around with him.

But here, together again in private there was something so intimidating about that.

And rather than speak about it, I waited for him to pick a movie. He'd gone pretty light, some cheesy feel good film that had a touch of romance.

Somehow it was just right, because we cuddled up to each other. Feeling warm, feeling at peace, and the tone of the movie melded so seamlessly to those emotions.

But then it was over.

And there finally came the moment. I wasn't afraid, just a touch uncertain.

He closed my laptop and put it on my bedside table.

I cleared my throat. "Are we um, doing that thing?"

"I guess?" Leon's response didn't fill me with confidence. He took a deep breath. "Actually..."

My heart stumbled.

"Let's," he said, staring at me.

I was so certain he was about to call it off.

"Like, if you want to still."

I nodded. For a lengthy moment, we were both silent and awkward. Then he spoke.

"Maybe this is awkward." Leon rubbed at his face.. "Um. I think, we should get naked. And be that way for a bit. With each other. I- I think it'll help."

For all my eagerness, all my boldness, all that certainty I believed I had about our sexual contact so far, I sure was nervous as I got out of bed.

My heart was racing as I pulled my shirt off, hands shaking. Leon sat there, impassive as his eyes poured over my body. In a way, it was intimidating.

He'd seen it all before, but this was the first time he was specifically seeing it through a sexual lens. Both other times we'd done things purely in the heat of the moment. This was something we'd planned for.

And I still wanted it.

But it was scary.

I took a deep breath, hands on my hips.

With a moment's hesitation, I tugged my shorts down. I wasn't that hard but my semi stood out in my undies. Leon smiled, his eyes drifting over my thighs.

I took a seat beside him, he put a hand on my side. "You're so cute." He rubbed at my dark fur, a distracted smile on his face.

I was afraid he'd be upset I wasn't rock hard.

He lifted his shirt off. He had a bit of muscle on me, though we were the same height.

My heart fluttered in my chest. I touched him where he touched me, breathing tighter as my fingers drifted through his tawny fur.

He pulled his pants off, underwear and all. He sat there naked, eyes trained on my face with more self-control than I could hope to muster.

I stared at his cock. Just past seven inches, his foreskin bunched under the head in a way I could only describe as inviting. Like it wanted me to touch it, to smooth it back.

My cock throbbed, getting harder. I shed my last garment.

And we were both naked on my bed.

I expected him to make a move, to go suck me off like he'd led with the other times. But he kept staring at me, mostly my chest and face. I felt small, still embarrassed.

Then he put a hand on my thigh.

"You really are attractive," his voice was a warm purr.

I nodded slowly. "So are you." His cock filled my vision again.

"I mean it Will." At the call of my name, I met his gaze. He leant in and kissed my lips.

Stunned, I kissed him back. There we lingered, enjoying the moment until I had to lean back to breathe.

I held his stare. "For a while now, I kinda, uh, knew you were like... hot, in the back of my mind I just didn't..." I licked my lips and dropped my eyes to his chest.

He tapped a finger on my hip. "It's okay," he said and threaded his arm around my back. "Don't need to be nervous."

"I am," I blurted, but I rest my head on his shoulder in a show of good faith that sent my heart pelting. He rubbed my ears.

"I like touching you." His other hand brushed down my chest and though I was tense, it felt good. I exhaled, almost lightheaded. "Is that okay?"

"Yeah." I reached a paw out to his nipple and groped him softly. The more contact we made, the easier this became. "Should we..." I floated the idea as best I could. "I don't really know how it like, works."

"Yeah." Leon chuckled nervously. "Um. I looked it up. Porn makes it look easy but it's... I dunno, not hard apparently just more to it."

"Alright." I nuzzled his neck, exhaling tension from my body. Making it more directly sexual was a comfort, that's what I was more acquainted with.

"Um." He paused. "How are we doing this?"

"I-I dunno."

"Well one of us is uh, taking. And the other, yeah." He rubbed at the back of his mane as he licked his lips. "And if I'm honest... if you're okay with it, I'd like to give first. You're so..." His fingers trailed down my back. "Something about you makes me want that. Badly." He stared at me, hunger on his face. I reached down to put my hand on his erection, pulling back his foreskin. He exhaled, smiling. "Is that okay?"

"Yeah." I squeezed his dick, unsure what it'd feel like to have inside me.

He let out a quiet moan. "Maybe we can like, hug or something. Get more used to this."

"Please." I crept up to his side. He put his arms around me, then leant in and tugged me down to the mattress.

He pulled me tighter against him, our chests in full contact. Our cocks rubbed against each other which sent a buzz of pleasure through me. I figured he might go for a kiss, but he squeezed me against him, our bodies touching in new ways and that did take some adjustment. There were too many sensations and emotions within me to really make sense of in the moment, and dumbfounded I went quiet. But laying there with him, it did get a bit easier moment to moment.

"Can I admit something?" he asked, voice a little low.

"Yeah."

"Um, there's this video I jerk off to like once a month and have for a while." He tensed. "It's like, this really buff lion. And erm, he's got this really thick dick." His voice shifted, almost embarrassed. "And he's showing off, then this panther comes in. Think he's a leopard though, but he just starts worshipping this lion, like licking him and-" He cut off, awkwardly chuckling. "No attachment to us, just coincidence but..." He purred. "Panthers really get me going. And... maybe it's not just coincidence actually. I dunno." Breath streamed through his lips. "There's been at least a few times my thoughts have wandered about you while watching it."

Maybe any other time, such an admission would've spooked me. Made me feel awkward to my core. But right now, it tickled my heart. I nuzzled his mane. "You want me to worship you?" I asked, forcing something humorous in my voice.

"No." He winced. "Well. Maybe, but not now."

"You like that sorta thing?" I asked, indulging a sudden rise of courage I rubbed my hips against his.

"Uhuh." He stroked my back, his fingers trailing flickers of warmth down towards my ass. I loved how that felt. "Um. What're you into?"

"Remember the video?"

"Oh. Yeah, of course." He cracked an awkward grin.

"How big you reckon that one guy's dick was?"

"Uh. I just remember huge. Memory kinda fuzzy about that, was too horny to take it in." His hand clasped the base of my tail. I shivered as he brushed up the length of it.

"Big dicks really make me hard." I was surprised by how heated my voice became. "Um, not that you don't as well, like- ah. And you're big too, bigger than me. Sorry. Not meaning to-"

He laughed. "You like what you like, and clearly you like this too. Not offended." He exhaled, his hand drifted to the back of my thigh. I stiffened. "You ever watch that again?"

"No." I tilted my head. "Not that keen on watching my dad's porn again." I retched, I did not want him in my thoughts. Not now.

"Fair." He traced the curve of my ass. "Um. I am." He went a touch quieter.

"Really?" I didn't mean to sound so incredulous.

"Uhuh, um. Think it became a bit of a thing for me. Like, seeing someone else's stuff. What they like and I dunno. Exciting, I guess." He grit his teeth. "Not saying we should do that, just putting that out there."

If that was the case, there was a much better way for him to indulge that.

I sat up. His brow furrowed as I reached for my laptop on my bedside table.

"What're you doing?" he asked. I met his stare, wearing a devious grin.

I pulled up my stash, tucked away in some asset folder for one of my favorite games.

I didn't save a lot. Only the really, really good stuff.

"Oh." Leon almost jumped upright as I pushed my laptop into his hands. "Oh. Damn." He flicked through a bunch of images I had, almost salivating over some short clips that really got me hard.

And not a lick of me felt embarrassed to show him the stuff I was really into. It felt right.

What felt even more right was me reaching over to tug his cock while he snooped.

He moaned, his voice curling louder as he stopped on an image of a threesome. There was a bear holding a coyote upside down by his ankles, the canine's arms wrapped around the bear's chest, his jaw stretched around the bear's fat cock. The third was a husky with a weighty dong, big paws on the coyote's back as he ate the smaller canine's ass. The coyote's expression was blissful and that's what really made the image for me.

Leon cut his eyes to me. "I have this exact picture saved too." He purred.

My paw was a little sticky with his precum.

"Good, isn't it?" I raised my hand and licked myself clean. The sweet taste of him warmed through me. His eyes went wide.

"You seen the video it's from?"

"There's a video?" I cocked my head.

He gave an emphatic nod. "They double pen- ah. Maybe we can watch it some time." He cleared his throat. "Since we're like, being open about it. I guess."

My cock twitched. The thought of watching porn with him was beyond enticing. Especially now, as we sat here, naked on my bed. It fired me up, made me want to thrust my cock in his muzzle, our plans be damned.

I wanted to go back to touching him. To him touching me. To our bodies pressing against each other in ways and places they never had before.

And there must've been some tell I was having those thoughts, because he leant forward and kissed me.

"Alright," he said as he closed my laptop and put it aside, taking a deep breath. "Feel as ready as I'll ever be."

I felt it too. There was no hesitation within me, only desire.

I curled over, ass up in front of him, a cheeky grin on my lips. Never had I thought I'd be doing this sort of thing at all.

It was a strange thing to actually feel sexy. But I liked it. It was something new, something spicy. Something I was really feeling.

He exhaled hot and heavy. "Damn." He put a hand on my ass. I could feel him quivering with excitement. He pushed my cheeks apart and muttered something as he peeked at my hole.

His thumb brushed against it. I jumped, not expecting how sensitive it was. That wasn't something I'd ever tried before.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah." I rumbled. "Feels good."

He responded by poking me with his finger. My tail swished to the side. His hand drifted slowly up and down my crack, working quiet gasps out of me. The fleeting pleasure of him touching my hole excited me to no end.

He reached for the lube.

I winced as he dripped some on me, it felt cold in the warmth of the moment. I looked back behind me, bracing for something.

He was extremely gentle as he pushed his finger in. I gasped breathlessly.

He froze. "You okay?"

I nodded, mouth open as I gasped again.

The sensation was so different to getting blown, the pleasure felt almost indirect yet still intense. More that it represented our intimacy, but felt new and different and there was something so pleasant about it that made me even more aroused.

He exhaled hard, almost purring. "You feel so tight," he said, wriggling his finger. I squirmed at the feeling. "Kinda, like, really hot." His dick twitched. He pulled his finger out, I arched my back and groaned, only to do it again as he pushed back into me.

His tongue was hanging out of his mouth, there was a fog in his eyes as he shivered. In all the porn I'd ever seen, never had I witnessed someone so blatantly aroused.

I did my best to stare at him as he kept fingering me deeper, trying to spread me open more and more. That look in his eyes evoked such blunt thoughts within me. He looked so dogged, so focused, so distracted all at once. There was wildness in there too, desire.

All I could do about it was coil my body, moan and jerk as he got me more and more ready.

The more he fingered me, the more I enjoyed it. The more accustomed I grew to the sensation. I buried my head in my sheets, muffling my groans.

He withdrew his hand and took a deep breath. "Think that's enough."

I rose up, stretching my back and panting as I turned. "Felt so good," I mumbled, still dazed. I was becoming lightheaded but that only complimented the pleasure.

He got up as he reached for the condoms.

I went down on all fours.

"Um." He licked his lips. "Maybe you'll be more comfortable on your back?"

I turned over, looking up at him. I couldn't hold back a smile as he tore into a wrapper.

He rolled the condom over himself in staggered motions, his hands were shaking. I reached over and put a paw on his arm. He glanced at me, surprised.

"All good?" I asked.

"Yeah." He rubbed at his face. "Just, nervous. I guess." He cracked a smile. "Performance anxiety."

I felt similar, but he made it easy for me. I could do the same for him. "Promise it'll be the best sex I've ever had."

He shook his head, a small smile on his lips. "Good point." He knelt on my bed, I settled on my back. He stared at my body for a long moment, his eyes twinkling. He spread more lube on both of us and slid up firm against me. I jolted as I felt his cock brushing my cheeks.

I lifted my legs over his shoulders, smiling as my shins brushed through his mane. I watched his face closely, he took a deep breath, staring into my eyes he leant forward.

He moaned as he pushed in.

"Oh man." His eyes scrunched shut, his mouth open as he moaned again.

I gasped, it was so much more than his finger. I squirmed, panting against the sensation. There was so much lube the resistance didn't feel like much as he glided into me.

"You okay?" He froze up again, though his voice was riddled with lust.

I nodded, unable to vocalize a response. Face screwed from the mix of pleasure and a touch of pain. He waited for me to settle, his breath hard and heavy.

"Keep going," I mumbled. Mind all tingly from the sensation of it. I wanted more but couldn't bring myself to push back against him.

He moaned louder as he thrust weakly into me. I grunted, shaking as a new wave of pleasure gripped me. He felt so much bigger inside me. Every tiny motion sent a ripple of sensations through me that finished in another gasp.

His hips brushed my asscheeks. He leant over me, his body quivering as he stared into my eyes. A taut expression filled his face, so tense with bliss. He humped me, slowly. Every thrust made him wince, made him moan louder still.

I tensed with every push in and groaned as he pulled out, adding more and more to the pleasure within me.

It was a lot more than I anticipated it would be. The physical sensation of it was heavy, so consuming. But staring into his eyes as he humped me made it something so much deeper. I stared back, eyes wide as I coiled from the pleasure, gasping alongside his moans. There wasn't the faintest touch of shame within me.

His breath ran ragged, his moaning grew pinched. His entire body shuddered as he kept thrusting into me.

His hand brushed my cock.

I jolted, groaning as he started jacking me off. My precum oozed down his fingers. I was too lost in the pleasure to focus. He jerked me faster, not breaking pace as he kept pounding me.

I gripped the sheets by my head, arching my back.

An orgasm broke within me. Cum spattered across my chest. I whimpered and tensed.

He winced, a harder sound escaped his throat as he finished.

He collapsed on top of me, panting hard.

"Fuck." He managed between rushed breaths. "That was incredible." He moaned as he pulled out of me. All I could do was hold his back and purr.

He purred back, nuzzling my neck.

"Felt so good," I mumbled, unable to make my voice stronger. That had taken more out of me than I thought it would.

He flopped over on his side, staring at my face. "I'm so glad we did that."

I nodded, rolling to face him.

He leant in and kissed me. I kissed him back, heart hammering in my chest.

I was beyond tired, it was late and I was overwhelmed with new feelings and experiences. But we made out as long as we could manage. Hands on each other, kissing and touching all over our bodies.

Before we settled down to sleep, we took a moment to clean up a bit. He tied off the condom and wrapped it in tissues, I did my best to clean my spunk out of both of our chests.

But once that was done, we re-embraced and with that came so much certainty.

We settled into the sheets, our naked bodies pressed firmly together as we spooned.

I loved it.

Lying there, in his arms, spent and exhausted and content, I hadn't realized how much I'd truly enjoyed myself. That what had started as tense and awkward had become something so comfortable and warm. That I was happy doing this with him. That my usual apathy had gone missing the moment he texted me to come over last night. I snuggled him tighter, my ears pressed against his mane.

He yawned and kissed the back of my head.

"I really like this," I mumbled.

"Love you," he replied.

Though exhausted I could still feel the significance of that. It set my heart aglow.

I drew in a long breath. "Love you too."

It was the first time I'd ever told anyone that.

Nobody else deserved to hear it more than him.

It went deeper than that.

I wanted for more. Again I stared at the inert plastic stars above my bed, feeling a touch claustrophobic. I didn't want this to be something secret, something hidden away in my stuffy bedroom. I turned my gaze to my window, where real stars lit up the sky around a waning moon.

A smile delighted my face as I fell to dreams, thinking about the night Walt left. How freeing it was to be out in the open, to breathe fresh air and be wild under the stars.

I wanted that again, only there was nothing in the way.

No shame, no inelegance, no obstacles that made it difficult.

All I had to do was ask.

And I would, come morning.

Alongside all that joy within me was two more emotions I'd grown so distanced from feeling.

Courage.

Confidence.

They filled me to bursting, and all I could be was excited to see where they'd take me.