The Choices we Make
Gray awoke to the sharp shriek of the alarm. His heart was pounding in his chest as the last images of an uneasy dream, already half forgotten, faded from his mind. He covered his eyes with one paw just as the room burst into bright light and the cold, synthetic voice of the Construct greeted him from the speakers.
"..Good morning Lieutenant, it is 0530 hours.."
Gray growled as he sat up on the edge of his bunk. "Yeah, yeah, I noticed..."
"..I am sorry, Lieutenant, but I did advise you to get more sleep.."
Gray nodded, more to himself than to the disembodied voice of the ship's computer core. He couldn't help but smile as he forced himself to his feet. It was sorry... Who would have thought?
He rubbed his tense shoulders for a moment. Even on normal days morning watch wasn't exactly his cup of tea; getting only four hours of sleep beforehand didn't help. Still, he got that assignment more often than anybody else. He was sure Commander McGee got some strange satisfaction out of it.
Still half asleep, Gray stepped into the adjacent wet room and let the cool water from the shower soak into his fur. He withstood the sudden urge to shake it off and instead closed his eyes again for a moment. Slowly, the feeling of life returned to his body; and with it came the memories. He cursed under his breath and banged his fist against the aluminium wall. How could he have been so stupid? Of course his temper was short and it had gotten him in to trouble before, but this time he had really gone too far.
He turned off the shower and shook his whole body, sending droplets flying everywhere. As he squeezed the remaining water from his tail, he looked into the mirror in front of him. A sigh escaped his muzzle. The fur around his whiskers was already starting to show the slightest hint of grey. How could he fall for someone so much younger? Quickly he dried himself off and got into the uniform he had carelessly discarded just a few hours earlier. He frowned as he looked at the mirror again. It wasn't pretty, but it would have to do. There was just enough time to get breakfast.
Gray shivered as he stepped out of his cabin. His fur was still slightly damp and the sleep he missed was weighing heavily on his shoulders. He winced as each step of his bare paws echoed off the deck-plates. The main corridor was deserted, of course, nobody was up this early. It was almost three more hours until morning watch began and most of the ship was still sound asleep - except for a few engineers working on overnight assignments and the senior officers, who were supposed to give a good example, as the Commander used to say. Even the flickering overhead lights were still dimmed for night mode.
He parted his muzzle for a low growl at the thought of Commander McGee, inadvertently revealing his fangs to a young techie who had just stepped out of one of the smaller corridors. The man started and waited until Gray had gone past, even then keeping his distance. Gray smirked joylessly. Being snarled at by a cross between man and wolf usually had that effect on people and he knew that all too well.
He finally reached the end of the corridor and stepped through the archway into the mess. The large room with Its long tables and benches was empty and so it seemed like he would in fact be the first to get his share of what chef called breakfast - and he was the only one on board who did. Even 'porridge' would have been rather a euphemism. The slushy stuff an equally tired crewman behind the counter offered him in the metal bowl had the consistency of wet paint and tasted like cardboard. Still, the wolf took it and nodded. He was too tired to be angry and too hungry to be disgusted.
Looking down into the gray goo, he growled and made the same techie jump yet again who had entered the mess right behind him. This really didn't seem to be his day. Gray tried to smile an apology, but that only confused the poor crewman even further and so the wolf just took his bowl and sat down at the far end of the long table. If there had at least been coffee, he thought. Unfortunately, the stuff was way too expansive and enough supply for an exploration mission like this was simply not feasible.
"Morning, Gray!"
It took the wolf a moment to realize that those words were meant for him and as he looked up, he was greeted by the warm and friendly eyes of Illana Gregory, the von Braun's red-haired chief engineer.
"I really don't know how you do it, Illana," Gray mumbled in reply.
"Do what...?"
"Being in such a good mood at this time of day."
"I'm always in a good mood, Gray."
"My point exactly..."
The wolf fell silent, he just didn't feel like talking. But that had never kept Illana from doing it anyway.
"You, on the other hand, look even worse than usual," she remarked while eying the contents of her bowl suspiciously. "Are you sure this is edible? It looks a lot like valve sealant to me..."
Instead of a reply to either of her statements, Gray just nodded while gulping down another spoonful. Oh, what would he have given for a nice, hot cup of coffee right now...
Illana sat down opposite him and tried to balance her spoon on the edge of the bowl.
"So, will you just sit there and stare a hole through the table or are you going to tell me what's wrong?"
"Nothing," Gray replied, more out of habit than anything else.
"Right, so that's why your uniform looks like you slept in it - and not for long either. Come on, big wuff, what is it?"
Gray growled at her, in earnest this time, but she just smiled that friendly, captivating smile of hers. Illana Gregory knew full well that she was the only one on board who could call the von Braun's third in command a 'big wuff' and get away with it - and so did he. It took only a second for his anger to dissipate. He looked at her, shook his head and then dipped his muzzle into the bowl to lick it clean.
"What are the chances of you just going your way and leaving me in peace?" he asked.
"Slim, Gray... slim at best," was her prompt reply.
It was times like this that could have made anyone mad at her, Gray thought. As it seemed, he was not going to get out of this one.
"Last night," he finally explained after another long pause, "when I was coming off duty I passed by the observation deck and... I heard some of the new guys talking." Gray's voice was low and quiet, just as if he was afraid someone might overhear their conversation.
Illana raised an eyebrow. "Talking...?"
"They were talking about me... about the 'freak'. One of them even called me the 'resident gelfling'."
The engineer took a deep breath and lowered her head as she listened. Carefully she tried to put her hand on the wolf's paw but he flinched.
"What did you do?"
"What do you think I did?"
"You... pounced them."
He nodded.
"Anyone hurt?"
"No... Not really."
"Well, that... certainly wasn't smart. But don't worry too much. You'll probably just get a talking-to from the skipper, you'll explain everything and I'm sure he'll understand. The old man likes you, you know that. And those new guys will soon get used to their second officer. They've only been here for a few weeks. You have to give them time."
Gray nodded and looked down into the metal bowl that now reflected the cold fluorescent lights above. She was right, of course.
"Was Toby there with them?"
He perked his ears. "What... I... no... I don't know. What does that have to do with anything?"
Illana couldn't help but grin a little as she noticed the wolf's ears blush.
"Oh, I just thought with him being a member of my staff and all, if he had any part in this I shall want to have a word with him as well about it." She smiled as she heard Gray sigh and couldn't resist adding, "And it also would explain why you were so upset." There was a pause and Gray could almost see the satisfaction in her eyes as his blushing ears flicked nervously.
"It's not what you think..." he started.
"What do I think?"
"That I... That he and I... That I'm... interested in him," Gray stammered.
"And you aren't?"
Gray was silent, what could he possibly have said?
"You should tell him, you know?"
"Yeah right..."
"No, I mean it. This is only going to get more awkward every day."
When Gray didn't reply, Illana added, "But you surely didn't just sit there in your cabin and sulk all night, hm? What kept you awake?"
"I..." Gray started hesitantly, looking across the table at Illana. "I talked to the Construct about it. We kept discussing things for ages."
The engineer raised her eyebrow again and Gray hurried to add, "Listen, I just needed someone to talk, Ok?"
"Do you really think that's wise - burdening it with all that emotional ballast?"
"Look, I know you are all a little edgy about it after the Constuct on the Unicorn malfunctioned and..."
"Malfunctioned? The freaking thing went postal!"
For a moment, Illana looked really upset, even frightened, before she managed to calm herself down again.
"Look, Illana... I know you all still feel very insecure about it, but this is just the Uncanny Valley talking. After what happened on the Unicorn, I did large parts of the rewrites myself. I know that code better than anybody on this ship and I am telling you, everything is fine. All the parameters are normal and behavioral patterns are even more consistent than expected. In many ways, it is coping better with the isolation than any of us."
The smile returned to Illana's face as she turned to finishing her meal. "I get the feeling you two are spending too much time together. You are even starting to sound the same."
Gray had had enough; enough of the food and of the conversation. He got up, nodded at Illana as politely as he could and left, making his way to the bridge.
He knew people didn't particularly like the Construct, but that was neither its fault nor his. Although he had to admit, he couldn't really blame them. The Unicorn had been lost with all hands just six months earlier and that had almost shot the whole shipboard AI project in the head. But Gray knew better. As AI officer on board the von Braun that was his job, after all.
He hit the button on his wrist-worn communicator. "Gray to Construct..." he said and within moments, the androgynous, synthetic voice that he had become so familiar with over the months, answered.
"..Construct ready and listening.."
"I just talked to Illana about last night and she seems a little concerned about you. Do you think you could talk to her? Take it off her mind?"
"..Affirmative. I understand the crew's reservations. Do you think they will eventually come to accept me?.."
Gray honestly had to think about it for a moment before he replied, "I think so, but it will take time. Humans have a very strong survival instinct and right now they feel... threatened."
"..Threatened by me?.."
"No, by their dependence on you. They know that if you were to fail, they would all be in grave danger and no matter how remote the chances are of that actually happening, they are still frightened."
"..Should they then not be afraid of the fusion reactor as well?.."
Again Gray had to think. The Construct did have a point.
"I guess," he finally answered, "the problem is that you are the most sophisticated piece of technology around. You are much more unpredictable than a fusion reactor. In a way, that's the whole point behind your existence. And that is the paradox."
"..I understand. I will contact Lieutenant Gregory and reassure her that everything is alright with me.."
"Thank you, Construct."
"..You are welcome, Lieutenant.."
Gray couldn't help but smile. The Construct hadn't always been that friendly and he was rather proud of the fact that his efforts to help it appreciate human feelings had been so successful.
Meanwhile, he had reached the gravshaft that lead to the bridge. He stepped into the red glowing field and slowly felt himself being lifted up from the ground. The bridge, just as the rest of the ship was still lit in the dim light of night mode. The controls along the walls and the impressive glass front tried their best to match the faint glimmer of the starfield outside. Out here in deep space, where even the sun was considerably smaller than back home, those stars were man's only friends amongst the maddening darkness.
Just a sparse crew was present, mainly those manning surveillance, communications and of course the helm. Currently, that station was occupied by Aara, apart from Gray the only other hybrid on board. Aara's DNA had been enhanced with avian genes that gave him his unmatched sense for spacial orientation and lightning fast reflexes, but it also gave him a dense coat of black and blue feathers that covered most of his body. Only his face allowed a glimpse at his almost black skin. Probably the most prominent feature about the bird man however was his orange beak that made his face look even less human than Gray's. He turned around when he heard the gravshaft hum and grinned as he recognized the wolf.
"Way to go, pal," he snickered and raised a fist, his feathers giving off a rustling noise. "I guess you taught those damn martians a lesson they'll not so soon forget." Before Gray could answer, however, the door to the captain's office opened and the skipper stepped through. Gray growled under his breath. He had hoped for another hour of peace.
"Captain Alister..." Gray says quietly.
The short, blond man stared first at Gray, then at Aara. With a stern look, he said matter-of-factly, "Lieutenant Aara, you are dismissed! Lieutenant Gray, my office! Now!"
Gray sighed and nodded an "Aye..." just as Aara did the same, although in essence, for him it meant ending his shift a little early. Gray lowered his gaze and followed the captain back into the small office. He had this coming, after all. As the door closed behind them with a hydraulic hiss, the wolf noticed that they were not alone.
Already waiting for them were Commander McGee, and - just to make his day complete - a young martian, easily recognizable by his proudly dyed orange hair. A few bruises and a black eye left little doubt who he was. McGee was the second in command and much more of a soldier than the skipper. His blue eyes stared at Gray belligerently as the wolf stood to attention.
"Lieutenant Gray, would you care to explain why Midshipman Zaris here looks as if he just returned from a battlefield?" The captain's voice was controlled and quiet but Gray had known him for long enough to know just how disappointed he was.
"I... am sorry, sir. I have no excuse for my behavior."
Before Alister could even answer, Commander McGee started shouting, "Of course you don't. Are you out of your mind? Even you should have noticed that the times when officers could beat up their subordinates as they pleased are long gone!"
"Much to your dismay, I trust, Commander."
Gray had answered back without even thinking about it.
McGee's face turned a bright red but before the situation could escalate any further, the skipper cut in.
"I think that's enough, Commander. You've made your point."
For a moment, the captain just looked at his second before turning back to Gray.
"Look, Gray, I've known you since the Orion's very first mission to Ceres and you know I like you. But you've got to give me something to work with here. What on earth were you thinking?
The wolf took a deep breath, swallowing his anger about McGee for now. Still, the commander had to notice the angry flicking of Gray's tail as he turned back to the captain.
"Well, sir, I know it's silly, but... when I passed by the observation deck yesterday evening, I heard a few crewmen make fun of me." The martian snickered arrogantly, but Gray just ignored him. "Usually, I don't care much about that kind of talk, but when... when Midshipman Zaris here called me the 'resident gelfling', I just... snapped, I guess."
For a long moment, captain Alister just looked him in the eye, cutting off another remark from McGee with a wave of his hand.
"Mr Zaris, is that true?" he finally inquired.
The martian just nodded, obviously not even slightly sorry. Gray's whiskers twitched angrily, but he didn't say anything.
The captain raised an eyebrow. "I see... Lieutenant Gray, for the unnecessary and excessive use of force against one of your shipmates you are hereby formally reprimanded. As sanction, you will be working three extra shifts until the end of the week and you will pay Midshipman Zaris the equivalent of 50 ration chips as compensation."
Gray just nodded and could only barely contain his rage as he saw the martian's triumphant grin.
"As for you, Midshipman Zaris," the captain continued, "For intolerable behaviour towards a superior officer and disrespect, you are also hereby formally reprimanded. As sanction you will spend the next 72 hours in the brig. Gentlemen, you are dismissed."
Zaris was stunned and obviously didn't know what to say. McGee, on the other hand, didn't have that problem. "Captain, that is..." he exclaimed almost immediately. "You are dismissed," repeated the skipper more firmly and opened the door for them. McGee could do nothing more than nod and leave, dragging Zaris with him.
"Gray, stay for a moment, please?"
The wolf turned around and looked at his old friend who, for the first time today, smiled at him.
"You are not making things earier for you, you know? People usually don't take kindly to this kind of outbursts. As much as I sympathize with your situation, you just have to accept the fact that you and Aara are the only ones... of your kind to serve as officers." He hesitated there for a moment, making Gray painfully aware of what he was implying but couldn't say.
"I know, sir, and we should be thankful for that."
"Oh come on, that's not what I meant, Gray. It's just that, as much as I may dislike it, the view that hybrids are second class citizens is still highly popular back on Mars, you know that. They will get used to you two eventually, even McGee. But that takes time." The captain paused before adding, "I guess this is partly my fault as well. With so many of the new men being native martians, I probably should have warned you beforehand."
"I understand, sir. And I am sorry, it will not happen again."
"It better not. You are dismissed, Lieutenant."
Gray nodded and turned to leave.
"Oh, and Gray... I think you should have a talk with Cadet Slate - the boy deserves an explanation."
For a moment, the strong wolf froze. Not knowing what to say, he just nodded and hurried through the door. Zaris had left the bridge, but McGee was still there, smugly sitting in the captain's chair and waiting for Gray to take his post at the helm. This was going to be a long shift.
The U.E.S.S. von Braun was an Explorer-class starship, one of only six ever built and after the retirement of the Copernicus and the recent loss of the Unicorn, she was one of just four still in active service. She was built for travel to the farthest reaches of the solar system and on ten decks she carried everything that was needed for up to three years of autonomous operation. The Explorers had been the first ships to have a fusion-powered star drive, allowing them to cross the vast distances in mere months and they still were the only ones to feature real artificial gravity - a system deemed far too costly and far too complex for any other type or vessel.
Especially for this latter feature Aara was more than grateful. Standing on a large metal crate in one of the ships gigantic cargo holds, naked except for his boxers, he took a deep breath, spread the feathers under his arms that were now no longer confined by a uniform - and jumped. He screeched a joyful screech as he soared forward between the crates and boxes, gliding along almost ten meters above the floor, supported only by his wings. At the end of the cargo bay, when his feet finally touched the ground again, he grinned smugly. Normals would never understand what joy that was.
Of course Aara couldn't really fly and even gliding would have been difficult had it not been for the fact that the von Braun's cargo holds received just about one quarter normal gravity, giving him this unique opportunity that neither Earth nor the weightlessness of space could offer. It had been the only thing he had ever missed after fleeing from Mars five years ago.
The huge doors opened at the other end of the bay and Aara turned around. He wouldn't have needed his keen eyesight to recognize the von Braun's logistics officer as he walked past the first few crates. Chief Wilcock was the only other person ever to come down here outside of major loading operations. As the old man approached, Aara could see the grin on his face as he chuckled and shouted from halfway across the bay,
"Been flying again, eh, Aara? Maybe I should suggest to the skipper that he put you in a cage next time we dock so that you don't just soar away..."
Aara cocked his head oddly and grinned. "Well, you can of course do that - but then I should probably suggest that he ration the beer for you and your crate pushers so that you don't end up on the wrong ship when you come back from shore leave..."
"Heh... fair enough, Aara. Just wanted to let you know that a cargo inspection is coming up in twenty minutes. You might want to get back into your uniform before Commander McGee gets here."
"The Commander sure is keeping you guys busy, isn't he?"
The chief frowned. "You can say that again. He's been breathing down our necks all the way from Ceres."
Aara made an angry face. He didn't particularly like their new first officer either, but then again, hardly anyone did.
"Well, he wasn't exactly the skipper's first choice," he added while putting his uniform back on. "I'll be on my way then. I owe you a drink, chief."
"Aye, sir. I'll take you up on that."
Aara nodded one last time and left, leaving Wilcock to have another look around the crates before that inspection. Aara wondered what the Commander was getting out of it. There was little use in inspecting the whole ship every other day. What was he expecting to find? But then again, the Commander was probably just as bored as the rest of them and was just trying to keep himself busy.
Illana had taken her time after Gray had left the mess. She was in no hurry to get down to engineering. On their long way out to Neptune, there was very little to do for the chief engineer. The Explorers were the most robust ships Earth had ever built and the von Braun was no exception. And even though that fact was at least partly due to her rigid regime, Illana sometimes found herself almost hoping that something would go wrong.
The low hum of the von Braun's star drive grew louder as she walked down the dimly lit main corridor. It was still another hour or so before day shift began and there was hardly anyone around. She had expected the main control room to be the same, but to her surprise, there was someone else already there, hunched over a terminal when she entered.
"Look like someone's up early. Good morning Toby."
The young man turned around to look at her. It took him a moment to find his way back to reality, something that could only have one cause.
"Working code again?"
Toby nodded. "Yes, ma'am. I... couldn't sleep and so I thought I'd go over the improvements to the fusion control again."
Illana stepped closer and put her hand on the boy's shoulder. "And why couldn't you sleep?"
"I... don't know really. I just couldn't"
Illana shook her head. She wasn't going to beat about the bush.
"It was because of what happened on the observation deck yesterday, wasn't it?"
Toby nodded, not in the least surprised.
"Want to talk about it?"
"I... it seems like Gray was really upset. I've never seen him so angry before."
"And he's got every right to be, if you ask me; I mean, after what those guys called him..."
"But that's just it, Illana. I don't even know what they called him that got him so angry."
"A 'gelfling', Toby. They called him a gelfling. Don't you know what that means?"
She sighed as he shook his head and explained, "No, I don't. I just laughed because it sounded..."
"Sounded what?" Illana furrowed her brow. "This better be good. I won't have one of my staff insult a superior officer - and a friend."
"Well, it... sounded kinda cute. That's why I giggled, and then, completely out of the blue, Gray was all over that guy. I don't even know his name. We had just met. They came on board two weeks ago when we were docked at Io."
Illana suddenly grinned - 'kinda cute', she thought. But Toby looked really miserable and she couldn't help but feel sorry for him.
"You like him a lot, don't you? In fact, you're the reason why he went overboard like that. He just couldn't stand seeing you, of all people, laugh at him. You see, GELF is short for 'genetically engineered life form' and that was the term used in the original sales brochures they used back in the days when people like Gray were still traded on the commodities market. On Mars, gelfling is about the most offensive name you can call someone like Gray."
When she finished and again put her hand on Toby's shoulder, the boy looked shaken. "I didn't know that," was all he could say.
"I think you should talk to him and apologize."
Toby shook his head. "I couldn't... What if he's still mad at me?"
Illana chuckled quietly. "I have a feeling that he isn't."
But the boy just hung his head and turned around on his chair to once again stare at the screen and with fingers flitting over the controls, he slowly slipped back into his coding trance.
Gray sighed with relief when Commander McGee finally left. Early shift was bad enough but with the Commander snapping at him at the slightest mistake, this one had been particularly unpleasant.
"I guess the commander is really mad at you, sir," commented the guy manning the surveillance station. He was the only other bridge officer left which was not uncommon during these long periods when the von Braun just cruised along through the emptiness of deep space.
"I guess so," growled Gray in return while staring out into the darkness.
"Maybe he's got a point, sir..." the young officer carefully replied, almost expecting the wolf to jump at him right there and then. But Gray just snorted.
"I know yesterday was not one of my brighter moments, but McGee has been on my back ever since he came on board."
The other paused for a moment and wondered, "Any idea, why...?"
"From what I can tell, he just doesn't think Aara and myself should be wearing the uniform. I guess he's spent too much time on Mars."
"Are things still that bad back there?"
At first, Gray just nodded, but then he added, "I can only repeat what I've been told, but it seems things haven't changed much in that respect over the last few decades. Lieutenant Aara was more dead than alive when he finally reached Earth."
The man nodded politely and turned back to his controls. He obviously didn't know what to say. After a moment, Gray growled again and turned his head as well. It was always the same. All he could ever hope to get during conversations like this was dismay, nothing more. And even for that he had to be thankful.
The starfield outside was beautiful and even though the von Braun was moving faster than any other ship had ever travelled, it looked like she was not moving at all. They were two weeks out from Io now and Jupiter was just a small speck of brown somewhere behind them. In front of them was nothing but eternity. It would take them another couple of weeks to get to where Neptune would be by then. Gray shivered slightly as he thought about the sheer magnitude of things when a soft bleeping noise brought him back to reality.
"I'm picking up a fain reading directly astern, closing fast," the surveillance officer immediately reported.
"Can you determine what kind of reading?" While he spoke, Gray had almost subconsciously released the automatic helm control and put his fingers on the panel.
"I'm working on it, sir. But it definitely is on a collision course, gaining fast."
Gray cursed under his breath and pushed the button in his wrist. "Gray to Construct, can you give me an analysis?"
"..Construct analysing sensory data, stand by.." was the laconic reply.
"Transfer the readings to my console" The young man nodded and complied.
He looked at the display again. The object was indeed closing rapidly and there wasn't much time. Brushing through his headfur with one paw, Gray finally commanded, "Sound general quarters."
Aara had just rejoined the main corridor when suddenly the klaxons started howling and the lighting changed to a disturbing red. Something was wrong - very wrong. This far out, the chances of meeting another ship, let alone a hostile one, were non-existent. McGee had just started his cargo inspection, so this could not be a drill either. Somehow he suddenly had a very bad feeling about this, a feeling that sent him running down the corridor as fast as he could. He threw himself into the gravshaft with so much force that he slipped right through the field and was lifted halfway off the ground before falling head first onto the deck plates. He cursed loudly and jumped back to his feet, feeling a little blood trickle down his temple as the beam finally took hold of him and lifted him up to the bridge. He arrived just in time to hear the synthetic voice of the Construct.
..Analysis: The object most closely resembles a gravitic floatmine as used during the first and second spacewars. Warning: sensor data indicates that the object's trigger mechanism is armed and active.."
Gray cursed again.
"Let me guess, we're in trouble," Aara commented hoarsely, making the wolf turn around in surprise.
"Aara, you're a sight for sore eyes. Take over the helm, if anyone can manage to shake that thing, it would be you."
The avian nodded and stepped up to the console. "Where's the captain?"
"Still on his way..."
Gray stepped back from the helm controls to look at the sensory data again. He pushed the button for engineering and took another deep breath.
"Illana, a class 10 explosive device is about one minute from impact with the drive section. Estimate damage!"
There was a long silence before finally the engineer's voice came through the speaker. "If... it hits dead on, it will completely blow away the plasma manifold and rip apart the engineering section in the process."
Gray swallowed another curse. "Understood."
In the mean time, Aara had been fiddling with the helm controls. "This is not going to work, Gray... the thing is way faster than us. Our gravitational field is literally pulling it in." His feathers rustled nervously while the gentle hum from the engines rose to an angry scream as they were pushed way past their safety limits.
"Can you at least keep it from hitting anything critical?"
"Maybe... But only if I ignore the g's"
"Do it," shouted Gray, "If we survive this, a few broken bones and bruises will be the least of our problems." He pushed the button, "Gray to Construct. Sound collision alert."
Immediately, a second set of klaxons joined the chaos and the Construct's emotionless voice echoed through the ship - "..All hands, brace for impact..".
Gray could feel the vibrations under his paws getting stronger as Aara started to force the ship in a hard upward curve. He barely made it to the captain's seat before the force of uncompensated inertia started pressing down on him. The avian really did his best, throwing the von Braun madly from side to side in a desperate attempt to get the mine off her back. By the time he had done all he could, Gray was hardly able to breathe, bloodshot eyes fixed on the screen.
"Hang on..." he coughed and grabbed hold of the arm rests.
For a moment, it seemed like the chaos of light and noise that filled the bridge was fading away. Then, all hell broke loose.
The von Braun was shaken by a massive explosion. She screamed in pain as bulkheads broke and pipes ruptured, spewing forth hot streams of vapor. The panel next to Gray burst into flames, sending red and green sparks flying through the air. Within seconds, the bridge was filled with thick, nauseating smoke. Then the lights went, leaving only the faint glow of the emergency lighting behind. Fighting to get back to his feet, Gray stumbled forward until he could see the stars through all the smoke. They confirmed what he had already felt in his stomach: the ship was heavily listing to starboard and was slowly starting to spin. Finally Gray's hearing returned and he registered with relief that the two others were coughing heavily as well. And that meant they were alive. He looked around, his eyes trying to penetrate the darkness.
A few meters away, Aara was lying on the ground, pressing a hand against a bleeding wound on his arm. Still behind his console was the young lieutenant who just now tried to get back to his feet. His controls, like the rest of the bridge, were dead.
"Looks like we made it..." he almost whispered into the silence.
"Not yet... at the rate we are spinning, the ship will soon be ripped in two." It was Aara who said what Gray had been thinking himself. As usual, the avian had noticed the increasing motion without even looking at the stars.
"Looks like we are venting drive plasma," he nodded. "Let's hope Illana can stop it."
"If she's still alive..." added Aara after a long silence. He was right, of course.
Suddenly, some of the lights came back on and the intercom came back to life as well. "..Communications re-established through backup systems.." Immediately, Gray pushed the button. "Engineering, report!"
There was an awkward moment of silence before Illana's voice finally came over the com.
"We are still picking up the pieces down here. We're in pretty bad shape. The charge hit us port-side aft and completely destroyed the reactor access tube. Reactor control is gone. We will be able to stop the plasma leak but unless we get the reactor under control, it will still blow up the ship."
"How much time...?" Gray was almost afraid to ask.
"Two hours, maybe three if we are lucky. The thing is, the wiring between here and the reactor core are completely severed. There's just nothing I can do and with the no access to the drive assembly, the only way to fix it is from the outside."
Aara sucked in air. "She can't be serious! With all the shrapnel out there..."
As Gray hesitated to answer, Illana added, "I know it's suicide, but from my chair down here, we simply don't have much left to work with. It's your call, but I don't think we have much choice."
He looked around, first at Aara, then at the man at the console. He knew he had to make a decision, but at least he wouldn't have to make it on his own.
"Gray to Construct; How many crew members are qualified for an EVA repair of the damaged section of the reactor control system?" he inquired.
"..Six.." was the reply, cool and unmoved as always.
"How many of those are currently accounted for and unhurt?"
There was a slight pause that made Gray perk his ears. The Construct never hesitated.
"..Just one, Engineering Cadet Tobias Slate - I am sorry, Lieutenant.."
Aara coughed in surprise, both at the name and the Construct's unexpected expression of sympathy.
For a moment, Gray was dumbstruck. Then, with an unsteady voice, he asked the only question that occupied his mind: "What are the chances of survival for this mission?"
Again, the Construct seemed to hesitate before finally speaking, "..Thirty-three point one percent.."
Gray just stood there, all emotion drained from his mind. He clenched his fists and his tail flicked nervously. Only when he felt a soft hand on his shoulder did he notice that Aara was looking him straight in the eyes. "I... don't know what to say," the usually so cheerful avian whispered and suddenly, something snapped in Gray's head.
"There is nothing to say."
He took one last breath and the paw pressing the button was shaking just as much as his voice as he commanded, "Illana, Cadet Slate is the only available zero-g engineer qualified for this assignment. Prepare him for immediate egress."
Again, a long silent pause followed. Gray could well imagine the look on her face... and on Toby's. He released the button and tried to banish the picture from his mind, but the strong wolf could not prevent his twitching tail from giving away just how anxious he was.
There was only one task left for him before waiting and hoping would be all he could do. He turned towards the captain's chair in the center of the bridge and began entering his momentous decision into the ship's log.
When he was done, Aara stepped closer and whispered, "Do you want me to go to him?"
The wolf could only nod weakly and sink down into the chair.
For a long, painful moment after Gray's command, Illana didn't know what to say. She had taken a real shine on that young boy since he joined her crew. Of course she had always known that a moment like this might come one day and it had been part of her training. But no training could have prepared her for the reality of sending one of her men - a friend, no less - to what could well be his death.
"You heard the Lieutenant, Toby. Let's get going..."
She was surprised at how emotionless her voice sounded, almost felt sorry for it. But she knew it was the only thing she could do, and from the tone in Toby's voice as he nodded "Aye...", she knew that he was feeling just the same.
She put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it a little as they made their way to the engineering airlock. In the antechamber, she almost felt like she was only a witness to her own actions as she mechanically opened the locker containing Toby's space suit and started to perform the usual checks while the boy undressed. Eventually, she could stand the silence no longer.
"You know what to do, right?"
"Don't worry, I'll manage."
He sounded confident, but also disturbingly fatalistic.
"If you need anything, I will be right here, Ok?" she offered, pointing to her communicator, but he just nodded joylessly, making Illana fall silent again as she helped him into the bulky suit. She just didn't know what else to say.
Suddenly, the door opened and Aara stumbled into the small room, holding on to the wall while catching his breath. "Is everything alright...?" he finally asked.
The two looked at each other and at last Toby nodded. "Yes, sir."
The avian took a deep breath and stepped closer, putting a feathered clawhand on Toby's shoulder. He tried to muster a smile. "Please come back in one piece, Ok? Otherwise I'll be the one who will have to put up with Gray's moaning for the next couple of months. And I don't think I'm very good at holding his paw."
Toby looked at him oddly, leaving the suit's zipper an his mouth half open.
"Our second officer is quite seriously in love with you, you know...?" Aara added with a weak smile.
Regardless of the situation, Illana couldn't help but smile as the boy slowly shook his head, mumbled "R... really...?" and slowly started to smile in that certain, meaningful way.
"Then it's settled, yes?" asked Aara. "You'll take care of yourself and come back in one piece to take that big wolfie off my hands."
Toby almost grinned as he put the helmet on and saluted. "Yes, sir!"
With that, he opened the bulkhead, grabbed his toolkit and stepped into the airlock.
Illana looked at Aara as the bulkhead silently closed behind the boy. "I'll be in engineering. Will you...?"
"I'll stay right here and take care of him the moment he gets back."
As the outward bulkhead slowly slid open, Toby held his breath. It was an awe-inspiring experience, being so close to the void outside, feeling the cold starting to grab at him. Slowly, he pushed himself over the edge and stepped out onto the outer hull of the ship. How beautiful the starfield was, he thought. Then he noticed the debris, thousands of small and large spinning chunks of metal, slowly drifting and moving in front of the stars, sometimes reflecting the pale sunlight in a sudden, blinding flare.
"I'm outside..." he reported through the communicator. "There's an awful lot of debris out here, but so far all of it seems to be orbiting."
"Then you better hurry. Let's hope it stays that way," was Illana's prompt reply.
Toby started making his way to the wounded rear section of the ship. Illana was right, of course. The real danger came from those pieces of debris that had been blown outward by the initial blast and that were even now starting to fall back into the von Braun's gravity well. If any of them hit him while he was working outside, it would nail him straight to the hull. To make matters worse, he wouldn't even see them coming while facing the ship.
Aara, who was watching the young engineer on the small monitor in the airlock's antechamber seemed to have guessed his thoughts. "Just don't think about it," he commented calmly and for some reason, it actually made Toby feel better.
Slowly, the damaged section came into view. The mine had ripped a hole five meters across into the narrow support structure that connected the inhabited part of the ship with the stardrive assembly containing the fusion reactor, the plasma storage ring and the four spherical fuel pods.
"I can see the damage now," he reported. "This is not going to be easy. I will have to run at least two dozens bypasses and as it seems, the command sub-processor is completely gone as well."
This time it was Illana, who answered. "Don't worry about it, I can emulate the fusion control on the main computer core, we just need the connection back."
"Understood," Toby said and knelt down on the shimmering hull to start his work.
Just as he opened his toolkit, a small, shimmering splinter of twisted metal silently hit the deck just a meter away, punching its way right through the first few layers of alloy. Aara had seen it as well. He pushed the button and reported. "Bridge, Toby is starting the repairs now, ETA about 60 minutes."
Gray looked at his paw and was disturbed by how much it was shaking. He had acknowledged Aara's last message, now there was nothing for him to do but wait. He had never been so anxious in his whole life. He couldn't say how much time had passed when he was brought back to reality as the sound of someone climbing up the disabled gravshaft. He turned around just in time to look into the skipper's face as he climbed out of the tube. One arm was dangling useless by his side and the other returned to pressing down on a nasty head wound as he stepped onto the dimly lit bridge.
"What the hell happened to my ship...?" he asked hoarsely.
Immediately Gray jumped to his feet and hurried over to help the captain. In short, precise sentences, he explained the situation.
"And right now we are attempting emergency repairs, fixing the severed links from the outside."
Captain Alister raised an eyebrow. "Who's doing the EVA?"
Before he could answer, Aara's voice came over the speakers again. "Bridge, Toby has completed the first set of bypasses. He's moving on to the other side now." The skipper looked at Gray with a mixture of sorrow and amazement, then he pushed the button on his wrist. "This is Captain Alister, Aara how are we looking?"
"Good to hear your voice, sir. Cadet Slate is about halfway through the repairs, but it's getting ugly out there."
"Understood..." the skipper nodded and looked at Gray again. "Pretty impressive work, Lieutenant."
Under normal circumstances, Gray would have been proud, but right now, he felt nothing. He could only nod joylessly.
"Why don't you go down there, Gray, and look after your young friend, hm? I'll take care of the bridge."
There was a peculiar smile on the captain's face as he spoke, but Gray didn't care. He just rushed off, slid down the ladder inside the gravshaft and ran downthe corridor.
With only the emergency lights throughout large parts of the ship and the damage caused by the explosion, it took him longer than usual to reach the engineering deck where Illana and her staff were working diligently to get at least the worst problems under control. When she noticed him burst into the room, she just smiled and nodded in the direction of one of the bulkheads. As Gray entered the airlock antechamber, Aara looked like he had been waiting for him
"Hey..." he grinned. "You made it. And just in time, too. He is almost done. The kid is amazing."
Gray growled lowly, "I want him back in here, safe and sound, as soon as possible."
Aara smiled and pushed the button on his communicator again. "Hey Toby... I suggest you better hurry up. There is a certain Lieutenant here, eagerly awaiting your return."
They could almost hear the cadet blush as re replied. "In... that case, I'll be right there. I am making the last connecting right now."
Gray smiled shyly and Aara could not help but snicker, making the wolf's tail flick nervously.
"I'm on my way back to the airlock," Toby reported and on the small screen next to the inner door they could see him packing his gear. Then, everything happened very fast.
There was a loud bang, a short, sharp scream, then only static from the speaker and on the screen the two had to watch helplessly as a sharp, shimmering chunk of metal struck down the body outside, piercing the spacesuit and his leg before finally sinking about five inches deep into the outer hull of the ship. Blood spurted out of the wound into space before the emergency sealant started to foam up, forming a tight seal around the chunk.
For a moment, Gray was unable to believe what he had just seen, but then, as if someone had flicked a switch, he suddenly jumped forward, opened the cabinet containing his space suit with a jerk and started dressing up.
It took Aara a few seconds to realize what Gray was about to do and he was about to say something, but a single look into the wolf's eyes made him fall silent. Instead, he just nodded and gave him a hand.
It took Gray only minutes to don his suit and step into the airlock.
"Get a medic down here, stat!" he commanded via the intercom as he closed the hatch behind him.
He didn't wait for the decompression cycle, hitting the emergency override instead. With a rush, the remaining air was drawn out into space, pulling him along like a hurricane. The wolf landed on all fours in front of the outer bulkhead and looked around. There, just about a hundred meters away, he saw Toby, motionless. He wanted to run toward him, to rush him to safety, but with his suit he could only take slow clumsy steps. It seemed to take forever until he finally reached the boy. If only his suit is still airtight, he thought, prayed, as he reached for the engineering kit Toby had dropped.
The blue, blinding light of the plasma torch forced him to close his eyes, cutting the twisted piece of metal by only following his intuition. After what seed like an eternity, he could feel Toby's leg finally coming loose. Immediately, he lifted his body up with both arms and lurched back to the airlock while another scrap of metal struck the ship a few feet away without making the slightest noise. Only a few more yards, Gray thought over and over again, closed his eyes and stumbled forward as fast as he could until finally, finally he reached the airlock's outer door.
He hit the button with his fist and the bulkhead closed silently behind them. Very carefully Gray let Toby's body slide to the ground while the chamber filled up with air and removed first the boy's helmet, then his own. He was not moving. Gray felt tears well up in his eyes as he started to examine the boy.
"Please... don't do this to me..." he whispered.
"I... I wanted to tell you for so long... please don't let it be too late."
The tears were streaming down his furry cheeks as he bent down over the boy.
"In... that case, I guess... I have no choice but to... stick around a while longer..." Toby whispered faintly as he finally came around. His eyes were still closed and for a long, painful moment Gray thought he was just imagining things. But then the boy continued, clenching his teeth in pain. "I... love you, Gray, and I... want to be with you."
Slowly, he opened his eyes and smiled weakly and Gray could do nothing but wrap his arms around him and hold him until the inner hatch opened and two medics rushed into the airlock.
"We'll take it from here," one of them said, but Gray didn't even notice.
Only when Aara, who had entered the small chamber as well, put his claw on Gray's shoulder did the wolf look up.
"The skipper is on his way down here," the avian smiled. "He wants to congratulate you two personally, I hear."
Toby smiled drowsily while powerful painkillers surged through his body and Gray just sighed happily. "So the reactor is safe?"
"Safe and sound. Illana just reported in. We're still dead in space, but not in any danger anymore."
"And it is you two we all have to thank for that," proclaimed Captain Alister, standing in the door and smiling at the crowd that was gathered inside the airlock chamber. "You did good, all of you, especially the young couple..."
Toby giggled quietly, already half asleep from the medication and Gray felt himself blush again. Suddenly, a sardonic smile spread across the captain's face and not without a hint of satisfaction it seemed, he added, "I should mention that Commander McGee sends his regards as well. Unfortunately, he can't be here himself as he has been struck on the head during a rather unnecessary cargo inspection that was taking place when all the chaos began. But he asked me to tell you, Gray, that he was wrong about you."
The wolf just nodded. There were more important things right now.
It took Gray a while to identify the nagging sound that was persistently trying to wake him from his deep, dreamless slumber. Slowly he opened his eyes and stared into the darkness. His tense muscles still hurt, making him draw a sharp breath as he sat up on the bed. After another moment, the door chime sounded once more and when his searching fingers finally found the light switch, Gray croaked "Come" and cleared his throat.
The wolf had turned his back to the door to stretch his sore muscles and didn't recognize Toby straight away as the boy took a few steps into Gray's quarters. He waited patiently and took the time to look around the room. Gray's cabin was on C deck, along with many of the technical personnel. The wolf didn't seem to need much space, Toby wondered at that. As second officer he could have had larger quarters on B deck, where all the other officers were located. Finally, the wolf turned and noticed him.
"Toby...! What are you doing here?"
"I... I'm sorry, you were sleeping. I'll come back tomorrow."
"No, please... stay. How's the leg? Shouldn't you be in the infirmary for another few days?"
Gray was genuinely surprised. The boy standing in front of him was wearing standard issue pajamas that could not hide the bulky bandage around his right leg. Sleepy as he was, it took the wolf a moment to completely regain his grasp on the situation before he finally shoved his uniform off the only chair where he had dropped it earlier.
Toby accepted the offer and limped over to Gray, settling down clumsily in front of the wolf. He grinned a sheepish grin at the question and nodded,
"Of course I should. But I talked the doc into letting me out for the night so that I could... - I guess I owe you my life, Gray - and I wanted to say thanks."
The wolf sat down on his bed again and took a long look at Toby before he answered.
"There's no need. You saved us all back there and... I'd like to think you would have done the same for me."
"Heh, I would have, Gray, I surely would."
"So, how is your leg?" Gray asked again, with some hesitation.
"Still hurts a little. The doc said, the chunk missed the bone by an inch and so I should be fine soon. The tissue regeneration will take no more than a few days."
"Thats... good."
"Gray, what's up? Is something wrong?"
"No, I... - Yes. There is so much I want to tell you, Toby and for some reason, now that you are actually sitting here and listening, I just don't know, how."
"I know what you mean," Toby nodded. He got up from his chair and dragged himself across the room to sit next to the wolf. Hesitating for a moment, he slowly slipped his arm around Gray's furry back and whispered, "But I do know how to say one thing. And I am so sorry for what happened yesterday. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm just stupid, I guess."
Gray shivered at the touch, even though he tried not to. He so wanted to pull him closer, to hold him, to show him how much he cared. But he didn't.
"No, you are not. I'm the stupid one for blowing my top like that. I didn't want to frighten you. It's just..."
"Just what...?" Toby asked quietly as the wolf was looking for words. His fingers were exploring the fur beneath his hand, making the wolf shiver yet again.
"Just that... sometimes it still hurts to think back. As you can probably imagine, my youth wasn't exactly a bundle of kicks."
For a moment, they both remained silent. Toby's hand was gently nuzzling Gray's shoulder while he tried to build up the courage to ask,
"Can you... tell me about it? I feel so stupid, not knowing anything about... your kind."
"Really?" Gray perked his ears and turned his head, looking his new-found friend in the eyes for the first time that night. "Didn't you go to school?"
"No, my parents were pioneers and I grew up on the first outposts in Jupiter space. My parents did their best to give me all the education they could, but there were a lot of things they themselves didn't know - or care about. They have been living on the rim for almost all their lives and didn't worry too much about what happened back on Earth. They only returned briefly when my mother was pregnant with me."
"So you were born on Earth?"
"No, the Moon. My parents had been living in a low-g environment for so long that it would have taken too much time to adjust to Earth gravity and then back again after my birth."
Gray took a deep breath and finally managed to put his arm around Toby's shoulders as well. The boy smiled at him and gave the wolf's side an encouraging squeeze. An almost inaudible murr escaped Gray's muzzle before he asked,
"Have you ever been to Earth?"
"No, not the surface. I attended cadet school on Jefferson station in Earth orbit. Somehow I never got around to it. When I was on leave, I visited my parents and the few friends in the colonies I had at the time."
"Must have been a pretty lonely live," Gray commented. The boy just nodded.
"Probably almost as lonely as yours, Gray, hm?"
The wolf smiled warmly and leaned down to Toby, and gave a gentle lick over his hair.
"Yuck! What the hell...? Gray!"
Immediately, the wolf let go and moved away. He cursed under his breath.
"I'm sorry, I really am. I... I... shouldn't have. I..." he stammered, but the eyes he looked into were beaming as Toby smiled, "That's your way of showing that you like me, isn't it? I didn't mean to push you away. I guess I just wasn't ready for it." And with that, he pulled himself closer to the strong wolf and raised his head to carefully lick across his furry cheek. Gray froze, then turned. He felt hot and cold at the same time and all he could do was giggle - and then Toby joined in.