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I don't know what I actually expected sending a message like that to Scott. But maybe I should've been less casual. Should've offered him a proper apology.

I didn't think he'd ignore me. Couldn't even imagine it. That wasn't like him at all. He'd always taken every opportunity to speak his mind.

Had he changed?

I felt queasy as I considered other possibilities.

Maybe he had someone else now. Someone better for him. Someone who'd talk him out of replying, because they thought it was a bad idea.

Had I really lost him forever?

And was it worse guessing about that than being completely left in the dark like I had been all year?

I spent the rest of the morning in a nauseous funk.

I hadn't eaten breakfast. I was anxious and irritable as I took Cam and Tristan out into the woods. It was the first proper day of their course and nothing was going to plan. Getting out to nature usually centered me, but not today. There was too much on my mind. Neither of them were an escape from my misery like guests often were. Last night really had twisted my thoughts about them.

At this point I just wanted one thing to hold onto. One thing to believe in.

Instead, I kept checking my phone and feeling my heart sink lower into my gut when there wasn't a reply waiting for me. It was difficult to get on with the day.

The first part of Cam and Tristan's course was just a trail walk, which was company policy to ensure they knew their surroundings. Usually I'd be talkative, telling them about the trees and wildlife. Today I could hardly manage a peep.

At least they partly understood why.

It was a cool autumn day, with the canopy above us a dazzling mix of fiery oranges, reds, yellows and the lively green of trees that wouldn't lose their leaves. Cam and Tristan were talking about someone they knew from college and it was at least calming to hear them carry on. A distraction in its own way.

The trail descended into a valley and the air around us grew cooler and damp. This valley had no reception and that was an immense relief to me. Couldn't argue with that. Then an idea struck.

"Hey." I turned to face Tristan. "Can you hold onto this?" I held out my phone to him.

"Uh, yeah sure." He gave me an odd look and pocketed it. "Everything alright?"

"No." I considered leaving it at that. "Don't give it back until I get a message from Scott." I didn't have a passcode on my phone, so I was placing a lot of trust in him by letting him hold onto it. But I was hopeful Scott would reply soon.

"Ah. Right." Tristan shuffled awkwardly. "Sure, I can do that. Is he that guy you mentioned?"

"Mhm."

"And you're sure he's going to message you?" Tristan's question was innocent enough.

I couldn't voice a response. I shook my head, tears stung my eyes. I needed to sit down. I went to rest against a tall red maple off to one side of the trail. I hung my head, rummaging through the pack I'd brought for water. I brought lunch as well, though I still had no appetite.

In a side pouch of the pack was a flask of gin and I felt pathetic for considering it. I didn't want to go there in front of Cam and Tristan. That'd worry them more than they already were.

Tristan crouched beside me. "It'll be alright man." He put his hand on my knee and offered me a smile. "He's just a guy."

"He's really not." I leveled a dangerous stare at the lion. "He's been my entire life since before we even finished highschool."

"Ah." Tristan's hand retreated. "I'm sorry, I didn't think... sorry." He frowned to himself. "Is there anything we can do for you?" He glanced to Cam, who'd been standing awkwardly by the trail keeping some distance between us.

I leant my head back against the tree, frustrated breath streaming through my lips. "It's not your problem. I'm just a mess." I grumbled. "Feel like shit because you're meant to be learning something and I can't even do my fucking job right."

"It's cool." Tristan waved the thought off. "Like you said yesterday, this is kind of a waste of time right? Your mental health's more important. We both know our way around tools and what not, but it really seems like you need a distraction." He spoke those words with something a little suggestive behind them.

It made me a little uneasy, knowing exactly the sort of distraction he meant.

It was a weird thing to consider. I could rip my pants off and shove my cock in his face and he would suck it. But is that really what I wanted? What I should be doing?

I scowled into my lap. It was tempting for too many reasons, but getting sucked off would just inflate my confidence again and then I'd probably wind up doing something that hurt more in the end.

Like my message to Scott that got ignored.

I led us on, deeper into the trail. I tried to make an effort to be more normal, but it was hard. And the thought of Tristan's mouth kept grinding away at the back of my thoughts. Scott and I used to go on naked forest walks all the time.

We'd fuck around whenever we felt like it out here in the wilderness. Nobody was ever around these parts. Scott and I had fucked right in the middle of a trail before, no need to even try hide it. And Tristan had offered that same exact thing. Any time, anywhere, just drop my pants and he'd go down on me.

And fuck me, he was a good cocksucker. And he was too easy. But Scott was neither of those things. He was still easy, but I did have to work for it a bit and the notion of that was baked into my sexual desires.

But Cam on the other hand?

I wanted him, and I wanted him badly, no matter how hard I had to work to make it happen.

He'd turned me down but not before I'd gotten my hand on what felt like a meaty cock. I wanted to taste him, wanted to feel him squirming and hear him moan as I sucked him dry. I wanted him to want me. I wanted him to know how good I could make him feel.

I wanted him to fuck my face into the dirt.

I wanted to smell like him when he was done with me, so he'd know I was his to do with as he pleased.

But then I wanted him to show his care, make sure I was pleased too. To suck me off and play with me and hold me.

I wanted him to treat me like Scott would've, because I knew Tristan wouldn't.

I was projecting and I knew it, all because Cam had turned me down like Scott would those times I'd gone too far.

It made me so horny to have those fantasies.

Which in turn made me want any kind of release, which was what Tristan had offered. And if Cam was with us and keen to watch, then he might get some ideas.

Might be more open to it.

So without a word, I undid the fly of my pants and let my erection free into the cool forest air.

I made no other indication, but Tristan took notice and he fell in step beside me, reaching out to grab my cock and stroke it as we walked. I paid him no mind, though it did feel good.

Cam took a few rushed steps to see what was happening, a wild look on his face.

Maybe it was nice having two young guys interested in my body.

I just wished they were interested in the ways I wanted them to be.

I hadn't even seen Tristan's cock, I'd give it the same treatment he'd given mine. I could've laughed, there were too many submissive freaks in my life, myself included. Scott too, but we had the perfect dynamic for that.

I sighed.

Except when I went too far.

Fuck.

I was about to do something right now that'd prompt Cam's direct involvement, though I knew he wouldn't want that.

I wasn't great with people's boundaries. There wasn't an excuse for it, I'd always taken it as it was. Saw it as something that was part of me.

It didn't have to be though.

I was in control of my actions, it just meant being less greedy for the sex I wanted.

I hated greedy people, I just never saw myself as one until now.

Who the hell was I to complain that Tristan's mouth was my only release?

I stopped walking and turned to face the lion, who got down on his knees immediately.

I stared Cam in the eyes as Tristan licked my cock. The soft touch of his bristles sent a shiver down my spine.

I shuddered and smiled. "Do you have any idea how good this feels?" I asked Cam.

The fox leant back a little bit, his mouth shaped a dozen words as he scrambled to produce a sound.

I grunted as Tristan started sucking his was down my shaft, pleasure warmed my chest. I rest a hand on the back of the lion's head, pushing him down on me a little faster. "Feels so fucking good."

I never took my eyes off of Cam's.

He could trade places with Tristan right now, he wouldn't do as good of a job but fuck it would be so much hotter.

Cam dug his hands into his pants pockets, breathing heavy as he stared at us.

"You can take it out." I cocked my head, moaning as Tristan slurped on me. "Nobody's around. Jerk off to this." I growled as I pumped my hips into Tristan's muzzle. "I know you find this hot."

If Cam didn't want to get involved he could at least act less perturbed about watching. But I could see his fingers rubbing at himself through the pocket of his pants.

I really wasn't sure what else I could do to try encourage him.

"What're you into Cam?" I grunted, pushing Tristan's head off of me. "I'm okay with anything I just don't know how you can stand only watching."

"Man, just let him." Tristan kissed the side of my cock. "Nothing wrong with what he's doing."

"Sure. But I want him to have his fun." I frowned. "Feels like a waste to have such a sexy guy just watching."

"I-I dunno." Cam shrugged. "Um. Keep going, don't mind me."

I sighed and smacked my cock against Tristan's muzzle. "Get naked Tristan, what else are you into?"

"Sure." The lion stood up, fiddling with his fly. "If I'm honest, not a lot but I'll do anything but top or rim you."

"A shame, whatever. So long as you don't get all weird because I wanna suck you off too."

He laughed as his pants fell to the floor. "I'd be a hypocrite if I said no to a blowjob." He unbuttoned his shirt and tossed it aside. He was muscular but not too built, the beginnings of a six pack covered his belly. He was about to drop his briefs but I growled and stepped into him, burying my head in his armpit to breathe him in.

He wasn't all that sweaty, not as musky as I was hoping. But the scents that were distinctly his sparked aroused thoughts in my mind. I forced my face against his and kissed him, rubbing my tongue against his to work the faint flavor of my precum into my mouth. I wasn't sure what I was looking for entirely, but this was better than just getting sucked off.

I dropped to my knees and rubbed my muzzle between his thighs and sniffed at his balls through his briefs. I wanted him to drop them and shove his nuts in my face like Scott would've. Instead I removed his undies myself and nuzzled his fuzzy nuts. He didn't smell like what I was used to, I sucked on his sack, moaning out of habit though he tasted peculiar yet inoffensive. Scott always smelled so strongly, his ball sweat so raw with the flavor of him.

Tristan had a nice cock, I guess. Straight, close to seven inches with a gorgeous helmet head hidden under a loose foreskin. The sort of thing I was sure I'd seen in a porno, but not what I was used to. It was depressing that I couldn't stop comparing him to Scott, but what else was I to do? The first cock I ever sucked was Scott's in the locker room after gym class, that was all I really knew. I could count the other dudes I'd blown on my fingers, and all those other times were with Scott too.

Fuck, part of me just wanted to give it up and go home. Awkwardly sulk my way out of another sexual encounter but after all the shit I'd just put both of them through I couldn't imagine doing that.

And the worst part was I loved being forced to suck cock.

But not like this. This felt like a weird social trap I'd put myself in, not the perverted desires of someone I wanted to please.

And then I was self-conscious because Tristan undoubtedly knew how to blow a dude so much better than I ever could. Would he judge me? This guy was half my age and he'd probably sucked more guys in the last month than I had in my entire life.

The fuck was I without Scott?

I made a mental note not to do this anymore. I couldn't handle this, I'd get Tristan off and then we were going home. Fuck, I'd have to apologize to Cam again wouldn't I? Got a bit too direct before.

I lunged for Tristan's cock, suckling on it to get him wet. Had to start somewhere. He tasted a little unappealing. Not what I wanted at least. Saltier than I was used to. He didn't moan as I lapped at his slit and rolled back his foreskin, just watched silently down on me. I traced my tongue around the rim of his head, relieved as a slight smile grew on his face. I opened my mouth and started going down on him. The one thing I thought I could be a little proud of was just how much cock I could fit in my mouth, but as I pressed my nose into his crotch, he put a hand on my head.

"What's the rush?" He tickled my cheek. I slurped on him, a little unsure what he meant. He moaned but it seemed half-hearted. He pulled his hips back. "Tease me, keep me interested."

Keep me interested... I... did not know how to respond to that. At all.

Fuck.

Nobody I'd done this to had ever not been interested as a default. I was sucking him off what more did he want?

I was so embarrassed as I rose off of him, licking at his head. My cheeks flushed with heat. I raised a paw to jerk at him a little, which brought a heavy exhalation from him as he relaxed further.

I kissed the underside of his shaft, tapping my fingers against him before I licked my way back to his head. He smiled, his chest tensing and a bead of precum ran from his slit. I lapped it up, growling as it coated my tongue. Once again, saltier than I was used to but I loved the taste of pre and receiving some kind of positive response was nice. Still had no god damn clue what I was doing though. Scott and I both liked it rough and loose. This felt delicate, something that required finesse.

But it was just oral sex, why'd it have to be so difficult?

I brushed my muzzle down the side of his cock to lick at his balls again. I sucked on one, my tongue creeping up the back of his nuts as I jerked him too.

I felt like I was just doing things and hoping they'd work. I guess it was all teasing in a way, probably nothing especially wrong I could do if I kept it simple, but I was losing steam.

Maybe Tristan noticed, or maybe he just wanted me to know, but the hand he'd kept on my head turned me to one side.

Cam had dropped his pants and underwear to his knees. The fox's cock was gorgeous. At least nine inches and thick enough to hurt. I whimpered, I wanted that.

I stood, shoved my own pants down and kicked them off. "Cam." I stared at him.

A nervous look filled his eyes. "Yeah?"

"If there is a single thing my body has that you want, take it." I was pleading. I didn't mean to sound so desperate, but damn it. I was desperate. I rubbed a hand up my ass, fat finger curling around my stubby bear tail. I needed him to plow me. Wasn't even sure I could take him, but fuck would I love to find out.

I was fully expecting him to deflect and keep doing his own thing.

Sheepishly, he took a step towards me and grabbed my ass, his fingers sticky with his own fluids. "Is this ok?" His voice was shaky.

"Yep." I wanted to guide his hand, to pull him closer. "Do anything," I said instead.

"Keep going uh, with Trist."

I turned my head back to the lion, who was grinning at me. Tristan started unbuttoning my flannel, stepping in close so our cocks rubbed against each other. He reached his head up to mine and whispered in my ear. "He's never done this before."

I growled in excitement, snaking a hand up his back to grab him by the mane and forcefully kiss him.

He wanted to be teased?

Fuck, I had so much energy now.

I moaned into Tristan's mouth as Cam squeezed my ass.

I started making my way down Tristan's body, planting kisses on him as I went. I paused at his nipples to give them a bit of love.

Cam fiddled with my tail a bit, then his finger brushed my hole.

"Feels so fucking good." I groaned into Tristan's belly, my heart thundered away.

Maybe there was merit to this teasing, though I wanted him to just take me.

The fox's thumb pressed at my asshole, I arched my back, exhaling.

"Get your fingers wet," Tristan suggested. Cam's hand retreated but only for a moment, then a wet finger prodded at my hole. I grunted and pushed myself down on it. Cam gasped, wriggling his finger as he did so.

It'd been so long since anything had gone up there. Scott and I never kept toys, and the idea of anal masturbation only made me feel lonelier. But Cam was curious, already massaging his finger into me. I rumbled in appreciation as I dropped a hand to pump my cock.

I started inching down on Tristan's shaft again, staring up into his eyes. Maybe I'd teased him enough or he had started to understand what I wanted because his hand pressed against the back of my skull and pushed me down on him faster.

A second of Cam's fingers slid into my ass. I moaned, jaws stretching as I bobbed a bit on Tristan's cock.

"How freaky are you?" Tristan's hands caressed my cheeks. "How badly do you want it?"

I moaned as loud as I could with his cock in my throat. He pressed forward a little bit, grinding my nose into his crotch.

Cam's fingers pulled out of me and I would've gotten restless is his hands didn't move to my hips.

He was about to mount me.

His heavy cock rest against my asshole. He was slick with precum but I'd hardly been prepared. He wasn't going to be an easy fit, but I couldn't care less.

I wanted that. Made me even more desperate for it. I braced back against him as much as I dared to.

Just as I felt him start to spread me wide enough to fit in, Tristan grabbed my head and started thrusting into my throat.

Instinct made me yank my head back, but Tristan held me firmly in place. I gasped for breath, swallowing against his cock as I tried to jerk my hips forward. So much pressure on both ends.

It was fucking perfect.

I leant away from Cam and went further on Tristan, but the fox inched closer behind me and kept his cock pressed hard against my asshole. Slowly he was sliding in, fractions of an inch at a time. Every millimeter was hard earned with the pain of my ass stretching.

And I still wanted more.

I gagged myself on Tristan, wincing as I really tried to force him deeper into my throat. I was worried he'd release me, but he knew better. He thrust his cock deeper. I retched and really lurched back, strong enough to break his hold. I heaved in another breath and shoved myself right back down on him. He grabbed me by the ears and slammed his hips against my muzzle. I winced and groaned and growled through it. My own cock twitching as Tristan moaned in pleasure. The lion's fingers grasped the back of my jaw and he started fucking my face. I tried my best to suckle him as he did so, tease him with my tongue as his dick pumped through my mouth.

There was so much spit and precum in my mouth that Tristan's thrusts in were met with a wet squelch. I braced, leaning back against Cam and pushing him deeper into me. Tears wet my eyes as I tried to shove the pain out of my mind.

Then Cam made a sound.

My heart sunk in my chest.

The fox's seed burst in me, he leant over my back thrusting weakly as he groaned and went still. I nearly retreated off of Tristan to shout in frustration. Instead the lion reached over to clap his friend on the back. Cam nuzzled me, still riding out his orgasm. Premature or not, I was still glad he got involved, but...

It was close. So close to what I needed. I was disappointed, immensely so. I would've sighed if not for Tristan humping my face.

Was it even hot to have a load of Cam's in my ass? No, not really. Not like this at least. Damn it. I started going harder on Tristan's cock but it just didn't feel quite the same.

The only mercy in this moment was that the lion started grunting and humping my muzzle faster. Tristan groaned as he shot into the back of my throat. His cum was thick and gluggy, tasted strange in my mouth. I swallowed him down.

Fuck me.

I was so disappointed.

What a horrible tease this was, I was so perturbed I'd started to soften. I panted a few moments to catch my breath, then sighed and collapsed onto the trail, rolling to get Cam off of my back and cuddling him in my arms. The fox was so spent he didn't resist me. I wanted to say something. I really did. Could've rambled at them for ages, bitten their ears off about what that felt like for me.

Tristan crouched beside my head, rubbing a paw between my ears. "Want me to blow you?"

"It's fine." I spoke a bit too tensely. I hadn't meant to. I buried my face in Cam's neck, testing myself more than him. I wanted to scream and shout.

But at least something good had come from this.

I breathed in Cam's scent to confirm.

Yeah. He wasn't Scott. Couldn't be more different from Scott. Fucking hell.

I wasn't doing this again. Not with either of them. I couldn't take it. They weren't what I wanted, and that was fine. They were here to learn some skills for a job, not satisfy my sexual desires. It really took someone as lonely and perverted as me to see them that way in the first place.

This entire ordeal was already making me feel worse.

I sighed again, getting up and leaving Cam in the dirt. Tristan watched me curiously as I dug my flask of gin out of my pack.

I really couldn't care anymore. I took a lengthy swig of it.

"What's in that?" Tristan asked.

"Gin."

He clicked his tongue. "Man."

"Sorry." Cam's voice came quiet and ashamed.

"Nah, don't be." I tried to force something pleasant into my voice. "You did great, glad you enjoyed yourself." It sounded so hollow. My cheeks burned as I downed another swig of gin.

"He's right," Tristan added. He kept going, but I tapped out and winced down even more gin. I was just a bitter old man. I wanted what I wanted and hadn't gotten what I expected, which was the story of my entire life.

I really didn't deserve anything, did I?

That thought haunted me for the rest of the day as I fell into a wanton state of drunkenness. After the trail walk I was meant to give them a brief on axe safety and watch them chop firewood. But I was wasted, I wasn't stupid enough to heft an axe around in this state, lest it end up in Cam's back.

Was I really that much of a resentful asshole?

Fuck me, I didn't like that I'd thought that one bit.

Even still, both Cam and Tristan were understanding when I told them we should just take it easy after we got back from the trail walk. They ended up hiding away in Tristan's room, and I fucked around and reveled in my bitterness for the rest of the day.

All in all, the perfect beginning to my second year without Scott. The worst sex I'd ever had coupled with confirming Scott didn't give a shit about me.

I felt so insatiable and restless. It was probably my fault for conflating Cam and Scott despite there being no reason to. All it had done was dredge up foul memories of the times I pissed off Scott. All the reasons he'd left me. My heart panged every time I remembered he hadn't replied to my text yet. I doubt he would now, he'd had an entire day to think on it. But I was glad Tristan still had my phone because fuck, I knew I'd be tearing into Scott's messages right now if I could.

I settled down on the couch, too pissed at myself to care. I didn't want Tristan to cuddle me to sleep because it'd just make me feel shittier about everything. I wanted Scott. Nothing more, nothing less. Substituting that desire for something else just hurt.

I passed out early evening, looking forward to the hangover I'd have in the morning. At least I deserved that.