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I sat awake in the quiet night for too long, lost in my own thoughts. My drunkenness passed onto nausea and feeling like shit. Exhaustion tightened like a fist around my thoughts. What I'd done to Cam haunted me.

I couldn't sleep. Not after that. There was so much regret. How was I meant to look him in the eye? Teach him for the week he was here?

A click brought me back to my senses. Light flooded the room in an instant, footsteps shuffled for a moment then paused.

"Ack." Tristan jumped. The younger lion stared at me for a moment. I felt so judged, so guilty. "Are you ok?" He watched me a moment longer, he had an empty glass in his hand. When I didn't answer, he moved to fill it from the sink in the kitchen. He came and sat beside me, then put a hand on my shoulder. "Are you ok?" he repeated. He sounded tired. I shouldn't be burdening him.

"Go back to sleep," I muttered. I didn't want to drag him into my mess. No doubt Cam would tell him in the morning. Fuck me. In the morning, that was a nightmare I wasn't ready for at all.

A whimper slipped out of my muzzle.

I really, really wished I was stronger. Fucking hell. The way Tristan's brow darkened in concern when he heard that whimper. His hand rubbed my back in small circles. If not for what I'd just done with Cam it might've been the sort of comforting gesture that worked on me.

"I'm up here for a week with you you know." Tristan frowned. "And I'm kind of used to playing therapist or whatever. If you want to open up to me, I'll try do what I can for you." He kept staring at me. His gaze was gentle, and I couldn't really tell what I was meant to do. I was his boss for fuck's sake. I shouldn't have let this happen.

Why should he have to shoulder my misery?

I didn't want to take advantage of him.

And I hated myself in that moment, perhaps more than ever before.

Because my own thoughts turned hard on me to ask why that was any different to taking advantage of Cam, which is exactly what I'd done earlier in the night.

I could hardly breathe.

"If you don't want to talk, I could offer you a hug or something."

Desperation is a terrible and sad thing.

I turned my body towards his and nearly fell into his arms. He caught me, graciously even. I buried my snout in his mane and started shaking as he clasped his arms around my back. There were tears in my eyes.

I gripped him as hard as I dared. I was a bear. I was made to hug. I didn't want to hurt him or seem too desperate, but maybe it was too late for the latter. Though he really didn't seem to mind. He rubbed his hand against my back.

"It'll be alright," he said. "I know you've been pretty lonely or whatever, but it'll be ok." His voice was so kind, so warm. Maybe he really didn't mind.

There was so much I wanted to say. So much more I shouldn't. I should tell him about Cam but I was so scared he'd pull away.

"A year ago," I started. "My boyfriend broke up with me. And ever since I've been getting worse. There's nobody else for me way out here. And it's torture being like this, but I don't know what else I can do." I started sobbing. This no longer felt so wrong. Tristan's hold on me only tightened. I was ready to crack and fall apart. In his arms, that no longer seemed so scary a thought.

"You're an affectionate guy, aren't you?" he asked.

"Yeah."

He nodded and rubbed my back again before pressing his body firmer against mine. "That's ok. So am I." He leant away from me for a moment, staring into my teary eyes. "Did Cam have a go at you then?"

"Uh." Shame strangled my tongue. I must've made my distress obvious because Tristan chuckled.

"Don't mind him. He's... yeah. He's just like that. I mean. Without saying too much I... ah. Don't really know how to say this right." He bit his lip. "He's not great with others, let's say." He wrinkled his nose. "Maybe that's- yeah, that'll do." Tristan's hand moved to my shoulder. "Did something happen?"

I couldn't will my tongue to move, to speak the truth. I shrugged, feeling cold. I wished he'd stop speaking.

"Almost." Fuck. I hadn't meant to lie, that was the last thing I wanted to do. It'd be so awkward in the morning.

Tristan only nodded. "Alright, well. That makes sense then." He stood up and grabbed his glass of water. "So are you going to be lonely on the couch or?"

"Or?" My head shot up to stare him in the eyes. I was pleading. Fuck. I felt so pathetic, but he was smiling.

"Or are we going to pretend like you don't need more hugs."

"Wait, like..." I couldn't believe him.

"It'll be a tight fit in a single bed but maybe that's what we both need." Tristan's grin widened.

"Ah." I hesitated. I really should've told him about Cam. I still could. I just... didn't want to lose this opportunity. So I said nothing and followed him to his room, feeling sick to my stomach.

"Are you a big spoon or a little spoon kinda guy?" he asked me, lifting the edge of his quilt.

"Usually big but..."

Tristan only smirked. "C'mere." He made space for me in his bed. I don't really know if any of the doubts in my head could've stopped me, but I laid down beside him. He wriggled right up behind me and held me as tenderly as he had before. A heavy breath fell from my lips. He knew how to cuddle, and that was the sort of comfort I needed right now. "You're so warm." He nuzzled my ear.

"Thank you for this," I mumbled.

"No, it's all good. Thank you as well."

"Don't you worry it might be weird or something?"

"What do you think is weird?" he asked.

There was something subtle in his voice.

"Dunno. It's just... eh. Whatever." I relaxed into his hold. I really should learn to shut up.

His hand moved from my side to my belly and slipped under my shirt. He splayed his fingers through my fur.

"Belly rubs too weird?" he asked.

"They're good."

He started brushing his fingers through my belly fur, gently as he caressed the slight curve of my body. My head rolled back as I snuggled up against his chest. That was too good. Way too good. I sucked in a long breath and exhaled, content. Maybe this week wasn't going to be so bad.

"Got a spot you like most?" he asked.

"Little lower," I answered, too relaxed to think. His paw drifted south, just an inch to the lower side of my belly. And that was the spot. A weak smile lifted my lips, I cooed softly.

"Good?"

"Mmm."

"Lower?"

"Do whatever, this is good," I mumbled. His hand started moving in tight circles, his breath warm against the back of my neck. Against the small of my back, something firmer took shape. He scratched at my belly for a few moments, moving slowly in a vague circle that ended near my hips. I was drooling, more than half asleep. So far away from those lonely thoughts that had haunted me.

I hardly even noticed his fingers slip under the waist of my pyjamas. I was aware of the sensation, I thought so little of it. Then his hand was on my cock. I was hard. I moaned as he squeezed me. My eyes shot open.

"Too low?" he asked, jerking me slowly.

I rolled to face him. He withdrew his hand, shocked.

"S-sorry I-"

"I said do whatever." I spoke heavier than him. "This is good."

Maybe I was tired, or maybe he was just that quick, but by the time I blinked he'd disappeared under the sheets. There was hardly enough room in the bed as is, but Tristan didn't seem to mind as he pulled my pants off of me. His padded hands rubbed my hips before he grabbed my cock again.

My arousal was in overdrive. From Cam to this. This was better. This could go as far as it wanted to. It was even sexier that I couldn't see. Obscured by the sheet and darkness, I was too tired to do anything. He had free range of me, and being the submissive little bitch I was, I was going to lay there and let him do anything he wanted to me.

Pleasure lit like coals in my belly as he grabbed my cock. He started jerking me slowly, then I felt his breath warm against the head of my dick. He was sniffing me, teasing me. I was squirming as he squeezed me. He was taking his time and even this tired I wanted him to go faster. And just as I was about to do something his tongue lapped at the precum leaking from me. I gasped, back arching from the drawn out anticipation. He lapped at my tip before he lowered himself around me, his lips smacking on my shaft. I exhaled, squeezing my eyes shut as he pushed himself down on me, his coarse tongue keeping contact as he sucked himself down.

His nose rubbed into my crotch as he swallowed all seven inches of me. I was gasping for air .

I should've figured from how smoothly Tristan had gotten in my pants but he was a cocksucker. I don't use that term lightly. He was more than just a lion with a dick in his mouth. He knew what he was doing and honestly? Scott never would've gone at me like that.

Fuck, I really didn't want to be thinking about Scott right now.

But I couldn't even see Tristan and in my tired mind it was too easy to fantasize. God damn I wished it was Scott between my legs right now. I wish Scott could suck cock like this.

Tristan adjusted himself so my dick pushed down hard on his tongue and purred. I grunted and groaned, pleasure reverberated through my entire body. I was sweating. Edging it out nearly forced a stuttered chuckle out of my chest. But Tristan kept going, he felt like no guy who'd ever sucked me off before. There was so much contact and motion without ever feeling repetitive. Every moment was some new sensation that drew pleasure from me. I moaned and growled, body jerking as I tried to hold onto. I was more alert now, and I was struggling not to pull the covers back. I knew I shouldn't. It was stupid, but part of me expected to see Scott down there if I did. That was what I really wanted.

He nuzzled his nose into my crotch and sucked harder on me, rolling his tongue against my dick. I clenched my jaw, growling as the pleasure surged past what I could handle. I grunted as I came. Tristan didn't even flinch as he swallowed my load and licked me clean.

I was stunned. He crawled out from under the sheets. Still himself, not Scott. That put a mark on the moment. I couldn't really think, just accept his hug as he snuggled right up to me, his lips pressed against my jaw to plant smooches on me. His mane blanketed my neck and only added to the warmth of his embrace.

"Go to sleep," he whispered. We rolled to lay on our sides, bodies facing each other and pressed together.

"What about you?" I muttered. His cock was pressing hard against my thigh.

"Already got what I wanted." He nuzzled me. "Sleep. I've got you, and I'm not letting go."

I should've thanked him.

But I was out of it. Tonight was too much and I was done with it. I passed out, warm and pleasured. Hugged. I felt loved in a way I hadn't since Scott left me.

Unsurprisingly, my dreams were full of him.

My first thoughts of the morning were those of comfort. Warmth. Tristan lay drooling against my chest, his arms still wrapped around me. It tickled my heart. There were days I used to wake up to Scott doing similar.

I sighed.

Maybe I should just send him a message. See how he's really doing. It didn't have to be anything more than me reaching out, letting him know I still cared for him. I wasn't good at pleading. I didn't want to beg him back into my life. I just wanted to feel less isolated. More respected. Cold turkey wasn't right and it never was. Tristan had given me some confidence. I should send that message.

My pants were still around my ankles. A wry smile cracked my lips as I snuck out from under Tristan, hiked my pants up and left the snoring lion to his rest. A hangover threatened my balance, but my phone was still in my room. Cam was probably still asleep, the sun had barely risen. Though I'd only gotten a couple hours sleep I felt more alive than I had in a year. There was purpose in my stride as I left Tristan's room and turned for the hall to go gather my phone. Not even the hangover felt like it could stop me.

"Oh what the fuck." Cam's voice came harsh and backed with a hint of anger. "Couldn't get what you wanted out of me so you went to him?" He was sitting at my dining table, a steaming cup of tea in front of him.

I scrunched up my face, confidence shot and slaughtered.

"It wasn't like that," I muttered, careful not to growl though I wanted to. I hated this. Didn't want to be antagonized in my own home. Even if I'd earned it. "Cam. I fucked up last night. It won't happen again. I promise you."

"Man." Cam rolled his eyes. "I'd believe you but Trist just loves stretching his jaws. Bet he gave you what you wanted."

"Cuddles, yeah." I fixed a slight scowl on him. "I'm not like that. I just... really. And I mean really fucked up last night with you. And I'm sorry. We can talk about it if you want." I was trying to be respectful.

"You know he's my best friend right?" Cam smirked. "He's going to tell me what happened."

"Right." My heart sunk in my chest.

"So can we talk about it then?"

"No." I turned away from him, clenching my jaw. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. I froze up again. The hell was I meant to do? "Cam," I said. "Much like matters between us, please leave matters between me and Tristan private."

Cam sighed. "You know I was really okay with forgiving you. I feel kind of shit because I guess I might've led you on a bit or something, I dunno, you kinda pushed for it all though but I still feel like I did something wrong by letting you. It's just... I'm actually so fucking pissed off you can't even be real with me." He stared into his cup of tea. "And I'm gonna find out really soon, so..."

Was this torture? Worse? Were they fucking with me? Was this their fucking act? I felt so fucking stupid.

"You already know don't you." My voice was barely audible.

"Tristan's blown every guy who's ever shared a bed with him." Cam shrugged. "After what happened with us, I don't think you'd resist him."

"Fuck." I slammed my fist against the wall. It jarred my arm but I didn't care. "I'm just that fucking pathetic aren't I?" Pain spread through my shoulder.

Cam jolted. "Calm down." He raised his hands.

"You know I was feeling good?" I glared at him. "Five fucking minutes of not feeling like I'm the shittiest asshole to ever breathe and I can't even have that like it's just a fucking game to you."

I couldn't believe it. Cam's father wouldn't have ever allowed this shit.

He went quiet for a moment, a tart frown on his lips. "I don't know what to say to that." He squinted at me. "I just wanted an apology."

"I gave you one!" I shouted.

He flinched. "You lied to me first."

"Of fucking course I did. That slut was all over me, you didn't have to know." Frustrated tears filled my eyes. This really was torture. "But I meant what I said to you." My ire could've sharpened razors.

"Relax man, this is kind of out of hand..." Cam stood, a worried look on his face. "Are you alright?"

"I was going to do something." I sniffed, tears spilling down my cheeks. "Something really important and now I can't." I couldn't hold myself together. I felt like a fucking child. All I wanted was to message Scott. I dropped to my knees then fell against the wall, shaking and sobbing.

Cam swore under his breath. A door clicked shut and moments later warm hands were on my shoulders. Tristan knelt beside me. Even worse that my shouting woke him up.

"You alright?" he asked.

"Fuck you," I snarled, staring at him through clouded eyes. He frowned, then put arms around me as he held me. I wanted to throw him against the floorboards for his part in this. Ring his fucking skull.

If he noticed my arms tense or my lips twitch, he didn't seem to care. He was just soft and caring. And I was a teary mess. It took me a while to finish sobbing out the injustice in my chest. Then I fell silent, Tristan's arms still around me. He sighed.

"It'll be ok."

"Why'd you do that?" My voice cracked. "I just wanted cuddles." That was a lie. A huge lie, but I couldn't even tell what I was feeling.

"I dunno man..." Tristan sounded weak. "It's just this thing I've done like, I like making guys feel good. And Cam knows, I should've figured he'd find out." He lifted his head to stare me in the eyes, I could tell he wanted to say more on that but he was holding back. "I'm so sorry. I didn't think it'd be like this. You mentioned something almost happened with him and... I thought it'd help get that off your mind. Sorry."

I couldn't be upset staring into his eyes. It seemed genuine and it had helped me feel better about myself. I stroked a paw across his cheek and brushed my fingers through his mane. It felt too affectionate, but I wasn't sure how else to act right now. I wanted to convey something caring, something that might prove I wasn't as much as a wreck as I seemed.

"Sorry you had to see that." I wasn't calm yet, but I was back together again. I was meant to be their teacher for a week, not this. This was meant to be professional, but clearly I wasn't capable of that right now. I stood, eyes on Cam. His tea had gone cold, he'd barely touched it. Guilt sat heavy on my shoulders. "I invaded your personal space and did some really inappropriate things last night. I'm sorry. I only ask that you don't tell your father. I'm so lonely. I couldn't handle losing another friend."

"You stopped when I told you to, even if it was a bit grimy." Cam shrugged. "And the last thing I want to tell my Pa is about the time I let some guy twice my age jerk me off a bit."

Tristan's eyes lit up. "Damn." He chuckled.

"Tristan." I stared at him. "I'm s-"

"Man, I dunno what you're about to say but I don't need to hear it." He was smiling. "Your cock's delicious. You called me a slut earlier, I don't take offense that's just what I do." He poked his tongue out at me for a moment, I was ashamed he'd heard that. "I'd sleep between your thighs if you'd let me."

"Ah." A nervous laugh dripped from my mouth.

"I'll suck you off right now if it makes you feel any better."

"If that's... look, you're a nice guy but..." I'd never had to handle something like this before. I didn't know what to say.

"If you're embarrassed about Cam, don't be. He loves watching." Tristan chuckled. "If you want it just drop your pants. I mean it, anytime. Just drop 'em and I'm there."

I made eye contact with Cam across the room. He was staring at me intently, a slight grin on his lips.

Fuck. Alright then.

I really wasn't horny right now, but I was shaken and desperate. This would certainly take the edge off. Might even help restore that confidence I'd lost.

It wasn't like I often got permission to drop my pants in front of two attractive young men. I could make exceptions here. I liked being told what to do as well. My pyjama bottoms hit the floor. A grin creased Cam's face.

Tristan dropped to his knees.

He nuzzled the inside of my thigh, purring as he buried his nose in my balls and smelled me. I was flaccid but that wouldn't last long. He stared up at me with sultry eyes as he licked my sack. Again, he reminded me of Scott. This was the sort of sexual affection we often gave each other, we were both fairly submissive and usually open to being encouraged into the mood. Scott would often lick my nuts to get me ready, though he'd usually end up with his nose under my tail and his tongue up my asshole.

I put my hands in Tristan's mane, hoping the contact would help me focus on the moment. Scott was a bear like me, felt nothing like the lion lapping at my balls. But it didn't help. Tristan pulled my foreskin back and slathered his spit across my cockhead, smiling as he tasted me.

A slight frown shaped my lips. As good as that felt, I just wasn't into it right now. He wasn't Scott, and I was kidding myself by dreaming. I scratched at his mane and pushed his head back. "Sorry," I mumbled, awkward as I lifted my pants. "Another time."

"Everything alright?" Tristan stood up, he didn't seem disappointed but I doubt this was what he wanted.

"Yeah, I guess." My cheeks flushed with heat. What sort of guy couldn't get it up when a mouth like Trsitan's was on their cock? "Sorry," I said again and brushed past him, heading for my room.

With a door shut between us, I let out a heavy sigh and snatched my phone of of the charging cable. I was just going to do it. Fuck it. If I tried and failed, so be it, but Scott was what my thoughts kept coming back to. My heart was racing when I pulled up his contact.

Every time I'd hit this point, I always started overthinking. I wouldn't this time. I didn't need to write the perfect apology. Didn't need to think up ways to suggest I want him back. Before we were lovers we were friends. We were children back then. I hoped we could still be friends now, at the very least.

_Hey Scott.

How are you? How have you been? It's been a year already. I feel pretty bad I never reached out, but I've been meaning to. Wanted to respect the privacy you asked for, still do. Sorry if this message isn't wanted. Sorry for everything else too. You'll get a better apology from me one day, I'm just too stupid to word it all out right now.

Just hoping you're okay. Been too long, my fault like usual._

I sent it. No thinking. Just wanted it out there. It was respectful enough wasn't it? My heart skipped a beat as the message went from received to read almost immediately.

I held my breath, staring at my phone's screen. Waiting for a reply.

Waiting.

Waiting...

I gulped in a long breath, panting as I held on longer. It'd been minutes.

And minutes more.

And even more.

I was keeled over with anxiety cramps, clutching my chest and still hoping.

No reply came.