FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Chapter 7

Why was life so complicated? Couldn't it just stop being so crazy and stupid for a few hours, possibly? He'd give up anything right about now for a meal that actually stayed in his stomach as opposed to the trash bin next to his bed. On several occasions, Jayden had debated making some kind of pact with God; he'd give him his computer for a decent night sleep.

He knew bargaining was pointless, because nothing ever got simpler just by wishing. Some days he was just better able to cope with the fog, and today was probably the closest to peace he'd come in a long while. Jayden crossed his arms and rest them on Francis' head playfully, making the bear glance up at him indignantly.

They were sitting outside of the mall on a bench, having finally grown tired of Jayden's confining room. Jayden sat on the low back and Francis sat right below, in between the wolf's knees.

"I'm not a table," Francis mumbled, looking back down at the gaming system in his hand with indifference.

"You are whatever the hell I say you are," Jayden said with a smile and Francis nudged his elbow back into the wolf's knee, making him yelp. Jayden pressed his foot into Francis' back, trying to push him off the bench but the bear stood fast. Reaching his arm above his head, Francis felt around until he grabbed onto Jayden's neck, pulling him down so that his stomach on the bear's head. Looking him in the eyes with a childish grin, Jayden waved enthusiastically.

Jayden really left the room because he was having a hard time looking at the roses that sat on the top tier of his bookshelf. The funeral had only been yesterday, but the petals were a reminder of everything that had transpired and kept playing weird emotional games with his head.

He had to continually fight the urge to burn them, or throw them out the window, or tear them apart. He'd look at them and start freaking out; maybe he'd start yelling at Francis, or start crying to himself, or end up throwing himself on the bear again. His brain had gone haywire and talking to him was much like playing Russian roulette. Jayden just didn't understand how two small, almost insignificant symbols caused him more pain than looking his own father in the face, or sleeping with a guy who had been tugging him around endlessly with no end in sight.

When they were on the porch, Jayden alternated between thoughts of pushing him over and thoughts of mounting him right there, where everyone could see. Hell, he really didn't even care who got a free show. Right now, though, he was pretty level headed.

"You two are so funny," Paige added and Jayden looked over to her as he stopped poking Francis in the stomach. She had called earlier in the morning, curious why Jayden had hung up so abruptly. She knew that something had to be up, because he was never that rude. He had cleverly avoided telling her what really had happened by inviting her to come over instead.

It wasn't that he didn't want her to know, it was that pity from the three people who already knew was too much for him to deal with. He was sick of the sympathetic glances, or the soft touches on his shoulder; how was he suppose to forget if everyone insisted on reminding him? He wasn't trying to run away from the feelings, he just wanted the initial shock and sting to fade away before he tried to understand any of it.

Jayden was about to speak again when he felt Francis jump, both of them almost falling off the seat. The bear hastily dug around in his pocket and extracted his phone as it vibrated loudly in his hand. Without word, Francis stood and walked in the opposite direction, his shoulders slouching as he answered it.

Sliding down onto the bench beside Paige, Jayden rolled his eyes and looked at her, ignoring Francis' incessant mumbling ten feet away. It was most likely Tammy, telling him to get his ass back to her side, so they could argue some more. No relationship is good without a healthy amount of arguing to really express their feelings.

Resting his head in his hands, Jayden swayed his head as he tried to hide his embarrassment. All the times he'd tried to explain to Paige that Francis cared about him, and now he was ignoring them to be on the phone with his fiancée.

He watched Francis walk closer as he hung up the phone and slid it in his pocket. His face didn't adopt that melancholic expression that it normally got whenever he talked to Tammy, so Jayden was more than a little taken aback.

"Was it Tammy?" Jayden asked as Francis stood in front of him with his hands in his pockets.

"Uh, no," Francis mumbled, "It was another friend."

"You have other friends?" Jayden asked jokingly, but his eyebrow perked with a genuine confusion. Not once had he seen Francis talk to anyone other than him or Tammy. Paige remained decidedly blank and empty of any reaction as she fumbled around with her phone to distract herself.

"Yea," Francis said, scratching behind one of his ears a little longer than necessary, almost like he was nervous, "they started texting me a while ago. Got kicked out of college, so they don't have a house, job, or friends. Don't really talk to them much, aside from that."

Jayden was intrigued by Francis' lack of pronouns, which probably meant it was a girl. He was probably hiding that fact because he didn't want Jayden freaking out that he was talking to another girl. Jayden really didn't know why Francis would be so paranoid though; he had a lot of other guy friends, but he wasn't afraid that Francis would think he was cheating. Although, this was a little different than a conventional relationship, so logic need not apply. Francis was probably just more than a little afraid of Jayden's extreme mood swings lately.

"What'd she want?" Jayden asked, cursing to himself as soon as his mouth closed. He hoped that Francis hadn't heard that he'd called his friend a she.

"She said that she has nowhere else to go tonight, so I offered to let her stay at my house. I knew you're mother wouldn't like the idea of someone else staying over as well, so I just told her to meet me at mine. You don't mind, right?"

"Nah," Jayden said with a smile. It made him happy that Francis thought about him, even if it was stupid little things like inviting an extra friend over just so he could stay with him. He needed to trust Francis if he wanted Francis to trust him, right?

Jayden needed to invest all his trust in Francis to try and believe that he wasn't just cheating on him with multiple people, but Francis really didn't need to trust Jayden. He hadn't done anything to break their trust. It was really hard, but Jayden had finally accepted that Francis had some sort of feelings for him, even if they were confusing and misguided.

"I'm really, really sorry," Francis said, looking at Jayden's weak grin like it burned him, "you're not mad, right?"

"I'm fine," Jayden replied, "I think it's nice that you're being there for a friend. I mean, you were there for me when I needed you."

That was a lie and a half, but it sounded good, so Jayden just stuck with it. He had already established that he was horribly possessive when it came to Francis' attention, and he knew that he needed to fix that, so he was trying. Now that Francis had a daughter, he wouldn't be around as often, so he may as well start small.

"I promise I'll call you tonight. If I don't, you can come over and kick my ass."

"I'll hold you to it," Jayden mumbled to Francis' back as he jogged away.

The sun was setting outside of the mall, the bright light segmented by all the changing leaves and the ever-present wires that ran along the power lines. An Indian summer had come around, the weatherman had said, covering most of the east coast in warm weather despite the end of September close around the corner, waiting to strip the trees bare.

Paige motioned inside as cars hummed around them, blinding them with the light that reflected angrily off the painted metal and tempered glass. Jayden pulled himself up slowly, digging his hands into his back pockets as he stood there, feeling Francis' voice fade away from his mind.

Francis would call him; he knew he would. The way his voice had sounded as he left meant that he wanted to stay, but he had no way around it. He had come over the other night without being asked, and Jayden was almost positive that it was a good thing. It meant that they were progressing and Francis was starting to figure out where he wanted to be. Took him long enough.

Jayden stood suspended, not quite ready to walk but too restless to sit. His tail twitched as a light bucolic breeze passed by him, reminding him of the day before when he sat lethargically against his mother's car. He didn't have the roses to taint his thoughts, yet he still ended up falling into the downward spiral.

"Are you coming?" Paige asked, curious about Jayden's lingering. She probably assumed that he was thinking and brooding about Francis, which he was, but not to the extent he normally did. For once, he had something else to obsess over, and he wished he could go back to hating himself over loving Francis.

"Yea, sorry," Jayden mumbled, falling in step with her as they went around the corner and into a shaded brick corridor. The golden sky reflected off of the high glass arch above the mall entrance and Jayden turned to Paige to find her already looking at him with concern.

"You two... are so unhappily happy together," Paige stated, obviously intrigued by the fact that Jayden's love life was in complete shambles, yet he did nothing to change it. The wolf had lost interest in just how messed up it was a while ago, and instead focused on not focusing on it.

"It may seem broken, but it works for me."

"No, it doesn't," Paige said, her tone of finality reverberating forcefully off of the walls of the empty vestibule, making Jayden's resolve shrink.

"I know," Jayden sighed as they walked down the comfortably congested mall corridors, passing by the people who sat on the benches and the others who walked by them, not caring that they may glean any insight into his personal life, "but I'm working on it. At least, it feels like I am."

"I really can't understand how you're so willing to lie to yourself," Paige said harshly, and Jayden looked across the ostentatious store fronts, not wanting to reveal the sting to Paige. He'd always asked himself that, but he could never say for certain, so he just assumed he liked the pain. Even if it was a horrible explanation, he couldn't deny that it fit. He got into relationships he knew would fail, he invested everything into them just for them to pull away as soon as they got too close, and, inevitably, leave him for their other 'lover'. Francis had the amazing ability to hold someone so close to him, yet act like they were worlds apart.

"Do you remember that Mexican restaurant that we always used to go to?" Jayden asked as they passed in front of the most obnoxious store in the mall; a loud bass making it's way out the entrance atop the sickly sent of cologne, or perfume, or whatever the hell they called it.

"I do," Paige started, her voice muffled as she hid her face in the crook of her arm, "and I can't tell if you're looking for a diversion, or you're seriously comparing your love life to Mexican food."

"Do you know how we always used to eat there, and we thought the food was good, so we had no problem eating there everyday, until your boyfriend showed us to another restaurant, subsequently making us realize that what we had been eating was just a little bit short of manure?"

"You get into emotionally abusive relationships because they're all you've ever known?" Paige asked, scratching her head like Jayden had just proposed that the world was, indeed, round. It made perfect sense, but she wasn't willing to accept that his idea was valid after all the years she'd spent telling herself that Jayden was just a moron.

"Yup."

"Am I honestly supposed to believe that?"

"I don't know," Jayden asked, turning into the food court, this time fighting with the smells of food that hungered him and pained him at the same time. He hadn't kept an entire meal down since yesterday morning and he could feel it in his shaking legs and hands, "Do you believe it?"

"No," Paige mumbled, stopping in front of the least crappy fast food place in the entire mall, "I think you're just looking for an excuse to put up with him. It's called cognitive dissonance. Do you want anything?"

Jayden scratched his thumb claw along his forehead, looking at the grimy menu with some apprehension as the dirty light acted like an omen of the pain he would soon be enduring. He needed to eat something, he just wasn't sure that this was the best of choices.

"If you think there's anything on the menu that won't make me turn into an organic volcano, then sure," Jayden grumbled, the least nauseating thing on the menu seemed to be the children's chicken nuggets, "and what do you mean by cognitive dissonance?"

"Have you ever heard of the fable The Fox and the Grapes?" Paige queried after she talked to the cashier and slid along the Formica counter top, towards the ketchup-stained waiting area. She had gotten him the chicken nuggets, having blatantly asked the cashier what the least disgusting thing on the menu was.

"Can't say I have," Jayden admitted. He was usually one to read those stupid little fables and coming of age stories, hoping to find some form of insight into his own head. He'd lived with thoughts since he was born, yet he seemed to understand quantum mechanics more than his own complicated mental processes.

"It's about a fox who sees some high-hanging grapes," Paige stated matter-of-factly, grabbing the tray as she walked to the only clean table, "He really wants to eat them, but he can't find a way to get to them, so he decides that the grapes probably aren't worth eating, anyway. He tells himself that they're probably bad, or they aren't ripe yet, or they're too sour. Long story short, he knows he can't have the grapes, so he tells himself anything he can to make it not hurt as bad, even if it means lying to himself so thoroughly that he believes it."

"So..."

"What I mean is, you want a good relationship, one where someone genuinely cares about you, but you can't seem to get one, so you tell yourself all these things to make the bad ones seem better."

"Makes sense, I guess."

"Of course it does," Paige said right before taking a sip from her soda and grimacing, "you already knew it, you just weren't willing to admit it. That's your problem, Jayden; it's not that you're stupid, it's that you already know all these things, you just don't want to accept that they may be true."

Jayden fell forward onto the table, his arms splayed out melodramatically while his forehead was repeatedly smacked into the table, making it rattle threateningly. Paige continued to chew her hamburger with a look of disgust, undeterred by Jayden's childishness.

"So, do you think he'll call?" Paige asked, swallowing painfully, washing it down with more sugared water.

"I hope he'll call," Jayden mumbled to the table, feeling his hot breath run down his body as he sighed. Why did Paige have to be so harsh with the truth? Didn't she know that occasionally people like to be lied to, so they could stay comfortably hidden behind their little view of the world?

"I hope to someday be a millionaire, but I doubt that'll ever happen. Do you think he'll call?"

"I don't know," Jayden grumbled, picking his head up to look at his chicken nuggets, no longer having the intention to eat them or anything else. His stomach churned uncomfortably as it clenched so painfully that he didn't know if he was sick or hungry, "I guess it's about fifty-fifty."

"I'm getting this intense feeling of deja vu," Paige said, dropping the empty wrapper onto the food tray as she studied Jayden over laced fingers.

"But he doesn't make me unhappy," Jayden groaned, covering his eyes with his hands, to look anywhere but the fox's judgmental eyes. Paige knew how to express her true feelings so quietly through her eyes that you couldn't even be angered because you appreciated the beauty of her silence, "He makes me happy more often then not. I mean, he surprised me and showed up in my bedroom after my grandmother's funeral."

Jayden's heart fluttered painfully in his chest as his heart sank; he hadn't meant to say that. Funny how his grandmother had just passed away, yet he was afraid how Paige would react.

"After what?" Paige stammered, her hands falling on the table, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want people feeling sorry for me," Jayden said quietly, looking at the black pads on his hands, suddenly infatuated with the way his white fur curled over them, "I know people mean the best, but having everyone sympathizing and apologizing just makes sure that you never get a reprieve. It sounds stupid, but I was sure that Francis was the only one who could make a difference. Hope you're not mad."

"Mad? Why would I be mad? I'm just... I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything," Jayden assured, pushing himself up from the chair, listening to the feet scrape across the polished tile. Now he was going to have to put up with even more apologetic glances and unwarranted kindness. That was part of the reason he liked Francis; he could ignore all his problems because he seemed to forget they even existed, "I think I'm going to go home. Sorry that you bought me food and I didn't eat it. I'll get you two coffees next time, or something."

"Jayden," Paige called and followed after him, resting her hand on his shoulder. He stopped and turned around to look at her, his face hard and empty, "Don't you want a ride?"

"It's only a mile, I'll walk."

"What did I say?" Paige asked sadly as Jayden started to walk in front of the empty store fronts, the pristine drywall creating a blank canvas. The mall was dying and so many stores were empty that they had to make the nothingness as beautiful as possible. Jayden stopped and looked back at the fox as she stood against the whitewash, under the veil of the fake trees, the burning sun igniting the orange fur around her eyes. She walked up to him and looked him in the eyes, "Am I too harsh? I can stop if you want, I'm just... I just hate seeing you do this to yourself."

"You really don't understand, do you, Paige?" Jayden groaned, "Everyone hates Francis; his fiancée, my best friend and even my mother. I'm the only one that seems to give a shit about how he feels, and yea, he makes me feel like shit sometimes, but you do, too. Yet, I have never given up on you. I'm in this thing alone because I have everyone telling me everything I'm doing wrong, and not what I'm doing right. He's the only one that let's me forget that I'm a fuck up, and you know how? Because we're both fucked up."

"But -"

"I'll talk to you later," Jayden growled, stuffing his hands in his pockets, cutting through the store with the nauseating cologne, hoping Paige wouldn't follow. At least if he threw up in here, it wouldn't make it smell or look any worse.

Paige had a job, she had friends, she had a boyfriend who loved her and she'd been with for three years.

Jayden and Francis were unemployed, they had two friends each, and a significant other that made them feel like they were unimportant. Who was Paige to judge what they had? It's was harder to feel like your life was worthless when you had someone else sitting right beside you on the bus back to hell.

He felt like one of those freshman he always used to talk about behind their backs; the ones who insisted that no one understood them. Paige probably understood him just as well as he understood himself, but she needed to take some of her own advice. She knew that Francis made him happy on some level, but she had to go and ruin it anyway. She wanted him to be alone and in pain as opposed to with someone in pain. What would that solve?

Slamming his bedroom door shut behind him, he reared up and slammed his foot into the side of his bookcase with a roar, sending it crashing to the floor. His books and binders and dreams and thoughts fell to the floor like garbage, his glass figurines shattered and the two taunting yellow roses rest atop the pile, completely unharmed.

Collapsing with his back against the wall, he slid down, clutching his aching head between his hands, his clenching stomach hidden behind his thighs. Letting out a groan, he felt his skin flush and his heart drop as the weight of the world fell onto his back. He looked at his binder that had fallen open, the roses perched softly on the page.

"A man's worth is measured with their willingness to look at themselves before others." He'd written than, once upon a time. Perhaps a hundred years ago, maybe more.

Was Jayden really so deluded that he thought what Francis was doing to him was right, and just? Was Francis really caught in his situation, or was he just too afraid to let go? His legs fell to the floor and his head against the wall as he tried to fight the emotions. He wished he could just bottle up all his feelings like Francis did; it was working so well for him, after all.

If Jayden ruined everything, it'd be his fault and his fault alone. Why couldn't everyone just realize that? He was already aware that he was tinkering with a lit fuse, he didn't need everyone telling him that it was dangerous.

The daylight had finally disappeared, leaving him in the dark with his thoughts. He was painfully aware of his life spinning by him and he could almost feel the slight inertia of world; the impetus that started him on this self-destructive path was fading away, leaving him with nothing.

His phone vibrated in his pocket and he almost missed it as he cleared his head; it was probably Paige, anyway. She had put to rest the notion that Francis might actually care enough about him to call. The feeling on his leg stopped and pulled out his phone just as it started to vibrate again. He couldn't help but smile weakly when he saw Francis' name and picture on his screen. Jayden knew Paige had been wrong about him and he was certain that he was the only one who saw something deeper in him. He refused to admit that Francis was just as shallow as everyone else insisted.

"Hey," Jayden said lightly, leaning forward to pick up the roses and place them on his bed.

"I told you I'd call, didn't I?" Francis said, his voice carrying crisply over the phone. He loved the feeling when he first heard his voice, even if it did make him realize he was a hopeless romantic.

"I was worried you wouldn't," Jayden continued, holding the phone with his shoulder as he picked up his bookcase, stumbling as he tried to muffle the sound of it slamming against the wall.

"Why?" Francis asked, sounding hurt by the accusation. Jayden knew he shouldn't have doubted the bear, since it wasn't his fault their circumstances were so disorienting. The only times he'd ever failed to call was when he was with Tammy.

"I don't know," Jayden mumbled almost inaudibly, hoping Francis wouldn't hear him or ask him to repeat himself, "My mother and Paige seem to think that you aren't trustworthy."

Jayden kneeled down and recollected his thoughts, placing them on the shelf, organizing them as he went along, waiting for Francis' response.

"Do you think that, too?"

"I don't know what I think," Jayden said, sitting on the edge of his bed, looking at Francis' computer, which had remained undamaged under the barrage of books. He really didn't know what he thought, because it was hard to see Francis as faithful when he had Jayden on the side. Or maybe Tammy was on the side. He didn't know that either.

"I'm not sleeping with anyone else, if that's what you're thinking," Francis stated a little too leniently, given the subject matter.

"I know," Jayden mumbled, leaning back to stare at his ceiling, his eyes finding random, meaningless shapes in the pattern as it tried to tear him away from the distressing discussion, "That's not what I have the problem with. It's more of the... emotional aspect of it."

"What do you mean?"

"I just - I just don't ever really know beyond the shadow of a doubt that you really love me because, well, you're with someone else."

"If I didn't, would I have called you back, or come over yesterday, or slept in your bed almost every night?"

Jayden knew them to be only words. Beautiful words that Francis wanted to use to calm Jayden's fear, to get him to stay and stop the horrible conversation, but they worked so well. He wanted Francis to show that he loved him and not say it, but he was right, he had slept in his bed almost every night. It was just his paranoia about what was happening when he wasn't around that drove him insane.

"I know," Jayden sighed, "sorry, I'm just feeling kind of lonely and sorry for myself."

"You know I'd be there if I could," Francis said firmly, "I do love you, you don't need to doubt that. Did something happen after I left?"

Jayden smiled to himself as he pushed himself off the bed, walking down the dark hallway into the living room. His mother was out again and he had no idea when she'd be back, but it didn't really matter as long as he had food in the house. The porch was lost in twilight as he lay down across the cramped floor, looking to the crudely built roof above his head.

"Just got into a little argument with Paige," Jayden answered after an inordinate pause, turning his head to look out at the stars as they winked to him, "Nothing major. She just kind of said the wrong thing at the wrong time."

"Paige seems a little too harsh," Francis said, his voice quiet as it came out of the receiver, complimenting the delicate air around him, "Sometimes I don't think she listens to the things she says."

"It's crossed my mind," Jayden said with a sigh as he balanced his phone on his ear, so he could rest his lazy hands on his stomach, "Anyway, I wanted to apologize to you."

"What for?" Francis asked and Jayden grinned to himself as the lights in the complex flickered on below him. He couldn't quite place what it was about him, but no matter how bad he felt, he couldn't stay upset for long when he heard Francis' voice. It was full of an energy, making his stomach flutter and his heart wonder why he was even afraid.

"I forgot to say happy birthday yesterday," Jayden apologized, listening to sound of the city around him; the cars on the highway behind him, the bustle of the nearby stores and the laughter coming from the apartments near his.

"I didn't think anyone actually remembered."

"One more year and you can finally get wasted," Jayden said with a laugh, "legally, that is."

"I was going to say, I've been getting wasted for years now," Francis replied, his chuckle striking Jayden was a mixed sentiment. Frowning slightly to himself, he looked to one of the bear's cigarette butts from last night that hadn't quite made it off the porch.

"I'm really sorry that I ruined your birthday," Jayden mumbled, "I didn't mean to be so... insane. Sometimes I just can't help it and it slips out."

"You don't have to apologize. It was actually one of the best birthdays I've had in a long time."

"Someone else must have made your day, because I'm almost positive that if I wasn't yelling at you, I was crying on you."

"Or shoving me against things," Francis added and Jayden chuckled, "I have never seen someone that flexible."

"Oh, shut up," Jayden groaned, hiding his face with his hands as he felt a heat crawl up his body. He really loved talking with Francis, about anything from games to love, or just talking about nothing, like they were now. The way he said things made it feel like Jayden was the only other person in his world.

"I'm serious," Francis continued, "If I ever tried to do that, I'd get stuck. Anyway, I hope you don't mind that I didn't get you anything for your birthday."

"Works out good," Jayden said with a smile. His birthday was the day after Francis', and if that didn't show how much they had in common, he didn't know what would. The way he got along with Francis and the way they talked about the same things was almost too perfect, like the things he'd read in books or seen in the movies he used to harass, "means I don't have to get you anything."

There was a pause and Jayden's smile faded away as he imagined Francis sitting on his front porch, looking up at the sky, too, his fur ruffling in the breeze. That's all he really wanted; someone who thought about him as much as he thought about them, and he hoped that it was Francis.

"I'm really sorry that everything went wrong around your birthday," Francis said, breaking the silence.

"Nothing went wrong," Jayden answered automatically, thinking about the words his grandmother's friend had said, like they were spoken just for him, "everything happened just as it was supposed to. If my grandmother hadn't died, I wouldn't have realized how much you mean to me."

"I don't know how you stay so optimistic about it," Francis mumbled, "I always get lost under everything and end up making stupid choices."

"I don't really know," Jayden admitted, "I guess that when you always see things go from bad to worse, you start to realize that what you have now is really as good as it gets, so you just have to make the best of it."

"Jayden?" Francis intoned quietly.

"Yea?"

"I'm sorry that I keep messing things up. I'm not trying to leave you, or make someone else seem more important than you, I just don't know what I should do."

"You need to do what makes you feel comfortable with where you are right now."

"I'm feeling pretty comfortable right now."

His face was starting to ache from all the times he'd grinned, or smiled, or smirked, and whenever he swore he didn't have the energy left, Francis would say something just like that. It was all about the little moments, because those were the only ones that really mattered; the only ones that really lasted.

The small, loving words with a fleeting intent were the ones that showed you how much they really cared. The long silences that spoke everything that you were afraid you'd never be able to say. And, most importantly, the way that his words still ran in his ears, long after he'd stopped speaking.

"Can I asked you something?" Francis asked, his voice faint alongside the chorus of crickets that arose beside them both.

"Sure."

"How would you feel if I only had a day left to live?" Francis pondered aloud and Jayden chuckled, making himself picture that confused look that always crept across his face; one eyebrow perked, his nose scrunched to the side, his eyes shining brightly.

"Have you ever heard the song I will follow you into the dark?" Jayden asked, playing the song over in his head.

"I don't think I have."

"Listen to it sometime and you'll have my answer. Why do you ask?"

"I don't know. I asked Tammy and she didn't answer."

He knew what he wanted to say, but he wasn't really sure saying it again would mean anything more than when he said it the last time. This was Francis' game, and if he couldn't see that Jayden was the one for him, then he really didn't know what else he could do. At least the bear was getting closed to realizing it, all he needed was a few more pushes in the right direction.

"So, what're you up to?" Jayden continued, not wanting to follow into a long, depressing conversation about Tammy.

"Just on the porch. Becca went to sleep already, so I'm just sitting around. My phone is actually about to die because I left my charger at your house, but I want to send you something before it dies. If you get on IM, I should be on in a second and we can talk some more, if you want."

"Okay," Jayden said, "and thanks for calling back."

"Nothing could've made me miss it. I know I haven't been perfect lately, I'm going to try harder, so I'll see you online in a second. I love you."

"Love you, too," Jayden replied with a grin, not caring how much it hurt his sore muscles. Paige had been wrong for once and he could finally call her the moron. The phone line went dead and Jayden rest the phone on his chest, folding his hands over it, looking at the golden light that was shining from every window.

His phone vibrated and he looked down, seeing that Francis had sent him a picture of his hands shaped like a heart. There it was, the perfect bliss that his willful ignorance brought.