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_ Part 5 _

(Alen)

I woke to a stray beam of sunlight the next morning, creeping in past the curtains above to jab me perfectly between the eyes. Normally, I'd have frustrated at waking up so early on a Saturday. At least, I figured it to be early. What I could see of the pink sky, combined with how much it stung to try and focus on it, suggested I'd not been asleep all that long.

But no, not frustrated. Not in the slightest. What sleep I'd had came easily. No tossing and turning. No nightmares jarring me awake in the middle of the night. Just comfort. Peace of mind.

Jonas rumbled out a groan in his sleep, grabbing even more of my attention once he started shifting onto his side. His strong forearm pulled me closer, keeping me deep within the warmth of his stomach fur. Waking up like this every morning had done a whole lot to help my sleep patterns, no doubt about it.

With time to reflect on it, yesterday actually turned out okay. Jonas was right in what he'd said to me here last night; I needed to try and relax. Accept that things went as well as could be expected. His family seemed to like me after all. They'd given me such a warm welcome, and their questions went beyond that polite but ultimately indifferent interest you usually got around new people. They honestly wanted to get to know me, and in turn, _I_wanted to get to know them, too.

All that had me wondering what our first full day in Padinica would bring. More sights? More chatting with Jonas' family? Something else entirely? Whatever the case, I looked forward to it a lot more than I ever thought I would, and I couldn't wait to experience it with my raccoon. My raccoon who liked me, 'size and all'.

But, as I lied here, snuggled up tight, I gave a short, sharp snort into Jonas' arm. "I don't have any choice but to wait."

I'd got well-skilled at slipping out from his cuddling since our first nights sleeping together. It was crucial on mornings where I had to get up early for work, but found Jonas snoring his head off, well and truly out for the count. The real problem I faced here however was that unlike back home, I had no way of lowering this old, static bed to the floor.

I squeezed myself from between Jonas' arm and belly, peering back up at his handsome face. He slept so peacefully. Eyes a solid mask of black. Cream-furred muzzle hanging slightly open with his soft, steady breathing--

Jonas erupted with a huge snore. It shook him, the bed, and me along with it. I bounced down to the mattress, heart skipping a beat. Not _that_peacefully after all...

Whatever, though. I couldn't bear to try and wake him, which left me just one unfortunate alternative. I'd have to slide back into my big boyfriend's grasp, carry on enjoying his warmth and breathing in his scent while I settled back down for more sleep. Poor me.

A lot more activity could be heard from outside the next time I stirred. Traffic rumbled on by, occasionally dampening out the whirring of a neighbour mowing their lawn. The sound of cubs playing also caught my ear from further up the street. This morning had well and truly grown into full swing.

Being Maleni, one thing you soon realise when sleeping around Visoka is that the strong possibility exists that you won't wake up in the same place you'd settled. Ominous as that might sight, it needn't necessarily be considered a hazard.

"Morning," Jonas sang, gazing down at me as he rocked back and forth.

"Morn... Morning," I answered, sounding like I was chewing on something. My second sleep had been a deep one, that's for sure.

Sitting up, I found that the mattress had been replaced by Jonas' stomach, my pillow by his chest and the sheets by his paw. He'd sat himself at the edge of the bed, cradling me in my sleep.

"I wasn't sure if I should've woken you up." I wiped the crust from my eyes, tightening my focus up at him as he added, "Breakfast is all ready, whenever you are."

"Have you been waiting long?"

"Not really--"

"Sorry."

"Don't be. It's not like I couldn't have gone got some if I really wanted." He stroked a finger across my own bare chest. "Let's get some clothes on and head on down."

Breakfast turned out to be a much lighter affair than last night's dinner. Not that the spread Marta put on for us was anything but fantastic... Besides, I'm not sure my body could've handled another big meal so soon after.

A quick bowl of cereal and glass of juice later, we took ourselves on into the front room to discuss our plan for the day ahead.

We found Toni already sitting here, sprawled out across one of the floral couches with eyes glued to the TV ahead. His creased, tatty red shirt and severe case of bed fur suggested he'd not been up long, either.

"Oh, hey," he called, half-waving. "Didn't hear you come down."

"Come down?" Jonas replied. "We've come down, had breakfast and everything."

"Right." Not totally sure Toni heard him as we moved closer. "Sorry, just..." He looked to us again, moving his legs to sit upright.. "Got hooked on this movie is all."

"What's new." Jonas dropped into the seat beside him. "Where's Ma and Dad?"

"Ma's down the church hall for her flower arranging class. Dad..." Another pause as Toni peered back to the TV. "He's somewhere."

"Helpful."

"Hey, what do want from me? Ain't like I track every move that they make. All I know is he wasn't around when I got up."

"Fine." Jonas reached over to place me down between them. Toni watched, waiting until I'd sat beside his hip before moving the conversation on to me.

"How're things going?" He swept that black and grey tail of his aside, offering me more room between it and the brown and black of Jonas'. "Sleep well?"

"They're good, and I slept... good." I pushed out a chuckle that Toni joined in with. No trace of that pressure I felt in my chest while sitting here first thing yesterday. "How are you?"

"I'm great!" He reached up to stretch, extending his legs to do the same again. "Real glad for some time to chill after a week of work."

"I bet." I had to steady myself against his movement. Toni might've been Jonas' shorter, skinnier little brother, but from where I was sitting, 'little' was _not_a word I'd have used to describe him.

"You guys got much on today? Any plans?"

"Not yet," Jonas replied, reaching for one of the magazines scattered across the table ahead. "Gotta work that out."

"Yeah, me too. Might head downtown... see if any of the guys are around. Take it from there."

Jonas nodded slowly, more focused on his reading than the conversation. Toni took that as a cue to return to his movie, leaving me to rest back against the cushions between them.

Not much else was said after that. As time passed on by, the discussion over plans for that afternoon's seemed to get more or less forgotten about. I hesitated to bring it up myself, what with how deep Jonas seemed into his reading. On top of that, this mad, high-paced action movie Toni had on looked pretty good.

We must've all been in our own little worlds, because when the front door swung open, the collective jolt we sent through the couch almost moved it clear across the room.

"So, you're all awake now." Their Dad walked in, nudging the door closed behind him. "Nice to see you sitting back and relaxing while I work away in the garden."

"I didn't know you were out there," Toni insisted. "Weren't nobody around when I got up. Figured you'd gone into town with Ma or something."

"We were going to clear out the shed and take all that old outside furniture for scrap. I told you _twice_yesterday."

"Oh yeah... Forgot."

"Sure you did." Jonas didn't miss a beat, even with his muzzle buried in his magazine.

"Like you'd know."

"I know you--"

"Forgot or not," their Dad snapped, shuffling over to the empty couch on our left. "I've almost finished up loading the truck anyhow." He settled himself down, strands of silver in the grey of his muzzle fur gleaming in the sunlight. "Good morning, Alen."

"Oh..." I returned the smile he'd sent my way. "Good morning, Mr. Devic."

"Mr. Devic?" He cocked his head, arms folding with a growing smirk. "Did I not say you can call me Mirko?"

"You did. Sorry."

"I appreciate formality, but I don't think I'd feel comfortable spending this whole weekend calling you..."

"Uh, Mr. Novak." I snickered, holding up my paws. "But sure, I think I'd prefer Alen, too."

"Good." He sank into the backrest with a tired grumble. "Are you settling in okay?"

"I am. Thank you for having me."

"Ah, you're welcome." His smile didn't let up. "We thought about putting you up in a hotel, but decided we'd be generous and let you stay here instead."

"Right... Good to know."

"Dad," Jonas moaned. "Leave him alone."

"Come on, he knows I'm joking." Mirko gave me a wink. "For one thing, this works out _much_cheaper for me."

I laughed again to myself, tail flicking atop the couch. Little things like this, bringing me into their conversations, treating me like a welcomed guest as opposed to someone tagging along with their son or brother; it made me so happy to have come on this visit.

"So then," he kicked up a foot paw, crossing his leg to rest it upon the other. "What have you two got in store for today?"

"I asked them that already," Toni replied. "They don't know."

"You can't stay around here all day. You need to show Alen around. There's plenty to see."

"You'd be surprised," Jonas shot back. "We're trying to work it out."

"Reading travel magazines won't help you with that." Mirko leaned towards him, squinting for a better look at its cover. "Unless you think you can make it across the channel to Vodaskal and back in a day."

"Probably could. I've done it before. Anyway, I'm just reading this for now while I think things over."

"I really don't mind this," I explained to Mirko, Jonas and anyone who'd listen. "Sitting around. It's nice to be able to just relax."

"See?" Toni called out, grinning. "Alen knows what it's all about."

"Yeah it is," Jonas said, looking to me, "but like Dad said; we can't do this all day. It'll be a waste of a weekend otherwise."

"How about this?" Mirko sat forward, drawing our collective attention. "After I've taken everything up to the landfill, your Ma and I are heading over to Kastenic this afternoon to do some shopping. You're welcome to join us."

Jonas nodded. "Could be an option. What do you think, Alen?"

"Sure. I don't mind."

"I don't know if you've been there before," Mirko added, "but they have a huge outdoor pool on the shorefront. If that interests you?"

I smiled back at him. It'd sure been awhile since my last swim. "Well, if you're going there anyway... Sounds great to me."

"I think Marta and I will probably spend the afternoon around the town, but that's not to say you and Jonas have to stick around with us." He looked on past me. "Toni, will you be coming?"

"If everyone else is, sure."

"Well then." Mirko dusted off his paws. "Looks like I've solved the problem of what you'll be doing with yourselves today." He picked himself up from the couch. "I think I'll go finish up outside before then."

"Thanks, Dad," Jonas replied, hiding a groan along with it. I wondered whether he shared my enthusiasm for our newfound plans. Not that I could say anything before his Dad cut back in.

"Oh, Jonas, I wanted to ask; just what was all that noise about last night?"

My heart skipped a beat, going on to start pounding so hard that I might've believed it wanted out from my chest. The pattern of the couch cushion between my legs suddenly became the most interesting thing in the world.

"Noise?" He glanced up from his reading. "What noise?"

"From your bedroom. I was watching the game, but all I could hear from up there was what sounded like stomping. Nearly came up to see what was going on."

Thank every single one of the gods he didn't! I fucking knew doing what we'd done was a bad idea... even if it didn't feel like it at the time. I finally managed to look up at Jonas as he turned back to his magazine.

"Oh,that." He waited for the longest second of my life before adding, "Ma brought in some thicker sheets for us. Decided to remake the bed since we were kinda cold."

I kept on staring, wondering just how he could be... so calm! So totally unfazed by getting found out!

"All that noise to make a bed?"

"Yeah, it was hard going. Had to pull the bed away from the wall, and what with it not having wheels." Jonas shrugged. "What can I say?"

"Alright." Mirko just shrugged right on back at him, carrying on across the room. "Just wondered."

All three of us on the couch stayed silent while the door creaked open and closed behind him. The perfect cue for Toni to chime in.

"Making the bed, huh, Goldie?"

"Yeah, that's right."

He looked to Jonas, then to me, then back to Jonas with a smirk. This was so awkward, even after he'd finally turned back to the TV.

"So," I blurted. "This movie... I, uh... I've not seen it before."

"Me neither," he replied. "Friend told me 'bout it a couple weeks back. Love myself a good shoot 'em up."

"Yeah, they can be fun. I'm usually more into things like sci-fi, fantasy. Those are my favourites."

His ears perked. "So you watch a lot of movies?"

"I wouldn't say 'a lot'." I rubbed the back of my neck. "I enjoy them, though."

"He watches almost as many as you do," Jonas muttered. "Not sure if it's a TV we've got back at our place, or a direct link through to the theatre."

"Hey!" I pressed against the softness of his thigh. "Are you reading that, or listening in on our conversation."

"Both." He grinned at my second, harder shove, reaching down to sweep me against his hip.

"Don't listen to him, Alen. Ain't nothin' wrong with liking movies."

"Never said there was," Jonas explained. "I just don't watch 'em as much as you two."

"Y'don't know what you're missing." Toni's tail started to wag. He shifted towards me, making the cushions sink heavily beneath us both. "So tell me. What's your number one favourite movie?"

That question alone set us off on a long, winding conversation that probably touched on a fair chunk of cinematic history. It was so good to find someone else as into movies as me! And a whole lot of fun to talk about them as much as we did. I mean, sure, Jonas liked to watch them as well, but mostly after I'd bugged him enough to sit down with me to do so; a fact that showed itself whenever I tried to bring him into the discussion.

Other than a few murmurs of agreement over a few movies we'd seen, he couldn't commit all that much more to the subject. Not that he looked bothered to be missing out. That magazine of his kept his attention just fine, leaving me and Toni to keep on bouncing off one another.

"Hey, Alen, you say you like sci-fi, yeah? You seen that new war movie that's coming out?"

"Oh, you mean 'Iron Front'?" I scratched my ear. "The Polcian one with all those flying robo-suits, the Velikan supersoldiers and everything, right?"

"Yeah, that's the one!" I said we'd been bouncing off each other, but Toni's obvious excitement saw me grabbing his tail for support. "There was that subbed trailer online, showing all those extra-big mutant soldiers marching on a city. Buildings and stuff gettin' blown to hell and back while the good guys fly around trying to fight 'em back."

"Yeah, yeah! I saw it, too."

"Man, it looked so sick! Totally gonna be there on opening night. October 6th. Penciled it in already."

"Maybe I'll drag Jonas with me to see it." That got another murmur as he flipped the page of his travel guide. The fact Jonas clearly wasn't listening started me and Toni grinning. "You think they actually got some Velikan actors in to play the bad guys."

"Doubt it. Can you imagine? Naw, they've probably just hired a bunch of actors from around here to put on the accent, since y'know, all us bigger folk are evil monsters hellbent on destruction." He crept a glance up towards his brother. "Or just real clumsy and can't go five minutes without flattening the neighbours."

Jonas shifted, fingers tightening on his magazine.

"Flattening everything in his path."

Then came a groan, and a solid whip of his tail.

"Nothing spared. Everyone running for cover--"

"Damn it, shut up!" Jonas boomed, shaking me in my seat. "When d'ya plan on getting over that exactly?"

"Hey, now. Temper, temper," Toni chided as he reeled back. "What would Ma say?"

"What the fuck ever." He batted out a paw. "Stop acting a prick."

I don't think I'd ever seen him get like this before. Watching him press his creasing muzzle even deeper into his guide... I didn't know how to react. I thought about reaching over... maybe stroking at his side, until Toni cut back to our conversation.

"Anyway, that's all assuming the studio ain't just done the usual 'hire Polcian actors and use special effects' thing. In fact, with the kinds of things I hear my Dad talking to my aunt over in Velika about, I wouldn't be surprised if a release didn't happen at all there... Though that might just piss the anti-government types off even more."

"Yeah... Good point." I shrugged, working my own way back into the chat. "It'd be their loss, though. Looking like it's gonna be a cool movie, either way."

"Damn right!"

My focus found its way back to the TV, end credits rolling. We really_had_ been talking for a long while. I started to turn back to Toni. "Hey--"

A black wall caught me off guard. Closer it raced, coming right for me. A fist. It filled everything. Became all I could see. I barely had time to flinch. To shirk back and cry out loud. It stopped. My trembling paws didn't.

"Oh, hey!" Toni pulled away, ears dipped, paws thrown out in front of him. "I'm sorry, I--"

"Alen?" Jonas called from behind. "What's up?" I heard his magazine drop to the couch, peering up to see the scowl he fired at his brother. "What did you do!?"

"Nothing!" Toni squealed, eyes darting back and forth between us. "I was just..." He brought his paws together, rolling them back into fists... as if fistbumping himself. "That's all. I'm sorry--"

"No, no." My cheeks started to warm. "It's me. I..." I pushed back against his curling tail, sweeping me towards his side. Seeing his black-furred fist hanging above me... It took me back to a past I hoped I might forget. "You just surprised me is all. Sorry for reacting like that."

Toni nodded. "Guess I don't think about the size difference sometimes." He flattened out his palms, creeping them towards me. "Was the same back at school."

I managed to smile. To take an easier breath. "That's not a bad thing." I clasped Toni's thumb, not needing to think twice about climbing up onto his paws. "For the most part."

Up pricked his ears, the cheery grin from our movie chatter soon returning. He turned a paw, holding it like a shield by my side. "Tell me if I'm doing this wrong, yeah? It's been a while."

"You're fine." I gripped one of his fingers. Keeping myself steady would make things easier on him. Back over my shoulder, Jonas' own smile of approval shone out.

"Did you go to a mixed school as well?"

"I did. A town as small as Lucica meant there was mostly one of everything, so we all had to share."

"That's cool." Toni brought me back down to the space vacated by his tail. "I always wondered what it was like for you smaller guys, going to school with us and stuff."

"You never asked one of your classmates?"

"Never felt like it was something I could bring up. Didn't wanna be all like 'Hey, man, tell me 'bout how your whole existence is treating ya'."

"Suppose I can see how that might've been awkward." I let him help me out onto the couch with a half-chuckle. "You didn't have to put me down by the way. Like I said; you were doing fine."

"Yeah, I know... Just didn't wanna drop or hurt you is all."

"You wouldn't have." I sat back down next to his loosening tail. "But fair enough. I understand."

Another clunk from the front door ended our conversation there, swinging open to grab my attention fully.

"Boys," Mirko called, breathing heavy. "This last piece from your mother's garden... It's too big to shift alone."

Neither son looked ready to jump up and volunteer their help. Toni faded out at just the right time, glazed eyes fixed towards the TV. Even Jonas quietly kept himself to his reading.

"Well? Is anyone going to lend me a hand?"

Being a guest, I'd have usually been the first to offer. In this particular instance... I figured my help wouldn't have amounted to much. Maybe my guilt was contagious, because not long after another glance up at Jonas, he finally set his magazine down. "Yeah, yeah. Alright."

"If you're sure," Mirko spat back. "It won't be too much trouble?"

"I said yes. I'll help you."

"Thank you."

"I'll stay here," said Toni. He'd not gone so distant after all. "Keep Alen company."

"You'll what?" Jonas snapped as he dragged himself up to his feet.

"Hey, I'm just bein' a good host is all."

"You're just being lazy you mean!"

"Go do your thing." Toni's smirked. "We'll wait for you to get back."

"Listen you little--"

"Jonas," Mirko thundered. "It'll only need two of us. Come on."

"Fine." He stomped off past us, following his Dad back outside. "I'll be right back."

"Okay." I waved after him, watching the door close as he left me behind.

As much as I'd been getting on real well with Toni, fistbump incident aside, I couldn't miss the awkwardness that being alone with him brought into the room. Honestly, I kinda wished Jonas had taken me with him, even if it meant watching him work from a ledge or the top of a wall someplace. Hands clasped in my lap, I prepared myself for a long, quiet wait here instead.

"They won't be long." My ears perked. It seemed Toni had other ideas. "If they're moving what I think they are, it's just some ugly ol' fountain Ma had out back."

"Ah... Good to know." His big tail started to flick behind us. "You okay?"

"Yeah, totally. Just been thinkin' over what you mentioned."

"What's that?"

"About how I should've asked my old Maleni classmates 'bout things when I were younger."

"I don't think it's anything you should regret. Can't imagine things were all that different."

"Yeah, for sure... but, I was also thinking that since I went and missed that chance, I could make up for it by asking _you_instead." His chuckling helped ease me into acceptance before he asked, "So how was it? Growing up around us?"

"Fine, mostly." I settled back, Toni's tail fur serving as support. "I had a lot of Visoka friends back at school, so I'm used to being around a lot of bigger people. In fact, a lot of the time, I was the only Maleni in the group when we'd all hang out."

"Oh man, really? That musta been somethin'."

"I guess... It never felt all that different to being around people my size... Except I never did as much walking as my friends." He snorted loudly, leading me on to explain that, "I didn't always get carried around. Only when it was easier, like on trains or buses, or when we went to places in Lucica that didn't cater for us smaller guys quite so much."

"See, you make it sound so... normal."

I shrugged. "Mostly because it was."

"For you, yeah sure, but for someone like _me_who grew up without knowing any Maleni all that well..." I could see how hard Toni was thinking about all this. Personally, I didn't get his fascination, but seeing him wrestle with himself helped me to be patient. "I just wonder what that's like. Being the tiny-- or, the smaller one in a group of bigger friends." He started to chuckle, adding, "I guess I _do_know,kinda, but it ain't quite the same. Bet you've got a whole lotta stories."

On first thought, nothing all that exciting or out of the ordinary sprang to mind. No stories. No adventures... Just normal, everyday kinda stuff. But there he sat, waiting with perked ears and wide eyes for me to reel something off. I figured I'd do what I could for him.

To start, I revisited some of my earliest memories of primary school. Back then, games like hide and seek were interesting to say the least, even if I was the one to pick up the win more often than not.

Hopping forward a few years, my parents finally trusted me to go out alone, albeit super-cautiously. Every single time I left the house to go hang out, they'd ask my Visoka friends to make sure I didn't stray too far away, 'just in case'. Got my fair share of ribbing for that, even if they did as they were asked. Plus, when we'd head off to go sailing on the rental rowboats down at the dock, my parents_always_insisted that I demand a lifejacket that came with those water-activated strobe lights, even in the middle of the day.

"Damn, and I thought _my_folks were overprotective growing up." Toni laughed. He'd hung on every single word. "Guess I can understand it, what with the situation."

Looking back with age and experience on my side, I could too. Not that any amount of protection could've spared me from the first time I _dated_a Visoka. As a sixteen-year-old kid, hell, at _any_age, meeting your partner's parents is nerve-wracking enough. But when the threat of getting thrown out of their house could end up literal, anxiety dialled up to a whole new level.

"And did they?"

"No. Luckily. They never openly said it, but I don't think they approved of me all that much. I don't think the triple-combo of a same-sex, inter-species, inter-scale relationship their son had got tangled up in sat all that great."

"Why d'ya say that?"

"His dad said all of two words to me the whole time." I worked up a smile; something I definitely couldn't have managed that evening a decade before. "And his ma not much more than that."

Toni's ears started folding; a sign to try and pick the mood back up. To do that, I turned to happier memories of my late teens. They included the stupider, less responsible things me and my friends got ourselves involved in. Getting snuck into the movies in a friend's coat pocket for example, or the time I turned to cave exploring to help rescue a set of keys--

"Wait, what!?"

"Yeah... That happened."

"Man, you gotta explain that!"

I grinned. "A friend managed to drop his house keys on our way home from school. Gods know how, but they tumbled down into the street and straight into a drain." His bemused silence demanded more. "Luckily, it was autumn, and they landed on a soggy load of leaves, so... We got a shoelace to use as a rope around me, I thought thin and... you can imagine the rest."

"Maybe your parents had a reason to be cautious after all."

My snorting drew a smirk. "They've never found out about that. Don't intend on letting them, either. It's not the smartest thing I've ever done."

This chat of ours definitely helped break a lot of the ice that Jonas' absence had left behind. The awkward jarring in the pit of my stomach wouldn't stay away for long, mind. Toni made sure of that, moving things onto less pleasant topics of discussion.

"Your friends sound like good people," he said, giving his ear a good scratch. "What about other classmates?"

"How do you mean?"

"I guess I mean... Did anyone ever give you a hard time? For your size."

"I suppose." I started to shift. To readjust my shirt. "There was a little bullying... but that got stopped pretty fast. Friends stepped in for me where they could, or teachers if they ever saw it happening. One thing I can say is that my old school didn't screw around when it came to that."

"Good." Toni opened his mouth, needed an extra moment to add, "I kinda had... Uh, I mean, it was like that back at my school, too. In general. Not just talkin' about Maleni." Another scratch behind his ear. "I got bullied myself sometimes. S'pose that's why I asked."

"Right." The tension eased from my muscles. I could sit more comfortably. "Jonas has mentioned how he used to look out for you, and your brother."

"Yeah, that happened a couple of times." He smiled wide, settling back beside me. "Jonas is a couple o' years younger than Denis, but even so, back at school, he was still bigger than a lot of _his_classmates."

"Must've been nice having someone around to back you both up."

"Ha, you've got no idea! People didn't mess with me for too long when I started high school."

"That's cool," I cheered, trying to match Toni's enthusiasm. "Makes yesterday kinda weird, though."

"How d'ya mean?"

"When we came to meet you all, back on your boat. You mentioned it, kinda. Jonas, he seemed almost... I dunno. Like he was embarrassed about it."

"Ah, I gotcha... Yeah, I guess. Kinda."

"Bit of a funny thing to get that way about." I stared up at him. "Don't you think?"

"Well, yeah, no." He looked over at the front door, away from me. "He's had his moments, but I think mostly..."

"Moments?" I didn't like to press Toni, but he'd got my mind racing.

"There were a couple of times... He got into it pretty bad with some classmates of his."

I shifted around to face him. Still the door got his attention. No chance I'd be leaving it there, though. "Like how?"

"It wasn't all that much." Toni slid away, up against his arm of the couch. "Honestly."

"Please." I smiled on through the tightening in my chest. "I'd just like to know a little more about Jonas, that's all. Like you with me, I'd like to hear more about how it was for him growing up."

At the TV, over to the front door, down at the floor and back again: Toni looked everywhere else before finally turning back to me. My ears were thumping. So much so that I almost missed what he said next.

"Listen... It's a long story... and it all started 'cos of people picking on me. Not to mention Jonas got pushed a hell of a lot, too. Afterwards."

"Got it." The thumping became pounding. Loud and constant. "Just wanna know... that's all."

Toni closed his eyes, sighing hard. "See, back when I started high school, I had some real bad fur problems. Like... greasy no matter how much I cleaned it, or what shampoo I used. It moulted bad way before summer even got close, and kept on going right into autumn. Wasn't a fur comb in the whole damn world that would've helped me... Of course some of the older kids took it as an invitation to start giving me shit." He peered back down at me. "Not just Visoka, either. A few of those guys' Maleni friends even got in on the jokes and shittalking." He grabbed a cushion from behind him, bringing it into his lap. "Like the after swim class, when I got bundled and locked up in the showers. Told to 'Have a proper wash for once'." He cuddled it into his stomach. "Took me a damn hour to get out of there, when the cleaner came round to do his thing."

"Damn." Didn't I just feel like a total prick for pushing him into this. "That's harsh."

"Got that right." Toni rubbed at his arm. I couldn't stop from studying his fur as he did. No greasiness in sight. "Well, Jonas found out all about that. Didn't take him long to go after them. Put them in their place." I spotted one paw clench. "Literally."

Another squeeze of the vice in my chest. "Like... how?"

"There was this one guy I pointed out to him, Danilo, an otter in the same year as Jonas. He was the main one that started it all. Loudmouth. Huge prick." The corners of his mouth rose. "I was there when Jonas tossed him into a bush so hard I didn't think he'd find his way out again."

"So... He was one of the Visoka? Not Maleni."

"Yeah! 'Course! Jonas didn't get physical with Maleni. Huge no no, that..." He went quiet, mouth hanging half open. "That's probably why some of the smaller guys joined in. Figured they'd get away without any payback at all. Didn't haveta hold back."

"Did you see any of this," I snapped, more than I meant to.

"With the Maleni?"

"Yeah. Did you see what he did to stop them giving you a hard time?"

"No... Jonas told me about what happened when he told people our size to stop messing with me, though. The times that I asked him." Toni turned away, ruffling the fur at the back of his head. "It was a long time ago. Can't really remember the specifics. I just know he'd make sure to catch them someplace outta sight. Where he'd not get ganged up on, or have teachers getting the wrong idea."

"He ever say what he did exactly? ...To convince them."

"Like I said, don't remember specifics, but... well you'd know better than most I guess. Imagine someone as big as Jonas gunnin' for ya. You all the way down on the ground and him high above. Even if it's just words and not nothing else, you ain't gonna misunderstand the point he's makin' to ya. Those guys, the Maleni, I tell you, they damn sure didn't shittalk me after that. Don't think they even came near..."

'You'd know better than most...' Toni didn't know the half of it. I remembered ex, Zoran all too well. His red fur that I'm sure burned even redder when he lost his temper. Feet that stomped around even harder. Voice that boomed even stronger. If Jonas even came halfway to matching that kinda display in front of those kids... _Maleni_kids... fuck, I'd have turned tail, ran and never even thought about coming back.

Zoran... now, he had other ways of intimidating me when he truly wanted. Ways of getting me choking on what few words I could ever muster up. Getting me shaking like a leaf and scaring me close to tears without having to lay a single finger on me. Imagine just how much all of that intensified and exploded the day he finally did.

The trembling in my hands, my chest and even in my shortening breaths came back; a cruel reminder of a time I'd fought _so fucking hard_to put behind me. Zoran was gone. He wasn't coming back. Jonas was here now. That thought so often helped me. Not then.

"That's pretty much it," said Toni. I could finally see his eyes again. "Jonas never liked to talk much about it. He still don't. After the whole thing between us all came out a few weeks later, he got into a lot of trouble at school over it. Ma and Dad, once _they_found out about the suspension, they put him in even more troub--"

"Wait, suspension?" If he was trying calm me down over this, he'd failed spectacularly. I pulled at my collar hard enough to crackle the fabric. "You don't know if he did anything else on top of all that? Something... well, suspension worthy?"

Toni threw up his paws, tail flitting, face twisting to enhance his, "I don't know." He added a groan loud enough to start me thinking I'd annoyed him. Not that I gave a shit. This story of his made no sense. He was hiding something, and I wanted a straight answer what that was. "Our high school was a big place, y'know, and he's four years older than me. We hung in different circles. Usually, I'd never see or hear from him 'til the end of the day."

"And no-one ever mentioned anything to you--?"

"Look, I don't know what you want me to say... I mean it's kids doing stupid kid shit. Back at school, people liked to talk. Make stuff up and start stupid rumours about everythin' they could." My face must've given away my intent to press him about those 'rumours', too. Before I could blink, Toni launched himself up onto his feet. "Sorry, but I really shouldn't have brought this up to begin with." He breezed on past me, almost running for the kitchen. "I need to go get myself ready to head out."

The thumping of Toni's paws on the stairs got further and further away, leaving me alone to my thoughts. He might not have wanted to say much, but what he'd failed to reveal had shaken me up even more than what he did.

Jonas, this person who'd helped protect people who were bullied... or abused... It sounded like he'd been no stranger to getting involved in it himself. Sure, Jonas had told Toni about how he'd stopped these Maleni from giving him a bad time, but what else had he done to them beyond that? What had he kept a secret, or restricted only to apparent school rumour?

Those thoughts grew louder, drowning out any call for calm, for acknowledging the simple truth that Jonas had only ever treated me with kindness. For accepting that none of what Toni had told me sounded anything like _my_Jonas... apart from how he'd lost it at his little brother not half an hour ago. He'd made this couch, and seemingly the whole world around it move with his rage. How often had this kind of thing happened before I'd met him? What's more, just what _exactly_did he do all those years ago to get suspended from school? He'd given those guys more than just a warning, surely. Had he done anything else like that since? Toni claimed not to know much, but I doubt he'd have admitted it regardless.

My chest felt set to collapse in on itself. This wasn't the Jonas I knew... but the Jonas I knew spanned just a matter of months. My world had turned back to front and upside down.

The air was stifling. Uncomfortable. Unbearable. This empty room deafened. The thoughts darting around my head twisted up around themselves. Made me sick. I wanted out from it. From this. I wanted out--

"So glad that's done with." The slam of the front door closing jolted me even further upright. Jonas stood there in front of it. I'd missed him come in. "Think I've done more lifting while back here than I usually do in a whole week at work!"

My fingers wrenched my shirt, forcing more snaps from the fabric. 'What did you do?' I cried internally, uncontrollably. So badly I wanted to know more. So badly I wanted to forget all of this.

"Toni not here?" He'd started towards me. I jumped and shuddered again. "Everything okay?"

I rushed a nod. At least I think I did. "He went."

"Really? Just like that?"

"Said he had to get ready."

Jonas huffed. "Did he ask if you wanted to get down first? There's seats under the corner table he could have got out for you."

"No... but it's fine."

He stood there watching. Waiting. Looming. "Are you sure everything's okay?"

My paws were sore, skin under my fur almost red raw from the rubbing. I set them in my lap. Watched them as he did me. "All good."

"As long as it is." The kindness in his voice didn't go unnoticed. It helped me to smile down at myself. To think that _this_Jonas was mine and that perhaps I _was_okay. I rose my face to him, but wound up being too late.

A shockwave rolled out through the couch. The cushion shifted, bent, sank down and shot up in one rapid, violent motion. I tried to shout out, but my gasping stole the air from my lungs. My heart stopped as I rocketed towards the ceiling. Pounded as I peaked. As fast as I rose, I fell. The world froze in time. Left me to wait. Back first, I hit something. No pain came, but I lied there unable to move. Paralysed.

"Weren't you ready?" Jonas' apologetic masked eyes moved into view, filling it.

"Huh?" Reaching out for the ground, I found his palmpad beside me instead.

"I just did our thing." I sat up. Dizzy. Only then could I really see Jonas, sitting where his brother had previously been. "Sorry."

"It's... fine--"

"I should've said something first." He cupped his paws, moving me into his lap. "But hey, at least with Toni gone, we can get some alone time."

Jonas' fingers curled around my chest and stomach, cuddling me into his belly.

I should have loved this. I should have loved sinking back into my big raccoon. Adored having his warmth flood into me and help me be at ease. Instead, I found it difficult to breathe. Hard to move. Easy to be overwhelmed. I had to start fighting against the pads that should've been offering comfort.

"What's up?"

"Bit tight."

"Oh." His hold loosened. "Better?"

"Better," I confirmed, soon jumping at the shock of his fingers working over my own stomach.

"I don't want to push, but..." He leaned forward to shine a soft smile down at me. "Nothing happened while I was outside, did it?"

Here I sat in my boyfriend's hold, his fingerpads running broad, delicate strokes up and down my body... able to do nothing but remember how Zoran used to hold me like this sometimes. I detested myself for that, and wanted so desperately to stop it. This wasn't fair--

"Alen?"

"No." What I'd have given to start the day over again. To never have heard what I did. I nosed deep into my raccoon's soft fur, wishing to go back. Wishing to forget. Wishing I could believe myself when I told him, "Everything's fine."