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I couldn't really focus through the rest of my classes - but, can you really blame me? Going through everything Zoey had said to me, thinking about all of the times I'd been annoyed with William, recalling not only what I had done with Harley but also all of the thoughts surrounding him... there's that one movie that came out several years ago, and not a very good one, about this guy who comes across a remote that can control the flow of time. Pause, play, rewind, fast-forward, all of that. We've all had times in our lives where we wished that we could have the same control over things, so that we could go back and do something over. So that we could just... wipe something out, and go on as if it had never happened.

I'd never felt that sentiment quite so strongly until I'd awoken this morning, and that feeling had only strengthened as the day went on. By my last class, my paws had started shaking to the point where it was visibly noticeable whenever I wasn't doing something. Not only that, but my mind kept on steering itself back to Harley, to William, to arguments my boyfriend and I'd had, to thoughts about Harley that I shouldn't have had...

Harley's last class went on for another half-hour after my own, which all worked out nicely. It would take Mom at least another forty-five minutes to get here. I told the coyote to meet me over where Alex had picked us up earlier in the week, and then sat down by the brick wall there and put in my headphones, but - none of the music appealed to me. Put my personal playlist on shuffle, and just clicked: next... next... next... next... next... on and on.

It also looked as if last night's storm wasn't the last of today's odd weather. Most of my time had been spent indoors, in class, with my muzzle directed either up towards the professor or down at my own desk, so I hadn't seen the clouds eventually make their way back across the sky and claim it as their own. Once my final class got out, I'd actually found myself wishing that I'd brought a heavier jacket; the cold wind bit right through mine.

Once Harley got out of class too and joined me, it became obvious that there was something on _his_mind as well. At first I hadn't noticed that he was standing beside me - he hadn't greeted me or tapped my shoulder or did anything that I'd expect him to. Instead, he just... walked close to the brick wall, paws in his pockets, and stood a bit of a ways away, far enough that I had to crane my neck to the side to look at him. Emerald green eyes that had lost some of their shine flicked down to me for a quick second, and then turned forward again.

"Cold today," he said, unenthusiastically.

My response was equally so. I waited a moment before saying anything, though, fearing that my voice would belie my nervousness. "Yeah."

"It'll be nice to get to your house and warm up a bit."

Warm up a bit. Cold shiver down my back, the increasingly-familiar grip of anxiety and nervousness closing around my heart. We said nothing more until Mom's car came up along the curb, and even then it was just a "Yeah" in response to her usual "did you have a good day" question. I slid into the front seat, Harley sat in the back, and we each looked out our respective windows for most of the ride home - save for one spot on the highway, when I glanced up into the rearview and looked again into cool green eyes. The coyote's whiskers and lips briefly twitched as if to say something, but then he looked away again. So did I.

Hell, it felt almost like - like a dream right after waking up, like my body was on autopilot and my mind and consciousness watching from a distance. Mom pulled into the driveway, and I moved to unbuckle my seatbelt and get out; I held the door to the garage open for Harley, trying to make eye contact but failing; I kicked my shoes off and then made my way to my bedroom, to throw the rest of my stuff down into the corner where it would surely remain until Monday morning. The mattress creaked beneath my weight once I sat down on it.

And, then, the bedroom door creaked as well when Harley gently pushed it open, using the pads of his fingers rather than his claws. His ears and whiskers remained half-down. "Hey."

"Hey." I swallowed. "Harley..."

"Daniel." He, too, tossed his backpack over against mine, and then stopped in his tracks. Seemed like he didn't know where he could sit down. "Your mom - said she left her phone at work and had to go get it. So it's... it's just you and I for a bit."

I wouldn't realize how convenient this was for another few minutes. Hell - what he'd said didn't even register with me. I was too busy trying to sort through my own thoughts and words. Originally I had wanted to try to make it seem like everything was okay, that we just had to talk about something a little more serious than usual (which we did, I guess), but-

A little sigh of breath from in front of me - and then the space of the mattress beside me sank down, too. I lifted my gaze up from between my legs to see him sitting there. God, my heart was pounding. Amazing the things this damn coyote could make me feel: heart-pounding in the best of ways last night, and now heart-pounding in the worst of ways. Everything wrong just ended up magnified by everything else.

"Daniel, I wanted to talk to you about last night."

My ears perked. I had my paws clasped in front of me between my knees, and willfully kept them that way - if I were to move them at all, he'd be able to see my nervousness. That is, if he couldn't already. "Harley..."

The coyote swallowed and sighed again, brow furrowed as he, too, mulled over his words. "I feel like I should apologize. I mean, I was..." His ears splayed back - and then, just as quickly, came back up. He visibly struggled with keeping his face and expression even. "God - dammit, I spent all of today trying to think through what I was going to say, and now, I can't find the - fucking words..."

My arm twitched in what I think was a reflex to give him a hug, but - it just wasn't right, I don't think. "It was my fault," was what made its way through my lips.

Inhale, exhale. Harley's resolve quickly broke: now he made no attempt to keep his ears upright and his muzzle even. The edges of his mouth threatened to pull down, and his green eyes wouldn't affix onto any one thing in particular. "You're not the first person to say that about something like this to me. This isn't the first time I've - fucked up like this, but... now it's someone else's relationship, and... I've been... Daniel..." A twitch across his lower lip, and... Harley dropped his muzzle into his paws. A second later, he sniffled. "Oh, God..."

And then, the most out-of-place of feelings ignited in my heart and spread through my body. It was the same sort of all-encompassing warmth that you get when you realize how you really_feel about someone, except _this had a bit of... bitterness to it, an ice-cold chill beneath the warm tingling. At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to shove the rest of the world away, to throw my arms around this coyote and hold him tight. I wanted nothing more than to forget about school, forget about William, forget about all of the stupid shit constantly piling up and just -

-let him know that everything would be okay. I'd met this goddamn coyote less than a week ago, and already he'd carved a spot in my heart deep enough that I'd never forget about it no matter what happened. Up until now, most of what I'd felt for him _had_been just raw sexual desire and want, but... this was something that just came out of nowhere and punched me in the gut. Exactly like how I'd started with William.

The doorbell rang, startling both of us, but we ignored it. Right now would be about the time when the post office brings by packages, so maybe Mom had ordered something - whatever. Not important. Going against everything I'd told myself today, I reached over, brought Harley into my arms, and tugged him closer to me.

When he next spoke, his voice shook about as much as my paws had during the day. "Daniel, it - it's as much my fault as it is yours... I knew - from the start that you had a boyfriend, and then I still just... went ahead and... God damn it, this is just why I - why Natalie..."

Again: ding-dong. There hadn't been the characteristic low rumble of the delivery truck, and it _probably_wasn't Jehovah's Witnesses, so... my ears perked up when it rang again, and then perked up for an entirely different reason.

Someone who would invite themselves over to my house...

"Harley..." I breathed, bringing my other paw into his lap to squeeze his. He wiped at his eyes. "Come with me to get the door? I'd - like you to be with me."

"Yeah," he said, then swallowed and nodded. "Yeah. Sorry, Daniel. I just... I try not to, but there's some things that..."

"I understand." Everyone shows emotions differently. I was the kind who treated something like this with cool trepidation at first, but later tonight... just like when my pet cat died three years ago, I'd be up most of the night trying to stifle my sobs so as not to wake Mom up. Such intense regret like this manifests as a sort of poisonous self-hatred, and Harley'd said it himself in our phone call earlier in the week. I tend to shovel all of the blame for things onto my own shoulders.

And, yet, this coyote leaning on my shoulder with his fingers intertwined with mine on the way down the hall... he was the one out of the two of us who was on a chronic anxiety prescription. And it didn't occur to me at the time, but that name _Natalie_wasn't one I'd heard from him before.

Harley had gotten himself mostly under control by the time we made it to the door - thankfully; it cut me deep to see him upset like this, and even deeper to know that I was the one who had caused it.

Chnk of the lock, scraping squeak of the front door being pulled open - and then, a very familiar mutt looking down at the two of us. The smile on his face quickly faded, to be replaced with a look of somewhere between confusion and concern.

"Danny," William said, his eyes flicking back and forth between me and Harley. The coyote moved our paws, still intertwined, back behind us and squeezed closer to me; just as I could feel the taut tension in his body, he could probably feel mine as well. "I just thought I'd stop by to say hi, maybe hang out a bit... what's going on? Are you - whoa, you look terrible..."

I swallowed yet again. Nervousness was no stranger to me, and yet, I still had no real idea how to properly handle it. "Uh... William, this is - this is Harley..."

The mutt's eyes looked him over. No recognition showed in his face. "Harley... it's... good to meet you? Daniel, you didn't tell me you were having someone over."

A little more harshly than I intended: "I wasn't expecting you to show up." Then, silence. I slid my paw away from Harley's and took a step back to usher my boyfriend in. "Will, please, come in, there's... um. Something we need to talk about."

Perked whiskers, tail flick, scrunch of the eyebrows. Now we were all good and nervous. "Yeah...? Danny, what's going on? Is there something you're not telling me?"

I literally just said-

"William," Harley said, his voice unbelievably even again. I glanced over at the coyote, halfway to the living room: his ears hung limp behind his head, and the shine of tears glistened in his eyes. "I need to apologize to you."

"What? Look - Harley? Was that your name? I don't... know who you are. Why are you-" He looked back to me again. "What's happening here?"

When I crossed my arms in front of my chest, I could feel my heart pounding against my ribs. Honestly, I had no real idea how William would respond to this. And just like with so many other things, this was something I had to push myself to go through with, else I'd be languishing on it forever. Hell, the words didn't even feel right on my tongue:

"I cheated on you with him."

"Wh..." Confusion blossomed into questioning, and from there, into - I couldn't tell what. William's paws fell to his sides, and again and again his lips twitched and moved, but no sound came out. "You..."

"Last night," Harley said. He avoided eye contact with either of us. "I needed somewhere to stay, so Danny let me stay the night."

"Spent the night... Daniel, you didn't... you-"

The only reason I spoke so little was because I knew I wouldn't be able to keep myself under control otherwise. A video game once said - there's that kind of sobbing where you're trying to speak, but the words just get caught in your throat, and end up making you sob even harder. "I'm sorry," I managed. What else could I say. "I'm - sorry..."

But, then, William barked out a short laugh, totally devoid of humor. His muzzle showed the kind of emotion that you'd expect to see on someone coming home to find that their house had been broken into, and everything of value stolen. In a way... "Danny, you... could've..."

Cold regret - sudden hot anger. Everything that I disliked and hated about William - the way he invites himself over, the way he ignores my wants and desires, the way he sometimes treats me like just something for him to enjoy, the way he pronounces some words, the way he never admits he's wrong-

"What? Asked? William, there's a reason we never talk about things like this!"

Instead of rearing back at me, though, his ears just drooped down further. "What - Daniel, I'm-"

"You're - God - just insufferable sometimes! I never ask you to come over anymore, because it's more than likely I don't have to. I used to try to talk to you about my problems, but you always just brushed things off, and treated it all like there was nothing to worry about-" I could feel the pressure of the tears on my eyes, could feel the twitching in my mouth, could feel the oppressive want to just... curl up somewhere and sob. "Can you fucking _blame_me?"

"How long's it been?"

Here, I faltered. "M..." I wasn't so sure. "Monday. I met him Monday." Harley still stood off to the side, arms crossed, stone-faced. It looked as though he were deliberately regulating his breathing.

"Monday." William breathed a low, shuddering sigh, and slid his paws into his pockets. I was starting to feel bad - I was expecting him to at least shout back at me. "Not even a whole week, and you've..."

It was my turn to break resolve. That bright magnesium flash of anger had snuffed itself out. "William, I'm sorry, I-"

He turned. "I'm not sure you are."

"Can we please talk about this?"

"Later. I'll - send you a text or something. I don't fucking know." Another sigh on his way back to the door. "I'll... see you later, then, Daniel. I guess. It was good to meet you, Harley."

And, just as suddenly as he'd shown up, he was gone. The door clicked against its threshold behind him, not closing all the way - while I stood over by the couch, arm half-out, a powerful dread feeling like it was tearing my heart apart.

"I should..." Harley said, his voice quieter than before. Now he looked as if he was going to be sick. "I should go to. Don't worry about me, Daniel. I can - walk home, I'll-"

In a few quick strides, I crossed the room and again threw my arms around him. I buried my face in the short, soft fur of his muzzle and openly sobbed, not caring about how the tears and everything else soaked into that fur. I held him damn tight - God knows he needed it at least as much I did. His scent, strong in my nose, brought some measure of comfort, and once his arms made their way up my back and squeezed me in return... the little show of affection smothered the strongest, sharpest part of that distaste and disgust deep within me.

I remembered when William used to be able to make me feel like this.

I wanted Harley to stay - God, did I ever. Eventually we made our way back up the stairs, the words - did you bring your things to stay the night again? - always on my lips, never strong enough to push their way through. I watched him pick up what few things he'd brought, watched him as he tried to keep himself together when standing by my bed, watched him fail and break down.

When I first looked upon his face this Monday morning in history class - hell, it didn't seem _possible_to me that that muzzle could ever bear anything other than a bright, charismatic grin. It didn't seem possible for those beautiful emerald eyes to lose their shine and character, didn't seem possible for him to worry about much of anything... and yet here, now, was the very same coyote, entirely different. Somehow he bore wounds deeper than I could imagine, and somehow, he managed to hide them as if they never bothered him.

He sat on the edge of the mattress because he didn't have the strength to remain standing. The sobs racked his body, powerful, reverberating, the worst sounds I'd ever heard - this had stirred something deep, deep within him, something I was certain I didn't know about. I hugged him and squeezed his paws and told him it was okay, told him I could handle this, told him that me and William could work it out, told him that I didn't hate him - but, that wasn't his concern.

"I'm scared," he choked out. Try as I might to keep my eyes on his face, I just... I just couldn't. "Daniel, I'm - I'm so damn scared. I don't - don't want to - God dammit, I..." ...but I couldn't understand what he said next. He fumbled in his bag for something, brought out that same bottle of medication, struggled with it. I helped him get his dose and stayed with him while he slowed his breathing.

And, then - with a hug that could never possibly have lasted long enough - he went on his way. "I'll see you Monday," he said - and then the door clicked behind him, too, again not coming completely shut. I only realized what it was he'd said during his breakdown, on my way back to my room to lie down:

"I don't want it to happen again. I'm so fucking terrified that I'll lose you, too."