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Triumph

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Written by Arian Mabe (Amethyst Mare)

Commissioned by Mirath

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“Fuck..."

Donnie dragged the word out as he exhaled and leaned back into the sagging rear-side of the sofa, the cushions old and decrepit and in need of replacing. But there never had really been anyone around in either his life or John's to tell them that they needed to do that, needed to get on with things, the business of life and the like and there didn't seem to be anyone willing to step up to the plate either, so to speak. Well, there was Xander but he had to remember too that Xan was a friend and, by far, it was not his job to maintain things like that. The apartment that Donnie rented and John crashed in most of the time (free of rent, of course) was small but messy solely because of the computer equipment in there, for at that time he had not the space or energy to set up his own office or any kind of space that could better constrain the trappings of a coder and a hacker alike.

But a night of it, ah, that generated a specific kind of mess, a bottle of vodka set between them, something that could be shared more easily than pouring shots and doing mixers with the cheap shit, all Donnie was willing to buy at that time. He remembered too keenly when his hair grew down his back, although he still kept it rather long, because he had not been able to afford having it cut. At least John had set him right then even though the hack-job of a trim that he'd been given had rendered him something of a laughing stock, as much as he had fiercely defended it and John too for giving it to him. He had meant it in the best of ways but the ache of not having enough to get by on lingered in a biting snarl deep within his soul that could not so easily be waved off without due attention. And it was that attention that he simply was not willing to give it even as the years passed and their finances grew better and better.

That, perhaps, was not solely due to legal activities. Indeed, renting was perhaps the only legal thing that they undertook but Xander was not one who cared too much about that either. Taking a small gulp from the vodka, he made a face, used to something a little finer, something more refined, but swallowed it down anyway, not wanting to hurt or embarrass Donnie. He cared a little too much for the man, it had to be said, although not even Xan could have said just why he'd been drawn to brown-haired Donnie all that time ago in the chat room. His hacking knowledge had been, admittedly, impressive but there were many people with lots of knowledge and that in itself did not make a person special in the slightest.

No matter. They didn't have to think that night, only be.

“Long one then?"

Donnie rolled his eyes, not having much of a quick comeback at all for that one. But that was okay too and the way of it for the two of them, the hacking gig complete and, well, many, many funds from the gambling operation sluicing into their offshore account, soon to be split between the two of them.

“You know I got in first, right?" Donnie pressed, pushing what he thought was an advantage with a cocky smirk reminiscent of his brother. “You should be giving me a bigger cut than that for a show this big. So, there's nothing more to be said about having a long one, a long time, when there's spoils like that to be had from it!"

He was cute, really, but he did it in such a way that he could not help endearing himself to those around him, particularly Xander. He had surpassed Xan in his hacking, getting the casino's bank to spill its guts, so to speak, but it was Xander who led the way, a little older and still very much with a personal vendetta against gambling operations of any kind. He flinched from the memory, pushing it away, but there was no reason to go into that for the time being as Donnie grumbled and fished for a response, overly offended by the silence that Xander was so very want to present him with.

So funny...

_ _

Xander laughed lightly and put his hands back behind his head, pink hair ruffled, although the man in question did not care about something as simple as how he presented himself: it was what it was. Who cared about something like that? His neckerchief shifted a little less comfortably against his throat but he didn't care about that either as he lazily looked Donnie over, the image of him shaded and blurred through the scope and span of his eyelashes.

“You know, you look real good when you're concentrating like that. Cute, even."

Rolling his eyes, Donnie scoffed, his attention still fixed on the computer screen, scanning through lines of code as if he did it every day. With the turn that his life had taken, he may well have but Xander was not involved in it so much that he was privy to the ins and outs of every little thing. He didn't want to be either, not with John around. The thought of that man soured him a little but not enough to make him want to leave – at least when it seemed that John would not be coming there that night. And that was a good enough reason for him to hang around, to stay and shoot the breeze, with dear, sweet Donnie.

“Yeah, yeah, I've heard that joke a hundred times over," Donnie laughed it off with a wave of his hand, although the tightness at the corner of his jaw. “When're you guys going to come up with something new?"

“Does John say you're cute too?"

Donnie did not reply to that, lips pressed together as he stared resolutely before him, although he was not really seeing the computer screen at all. No, he saw another man's face, the dark hair and wicked eyes, his brother... No. Yes. No. Yes.

_ _

There was no denying it but he was not 'out' with that information to Xander as yet, even though he was sure enough that Xan knew what was up between him and John. There was nothing, of course, that he could do to hide that kind of secret but he did what he could, not really understanding it himself. Times were strange and curiously twisted and sometimes that was okay as long as one did not have to dig too deeply into them, paw through the meat and the guts for the truth of a matter that did not truly want to have itself revealed.

“Whatever..."

He muttered, eyes downcast, and then Xander's arm was around his shoulders, drawing him in close. And that changed everything, flashing him back to a time where he had been with him in another way, no fabric between them. It quickened his heart rate and rendered him short of breath, shaking his head and smiling faintly as his head spun and spun. Still young and relatively inexperienced, there were things for him too that still brought a rise of heat to his skin and his cheeks especially – like the tentative trace of Xander's fingers over the backs of his, lightly testing the water.

Quiet. There could be quiet between them too and he let it stretch out and out as he groaned in the back of his throat, a vibration and not a sound that he hoped, at least, that Xander would not cotton onto. He wasn't ready, not for the questions, and he needed more time, more time to just consider things for himself. He didn't need to do anything and yet he wanted to, the warmth of a friend turned more blistering against his side. Leaning back, Xander smiled, the cushion indented under his weight, but there was no more that he needed to do than sit and wait, enjoying the company even if it was such company that he did so like to tease.

He'd done a good thing that night. Maybe one less person now would be caught up in the gambling trap. Maybe.

“So..." Donnie started awkwardly, acutely aware of how close he was to the other man. “What are you doing with your share of the money, your cut? I mean, what are you going to use it for?"

God, did his voice always sound like that? Although he was far from it, he sounded like a child! And a whiny child at that, one that was focused on money and nothing more than that. He gulped and licked his lips but Xander had not even noticed his discomfort, smiling briefly as he swept his hair from the back of his neck where it had hit a ticklish spot.

“Well... There's the charity thing, you know, that I put cash into to help gambling addicts. That's always a good one to feed, you know?"

Donnie blinked.

“What, you're still doing that? But why? Haven't you given them enough?"

Ah, he did not intend it to come off quite so adversarial but he'd sent the words out into the air between them now and, well, there it was that they were going to have to sit. Shaking his head, he pulled away from him a little and, to his disappointment, Xan let him go, slinking his arm back as if he had just been waiting for the chance to return it to his side.

“I've given them a lot," he said flatly. “But that's not the point. The point is that they don't have the most resources and it seems fitting that that is where the money goes. They know better how to use it than me."

Donnie closed his mouth, berating himself as nerves swirled in his gut. They always seemed worse after he'd been drinking but it was too late to worry about that now, everything taking on a fuzzy edge in a not so pleasant way. Even the apartment was hazy and he shrank back from it, breath coming more and more quickly. Were things closer than usual? The TV flickered, muted but dancing, caricatures of characters screaming and wheeling, a flow of brightness that was perhaps out of place considering the exceptionally late hour. Was it dawn yet? Dawn would be good, that would mean that Xander would be gone and he'd be alone again, left there with nothing but his thoughts, the dreariness of a life that he needed to live and yet did not seem able to without fucking something up. All the same, all the fucking same...

“Donnie..."

Yet he was not alone.

Xander caught his eyes, turning his chin with two fingers so that he had to look at him. There was no option otherwise and, although Donnie tried to rip his face away, Xander wasn't taking no for an answer when it came to something so important. Tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth, or at least the blurriness of liquor giving rise to the sensation of such being possible, Xander shook his head, mouthing the words before he let them loose into the air between them. Above all else, he knew better than most people that, once things were said, they could not so easily be called back. And that was to the detriment of all.

“I know you don't have family," he said quietly, though intensely, Donnie able to easily hear every word. “But things are different for me. I mean, I had a family, a whole family and then all of that got fucked up for me. That's what happened and I can't go back and change that, was too young to change any of it back then. My father's gone, Donnie, and he was gone for a long while before he actually passed too. You know we still don't know what happened there?"

Growling, Donnie swiped his hand away and, to his surprise, Xan let him.

“Yes, I know. I didn't mean to sound inconsiderate, I was just..."

Just...what? What did he actually mean to say or what did he say? Had he said the wrong thing entirely or was it something that could be cleared up with a few words, two friends not thinking any the less of one another after the fact for something that was really just a slip of the tongue.

“I've got to provide for my mom," Xander continued on more gently, although he was not so devoted to giving life to the cause of his speech that he was ignorant to the turmoil going on in Donnie's mind. “Things have to be right for her and the rest of my family too. You know? It's serious shit, Donnie."

That lightened the mood at least a little and Donnie chuckled weakly, shaking his head in apology.

“Yeah... Yeah, I get that. That makes sense. You know, you're really good to look after everyone else like that. Fuck, you even look after me, Xan. How do you do it all?"

That was one that caught Xander off guard, drawing him up short as he blinked, head tipped just a little to the side. Against himself, Donnie's heart turned over: double fuck.

“I... Hey, now, you're not meant to be the one asking me the hard questions!"

He jabbed Donnie playfully in the ribs and Donnie had retaliated in kind before his mind caught up to the actions of his body, against Xander and tussling wickedly, laughing in the delirium of relief. Things were going to be okay, he thought, even as his back cracked lightly into the ground, the downstairs neighbours no doubt cursing him out for causing such a racket at such an hour. But fuck them, fuck the lot of them. They didn't do anything for him either and he wasn't going to hold back a damn second more when there was something more to be had, something more to be done.

He could not have honestly said what made him do it in hindsight, finding himself on top of Xander with the dusty, old bean bag scrunched under one leg. Such was his position that Xan could have very easily have thrown him off and yet he did not, putting his hands back behind his head and cocking an eyebrow as if he'd expected to be there all along. And no more words were needed as Donnie grunted and threw caution to the wind, closing the distance between them as they had done before – not many times but they had – in a kiss that lacked simple sensuality.

Well, there was more sensuality to it than his times with John embodied but that wasn't something that he was going to worry about as they came together, fumbling and awkward and deepening the kiss. Xander rumbled a laugh, eyes dancing in the moment before they closed, but Donnie had his lip lightly caught between his teeth and he grunted thickly, revelling in taking a position in their relations that was not on the bottom, crushed pleasurably down and forced to submit.

Of course, there was a goodness to being forced to submit too, head swimming as he was pounded, forced to cum over and over again from the raw scope of John's lust, but Donnie too knew that there was something more to lust and passion than what he had experienced so far. He'd seen more, had other people, but the memories proved hazy with drug use and abuse, alcohol clouding everything in pleasant fuzz. He drank too much, he knew that, but there were some nights where he just couldn't get to sleep any other way, the daylight worrying him more than the dark. Darkness, well, that was something that he was used to, an old friend in the arms of demons that would become more and more familiar to him.

But the moment was there for him to take and he greedily snatched it up for once without an ounce of guilt, growling as he pressed up passionately against Xander. The room tilted and turned around him but that was not his focus as he nipped sharply at Xander's neck, trading positions as Xander used his slightly bulkier – not that he was really heavy – weight against him, straddling Donnie's hips as something hard ground down into his stomach.

Smirking breathlessly, Xander tried to grin but the feral edge that Donnie was used to was lost in the warmth of it, despite everything. And he loved Xander – not in the romantic way but another way – simply for that and that alone.

“Well, that's one way to celebrate..."

They kissed and lips found throats, tender places that should have been more vulnerable than they were with one another. And Donnie languished in it. There was no taking a neutral or top position with John – that just wasn't how their relationship was and he could not have honestly said that he wanted things to be different too – but Xander was a different man altogether. That was all fine, well and good, but he could push further, kiss and bite and nip, clothes hitting the floor. He thanked the presence of any listening gods (not that he believed in that sort of crap) that he'd cleaned his apartment, still always wanting to make a good impression despite everything that had come to pass in life. It would be something more of a mess by the time they were finished but that, at least, would be for all the right reasons, lust and passion driving them on into ecstasy.

Words came out mumbled and were traded like coin for service but the two men did not need them to be anything more than what they were as they grunted and pushed together, the lack of clothing bringing them up close and personal. Donnie's head pounded. When had been the last time that he'd been with Xander? It had been a while, they hadn't seen much of one another with life getting the better of them but that was the way of it, each wrapped up in their own little world while the rest of time moved on around them, sometimes without them. John was always quick to tell him that no one lived forever and that was why he had to do all that he could to live in the moment, feel everything, do everything, lust after everything... But that was John's way, not Xander's way, taking on a slower more mellow way of living. Truly, neither was right or wrong.

Donnie groaned, hips working, humping and grinding, wanting. No... No, he would not think of John right then. No, he had other things to be getting on with, other passions to be had. And that was okay too. He was allowed to do that. There was nothing wrong.

It was hard to believe that sometimes though and he hissed out in a rush of breath as Xander's hand closed around his cock, forgetting that the two of them were already naked. And, oh, he could have drunk in how Xander looked over and over again, lips parted with a glimmer of moisture shimmering on the lower one. He was not a bloke who went to the gym religiously but he had some level of fitness and physique, no doubt, from running from the law, getting into places that he should not have been, all that side of things. All in the name of good and righteousness, of course, but Xander blurred that line on a daily basis, hot breath on Donnie's neck as he leaned in close.

His lips played a tune down Donnie's throat and he whimpered, lost in sensation as Xan's hand closed on his shaft more firmly, squeezing and pumping, stroking slowly. Groaning, Donnie rolled his head back, somehow sat with his back against the sofa, and whimpered softly, eyes half-closed.

“Shush," Xander breathed. “Let me do this."

It was not a command or an order, however it was phrased, but Donnie nodded all the same, relaxing into his touch. It was good to be teased like that, given something that he knew would not be one-sided, as much as he liked the fun of things being one-sided too. There was a luxury in submission and a pleasure in mutual, well, pleasure, biting his lip and gnawing harder as his cock throbbed and twitched, body wanting more and more too quickly. His mind craved the time in which to savour it even though neither of them had anywhere important to be, taking their time together, patiently.

All the time in the world, yes. He had to remember that, grunting into a hot mouth as Xander forced his tongue past lips that were not quite expecting him, panting and groaning, animalistic noises breaking the barrier of his lips. More, he needed more, fingers gripping the side of the sofa, humping and grinding, trying to find that little bit more sensation that could get everything to that next level. But that tongue jabbed and curled, seeming to know just how to evade and dominate his, and Donnie was struck by the thought that Xan could pin him down as easy as he liked if that was the way he wanted to go.

Yet that was not to be as Xander's lips broke from his once more, hungrily tracing a path – a hasty one at that – down to his crotch. There could only be one target for his rampant lust and Donnie shuddered, eyes snapping open wide as his cock was taken into a mouth. Heaving for breath, he arched his back, striving to thrust, but sitting on the floor did not allow him all that much leverage, breath catching and lungs juddering as if they could not, all of a sudden, get enough oxygen into them. His lips moved but no sound came out and, to hell with it – he didn't even know what he wanted to say anyway. All he knew was that he wanted Xan to stay right there where he was, sucking his cock off so wonderfully that he could well have believed that he'd died and gone to heaven, if heaven indeed could have been a place on earth for but a moment in time.

Xander knew what he was doing too and Donnie groaned and put a shaky hand on the back of his head, not knowing quite what to do with his hands. Ah, perhaps it had been too long since he had had a bit of fun with anyone other than John, who was always the dominant party. He just wasn't used to receiving the good stuff, the treatment that he so readily dished out, knowing what to do with his lips and tongue, even managing to swallow somewhat around his gag reflex when he really wanted to take his brother's dick deep. But Xander wasn't going to allow him to start with that when he was right there to give Donnie the pleasure that he surely needed. Sometimes Xander knew what Donnie needed better than he did himself, even if he was not quite all that willing to admit it. That was just fine too.

And it was pure bliss to lean back and allow it to happen, the fog of alcohol clouding his senses and sharpening others, a drunken stupor shimmering through with moments of clarity. Of course, he was not so far gone that he was not aware of what was around him but pleasantly buzzed, open to suggestion and therefore suggestible to the extreme. Not that Xan would have taken advantage of that, of course, but there were fewer things that he would have thought more pleasurable than taking another man's shaft into his mouth, sharing the pleasures of the body: which was just as well for Donnie.

“Fuck... Yeah... That feels so good..."

It was cliché but it seemed that anything that burst from his lips during sex was and Donnie did not even have it in himself to feel embarrassed, cheeks hot for all the right reasons as he hazily watched that pink head bob on his shaft. It seemed surreal, as if seen through a half-light, a state somewhere between dreaming and sleeping, the world of the unconscious hovering where it was best viewed with rose-tinted glasses. And all he could think about was how good everything felt, how much he wanted to hump, to thrust, to grind into the sweet warmth of Xander's mouth, slamming and taking his pleasure however he willed.

Donnie gasped, eyes flicking open wide. He could be the dominant one too...

But it was not to be taken harshly and he smirked to himself as Xander grunted and hacked around his cock, gently guided back as Donnie shifted up onto his knees. It was not the easiest position to maintain when Xander was unwilling to let go of his cock but it was one that they managed, Xan's back bowed to reveal a light dimpling of spine, ribs showing down the line of his back. He was not packing all that much extra meat on him, that was for sure, but he'd never really been one who at all indulged or gorged himself to excess either. He took what was needed and what he needed right then and there was the cock that he was hungry for, his world fuzzing over despite the fact that he had not had anywhere near as much alcohol as Donnie had.

He took his full length into his mouth with a heady groan that only came out muffled around Donnie's length, the smooth flesh fitting his mouth perfectly. Of course, he would have thought that regardless of anything else but the moment happened so swiftly that he could not stop it – neither would he have wanted to either. Pre-cum trickled out onto his tongue and he swallowed reflexively, allowing the slow, musky slide of it to ooze down his throat, seeming to cling and want to stay as he pushed it down and down and down.

Yet it was all about the pleasure and he could not help but lean into Donnie's hands, eyes closed, as Donnie twisted them awkwardly into his hair, a little too tight but more than enough to excite him, bringing a drumming rise to his pounding heart. His own need throbbed anxiously, desperate for attention, but neither did Xander have any worry at all that it would not be seen to with Donnie there to look after them. Whereas their relationship had started off as rather one-sided in the early days, Xander taking the gentle, guiding lead, they were in it for mutual pleasure and experimentation and, sometimes, there was only one way to do that.

“Hey..."

It took all he had in him to break his lips free from the twitching head of Donnie's cock, skin pulled back from the head to reveal the glistening tip. Shuddering, Donnie panted down at him, yet the fire in his eyes was reflected in the ones set lower than his. Xander grinned.

“Come here..."

He didn't have to do much to show Donnie what he wanted from him, lying back and guiding him over, although they were no longer face to face but top to tail, a cock presented to each of their mouths. The classic sixty-nine had many jokes attached to it but it was still Donnie who was left on top as his slenderer body twisted and contorted very lightly, driving his cock back into Xan's mouth. He readily accepted the offering and suckled him deep, cheeks hollowing as if he was trying to make a show of sucking him off, although there was no way that Donnie was paying his face any attention when he had Xan's dick before him.

And it was all that he wanted, just what he wanted, in his lust-fuelled state, unconsciously licking his lips and parting them in a smile as he took it into his mouth. Of course, he could not push down as far as Xander, the man's throat bulging out in a faux sense of depth as he gulped, giving in to the illusion that it was possible for the average man's dick to go down the throat of another. Yet the illusion could make one harder than ever and Xan's brow furrowed with underlying tension, excitement rising, as he spurted a drop of pre into Donnie's ready and waiting mouth.

It was lapped up immediately, Donnie sensually swirling his tongue around the head of his cock, ensuring that not another drop was wasted. Anything more that came met the same fate down his throat but he did not stop humping and grinding either, fucking Xan's mouth more slowly than he had had his own face fucked in what had to have been months. Yet he wanted the slow stuff too, the stuff that he could take his time with, take in, enjoy in the moment. The fact that it was more difficult for him (and seemingly Xander too, although he had never explicitly asked him the question) to not dive in head-first and take everything, greedily, all at once was by the by when it came down to the point of, at the very least, being slowed by the influence and take of alcohol. Maybe even Xander could admit, in that case, that it had some uses for the undulating rise and fall of pleasure!

Snickering lightly around only the head of Xan's shaft, Donnie tried to push down further but there was only so far he could go if he didn't want to yank his own shaft from Xan's lips – and that was too tempting. That was something that would have required far more control than he had at hand, grinding and arching, the cock in his mouth oozing and throbbing as if he was going to cum right then and there. And little did Donnie know even then just how close Xander was to his release, panting, nostrils flaring for much-needed breath even as he tried desperately to suck Donnie's rod into the back of his mouth.

There was only so much the body could do but both of them were well-versed in pushing it to its limit and beyond what even they thought was its limit. They had nothing else for them, lusting and moaning, Donnie's hands working the rest of the length that remained outside his lips, woefully unable to suck. He could lap though and tease in other ways, fingers closing around the shaft that was both familiar and strange to him in a moment where he shouldn't have really have been over thinking it. It was easy to do, that over thinking lark, but all he had to do was sink down and relax into the present time of being, lips closed around a length that twitched and jerked lightly, on the edge of ecstasy.

And yet he did not receive any warning as Xander suddenly tensed up, hitting his high with a muffled curse, a leg kicking out as if he was seeking purchase for himself. In all honesty, Xander could not have honestly have said that he knew what he was doing in the moment, what was happening, ecstasy coursing through him, a powerful, driving force that demanded his attention. It snapped him up but didn't spit him out again, a beast of orgasm claiming him as his seed flowed sweetly into the lips of the one who had brought him to such a sharply delicious orgasm.

Despite his surprise, Donnie swallowed instinctively, although it was much easier to swallow when the other's cock wasn't jammed as deep as it could go, for John was not as discerning about how much his brother could or could not take, as was his way. But it was okay that his way was different as Donnie wickedly moaned around Xander's length, not because he was focused on his own pleasure but because he just wanted to feel how Xan trembled against him, those light vibrations doing the trick nicely on that over-sensitive length. But Xander was a mere man and would not cum forever, not like the demonic apparitions of Donnie's deepest darkest dreams and devious fantasies, but that was just one more thing that he liked about him.

Breaking his lips free from the slick length, gleaming with his saliva, Donnie grinned and glanced back at Xan, although he was swiftly humbled as Xander pressed his tongue up to the underside of his shaft in a jolt of sensation that had his head spinning.

“Heh... Got me there..."

He gasped and arched his back, at the whims and wiles of his body, lust rising. Oh, how he needed to cum but it was not for him, that time, to spend himself inside a mouth even though Xander was offering it so very sweetly to him. There was too much that he wanted to take, excitement heating up the pit of his belly, and Donnie panted, dragging himself away with all the effort he had left in his body. Willpower could not have been said to be his strong point, for all his intelligence, and Xander grunted, making it harder than ever to take the road that he wanted to as his fingers curled into his thighs, nails digging in.

“Unff... C'mon, Xan, leggo..."

He slurred his words together, delirious with lust, but Xander was only playing, laughing giddily as Donnie's cock slipped free in a slurp of saliva and pre-cum.

“What?" He chuckled, hazy in the afterglow. “Don't you want yours too, hm?"

But that was just what Donnie was going for as he turned around with a predatory gleam in his darkening eyes that did not seem to suit him. And yet it was a sensual advance that had Xander quivering in place, muscles tensing, waiting to see what he would do even as Donnie drew him into a kiss, tongue passionately dominating and taking the entry that was expected. It was easy enough, from there, to allow Donnie to take the position he wanted, the one that was most comfortable for him on his knees, Xander on all fours before him. Xan's arms quivered and he fought down the urge to let them buckle, tipping his chest submissively to the floor, the angle the best – but his balls churned and ached, not yet ready to cum for a second time. So, not yet, in that case, but he could take that pose soon, all for his ultimate pleasure.

“Easy..."

Donnie knew that Xan was ready for him but he still took it slowly, patiently, as the head of his cock teased up to his pucker, taking what was due to him. Xan gasped and turned his head, half-watching the image of the man behind him, rising in a shadow from the side-table light that was jauntily positioned behind. Whoever had placed it there surely could not have imagined the delightful silhouettes that it would create at the height of lust, back trying to round as that cock burrowed in slowly, deeply, the pressure increasing more and more by the moment as moisture pricked in the corners of his eyes. It was never easy to take the stretch and yet he would do it each and every time, all for the pleasure that was for him, ultimately, to take for his own.

“Fuck, Donnie..." He hissed out, teeth lightly scraping one another from the top to the bottom. “Ah..."

Yet no more words were his to give as he grunted and ducked his head, bearing through it as the pleasure mounted once more. It was, after all, all he could do.

Power thrummed through Donnie, although he did not abuse it – that was not his way, no. He wanted it but he wanted to savour it too, his head tipping back to expose the bare and vulnerable expanse of his throat as he eased in, letting Xander's body get used to him as he demanded entry. Of course, there would never be all that much resistance regardless of whether one had gone through any manner of teasing beforehand or not, the body designed to stretch and tighten, sometimes seemingly both at the same time. But he wouldn't have wanted to cause Xander pain, no, and so he went as slowly as he was able to make himself, breathing heavily, hair falling forward across his face.

Exquisite. Something that he never usually got for himself, took for himself, and it was his, all his, something that he could snarl into, lean into, driving and pounding. His hips found the rhythm he needed without him even having to think about it and he pushed harder and faster, Xander's body rocking with the force of his even as the other man's head and chest dipped and wavered closer and closer to the floor. In that moment alone, they need one another more than anything else, carnal lust carrying them up and away, desperate need curling in, demanding attention regardless of anything else that may have been going on in their lives or even the world at that time. And was that not the beauty and the escape that sex provided? It was, at least, for them and sometimes that was enough too.

Yet there was more and more to be taken as their bodies came together, Donnie exhaling in a rush of hot breath as he leaned over Xander's back, drawing him close with surprising tenderness even though his glutes and hamstrings screamed, quads tightening to hold him in place. And yet he could not resist doing it, wanting more, that closeness too that made it all the better for him. There was a pleasure too, of course, in being simply turned to face a wall or the like and pounded until he didn't know who he was or what he was even doing anymore but there were other notes and edges too that he had to seek out, the warmth of another body searing into his own in joint, luscious passion.

Xander's lips moved but no sound came out as Donnie took him, hips working, although all he knew was the closeness of him, torn between pressing up and dipping down, revelling simply in the time that he was in. He didn't have to think or do anything else but be there, his body tightening and pulsating around that thick cock crammed up into him, although it was more used to the girth of it by now, accepting the invader like a lost friend. Donnie, however, was far from lost even though others may have said differently, slight drops of sweat migrating from one body to another as the humidity of the stuff apartment got the better of them.

It did not matter. How funny it was that so little mattered when it came to sex. Everyone worried and stressed about it, the matter of doing it right, but they came together as if it was the most natural thing in the world, gasping and groaning, not caring if they sounded strange or not. No one was keeping track or making fun and the moment was all it needed to be as Donnie wrapped n arm around Xander's torso, drawing him in even closer even though his legs could not take much more of the strain as he grunted and thrust, pushing himself to that edge of ecstasy that lingered so very sweetly within his reach, there for the taking.

But he wanted to enjoy the moment too, building up to it with a heaving moan that seemed to rise up from the very depths of his soul, blissfully thankful that orgasm was slower in coming due to the drink he'd had. It allowed more time for pleasure and that was all he wanted as he humped and thrust, the tight hole clenching and closing softly around his cock each and every time. He could not have pulled out then even as he tried, Xander tensing noticeably beneath him as Donnie, finally, threw himself into the thrusts, humping harder and harder, breath caught in his throat.

Close...

_ _

He did not even get the chance to vocalise his warning, however, as orgasm snatched him up, erupting through him in a juddering blast that could neither be ignored or denied. If he made a noise in climax, he did not hear it himself, hips working and body twisting, gyrating for the passion that was his to claim. And yet it was that very passion that seemed set to claim him for its own, semen spilling into his partner with heady wantonness, a hot flow that the human body could not feel and yet he swore up and down he could sense whenever John poured his load into him. Maybe it was just the tingle and ooze out of a tight anal ring that did it for him but he wasn't going to complain when the mere sensation of seeding another man instead of being the one seeded sending him into rolling throes of ecstasy that even he did not feel entirely in control of.

Xander couldn't possibly keep his chest up for even a moment longer and tipped to the floor, palms spread flat as he used what little leverage he had to grind back onto that aching shaft, hard and wanton as it filled him. He needed it, needed more, and he could not help himself from trying to take more and more from poor Donnie, body tightening down on him even against his will, demanding it all with the lustful passion of a crazed man. Lips parted, Xander hung his head, forehead pressed to the rough floorboards, half their bodies on the old rug that Donnie had commandeered from someplace or another. What was it about Donnie that brought such a side out in him?

Yet there was no need to worry as they came down from a high, Xander shuddering as his anal ring was left lightly gaping, soon to clench up again as was the want and will of a body set on survival and protecting itself. He wasn't going to deny, of course, that there was a lewd pleasure to a gaping hole and a sense that he had been stretched beyond all limits that he had, previously, thought existed but that was a special kind of play best undertaken on his own with a collection of toys: one of the few things that he spent his ill-gotten money on. If he was going to use at least a little of it for himself and not just his family, he at least was going to have some fun with it, after all!

Laughing, they cleaned up, lightly exchanging anecdotes, comfortably moving about one another despite their nakedness. Clothing seemed optional as they lingered in the sleepy afterglow, wanting to rest but finding themselves just a little bit too wound up for that when their need flickered one way and the other. Ramped up after the hacking gig, well, it was only natural that they wanted more, wanted to do more, wanted to celebrate, however routine that sort of thing had become for Xander over the course of time. Seeing Donnie's excitement was the thing though that made it all fresh and new for him, making him want to do more, show more, tell more.

Xander slipped into the shower first, knowing that he had no change of clothes but getting the dried sweat and other fluids off his skin would, at least, make him feel somewhat human again, which was strange considering other things. Living so much of his life in a digital world, he was apt to drift away staring at a screen rather than under the pattering fall of water, turning his head up into the stream, the curtain twitching to his right. But that was just the air moving around the admittedly tiny bathroom, even if it did its job too well enough.

The soap slipped from his hand like the comical gag and he chuckled to himself as he bent down to get it, backside brushing against the icy cold of the shower tiles on the opposite side. It was too small for a man, really, but anyone using it would just have to make do until Donnie got himself into a nicer place, although that would, hopefully, be sooner rather than later with the stuff he was turning him onto, money-making schemes that could be done under the radar with minimal risk to him.

So focused was he on finding what he'd dropped that the curtain ripping back made him jump more than it should have, heart pounding and fists flying up, dropping only when his mind caught up with the reflexes of his body. For, of course, there would never have been anyone standing there that would have wanted to hurt him but only Donnie with a grin on his face and a hard cock all over again, smooth and dry and ready for attention.

Xander suppressed as shiver the best he could. To be ready to go again so quickly, even if they had mooched around a bit and made a sandwich with odd leftovers from the fridge, well... It was something that made his lust rise in eager turn.

“Thought you might like company in here," Donnie smirked, an eyebrow raised. “And I picked my timing..."

Whether he meant that he had been watching or not was by the by as Xander obliging slipped his lips down over the rounded head of his cock, lingering and playing, tongue sweeping over the sensitive tip before bearing down. He took it all, as much as he could, eyes half-lidded so that his world narrowed to that of Donnie's shaft, simplifying all around him as water shone on his skin, pushed back against the rear wall of the shower. There was no space for the two of them in there was water splashed and sloshed out onto the linoleum, peeled in the corners of the room and dark with unholy substances, but they would make it work.

Rolling his head back, Donnie hissed through his teeth, pleasure quick in coming, rising straight up to the forefront of his mind as if all it was there for was to demand attention. He had needs to be met and they had the chance to be fulfilled this time, no aching churn in his nuts late at night, an oddly nice sensation that also came tinted with pain and discomfort in the strangest of ways. They wanted for something but it was his mind that wanted it more, greedily sucking up all it could even as his cock was licked and teased, Xander doing all he could to please him even as his fingers tenderly cupped his sack.

But it was not for that part of his body to take all the attention even though the gentle squeeze and roll between his fingers brought a different kind of shiver to his skin, Xan's hands wandering around to his buttocks and squeezing, fingertips digging in, as if they belonged to him too. Donnie wouldn't have minded that, in all honesty. It was a nice feeling and Xander forcibly dragged him closer, making him jab a little more of his cock down into the sweet cavern of his mouth even though Donnie had thought that already more than Xan could handle was shoved up in there.

It was not so and Donnie panted heavily, leaning forward against the shower wall with one hand, bracing himself with his fingers slightly splayed. Any cold that was present there swiftly fled from the heat of his body, the shower too hot in the moment for comfort but it was hardly as if either of them were willing to pause to turn it off. It was a discomfort that heated them up that they were just going to have to live with as Donnie thrust and grunted, letting dominance surge up inside him again, taking the lead and the pleasure that was so very willingly gifted to him too.

His orgasm came more quickly that time, impressively so, and Xander's throat worked obviously, drinking down every drop, tongue swirling around the head to ensure that nothing was missed. As caught up in the moment of lust and passion as Donnie, he stayed there long past the point of it feeling good, reluctant to leave as Donnie grew ever-increasingly over-sensitive. And yet he could not stop himself as he heaved and groaned, leaning forward over Xander as wet rat-tails of hair hung lank and steamy around his face.

“I suppose we should clean up properly then, huh?"

Xander laughed, Donnie's cock at last slipping from his mouth as he shook his head. Just how could Donnie come back to something like that after everything? But despite the state of light disrepair his apartment was in, no one could have ever said that it was not clean, Donnie putting its care and upkeep above even his own comfort at times. Although it was likely too that everything being clean, including himself, was just what he needed for his comfort.

“Sure thing."

His tone warmed to the touch of Donnie's fingers on his cheek and he impulsively kissed them even as he rose, the two of them quietly and gently helping one another wash off. It was an oddly intimate act for them to undergo but it was not as if they had not seen one another naked before, not brothers but more than friends too, although it went without saying that becoming lovers was well and truly out of the question. It was not in their hearts to love one another in that way but the experience and sensuality of it all was within their grasp and, so, they took it gladly and all it had to offer too.

Clothes still were not donned, Donnie revelling in the cheeky rebellion of going without when he could clothe himself, toes curling into the light pile of the carpet in the living room, the main living area. Although it had been tramped down by the passage of so many feet and shoes over the years of rentals and needed replacing, there were still patches were furniture had resided and allowed it to survive, brushing softly where the rest was hard and flat. It was an oddly delicious sensation and one that he yearned to replicate when he could afford his own place without renting, making it the home that he'd never truly had when he'd been younger.

Well, it had not ever felt like much of a home.

But what to do at such a late hour? Buzzed, Donnie's fingertips drummed with nervous energy upon the counter-top in the kitchen, however small it was. His stomach growled and yet he did not have the energy in himself to eat, attention directed elsewhere. He needed something and yet he could not put his finger on it, shifting his weight from foot to foot as the twisting coil of snakes came to a head, churning and slithering in the pit of his belly.

What was it? He pressed his lips together and hung his head, hair still wet, as a sigh escaped his lips. There was no answer to be had but sometimes feelings like that just came, a sense of dread or unease, something of a sense that something, he could not say what, was wrong. And he never knew the answer to the questions that his mind posed in trying to find out what was true and what was false, forced to go along with it even if he had, so far, managed to avoid committing to either side of the equation. He didn't know quite what else he could do.

And then there was something there that was far better to take his mind off things, a hot body pressing up against his back as he faced the counter. He didn't even jump, although he could not have said that he expected him to be there, licking his lips even as his breath tightened in his throat, refusing to allow him to breathe for a moment as he grunted softly.

“Oh..."

Xander grinned and combed his fingers lightly through Donnie's hair, sweeping it off and to the side as he shook his head, although there most certainly was no air of disappointment in his gaze. Lips pressed to the back of Donnie's neck, he delighted in the trembling shiver he drove from him, cock eagerly already pressing its way between his thighs, shoved up as close to Donnie as he could possibly get.

“Don't you think it's my turn?"

Xander smirked and Donnie cocked an eyebrow in turn, rising to the challenge even as his knees quivered in anticipation. Ah, he could not have denied his natural inclinations but it seemed that he was about to get both sides of his psyche fulfilled, very timely banishing any manner of unwelcome thoughts from his mind. Like Xander, he didn't need to do anything but lust and experience in the heat of the moment as he allowed himself to be pushed forward, even pushing up onto the tips of his toes for Xander, although their heights were not all that different.

“I'll go slow..."

He didn't have the words to tell Xander what he really wanted but he knew he would get it all the same, having nothing at all to worry about in that regard as the head of his cock nestled back up to his pucker. He could have pushed back but he waited there, obediently, waiting for more as he was kept on the edge, teased and tantalised, until he was nothing more than a quivering wreck of a man, teeth clenched and grinding as he forced himself to stay still, to be patient and wait regardless of how his breath raked anxiously through his chest.

“Ah, I wouldn't keep you so long, but you make it so fun!"

Damn you...

_ _

He couldn't be all that mad at Xan for teasing him, however, as he was penetrated for the first time that night, Xander knowing that he could take it all at a quicker pace than he had delivered it earlier when the roles had been reversed. He kept a steady pace but he still quickly forced Donnie's body to take his shaft, only requiring a little gritting of his teeth in order to get through it. Donnie was used to it and he knew he could bear through, parting his lips in a moan as the burning faded to pleasure, hitting that spot inside him that never failed to make stars leap and dance like a drug-induced fantasy before his very eyes.

They moaned, humping and thrusting, unable to tell who was truly controlling the pace of things, coming together over and over again. What they needed from the other was doled out in generous doses and Xander grunted as he slammed in, letting loose at last as he snarled out his passion, although he could never have gone as hard as John did. Where his fingers gripped, his touch was still tender and did not leave telltale bruises that he had, at first, worried about finding on Donnie and then later realised that he adored, however embarrassed Donnie may have been to initially admit it.

It was a gentler passion and yet the driving strokes of his shaft had Donnie panting heavily, head hanging and muscles strained in his neck as he tried to stiffen, his body screaming for release. Yet that release had to be built to even as his cock remained hard through his fucking, his body there for another's pleasure at that time. And, still, Xander proved himself to him again by reaching around before his stomach and closing his hand around his shaft, pumping and stroking, however awkward the motion itself was when so much was going on.

He tried to close down around the sweetly invading cock but there was too much happening to exert that much control over his muscles and, although Xander would never be that rough with him, his fingers in his hair, pulling it back, was the cherry on top of the deliciously iced cake that he so very desperately needed. Gasping, his cock throbbing, teased so, and he tried to fuck Xander's hand, hips working, brain torn between thrusting into that hand and grinding back onto what ultimately pleased him.

Laughing lightly, Xander nibbled at his ear, pulling his head back enough so that he could reach it.

“Eager, aren't you?"

Those words curled through him like a shot of vodka, seething straight through to his extremities, although the only response that he could give was a moan that said more than any words. Panting and heaving for breath, he tried to retain some sense of himself, grunting and twisting, perversely delighting in being controlled, however lightly and respectfully it was done.

Xander, however, was not one to hold himself back when faced with one such as Donnie and slammed in wantonly, bending him forward, his head released and hands on his hips. His cock was forsaken now that he was adequately warmed up and he drove in repeatedly with raw abandon, throwing any care he had to the wind – or as much as he was able to. It was not in him to forget about his partner entirely and he gave back as much as he took, stretching his partner lustfully until Donnie's cock thickened against his once again searching fingertips, but that was only his mind at work. No, what he felt there as Donnie humped madly was the encroach of orgasm, jerking and thrusting wildly as he prepared to spill his seed and needing a little more stimulation to get him there. Xander would have considered himself amiss if he had not delivered it too, squeezing and providing the space into which to thrust as Donnie howled and ejaculated once again.

Then and only then could Xander have his own pleasure, grunting and growling, forehead tipped down against the back of Donnie's neck and his shoulder. More and more, closer and closer: Donnie's cock painted the cupboards with his seed and Xander could hold off no longer as he joined him in the throes of ecstasy, howling and groaning, lost to a world of pleasure where his cock was milked and milked seemingly of every last drop of cum that he would have ever have had to give.

It was not so, of course, but it was all that either of them had the energy for that night, forgoing drinks or food as they collapsed into bed, slumped and arms flung out, desperate for the sweet bliss of sleep to rejuvenate them. More fun between them could be had in the morning, without any strings attached, and they both craved it as much as the other, a brief interlude in a life that could be fraught with stress and turmoil, but sometimes needed a night of triumph to life them up and carry them through too.

In the half-light, curtains cracked and allowing a slanting slash of street light in, Donnie smiled, chest still rising and falling a little breathlessly, eyes meeting Xander's. They knew the deal, of course, and it was not a relationship that they knew could continue forever but, as it was then, it was just as it needed to be, allowing them to have their needs met and take comfort from one another, desperation entirely out of the equation.

And was that not all that friends were for? A kiss could be shared and passion could be exchanged generously too but neither of them needed to think that something more was growing from it, only that their young lives could be enriched by it. And if there was a jot of escapism in the triumph of it all too, who really cared?

A secret between them, they knew the other better than they knew themselves. That was how it was meant to be.

The bed lay quiet, dawn breaking. Cars went by, working and burning past the midnight oil, dark jobs that required the subtle cover for seedy activity. Two bodies sank and sank, dreaming and slipping into the darkness for another reason entirely even as the rest of the world stirred, hankering for the world of the waking.

Quiet.

They slept.