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NOT On Vacation for DrakeHavok by Draconicon

The sound of chanting hadn't done much to endear the local cult to Jonathan, and as he crouched in the long grass just off of the sandy part of the beach, he saw something that took his opinion from disliking them to hating them.

"Really? Demon summoning? I'm on vacation, damn it!"

His muttered curse didn't attract any attention. Considering the crackling of the fire, the loud chanting - which was the thing that drove him out of bed anyway - and the laughter from the rest of the group as they drank up, it was kind of amazing that the chant could be heard on the other side. Jonathan shook his head, reaching down to his belt and pulling out a pair of pistols. The usual consecration symbols along the barrels gleamed, and he shook his head at their own pretentiousness.

On vacation with a pair of cross-marked pistols. This is NOT what I wanted to be doing this week.

Still, any sort of demon summoning was a dangerous thing, particularly if there weren't any limits put on the summoning spell. From what he could tell around the growing bonfire, the only thing written out was a list of specific traits, and they didn't look exactly healthy to most humans. Limiters had either been forgotten or dismissed.

On the plus side, they hadn't finished yet, and only a couple dozen seemed to be around. Better than some odds he'd faced.

Normally, Jonathan would have given them the chance to surrender first, to stop their ritual and to give themselves unto his custody. It was the general procedure, and if he'd been back in the city or on the job, he'd have done that. However, he was on vacation, and he just wanted to get back to bed.

The first two bullets took the lead chanters in the heads, and the next two caught the fire-builders in the torsos. The rest screamed as he stepped out of the grass, spreading his arms out to catch more of the summoners as they darted about.

"Come on, let's not take all night! Either run off or step up; either way, this is over!"

They ignored his shouts, instead bending knee at the fire and shouting the chant as fast as they could get it past their lips. Grumbling at the idiocy of demon cults, the hunter walked around the circle, pulling the trigger again and again as if it were some bloody game of duck-duck-goose. One by one, the cultists hit the ground, until only one was left. Jonathan pulled the trigger -

Click.

"...Are you serious right now?"

Shaking his head as it clicked again, empty, he tossed it in the air and whipped it across the last cultist's head. The young man tumbled to the sand as Jonathan shook his head. He turned away from the fire, ejecting the magazine and pocketing the empty thing.

"I need to get new guns. Running out of ammo; rookie mis -"

BOOM!

He hit the sand with a hard grunt as the bonfire exploded behind him, and rolled on his back as the flames coalesced into a deep red form. Bringing his guns up, he prayed that the other had a bullet in it, and squeezed the trigger.

Click.

"Fuck...fucking great."

As he reached for a magazine, the fiery form finally seemed to solidify. Out of the corner of his eyes, he realized that it had a pair of antlers, and it stood at least six feet tall. Something swayed down at the hips. A weapon? He wasn't sure, but he knew that he needed to -

"Huh. I thought they phased out human sacrifice."

The demon's voice was surprisingly mild, Jonathan thought, but he knew it meant nothing. The demon could be as dangerous as the Prince of Hell himself, no matter the voice. He kept one eye on him as he finally got a magazine in hand, sliding it into the gun.

"I mean, I understand that it's supposed to be flattering, but...ugh...I think I'm going to need a bath. Oh, oh, hey. You. Do you have a second? I could really -"

BANG!

He'd finally gotten the magazine loaded, and fired off a shot right between the antlers. The demon's head snapped back, the creature frozen in place. With a sigh of relief, the hunter slowly pulled himself to his feet, brushing off his legs. Maybe now he could finally -

"...Owwwwwwww."

"...No way..."

He stared as the demon slowly brought its head down again, and the flattened bullet fell to the ground. It had left the smallest of dents in the demon's forehead, and even then it looked like it was healing rapidly. The demon rubbed its - no, his, definitely his, Jonathan realized with a glance down - forehead, shaking his head.

"I don't know where I am, but I'm pretty sure shooting someone in the head isn't exactly a nice greeting. Ow. What was that for?"

"You're a demon."

"And?"

"And...you're a demon!"

"Is that a bad thing?"

Jonathan looked down at his guns again, flicking the symbols on the barrels. They were supposed to make the bullets holy, to make them deadly to demons.

"What the heck is wrong with you?"

"Um, I don't know. Should there be -"

"Not you, the guns."

"Oh. Were they supposed to hurt? They did, you know."

"They were supposed to - oh, fuck it, I'm not being paid enough for this."

Holstering his weapons, he was about to walk away when the demon reached out and stopped him. He slowly turned his head, but the demon immediately let go rather than keep holding him.

"Sorry, but would you mind answering a couple of questions?"

"Why do you even have questions? You're here, you probably have a lot of things you want to do. Kill, rape, destroy. Isn't that what you do?"

"Not really. At least, not usually. There was that time in, uh...uh..." The demon snapped his fingers. "Big empire, lots of corruption, based in that country shaped like a boot?"

"Rome?"

"Rome, Rome, thank you. Yeah, there was one time there, but that wasn't my fault. They made me do it."

"Riiiiight."

He looked the demon over again, now that he was closer. Ignoring the babbling, the stag-shaped monster wasn't too terrible to look at. Not like some of the abominations that had come through the portals, anyway. And he wasn't armed, either; that huge thing swinging between his legs was a massive cock, not a weapon. Though he supposed it could qualify for that, too, considering how it would feel -

Jonathan groaned, whipping his gun out again and letting loose with a bullet at point blank range. The demon clapped a hand to his head again, groaning.

"Owwwwwwwwwww, what was that one for?!"

"You're being corruptive. Stop it."

"Do you think I can help it?"

"I have no idea."

"Neither do I. It's a serious question."

"...You are a very strange demon."

"Thanks...I think. Is strange a compliment these days?"

Shaking his head in exasperation, Jonathan turned back to the many bodies that were gathered around the fire. The cultists obviously knew what they were doing when it came to summoning demons, but why would they have summoned this...thing? It seemed pointless, let alone -

Seeing one of the amulets a cultist was wearing answered his question immediately. Shaking his head - and grumbling at the continued feeling of corruption running over him in waves - he turned his head.

"Demon, are you an incubus?"

"No, but I often get chased by them. Why?"

"These cultists were trying to summon one, and -"

"Ooooh, so that's why that Elder Incubus shoved me towards the spell. I should have known. He had a bit of a date, I guess, so he didn't -"

"Ugh. Shut up, please."

"What does that mean?"

"Stop talking."

He shook his head, but unfortunately, that brought him eye to crotch with the demon again. That cock was massive, utterly huge, and he could almost see why the cultists would have had an issue getting their incubus when this demon was around. He might almost -

Stop thinking of that! he thought, shaking his head and looking away, even as he could feel his own cock starting to rise in his pants. The corruption was there, he could feel it, but it wasn't like he could do anything about it. Usually they had priests for dealing with that, but he didn't have one. No, because he was on va-fucking-cation! And now he had a demon to worry about, too.

There was no way that he could just let him wander around, not even as harmless as he seemed. What if it was all an act? But he didn't want to start a fight. It would mean having to go all out, and he wasn't putting that effort out on a vacation.

Maybe...maybe there was a way to kill two birds with one stone, considering what the amulet did.

Snapping it off of the dead cultist's neck, he stood up and walked back to the demon. Taking a deep breath, he grabbed it by the cock and started tugging. He had barely taken a step before the demon grabbed him in the same way, almost making him jump out of his skin.

"What are you doing?!"

"Oh, is it still handshakes? I thought this was the new way of -"

"No! It's me taking you prisoner."

"...By my cock?"

"It's the biggest thing you have to grab onto."

And it feels good in my hand, and it might feel good in - He cut off that line of thought before it could go any further, but he blushed anyway. The demon smiled and nodded at him.

"Alright, so I'm your prisoner. Is this going to be one of those roleplays, like that time I got caught in that one city out on the coast, and everything kept shifting around, and that one mule kept coming to visit and -"

"Rule one. Shut up."

Roleplay...that could be fun. Jonathan shook his head, trying to ignore the fact that he was pulling a demon along by its dick, trying to ignore the feeling of his cock throbbing in his pants, and trying to forget that he was carrying an amulet that would allow all sorts of stretching.

Admittedly, he didn't try very hard, but he did try. It was his vacation, damn it!

The End