Chapter 16
Lost In The Mist © 2015 Sinclair Diavante
Chapter 16.
I woke to a strange sunrise, it was very red. My body felt odd, like it was bigger. I had slept in a peculiar position; I couldn't seem to fold my limbs in on themselves, the comfy way. I lifted my head and tried to find Snow, which was an old habit. Even after all these years, I still missed her warmth pressed up against mine. Something trailed out of my mouth, I pawed at it, and then stared at my hand, which wasn't a paw.
I froze.
I could remember all of my memories from when I was a Human. From when I was a Rhenthar. And from when I was a Wolf. There they all were, all combined, but separate.
But... all those years were real. I could remember every single one of them, as clear as yesterday. There were no gaps, and the location of yesterday's deer carcass hung heavily in my mind. I wanted to get up and run to it, and tear off some tender parts I had left behind, to gnaw on some rib bones. Yes, that's what I needed. The light in my room brightened.
"Keman." Whose name is that? I turned and stared at... Mist. Of course his name was Mist. He was my Alpha. No, not was. Don't you dare use past tense on someone you respect so severely. But... but... everything he's done to me. But, our pack. I felt sick, like I couldn't tell what was real anymore.
I closed my eyes and thought about all the years I must have spent on this bed. Everyone by now bad forgotten about me. My ship was long gone. Sinclair... moved on. I squeezed my eyes tight, fighting back the tears, unsure what to think or do.
Mist sat down on the bed next to me. I wouldn't move, none of my body was the way it should be. I actually hated this new shape, I hated how big I was, this monstrous warping of a wolf. And yet... I did feel comfortable, because it was me.
"Six and a half years... in just six days." My eyes sprang open. "I would have preferred to have lived it with you, but I had to stay behind to make sure the program ran correctly. It can be dangerous. Imagine a lifetime of torture before safety protocols discovered the error. I needed to make sure that the mind that exited was intact and healthy, I can't repair that sort of damage."
Six days... impossible.
His words were so weird to hear. It had been so long since I had heard "common" and even longer since I had spoken it. I pulled at the tube trailing out of my muzzle, feeling the anchor still deep in my stomach. I thought about the meaning behind his words, and found it almost impossible to believe.
So it wasn't real. All that, wasn't real. Snow wasn't real, my offspring... weren't real. I shut my eyes and covered them with my paws. Reality crushed me, threatened to destroy my mind.
"Hey," Mist said, reaching forward to pull my paws away from my weeping eyes. "I know right now, you're hating how it all wasn't real. And I don't want you to think that, because it was real enough," he said. "The decisions you made were all your own. I only helped make it possible. That life was yours, and it still is, Keman. Everyone is waiting for you to return."
The thought of our pack wanting me back was so painful, the draw was so strong, I had to fight the urge to gasp. I looked up at his green eyes and bared my throat. Please. Memories of Sinclair were simply too distant to care about anymore. I felt the collar around my neck, and I knew who owned it. Mist said it himself, he won. I'm his prize, and my submission was real.
He trailed his claws through my throat fur and chuckled. "From my vantage, such a vast change in you has come about in mere days. I was able to step in to see your world, briefly, for a few minutes at a time. The system would slow the ratio to match mine. Then I exited it and returned. The interactions you had with me were real, I certainly remember them."
I relaxed and laid my head on his leg. Life as a wolf had taught me so much about physical comforts, intimacy, what closeness had to offer. I marveled as my unlocked memories could now bring up "civilization" and "domestication." I felt completely separate from society. Creature comforts I now preferred were nice weather, a full stomach, and sore muscles from running. I laughed at the idea of ever showering again, but I knew that was still expected of me. The strong scent wasn't necessarily the good scent, in this... section of my life.
I felt something in my chest shift. Mist pulled on the tube and it slid from my stomach, the end was a small wrinkled up ball. I gagged and swallowed, turning away to hold my jaws within my paws, my hands, licking my fingers and swallowing at the odd comfort.
"I have questions that need answers." I turned my head and stared at him. Though my body was young, the gaze I gave him was full of wisdom and years of experience. I knew his question was coming the second I had caught his scent. Mine was completely unguarded, what had I to hide? I felt old beyond my years.
"Who was your previous owner?" My world halted. Sinclair. I could not betray him. But. That was a lifetime ago, did it really matter?
I shook my muzzle and cleared my throat. "No. Ask anything but that, Mist." It felt so strange to speak, but my speech was clear. I expected him to get angry, but he didn't. He remained calm, which was alarming to me.
"I see. Pity. I could give you your mate back," he said, smiling huge. "The white one. What do you think of that, hmm?" He stared at me with a full, sharp smile. I was confused, at first. I wondered who he was talking about. The absurdity of the notion helped it to pass right over me.
Then I realized who he was talking about: Snow.
But... Snow wasn't real... and Sinclair was! I shut my eyes and covered more tears with my paws. It was so unfair. If I had to choose who to believe in, I would surely panic, I just knew. Everything was real, nothing was real.
"She's not real," I mumbled, shaking my head, keeping my eyes hidden.
"Oh no? What is real, Keman?" My name is Lightning. I almost said it, but I caught myself. He wouldn't understand.
Mist pulled one of my paws free and pointed at the doorway. "Look."
I stared through blurry eyes. A white muzzle peeked around the corner, sniffing at the floor and then high up into the room. Our eyes met, she approached me cautiously at first, but once our scents mingled, she raced up to me, oblivious of my new body shape. She regarded Mist like an old friend, and after all, he was our Alpha.
Her tail was a blur, she jumped up onto the bed and stood tall beside me, panting. I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her, sobbing, breathing in her scent. She seemed so much bigger than I remembered. She licked my tears insistently, and I knew my efforts to keep her away wouldn't work, so I held still while she finished cleaning my muzzle. I sighed as we leaned against each other, relishing her warmth. The pieces of my broken heart, shattered so long ago... pieced themselves back together, as if by a miracle.
It was more than I had ever wished for.
"How?" I was shaking my head. Snow splayed her ears at my vocalization, not understanding. I showed her what opposable thumbs could do with her ears, and she shut her eyes in ecstasy, bringing a huge smile to my lips.
"That isn't your concern. What matters is the answer to my question."
I stared at him in silence, still squeezing Snow's ears. I considered my situation, and was completely unsure what to do. It was so strange, to have gone from gay to bisexual. But I loved her deeper than anything in the universe.
"Keman. I'm going to give you some advice. You cannot yet comprehend the level of control I have over you. My ability to grant you pleasure, and inflict pain, knows no limits. You are mine to do with as I please, using all of my creativity, which," he nodded at Snow. "Is significant, on that I'm certain you'll agree." He stood up and lowered his head to stare into my eyes, squeezing his claws into my lips so I couldn't look away.
"I am your Alpha. Tell me what I want to know." I whimpered, and if it wasn't bad enough, Snow growled at me. She didn't have to speak for me to know what she was saying. Stop being an idiot and submit!
I stared back into his eyes and lifted my head to bear my throat. The exact same way I had on countless occasions, this was nothing new, really. I felt the collar around my neck restricting my movements somewhat, and I remembered who owned it. Mist was my alpha. He nodded, satisfied, and let go to cross his arms. His gaze never left mine.
"Might as well start from the beginning." I said, reaching next to me to hug Snow, drawing the strength that I needed so badly. "Six hundred years ago," I said, looking at Mist. "I was actually a human."
Mist wrinkled his nose. "What? How was it done, some virtualization?" I shook my head slowly.
"No virtualization. Six hundred years ago, I was human. I had dedicated my life to becoming something else, something canine. You would laugh at the technology I had to work with, the genetic engineering. I also built collars-" I reached up and ran my fingers under the smooth metal, absentmindedly pulling the loose fur under it free, tossing it into a pile. Snow stomped on the fur and ate it. If my heart weren't already full, it would have burst from that alone. I had to consciously will myself back into this world, this body, this conversation.
"Like what I'm wearing, but again, archaic. One of my experiments killed me. My owner pulled my mind from that point, through time, and put me into this body. It's called waking the dead." I gestured down at myself. Mist narrowed his eyes. I could tell that he had heard the term before. And I wondered what he might do now.
The shock of transition from Wolf to Rhenthar was still prominent in my mind. But I had already experienced a similar transition, when I went from Human to Rhenthar. I was getting better at accepting changes at such a fundamental level.
I reached down and untwisted the black hose from my sheath, pulling it free to set it aside. Snow sniffed at the wet opening, while I reached down to rub my sheath gently, shifting the 'site calmer ring to alleviate a building itch in my fur. It felt good to have fingers and thumbs, to be able to touch myself in gentle, precise ways.
"I lived as a normal Rhenthar for ten years, unaware of my past. When my old memories surfaced, when the new had to fall apart, my owner took me into his paws and helped train me into what I am today. I had no choice in the matter, but it was geared specifically to be something I enjoyed.
"When everything was perfect, he took my collar off and kicked me out. Wanted me to go explore the universe, see if I still wanted to be his after a couple of years living on my own." I stared down at my hands. Dull claws, thick, leathery paw pads.
"My owner was Sinclair Diavanti." I looked up at Mist, gauging his reaction. His eyes had taken in everything previous with rapt interest. Now they seemed filled with shock.
"Sinclair... you mean the owner of Clair Industries? In the Gamma quadrant?" I nodded.
"Yeah, that's him. He would probably kill me for telling you." I buried my head against Snow's shoulder. "You've certainly won, Mist," I mumbled."You've made me break the greatest loyalty I've ever had." I turned and looked at him with hate, but as soon as I saw his eyes, my instincts yanked the emotion violently from my grasp and I had to look away.
Mist laughed. "Such a small galaxy this is. Your previous loyalties are of no concern to me. I'm not as rich as Sinclair, but I'm well off, enough that money is nothing to me but many zeros. I have no desire to use you as bait or a bargaining chip.
"No. Just owning the collar around your neck gives me such immense satisfaction, and now that I understand your past. Oh. Oh my! I said it once before, and I'll say it again. You were meant to be owned. It was your destiny to be mine.
"I am very pleased. Are you ready to return to our pack, to your life with her?" He pointed at Snow. We leaned into each other, it was like she understood the question.
I shook my head. "But it isn't real!" Anger entered my voice, decidedly welcome.
Mist shrugged. "What is real? You aren't a real Rhenthar. So what?"
I sighed. Yeah, there was that. He was definitely right on that count. What the hell did I care about how real things were? I nodded acceptance.
"From Human to Rhenthar to Wolf. You amaze me with your mental stability, your capability to accept such profound changes. You're certainly no pushover, oh no. Once you had motivation, you entered my pack like you owned the place. The system predicted you and I would have to fight. You showed too many signs of Alpha capabilities. I'm not sure what to think about that." He stared at me, I looked back and then averted my eyes.
"That collar stays on for the rest of your life. That much is certain." He reached down and shifted the ring on my sheath. My 'site woke up and I started to get hard before I could position it back in the right spot. "This is great news to you, from what I just learned." He smiled something huge and predatory.
"So. The future." Mist stared. "She won't remember any of this. But do you want to? I'm offering you a choice, to either be oblivious of your past, or fully aware of it." I considered my options carefully. I was so tired of being segmented. I knew having no hands when I remembered having them was going to suck. But I could live with that. I realized that this was the first time any such choice had ever been offered to me beforehand.
"Leave me intact, please."
My world faded to black. The last thing I heard was: "This time, I'll be with you the whole time."