Furries University Chapter 37: The world has its shine
#43 of Furries University
Chapter 37: The World has its Shine.
(February 1st 2019 A.D. ﾃ｢竄ｬ" Thursday 12:15 AM)
Kitsune looked over as two young furs, worked on a float, strewn with pink and white flowers. The air was chilled, and his breath warm. He held his arms close, covering up his body. He was wearing a white sweater, and a pair of tight black jeans. His eyes kept getting distracted as he saw the bulge in the Ferret's pants, and he enjoyed the voice that came from the calico's maw. He had in the recent days, found himself able to enjoy features of men once again. He would find his eyes, and mind wondering about once again in the curious fashion that he enjoyed in himself. Though he didn't feel ready to jump into a relationship, sexual or otherwise, but looking was no problem. He knew that evening he had an appointment with his psychiatrist, but didn't know if he felt like going.
"Come on boys" Called Kitsune "let me help"
"No no, cutie" chuckled the cat "we're just fine with having you around as eye candy".
"This isn't fair, you can't just ask me to watch" Called out the fox.
"Oh? Yeah, I guess your right" laughed the otter smiling over to Kitsune from atop the float "Foxes are paws on".
Kitsune giggled at the stereotype of his species, that he himself found wasn't far from true. Nikolas; the ferret, and Joshua; the cat, were making a float, specifically, for the furs who wished to be in women's clothing. Kitsune had been offered from a couple floats to join them and he was having a tough decision, but finally decided, that he enjoyed Cross dressing too much, and would never want to miss out on the chance. He swayed a little bit, his eyes close, imagining himself in a sweet dress. He decided on an Asian loli-goth style outfit, that was a bit pricey but it looked so beautiful to him. The fox jumped up and tried to lift himself onto the float, his legs flailed as he tried to get his paws on a hold, and the ferret pulled him up and smiled to him.
"Cute little thing" he chuckled, and then went back to working.
"Hey kit!" shouted out the familiar voice of hunter, and Kit turned to see him walking down from the freshman dormitory building and waving. The folf, padded over and walked onto the float via the steps, he was wearing his normal veterinary uniform, but was off duty. Kitsune noted this by the lack of his badge.
"Hey hunter" Kitsune smiled giving a smile as the handsome fur walked up.
"There was a boy looking for you earlier this morning, he was pretty young, said he was your friend" Hunter replied and looked around. Kitsune's left ear gave a twitch.
"Oh? That's odd, who was it?"
"A leopard, he looked....well....straight" Giggled the folf "I asked if he meant some other kit; but he stated that he was looking for the fruity fox, Kitsune Warui, and that he "Had not seen the silly mother fucker in ages, and was wondering if his booty had been lynched yet".
"Micah!" Kit gave a slight jump "Omigosh, omigosh, omigosh!"
"Wow....how'd...how did you gather that just from the statement"
"I've known him forever!" Kitsune giggled and a blush covered his cheeks "yeah, he's pretty straight, and he can be a bit blunt".
"He called you a "Mother fucker" a "fruit" and a "bitch" Hunter was growing confused as to the relationship they had.
"I've used those to describe myself....except mother fucker....I would never" Kitsune gave a shiver and pursed his lips in thought. He took a finger and slid it just under his lip, and shook his bushy tail.
"You're looking really nice today Kitsune" Hunter said and gave a blush. This caught Kitsune's attention and he smiled at the comment.
"Thank you, you're looking rather stunning yourself" replied Kitsune, who felt really good at Hunter's words.
"It's just, you actually coordinated yourself today, you seem happier"
"Yeah, I'm feeling a little better, I've been seeing a counselor" Kitsune sighed and then leaned forward and gave a whisper "I've also been getting a nice eyeful of Nikolas, if you haven't noticed".
"I noticed" Hunter responded shyly.
"Hey..." Kitsune went to speak and moved his paw out and drew it back "umm, how have you been?"
"I've been good, I'm not on duty as vet anymore, since the year is winding down" said hunter "I...I was wondering if you had any plans this weekend".
"I-" The fox was starting to feel a bit anxious from the last words, he could feel the cold air thrusting into his body and suffocating him, but he closed his eyes, took one soft breath, and then let it go.
"I don't have any plans but, I'm really not sure if something will come up. Can I give you a call tomorrow?"
"Sure" The reply made hunter give a big smile "I've been really bored and lonely, since my vet shifts ended, so I've wanted to get out of the dormitory" Hunter said "and I haven't gotten to spend much time, outside of the meetings with you".
"I've been kind of to myself recently...It's just I got a letter" Kitsune smiled and looked over the dorm building "I was invited, to a party...a social gathering for a donation drive, led by my hero"
"Hero?"
"Tyler Stillwell" Kitsune giggled and blushed "I was personally invited".
"When did this happen?"
"Just last night, I got the invitation on my dorm room door, sent by a Miss Jessica Alexandria" Kitsune's ear gave a twitch "They wanted all the head's of the free rights groups to be there...I didn't figure a small gathering in a college would get any attention".
"Hmm? That's crazy talk kit!" responded Nikolas, quickly looking up a hammer in paw "You really don't know how big this school's reputation is, didn't you think it was a big deal you needed a 1400 just to get in? Not only that, but this is the college that Tyler Stillwell himself went to not too long ago, AND your cute".
"Huh? I don't see the relevance or truth in your last statement" Blushed Kitsune.
"Eh, cute girly boys, get everything they want"
'I really wish that were true' Thought Kitsune his face growing a bit saddened.
"Oh!" Hunter's voice broke kit from his thoughts "your friend said he'd be back tomorrow afternoon, and he wanted you to be here".
"Okay" Kitsune said "It'll be nice to talk to him again."
The wind gave a soft motion through the courtyard, and Kitsune's hair wavered at its touch. The air was cooled, and calm, save for the wisps of wind which meandered by. The university had been quite calm most furs worrying about final grades and tests. A flurried dance of worry and planning, the deciding point had come. The fox stood at the end of the float looking over the grass covered area, and looking around and then down. The world was a scary place he had found, living in a world without worry, or had he not lived. The thoughts of his past squirmed into his mind and he took a deep breath.
***
His eyes slowly opened, the sun was setting, and he looked around to see a familiar neighborhood. Small houses, yards, in the distance a few kids were riding bikes around. Kitsune himself was younger; his hair a mess, beside him was a lynx. Around his neck, was a noose and blood stained just over his chest. He had messy light colored fur, with blood spots around his neck.
"Hey there foxy" Said the morbid looking cat in a kind voice. Kitsune turned his head away attempting to keep his eyes from him.
"H-hello, Jeremy" Stuttered Kitsune, placing his paws in his lap.
The crimson past fluttered into the fox's mind. Jeremy was once upon a time his greatest friend. He admired the lynx with all his heart. The neighborhood was just the same way it was back then, when Kitsune was still young. This wasn't real, he told himself as he watched over the unchanged realm of his childhood. Jeremy had inspired him, made him read books, and got him excited about literature. Back then, Kitsune remembered he was similar to the way he was acting now. He didn't want to talk to people, he always felt outcast and different to them.
It was strange looking through his youthful eyes, but with his matured mind over this neighborhood. Ever since that fateful day he stumbled into Jeremy's room, cluttered in mess. He was so innocent, but as the door opened, the tainted truth of the world had invaded his mind and pushed him down into a pit of despair. Jeremy stood for everything righteous, and sweet in the world, and to see him hanging there from a noose of his own creation tore the very heart from the chest of the vulpine.
"You never look at me anymore" complained the feline.
"I did look at you....for the last time...you're-"
"Not real?" questioned the lynx "I know...but I promised I'd always be there for you".
"...You didn't mean to-"
"You excuse everyone!" complained Jeremy placing a paw on the fox's shoulder.
"But...you didn't do anything wrong-" Kit tried to finish his sentence but was once again interrupted.
"No!" growled the feline "Go ahead, keep everything to yourself...expect someone else to give you reason to life! Keep doing it! Look at how happy it makes you!"
"I just want-"
"You just want to be happy" nodded the lynx "so did I".
"I always thought you were happy...I never-"
"Go on..."
"I...Never told you...I was gay too" Kitsune said looking over into Jeremy's eyes, his own beginning to well up and his nose sniffling.
"Why?" he asked seriously.
"I didn't want to be beaten up...I didn't want to lose my friends"
"I was your friend" The lynx's head tilted.
"I know! I know" Cried the fox, whimpering and gripping himself with his paws "If only...If only I had told you!"
"It's your fault"
"Y-yeah...it was all m-my-"
"Shut up!" the cat shook his head "...I always knew".
"B-but-" Kitsune moved a paw towards the feline, tears streaming down his cheeks still.
"I didn't...I didn't kill myself because of you...I...I was weak"
"No no no!" The fox shook his head around with his denial "You were not weak"
"Suicide is an answer then!?"
"Well I-"
"You almost did the same damn thing!" Jeremy shoved the fox, forcing the canid to fall from the small perch onto his back and whimper. The lynx jumped down following him, and stood just over the fox.
"I wanted to be with you!" Cried out the fox "I wanted to apologize".
"Then you should've known I would have never wanted that!" Said Jeremy "but-"
As he continued a smile formed over the cat's face.
"You didn't do it wrong did you?"
"What do you-"
"As you were tying the knot, you thought of me the whole time, and then you thought of how happy you had been. You wanted that again, you wanted to smile like that again" the lynx closed his eyes, and held out his paw "You tied it weak on purpose, that was no accident".
"I-"
"You weren't scared...no just the opposite, you hadn't given up...I did...you didn't" Jeremy pulled up the fox and rubbed down his arms, to grip his paws.
"But it wasn't "ME" that made you smile, Kit" Said the cat "it wasn't me...It was you".
"What're you tryin-"
"This last year wasn't the first time the wolf hurt you" Said the feline staring into the teary eyed fox "It happened before that and before that..."
"I was scared"
"I know"
"I-I just wanted to be happy"
"But you weren't"
"No...."
"What did make you happy?"
"My dreams" the fox's chest began to heave as new tears welled.
"You don't need someone to complete you" the lynx pulled the fox close into a hug.
"I-I just felt so empty"
"You never needed someone else to make you full" The cat rubbed down Kitsune's back softly, as the fox's cheek laid into his chest.
"I felt so alone"
"Because, you never let anyone know anything...you keep it all to yourself...that's why you excuse everyone"
"I didn't mean to"
"You were scared of reticule"
"I-I-I just want to be wanted"
"People do want you" the lynx said softly "they want you to succeed".
The fox just sniffed and held himself close.
"Think about it, please" Jeremy said, slowly drifting away, and then turning to dust. The surroundings swirling about, and Kitsune falling forward from the parade float into the grass and giving out a yelp. Hunter quickly jumped down and looked over Kitsune, picked him up and looked at the back of his head.
"Are you okay!? Any bruises? Cuts? How's your head?" The folf put his finger against his neck shook his head then put his ear against his nose, Kitsune gave a giggle at the tickling "Your head feeling okay? What happened?"
"I'm fine" chuckled Kitsune "I must've tripped".
"On what? It's a flat top right here" said Nikolas looking around "Heh, the cute ones are always clumsy".
Hunter helped Kitsune up and kept holding onto his paw.
"Let me walk you to your room" Hunter offered "I worry about you...you've had a few problems in the past". Kitsune's attention was caught by the last words.
"You know my past?"
"Well, just with your condition, I-I mean, your sensitivities and your allergies, and-"
"Oh" The fox's head was bent down and he gave out a breath "sorry must've hit my head".
"Oh?" breathed hunter curiously "I was worried you felt violated...I never looked at the personal parts...those are meant for full vets, I'm just kinda' like a nurse".
"I-I didn't mean to make it out that way" Said Kitsune as they began to walk towards the dorm building "I don't have anything to hide really".
"Then how come you don't tell anyone?" Asked hunter.
"Anyone, what?"
"Well for starters, that you're allergic to nicotine?"
"No one has ever smoked around me"
"I smoke"
"Not around me"
"Fair enough" Said Hunter. The sun was weak in the sky, as the cold morning air passed over the two who began walking towards the dorm buildings. The grass was wet with dew from the morning, and the two shivered a little as the cold air penetrated their clothing. Both the canine's ears lay flat and they felt a reprieve as they came near the dorm building.
"Let me show you my room, please" Said hunter softly.
"Sure" Smiled the fox, following just behind him and looking up at the pale sky. Kitsune was wearing a black turtleneck shirt, which covered his neck, and a pair of thick jeans, arm and leg warmers worn underneath his clothes to keep him a bit warmer. Hunter was wearing a brown earth tone jacket, and cargo pants, with thick winter gloves as well.
"Hunter, do you believe in any religion?"
"I am not certain what to believe on that subject" replied Hunter "As science advances, it seems that in that subject only more and more questions are raised. Where do the gods reside? What IS the soul? Sorry, I meandered".
"It's quite alright" Kitsune said "In a Monochrome world where, monosyllabic replies are given, and monotony is normal, it's nice to hear you give me your vision of the idea. I asked out of curiosity. You see, my favorite Character in literature is Aleksander Kracinea, He at first is the Enemy of the protagonist, but slowly is drawn to the ideals the Prince has but, his way of handling religion is Admirable. When he strikes down a commander from the opposing army, he drops his blade and slides a paw over the man's eyes stating "Honorable Warrior, I pray your soul rests in a place deserving of it, and may your respite be the one you yourself pray for", He's saying, I am not here to force my ideals on you, my religion on you, In fact, he's saying your soul SHOULD go to where you pray for it to, as one who has lost the spark of life, you deserve at least that".
"Interesting, I never Read "The Pale Sky" or "A Blood Soaked Pearl" replied Hunter "Mr. Stillwell, just recently Made those didn't he?"
"I have not read "A Blood Soaked Pearl" either but, as far as I know it just follows Aleks' journey before the actual events of "The Pale Sky" but, Mr. Stillwell is my favorite Writer" Kitsune said looking up to the sky "I'm not finished reading "The Pale Sky" I got side tracked for awhile but, I hope it has a happy ending".
"Why'd you bring this up?"
"Oh, well I just wanted conversation" The fox looked over to the large tree in front of the dorm building then looked back "I just think, perhaps that's true, the very will of our soul could possibly invoke our final resting place".
"Perhaps but, isn't that fairly farfetched, considering everything" Hunter stated leading the fox up the stairs "that EVERY religion is correct?"
"Not Anymore Farfetched than believing without knowledge of space, that the sun will not fall upon this planet. No more strange than stating that a one thousand year old human herded every species onto a boat and then the earth was flooded for a month" The fox paused and smiled "No stranger than believing once upon a time, Dragon's actually walked with regular furs".
"Yeah, I can see that" said Hunter "But what about an Atheist, where doth a soul go if it is not called?"
"Maybe a random place of the fur's own creation, Or maybe into the stream of life to recycle back into the world, Or maybe even it stays on the planet to wander forever, and maybe, just maybe, it follows those who need it's guidance to live a happier life than it di-" Kitsune stopped near the end of his sentence to ponder upon his words "I-I mean, supernatural occurrences, aren't ignored by scholars and professors and scientists these days".
"Hey Kit, I've been meaning to ask you something....Why Kitsune Warui?"
The Fox didn't reply too quickly and looked down at his paws.
"Half to forget myself, half to free me from my family"
"Your Father's name is, Dahlia, right?"
"Yeah" Kitsune said "Renard Dahlia".
"It's a pretty last name" Hunter said, coming to his dorm door, he opened it and allowed the fox to go before him.
"You really think so?"
"I do" He answered "What's your name?"
"I'm not sure, I'm ready"
"It's okay" Hunter said placing a paw on Kitsune's shoulder. Kitsune looked at it, and followed over it.
"May I use your bathroom?" Kitsune asked, turning around to look at hunter. The room was bright when they had walked in but it was growing gloomy and dark, as a cloud of black smoke bellowed throughout. Just behind Hunter, the black fox smirked to Kitsune, the red steely eyes penetrating his heart.
"Sure, it's no problem" Replied Hunter unable to see the hallucination of the Fox.
"Ooo, maybe he can make you happy" Spoke the dark vulpine, passing a paw over Hunter's cheek "He's handsome, tall, nice body; he's sweet, yes yes, perfect for you".
Kitsune ignored it, and moved himself into the bathroom and closed the door, flipping on the light, and placing a paw up to the mirror. He peered into it, to see the black fox on the other side staring back at him.
"..." Kitsune looked into the eyes of the mirror's dark dweller.
"What? Why stare into these eyes so much? They're just yours".
"You're right" Kitsune said "they are mine...My creation. You're not real, simply an idol, I created in the absence of a friend".
"Poor poor fox"
"But, I will no longer allow you to grace the mirror as my reflection" as Kitsune said this, cracks began to run up the body of the fox who gave a weak glance upon him "I will no longer, stare into t he eyes of my imagination. I wish to see my own eyes...My eyes, Me, Adrian Dahlia".
"WH-what?" The fox spoke "A-Adrian isn't our name".
"No, Adrian isn't your name" Said Kitsune "It just belongs to me". Slowly the smoke left the mirror, and the cracks shattered the dark skin around the fox. Now a brown haired, bright furred and blue eyed fox stared back at him. Kitsune smiled at himself, he could feel the shackles that had once constrained his heart and soul, loosen.
He burst from the bathroom door, with tears in his eyes, and went to hunter, holding out a paw, as if to be shook.
"I-I need to stop hiding" Kitsune said "My name...My name is Adrian Dahlia".
"Adrian?" Hunter took the paw, and saw the crying fox smile "It's a beautiful name".
"Thank you" Blushed the teary eyed fox.
"Why'd you hide it?"
"I....I have a lot to tell you" Replied Kitsune "That is...I need to talk to someone, if they'll listen".
"I'm yours; I'll always listen to you"
"Thank you" Kitsune sat down as Hunter did, on the couch.
"I hid my name, to hide myself" Kitsune said "If I was just "Kit" To everyone, I didn't have to think...of him".
"Him?"
"Jeremy..."
"Ex?"
"N-no" Replied Kitsune shaking his head "A f-friend...who was very dear to me...but I was hiding even to him. I've hid my whole life..."
"How do you mean?"
"I...Never told my mom when I was feeling down about Jeremy. I never told my friends I was gay...when I got to High school, I went to being called Kitsune, and so I didn't have to hear my name...I was ashamed of what I was".
"What happened to Jeremy?"
"H-he...committed suicide, while I was young...I was th-the first to find him dead" Kitsune stated "I still have problems with opening closets, while I'm alone..."
"Oh...oh no" Hunter shook his head placing a paw against his mouth "You mean he had hun-"
"Yes" Kitsune nodded "I remember the image like it was yesterday...His head hung, one eye closed in shame, and his brown hair a mess, one paw had been gripping at the belt which had used for the rope, the other hanging limp. He was naked, and blood was matted to his chest, and around his eyes, his tongue was hanging from his mouth....his body was spinning very slowly and his other eye peering deep into my soul with a lifeless stare".
"Th-that's alot for a cub to-"
"The next day, I cried throughout school, at the end a group of bullies confronted me about Jeremy, and when I started crying, I was beaten up. When asked what happened when my father saw the bruises I shamefully answered that I had fallen".
"You poor-"
"Five years later, I attempted suicide myself" Kitsune said pulling down the neck of his sweater, to show the cut that ran across his neck, with the stitching holding it together "The noose wasn't strong enough, as I was choking and bleeding, it broke free, and I collapsed on the floor, to awake in a hospital where the vet's patched me up".
Hunter's eyes stared into Kitsune's but he replied with just his silence.
"I was sent to a psychiatrist, and told him, I was fine, he asked me if I had a friend, I told him there was a black fox who was just like me who played with me" Kitsune shook his own head "But, in all honesty, I made him up, I had real friends...but was scared to be around them, I one day came out to them, but...even today I'm not sure they accepted it".
"I see".
"I met Ozwot, after, on the internet...he visited once...We played around, and I enjoyed my first sexual experience, but afterwards, he cut my cheek with his claw and played it out to be an accident...I was hurt by him, more than recently..." Kitsune said and whimpered "I made up excuses every time. I didn't feel like I was worth anything, I didn't feel like I had anything to be proud of...so instead I used him to define me...to make me...someone".
"K-Kit"
"I know...I need help...a lot of help" The fox whimpered "I still...every day, feel the foreboding pressure and emptiness that consumes my very heart...and I keep thinking to seek a mate to feel that void".
"Oh kit" Hunter pulled the now crying fox into his embrace and rubbed down his back very gently. The fox twitched in Hunter's grasp and pouted. The folf rubbed his back and patted very softly not sure of what to make of the words he had heard.
*** (February 2nd 11:30 AM)
Kitsune sat back in the comfortable chair, staring over the desk at Christopher Slate, who peered through his glasses over landscape pictures drawn by Kitsune a year prior for his 2D art class. They were fairly good, the fact that stood out most to Christopher was that each was a night drawing and flowers could always be seen in them.
"These are drawn from actual places?" Questioned slate.
"Yes" Kitsune said.
"But, these flowers seem out of place"
"I added them" Replied Kitsune "I felt it added a nice touch to the picture".
"You really like flowers?"
"I'm very good at drawing them I think"
"But do you like them?"
"I do"
"What is it you like so much?"
"They're beautiful, there are so many different types but of all the different types each is beautiful in their own accord" Kitsune stated.
"I see" Mr. Slate replied scribbling onto a pad he had in front of him "Now talk to me about something you seem apprehensive about, or rather why you're apprehensive".
"What do you mean?" Kitsune questioned.
"You had said, that you were Dating, a Wolf, Named Ozwot" Said Christopher "Where has he gone?"
"I don't know, I suppose he flew somewhere far off"
"You say that like you believe that"
"B-but I do believe th-"
"I read the letter he gave you" Said the psychiatrist "You brought it to me on our last meeting"
"And?"
"The letter you say he gave you the first time he "changed" and you said he gave you a necklace...did you bring that?"
"I couldn't find it...I looked really hard, I was wearing it a lot when he first left"
"You were?"
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure it would be in the picture taken of me while I and my group had the Drag show"
"I saw that paper" Nodded Christopher "There was a pendant of a heart at the end of the collar...where is that collar by the way?"
"I've decided to stop wearing it" Kitsune said, pulling down the green turtleneck sweater to show his bare neck.
"And would you admit when asked, why those stitches are there?"
"I would say it was from when I was younger and tried to hang myself" Replied Kitsune with a bit of force.
"You are still grappling with your past? With your friend?"
"I feel like I am starting to overcome it a little, I think I can finally let go of Jeremy's death"
"That's good. I must say you have had a bit more color in you today" Replied Christopher "But there are a few things. Now, you are very lax to head straight for medications, which is good, it shows you believe you can help yourself".
"I want to be strong" Said Kitsune "I want to be able to walk with my own paws".
"Many patients come seeking a quick fix to a situation, it almost appeared you would be doing the same thing but...you seem to understand that doing that will never make you feel better, it will just drown out the feelings" Said the lion "Do something for me, Inquire to your friends about that necklace, and...You said a man named Leo walked in on you two correct?"
"I did" Replied Kitsune.
"While Ozwot was a "demon"?"
"Yes"
"Please go ask him about that day"
"What for?"
"I want you to have more understanding to the situation, you can only see from your eyes, but you can hear what different ones have seen"
"Alright"
"So, any prospects for mates?"
"I...I think I am too hasty to jump into one after losing another"
"Oh?"
"I-I really think, I'm too dependent on someone else"
"Really now?"
"I leaned on Ozwot, to make me feel comfortable about myself, to feel like I had purpose"
"He gave you purpose?"
"I felt like that, yes"
"So you're starting to see that was wrong?"
"No, He did make me feel good about my appearances, he did help my self esteem, but I'm starting to see that I shouldn't depend on someone else for those things"
"Assurance is not a bad thing"
"Isn't it? Isn't it, when you are only sure of it because someone else said it" Kitsune said looking down.
"So are you proud of whom you are?"
"I am" Said Kitsune "I-I'm a very good artist, and I know I will one day be a respected writer...I know it".
"Good, very good"
"Huh?"
"You're making epic progress, you came to me on that first day, and I could sense pressure all around you, you've let a lot of that go, there are still things pushing down on you"
"What do you mean?"
"You state that Ozwot was good to you"
"He was"
"Then why did he hurt you?"
"Because he was changing into a beast"
"Indeed" nodded Christopher "we will talk more on that when you've asked the questions I told you to ask, and when you've looked for that necklace"
"Okay" nodded Kitsune.
"Well, our time is getting close here"
"Its okay" Nodded Kitsune "A friend of mine from before I started college is supposed to stop by I didn't want to miss him"
"Who?"
"Micah...he's been my friend for as long as I can remember"
"I see"
"Wait..." Kitsune suddenly felt a rush throughout himself "You see what?"
"Hmm" Christopher seemed to finally perk away from looking at his notes and he gave a scribble as he looked up with what seemed like amazement.
"That's all, I see? Come on, I really want more than that...This means alot to me, that a friend has come to visit me" Kitsune crossed his arms and sighed.
"This has you very emotional" Nodded Christopher "Something you've had trouble with as of late".
"Wha-"
"So, I see, means I see that you are making progress, and that you're mind is slowly easing itself. Things in your life seem very bright for you...You're a young fox, so you are happy to see things going right....But-"
"What?" Kitsune's ears flattened at the ending.
"Well, You can't be a; excuse this expression and don't take it the wrong way, but don't be a "Fair-weather fox", You can't just hold yourself together in a good situation, bad things happen, it's part of life" Nodded Christopher "Happy?"
"A little" The fox moved a little.
"Speak your feelings"
"It kinda was rough" The fox shrugged "I guess it hurt my feelings a bit because I knew it is how I am acting".
"Good" Christopher said laying his notepad down "I wanted to ask you something off the record".
"Sure" Replied Kitsune.
"My son, he's having trouble" Christopher spoke and rubbed the back of his head and sighed "I'm a psychiatrist, this shouldn't be an issues I have trouble with but...you said your father was accepting and it made your admittance of homosexuality accommodated...My Son has recently come out and...How do I make him feel comfortable?"
The fox stopped and blushed.
"Easy sir, treat him like a son" Kitsune said "I...I don't know how my dad did it, He spoke his feelings on it, and then went back to treating me as his son. I guess, in my eyes I didn't WANT to be treated different by my parents, I just wanted to be their son".
"That makes a lot of sense" Nodded Christopher "Um, thanks; I really shouldn't ask a client something like that".
"It's a hard issue I'm sure, but parents should fret the least, it's his sexuality and his life".
"Yes, I hear it a lot. It's tough being a dad"
"I can only imagine" Kitsune said "...I've been a very dependant person in my life...I couldn't do it...Well good day, hope everything goes well".
"Yes, thank you, have a nice day".
"Poor kid" Christopher mumbled to himself and sat back in his chair "...We care for them so long, and we find the way their treated behind our backs can tear them apart..."
***
The sun outside was a dim light upon the ground as a fair fog passed just above the ground. The fox was lost in his own fog. He was confused about the entirety of his dilemma and his eyes were growing more and more aware of what they had missed before. This would normally seem a great event for most but in his mind it just led to more questions of his sanity, and his passions. He felt his heart a blow, as he thought of how quickly he would let his mind shift around and turn lust to love.
"I have people to lead" Said Kitsune clutching his paw remembering the words of a character from his favorite novel "and though my heart may hang low, my ambitions will continue to rise, and through perseverance I will see my people strong, and in return they will keep me strong". Kitsune knew he allowed himself to become dependent on others more than he was comfortable admitting, and it took being cast aside to realize it. In his mind he felt worthless, and it made him whimper as he approached his dorm building, he went to climb the stairs when he saw someone smoking as they climbed the stairs.
He was a head shorter than Kitsune, his fur brown, and his hair sable, and a smoke trail followed over his head. He was a cat, dressed in a denim vest, jeans, and his hair a mess, he looked behind him, took a drag of his cigarette, then looked at the fox with a deep menacing stair. The fox didn't flinch in his apathetic look but tears ran under his eyes as he looked into the Cat's green eyes.
"Don't start Cryin'" Sighed the cat and spit out his cigarette "Where' ya been, this is my fifth time climbin' up this tower you call a dormitory".
"Oh Micah" Kitsune sniffled.
"Oh lord' you know if you're gonna start I can climb em' a sixth time later, I ain't hear for water works"
"It means a lot for you to visit" Kitsune said rubbing under his eyes "I've missed you a lot".
"Yeah, me too I guess" The cat shrugged "Steven an' I was remenissin' and well, you came up a lot".
"Awww, you missed me" Blushed the fox.
"Kay' kay' come on, hangin' out with all your fag friends, is makin' it hard to talk to you without you cryin'"
"Oh come on Micah, you enjoy my company"
"Yeah" The cat said and shrugged. The fox began to climb the stairs after him and hugged the cat to him and squeezed.
"It really means a lot to me"
"Yeah" the Cat said looking around as the canid held him close "...Ooookay, hugs gettin'a bit long now"
"Oh Micah, I have so much to tell you"
"Startin' to get really un-manly" The cat said still in the embrace of the fox.
"I got into a fight almost at the beginning of classes" Whimpered the fox.
"You're ABOUT to get into another one, if you don't release me"
"Oh!" Giggled the fox letting Micah go "Sorry".
"Well, so who's been fightin' with ya'?" Micah replied quickly "Kicked his ass I hope".
"Well the first time...but in another one, I had him down for awhile...but you know I get sometimes in fights..."
"Ya' cry" the cat's teeth gritted.
"Yeah, so he took advantage and hit me with a pipe"
"The fucker!" Screamed Micah "where tha' fuck is he!? Of all the low shit, it ain't right ta' jus-"
"Calm down" Kitsune said "It's not like I got the worst end of it".
"Damn fuckin' right!" Said Micah huffing and puffing "I mean...shit, it's weird not beein' around...Me an' my brother are in Maryland, we got into a tech college, Bethesda's a nice town, gotta come visit".
"I know" Kitsune said smiling "how's your dad?"
"He's good...he misses ya' too"
"Yeah" Smiled Kitsune biting his lip a little. The cat sighed.
"Come on, jus' do it"
"What?"
"Let yer' fuckin' water works go..."
"You sure?"
"Ya', I can live"
"You're a good friend Micah"
"Yeah yeah, you are too" Micah stated and placed a paw on Kitsune's shoulder "But..."
"But?" Kitsune's ear twitched.
"Well, Adrian...I wanted to say" The cat gritted his teeth and butted his head against the wall near the steps.
"Hmm?" The fox grew curious as he commonly did.
"God damn it...I want to apologize!" Said Micah "I never...I never really gripped ya' comin' out ta' me...and I've been a lil' scared...that maybe...ya know, that's why you've not stayed in touch".
"Oh Micah" The fox bit his lower lip again, tears rolling down his cheeks and pulled the feline into his embrace "no no no, I-I...I've been going through a lot, and I just didn't wanna put it all on you, you don't need my problems".
"I'd just be listenin' yo" Replied the cat "I got ears".
"Yeah but you don't wanna hear about all my gay stuff"
"Oh don't let the tough guy shit keep us apart, I'm a man" Shrugged Micah breaking the hug "I-I kinda' have to be like at'. I love you man, I love you, an' don't you forget it, Both me an' my bro, you practically are ma' brother, I tell you about ma' girlfriends, you listenin' all the while, you talka' me, your there for me, don't be selfish bitch, I care bout ya'"
"Thanks Micah it really means a lot" Kitsune said kissing the cat on the cheek, he was quickly pushed back by the blushing feline.
"Whoa whoa whoa, I said you were like a brother, that's incest practically!"
"I didn't kiss your lips" giggled the fox "come now-"
"Don't you bark sexual orders at me!" Screamed the cat who then gave a chuckle.
"By the way" The fox moved his finger along the denim vest of the cat "ya' might wanna put a shirt on under this, might get unwanted attention".
"Pft" The cat said "It's ma' denim, you used ta' do the same".
"I was after that attention" Giggled the fox "Besides, Imma' fox".
"You're a dick, and on an ego trip" Laughed the cat.
"I like dicks, and I'm a good trick" Smirked the fox in reply.
The cat stopped for a moment then raised an eyebrow.
"Ya' jus' call yourself a slut?"
"What?"
"Come on, you're not really like' that".
"Oh oh, no no no" The fox waved his paws about "no, I am no stereotype!"
"Okay, I'm jus' saying there was that time you were a cub an-"
"We're in public!" Screeched the fox "and NOTHING happened".
"Yeah, well I still get grief about the time you tried on ma' pants, an' ma' bro digs it up, sayin'...well you know what he says"
The fox giggled, feeling the air of the past, move around him. It was a pleasant feeling being reunited with his sweet friend. Kitsune enjoyed most of all being called Adrian, his real name. Micah never moved to calling him Kit, and he never minded. Micah had been his friend around the same time he met Jeremy. Micah was always with him on "Adventures" in their imaginations. What made the two inseparable was the way they would so easily talk, nothing seemed an untouchable subject, even as children they showed their feelings as best they could.
Kitsune had a strong imagination keeping them always entertained, and Micah was inventive, always thinking of new challenges for the two. It's such a silly thing for the now adult fox, but he missed the days of scaling houses, jumping from roofs, sword fighting with sticks, and seeking buried treasures. Micah wasn't much different, but his words were not false, it was just a tough guy game, Kit knew deep down, If Micah felt the way he spoke he would never keep Kitsune about him. Kitsune never said it, but he knew Micah wanted to open up to someone who wouldn't just wave it off. To Kitsune Nothing was unimportant.
"Ohhh you've grown so handsome" Said Kitsune as he closed the door to his dorm room as to not embarrass his friend.
"Yeah you look...ya' know..."
"Thank you, my vanity disallows me to let my figure go" Giggled Kitsune "All fox's have it ya' know"
"What? An ego the size of a whale?"
"Vanity" Smiled Kitsune "it comes with the beautiful fur and tail".
"I thought you didn't like species stereotypes" Micah complained.
"I don't...doesn't mean some aren't true"
"Like?"
"Ferret's a born-thieves, horses are always big...in that place, bunnies have a libido the size of said horses endowment, Cat's never lose their figure, owl's are smart, Otter's like to swim, Dog's like it from behind, giraffe's are incapable of deep throating, and Fox's are fabulous".
"I think you meant to say, fox's are mostly gay" Chuckled Micah "I don't think I've met a straight one in ma' life".
"We're too pretty to waste on girls" Giggled Kitsune waving to the couch "Come on, sit down".
"More a' these sexual commands" Said the cat who then slouched himself onto the couch comfortably "So what do you do, these days?"
The cat looked around the mess of a room, and looked over to the slouching pile of books near the computer which was making a racket as its fan hummed out with fervor. It was a small room, and everything but the desk with the computer was kept clean. The air smelled of scented candles, and the cat looked around longingly hoping to find a bottle of some sort of alcohol within the confines of the fox's chambers. He failed in this and he sighed.
"So Um...gotta boyfriend or anythin'?"
"No, I just broke up with one" Said Kitsune in reply.
"Ah...guess you don' wanna talk about it?" said Micah "Ya' know...as long as you don't star' talkin' bout thrustin' and the thralls of your passion an' what not".
"Oh no no, he just left one day, and at first I felt if he came back I'd take him back but, after going over the past with him, I think I was just getting hurt throughout it...and I feel like he was using me and I was using him" Kitsune said as he pulled up his shirt to show where scars were just recently healing "I think we both just needed someone, and well, that someone wasn't each other. He also had outburst, that I put up with because, I enjoyed being wanted".
"Whoa whoa whoa, he abused ya'!?" Micah said jumping up from the couch.
"Well-"
"I mean come on buddy, that ain't right, Y-you saw your mom put up with shit like that, you can't jus' lay down an' take it"
"I was very depressed Micah, I realize it was a mistake" Kitsune said waving a paw "It's more complicated than you think".
"If I met tha' guy, I'd freakin'..." Micah huffed once again then sat down "Hurtin' my friend...I've known you for years, damn it, I ain't gonna let just some guy hurt you. No, Ain't right, I've put up with your queer ass as long as I can remember and I never had the urge to hit ya'".
"Thanks" Giggled Kitsune.
"You're a good guy is the problem, I learned that in school" Micah said rolling his paw "People take advantage of nice people, so you either get tough, or that toy with you, an' get what they want...you know that".
"I know" Kitsune said "I just, had a longing in my heart, for passion, for love, and when it was filled, it felt like anything that happened was the price of happiness".
"Happiness' only price is hard work" Said Micah "Thas' what my dad, An' yours always said, Nothin' else".
"I was content because I was blind" Kitsune said "Ignorance is bliss".
"Till' it claws ya' in the ass" scoffed the cat.
"So uh...I'll be here for awhile...an' hotel's can be expensive"
"You wanna have a sleep over" Squeeled the fox.
"I was actually wonderin' if one a' your straight friends might have a couch" Micah said looking away.
"Seriously" The fox whimpered at the statement.
"No, Come on, we can hang out again, ya' can, do yer' nails or whatev' I don't care...just don't expect me ta' help or talk about boys" Micah said "I mean...if that's okay".
"You can stay" Smiled Kitsune "It'll be nice having someone in this room, I get lonely sometimes".
It was silent for a moment.
"Again, uh, any of your manlier friends got couches?"
As the vulpine looked out towards the window, at the beautiful horizon. There was once a grey filter moving hte beauty of the world and furs from his eyes only the negatives and darkest forms showing. But now the beautiful sky was parting to show the beaming light of the sun. He still felt a clutch around his heart but he felt the purities and bloom of this beautiful world.