Ander - Part 3: Subchapter 43
43
Her screams finally subsided, swallowed up by the hungry mist. It felt like her throat had been shredded. She looked down at her hands and was surprised to see that she had pulled clumps of her hair out in despair. They felt moist and clingy between her fingers.
She had found him. She had finally found him. But...
"Ander...?" After all that screaming, her voice was reduced to a hoarse whisper. "Ander...?"
She crawled to him on her hands and knees, telling herself over and over that it was just an illusion of the mist, he was just sleeping, that's all, or maybe he was passed out from sheer exhaustion. That's why he wasn't opening his eyes. Yes, that must be it. He must have gone through a lot. All of that red wasn't real. Once she got close enough to touch him, it would all just fade away. Or if it was real, then... then it must be paint. That must be it. Wolves painted themselves sometimes, didn't they? Sure they did. That wasn't... He couldn't... He couldn't possibly be...
"Ander? Are you...?"
The blood wasn't going away. It was still there, even up close.
No! That's not blood! It's not blood it's not blood IT'S NOT BLOOD!!!
"Ander? Please answer me, okay? You..." She reached out to him, but hesitated. She couldn't ignore it anymore. No matter how badly she wanted to tell herself it wasn't true, she was beginning to see the reality. She was beginning to see Ander as he really lay before her.
There was blood, so much blood... blood everywhere. He had a huge gash in his forehead, and his ear was torn. There were twin lines of blood running from his nostrils, carving red lines through a scum of pink foam drying around his mouth. His shoulder was a crimson mess of tacky fur, standing up in sticky spikes. In the crook of his left elbow she could actually see a piece of bone sticking through his skin. And his ribs... there was... there was a giant cut... but it looked more like... a hole...
"Ander... what did they do to you? What..." The world was beginning to blur, to break up and reform in shards of white and red. She could feel the tears form in her eyes, but they wouldn't be enough. All the tears in the world wouldn't be enough. She couldn't take this anymore. After everything they had been through, after everything he had done for her, after all the pain and the suffering and the sacrifice, didn't that matter? Didn't that count for anything!? What she felt inside, it had to come out. The injustice of it all. This... this wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair. It had to come out. It had to - "WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU, ANDER!!? WHAT IN GOD'S NAME DID THEY DO TO YOU!!?"
"Kiana?" Someone placed a hand on her shoulder, but she swatted it away hysterically, her whole world crumbling to pieces before her very eyes.
"Don't touch me!" she yelled.
"Kiana, please, your sister..."
Layla? Kiana could hear it now. The soft crying of her little sister. She had covered her eyes with her hands and leaned her forehead against the hard bark of the tree so she could weep in silence, away from everything.
There wasn't any comfort Kiana could provide, and none that she could receive. All she wanted to do was reach out and touch the Wolf that had saved her life so many times, but she was deathly afraid. What if he was cold to the touch? What if he really...?
She covered her mouth with her hand, but her sobs escaped regardless, slipping past her fingers in explosive bursts.
She could hear Bartholomew, Nicholas and Devin talking in hushed voices.
"We can't stay here. It might not be safe."
"Give them a moment, for pity's sake."
"By the gods, I can't believe they would do something like that to one of their own kind."
"Can you imagine if they had marched on Grovenglen? I shudder at the thought."
He knew this would happen, Kiana thought, powerless against the overwhelming flood of misery rising inside of her. He knew, and yet he still went back... and for what? For a bunch of Foxes he hardly knew more than a week?
He did it for you_._
No...
He did it because he loves you.
No, no, no! If that was true, if she allowed herself to think that way, then that meant it was all her fault! It was her fault this happened to him!
"All he wanted to do was help... That's all he ever wanted to do..." she said, struggling to speak through her tears. There was a thin runner of snot dripping from her nose, and her short, hitching breaths weren't enough to get rid of it. "He wanted to make the world better. He wanted to make everyone happy..." Unable to restrain herself any longer, she reached out and gently ran a hand across the curve of his jaw line, coming to rest against his cheek.
He was cold.
No, that's just because the air is cold. You're just as cold as he is right now. Layla, Bart, Nick, Devin, we're all cold! It doesn't mean anything!
She pressed her ear against his chest, listening...
She remembered that hellish night by the river, just after he had killed his own brother. They had held each other in the rain, and he had wept, just as she was doing now. His heart had been beating so frantically back then it was as if she could feel it thumping inside her own body, like they only had one heart between them, one heart to share.
But now she couldn't hear anything, even with her ear pressed right up against his chest.
That still doesn't mean anything! If he's asleep, then of course his heart wouldn't be hammering away! It would be beating softly, gently... peacefully. That's why you can't hear anything. That's all.
Kiana closed her eyes as tightly as she could, but her tears leaked out anyway. "Why did it have to happen this way?" she whispered, her voice muffled by his soft fur. "He didn't deserve this..." She lay down next to him and carefully took his big head in her arms, hugging him to her chest. There, lying together in the shadow of a giant beech tree, nestled between its massive roots, she whispered the same words that were screamed by Ander's father in the exact same spot all those years ago.
"This isn't fair..."
He felt so limp in her arms.
"This isn't fair..."
She loved him with all her heart, and she knew he felt the same way.
"This isn't fair... THIS ISN'T FAIR!!" She screamed and cried all at the same time, burying her face in his bloody fur, wailing in sorrow, desperate to get it out before it killed her.
"Please, Ander..." she begged. "Please open your eyes. I can't do this without you. I can't go back home if you're not there to hold my hand." She sniffed. "It's because I promised, remember? I promised I'd never let you go..." She hugged him tight and planted a small kiss on his forehead. "I promised... I promised... Please, Ander... Don't make me break my promise..."
*
I promised...
He knew that voice.
I promised...
But why couldn't he remember?
Please, Ander...
Why did she sound so sad?
Don't make me break my promise...
Promise?
I'll never let you go...
There was so much pain, but there was something else, too. Something warm, pressing against him, making him feel like everything would turn out all right in the end. He knew this feeling...
Please, Ander... Please...
He didn't like the sadness in her voice. He wanted to go to her, to make her feel better, just like she once did for him, but he didn't know how to get to her. He didn't even know where he was. This didn't feel like a dream, where even the blackest nothingness was still a 'real' thing, a concept you could understand. This felt more like... even the nothingness didn't really exist. It felt like... even he didn't really exist.
Wait... like she once did for him?
I promised... I'll never let you go...
He remembered. He remembered kneeling in the mud and the rain, looking down at his own bloody hands, screaming in horror. He remembered feeling like all the demons of hell were rushing through his body. He remembered how scared he was, how ashamed, how terrified. He remembered a pain far worse than what he was feeling now.
And then she was there, holding him, telling him everything would be okay. He remembered the way she had pulled him in close, the way she had wrapped her arms around his body. They had held each other until they couldn't feel the rain anymore, until it was just them, together.
He could feel her right now, holding him just like before, but there was something wrong, something fundamentally different. She was the one crying now, and it hurt him deeply. He didn't want to hear her cry like that. He didn't want to feel her body hitch against his own. He only wanted her to be happy. But how? How could he do that?
Please... Just open your eyes, Ander. Just... just open your eyes...
Open his eyes? Was that all? If he could do that, would she be happy?
Please...
He tried. He tried so hard, but he didn't even know if he still had eyes. He didn't know if he had anything. He didn't know if he was still real. But he tried anyway. He tried...
Please, Ander...
He tried to
Please, just open
open his
your
open your
opened
*
his eyes.
At first there was nothing but a blurry whiteness, broken along the edges by spikes of gray, but then he could see branches high above, their leaves swaying in the mist, thousands upon thousands. There was something on top of him, something heavy... What was that? It hurt... this weight... But it also felt kind of nice...
He turned his head to the side, and what he saw made his heart explode with joy and wilt with misery all at the same time.
It was Kiana. She was holding him, hugging him, her fingers wound into his fur as if she was afraid to let go, clinging to him with panicky tightness, her face buried against his shoulder. He could feel her heave with every gut-wrenching sob, so intense, he feared her frail body might tear itself apart. In-between her gasps for air, she kept repeating the same words over and over.
"Please, Ander. Don't make me break my promise... I won't let you go!" She sniffled, almost choking on her own tears, and screamed one final time: "I won't let you go!"
He tried to call her name, but his voice wasn't there anymore. He tried to reach out and hug her, but his arms weren't there anymore, either. He could feel the fabric of her dress rub up against his side, and the soft, slightly yielding pressure of her body underneath it, so warm.
He tried again, willing his arm to move through sheer force of will, since his muscles alone apparently weren't up for the job anymore. He managed to twitch his fingers, and a sharp bolt of pain shot through his palm. He vaguely remembered getting stabbed there, but that didn't matter. Did she feel it? Did she feel him move his fingers?
No, she was still crying.
Look at me, Kiana... Raise your head... Please, please stop crying... I can't stand to see you crying...
He could feel the heat radiating from her in waves, especially around her face. His shoulder was hot with the mixture of his own blood and her tears: his pain and her sadness, fused together as one.
He didn't care how much pain he had to endure, just as long as he could take her sadness away...
He slowly, ever so slowly, raised his arm. The pain was excruciating, shards of gray spiked before his eyes, but he wouldn't stop. He couldn't stop.
He gently placed his hand over Kiana's, and her crying finally, finally...
... stopped.
Her head snapped up with a gasp and their eyes locked together in a moment of time immeasurable. A single tear was still travelling down her face, running sideways across her temple because they were both still lying down, the only proof that time hadn't stopped entirely.
"A-Ander?" she whispered.
"Hey..." Ander didn't have a voice anymore, so he sort of had to breathe the word out, but it worked well enough. He squeezed her hand and watched her face. Even caked with blood and smeared with tears, and even with snot dripping from her nose, she was still the most beautiful creature in the whole world.
"Ander!" She shot up like a piece of driftwood in a pond, and for one fearful second Ander thought she was going to throw herself on top of him completely, but she managed to restrain herself. Just barely. "Layla! Bring the bag! He's still alive! Laylaaa!"
And suddenly Layla popped out from behind the beech tree, her face almost as tear streaked as her sister's. "Are you serious!?" she asked, vigorously wiping at her eyes with her sleeve.
"Yes, hurry!"
Layla looked down at him, her eyes huge, her mouth slightly open, and Ander had to smile. It was the exact same expression she had worn when he first woke up in their spare bedroom. That seemed so long ago...
She only stared for a single moment, but apparently that was one moment too long for Kiana's liking. "Layla!!"
"Oh, right!" She rushed over to their side, skidding down to her knees and fumbling with a bulky black bag all at the same time. It looked suspiciously like the one Bethany always carried with her when she went out to do her town work.
"By the gods, there's so much blood!"
"I think this one is the worst. Right here, see?"
"This is really bad. Basic first aid won't be enough."
"Well we have to do something!"
"By all the gods, I can't believe he's still kicking. Hey, how can we help?"
Ander suddenly realized they weren't alone. There were three other Foxes here, too. One of them looked like he had just seen one of those 'Living Souls' the Foxes sometimes cuss about, and was keeping well back from the action, not quite steady on his feet. Ander wasn't entirely sure, but he thought it might be the same Fox who had kept asking about his arms on his first excursion into town. The other two were standing right behind the girls, bent down slightly with their hands resting on their knees, waiting for an order. Or maybe there was just one of them, and Ander was seeing double. They looked exactly alike.
"Okay, first thing's first," Layla said and whipped the hair out of her face. "Nick -"
"I'm Bart."
"Whatever. Give me that brandy."
Bart handed her a weather-beaten water pouch, half empty by the way it flopped about. "For disinfecting?"
"That too." Layla put the pouch to her lips and tilted her head back, taking several long swallows that had the twins raising their eyebrows. "Gah! Okay, let's do this!"
This was moving too fast for Ander to follow. There was just so much panic, so much speed to the world around him, he could only catch snippets of conversation between the fugues.
"Mother - me to learn first aid so many times, but I always - Why couldn't I just listen!? I wish -"
"I still owe - saving your stupid behind, so I'm not going to let him - You hear that, Ander? You just try to re-"
Swirls of colours. Reds... greens... blacks... and covering all of it was the hazy whiteness of the morning mist. Strange... he would've thought it'd all be evaporated by now...
"Lass? I don't mean to - but he's looking a bit out of it, if you -"
"Tourniquet, tourniquet... where's the blasted - He's going to bl-"
It felt like... there was something wrong. There was something he still needed to do. Something he had forgotten. What was it? It was very important... Something to do with... this tree? And his family?
"Don't you dare pass out on - I still have a debt to -"
Repay? A debt? Something he had to give back? Something he owed? Something he had to... no, someone he had to... he had to... he...
*
She had to do this. She had to. But she had to be calm to do it and the panic was running around inside her brain like a scared little child!
"Ander? Are you still with me?" Kiana asked. His eyes were open, but they were glassy, looking off into empty space. She didn't like that look. It was too much like this ungodly mist.
"We have to save him, Layla," she said, closing her hands into fists. "We have to."
"Then that's what we'll do," she said, opening the clasps of Mother's medical bag. They made that strange snickety-click sound that always made Kiana's fur stand on end, made even more unnatural by the deathly silence in the middle of this vast, mist-laden clearing. It was the sound that always started Mother's treatments, and it was the sound that always ended them, for better or worse.
Layla pawed around inside, shifting the tools around with a metallic clatter. "We have bandages, knives, some bottles, aloe vera oil I think, some brown stuff, thread, needles... We've seen Mother treat dozens, no, hundreds of patients. We'll just do exactly as she always does and everything will be fine. Won't it, sis? Yes, of course everything will be fine. We can do it together."
Kiana looked at the shiny black bag in her sister's lap, the bag with the noisy silver clasps, and then she looked down at Ander's gore streaked body, at the vicious cut in his side, still leaking blood, at the way he was barely breathing, and she knew. "Layla?" she said, her voice trembling almost as badly as the rest of her body. "Bandages and aloe vera oil won't be enough. Not for this."
"Well it's all we have, Kiana!" she shrieked, her eyes bugging out of their sockets.
"No. There is something else we could do for him."
"What?"
She held up her father's knife, the blade smeared with plant sap, the handle engraved with the letters 'Rufio'.
"What are you gonna do with that?"
She turned to Bart and Nick. "Can you guys make a fire? A small one will do."
They looked around at all the twigs scattered about, fallen from their freak of a mother. "Wood looks a bit wet, sweetheart. I don't suppose you have any flint in that bag, do you?"
Layla rummaged some more, but came up empty handed. She slowly shook her head.
If she had the power to do so, Kiana would have ripped the world asunder in her frustration. Why did it always have to be this way? Why were the ones she loved so much always the ones to suffer in her stead?
The knife shook in her hand, rendered completely useless in every way save for one, a dreaded outcome she didn't even want to give voice to in her own mind.
But then...
"Um..." Devin cleared his throat, shuffling closer and closer with his head pointed down at the ground, unable to look at Ander's mutilated body.
He held out to them a small, flat box with a chain attached at the corner, and from this chain swung a steel striker.
A tinderbox.
"I never leave home without it," he said sheepishly, handing it over to Nick, who immediately popped it open while Bart scraped together a small pile of leaves and twigs.
"You're a lifesaver, Devin! You three get the fire going, and please hurry! Layla, give me that brandy!" Kiana snatched the now rather deflated pouch from her sister's hand without bothering to wait for a reply.
"Kiana, are you planning to...?"
She poured some of the brown liquid over the blade and wiped the plant juice away with her thumb. Wait, in what order was this supposed to go?
"Layla, do you disinfect the metal before or after you put it in the fire?"
"By the gods, Kiana, you are!? Do you have any idea how dangerous that is? Mother would never resort to that!"
"It's before, definitely before, I remember now, you disinfect the metal _before_it goes in the fire..." Kiana mumbled to herself, splashing some more brandy over her father's knife. It dripped down in ugly brown splotches. "Gotta get it all, both sides, and all the way up to the handle, also the edge, don't forget the edge..."
"Kiana! He'll definitely get an infection if you do that!"
"We don't have any choice!" Kiana screamed. "This is an emergency, Layla! He might not live long enough to die from an infection if we don't do this!" Next she rounded on Lonin's Boys. "Is it not ready yet!?"
They were both lying down on their stomachs, gently blowing into a pile of smoking kindling with their hands clasped around their mouths, alternating their breaths so that there would always be a breeze flowing in. Devin didn't seem to know what to do with himself, so he paced back and forth, occasionally peeking over their shoulders.
A tongue of orange flame suddenly sprang up amidst the clouds of white smoke and Kiana immediately held the knife's blade over the open flame. The brandy made a brief puff of fire that almost rose up to her face, but she barely noticed.
"Come on, come on, you piece of trash, burn!"
Bart and Nick scraped together more twigs and leaves and carefully pushed them into the fire one by one while Kiana spun the knife around like a bare spit, watching as black crescents appeared on the once shiny surface, spreading out until it was wholly black. But she knew Father wouldn't mind. Not for this.
"I have to remember. Think, Kiana, think! Um... okay... what did she say? What did she say!? I can't mess this up, I can't! But it could go so horribly wrong..."
"Calm down, girl!" Bart said, fixing her with a stern gaze so unlike his normal catch-as-catch-can grin it actually made Kiana forget her panic. "Me an' Nicky know about starting fires, but when it comes to the doctorin' we're worse than useless, so you're going to need to calm... the hell... down. That's if you really want to help you friend over there. Okay?"
Kiana nodded her head, turned her head away from the smoke to take a few quick breaths, then turned back to watch the blade. There was something important about this bit, she knew that.
Just think. Try to remember...
"Hey, Layla, do you remember that thing with Amos?"
"With the rotting foot? Yeah."
Last year Mother had to tend to a Fox who accidentally cut off the tip of his toe while chopping firewood. He thought he'd be all manly and cauterize it himself, but he did a terrible job of it and nearly ended up losing his whole foot. She remembered Mother rambling on about his stupidity for a whole week, about how he didn't even need to cauterize it in the first place, he could've just put a compress on it and it would have been fine. But he tried to heat up an old spoon without first disinfecting it -
I did disinfect it, I remembered to do that...
- and then he left it in the fire too long.
Oh crap!
"How long am I supposed to heat this? Do you remember what Mother said? How long!?"
"If it starts glowing it's too hot!"
"Okay... okay... okay..." Kiana lifted the knife out of the fire. The tip had taken on a faint orange glow, but it was fading quickly. It should be right. Now all that remained was to... to actually do it.
She turned back to Ander. His eyes were closed now, but she could still see his chest rise and fall, ever so slightly, and every time he did more blood would ooze out from between his fingers. Time was against them.
She took his hand, carefully lifted it away, and set it down by the gnarled and twisted roots. She swallowed the lump in her throat, reached out, and parted his fur.
The cut wasn't as wide as she had feared, but it looked really deep. She stared at it, and somehow, it seemed to be staring right back, like a crimson eye.
She squeezed down on the handle. She could feel the heat radiating out from the blackened blade, warming her fingers, but it wouldn't stay hot for very long. If she was going to do this, she would have to do it now.
"Bart, Nick, Devin, I'm going to need you three to hold him down. And don't go easy just because he's like this. He's really, really strong, even for a Wolf."
"Right-o!" the twins said together, synced so perfectly it was like listening to a single voice. "I'll take the right arm!"
"And I'll take the left!"
They scrambled over and got into position in a matter of seconds, each with their hands clamped down over Ander's wrists like manacles.
Devin, however, just stood there looking at the ground.
"Devin!"
"Oh but... fer... I mean, come on! There's so much blood!"
"Devin by the gods you get your tail over here right now!"
"Okay, okay!" He hurried over, kneeled by Ander's feet and laid his hands down over his ankles with his eyes shut tight and his head turned away. "Oh my word, there's so much blood, it's all over my hands, he's all sticky, oh dear gods I can smell it, oh my word oh my word..."
Layla moved up and cradled Ander's big head in her arms. She whispered: "Don't worry, Ander, this will only hurt for a second, and then everything will be better. Don't worry, everything will be okay, we're here for you, so just relax, okay? We're here..." He probably couldn't even hear her right now, but she didn't stop. She kept whispering soothing words, almost automatically, like a mother comforting a hurt and frightened child.
Kiana looked down at her father's blade, stolen from his bedside table in the dead of night. There were ripples of heat dancing in the air, and through them she could see the crimson cut that wouldn't stop staring.
You can't do it, it seemed to whisper, shimmering in the haze. You're going to mess it up, just like you always do. And then Ander's going to die and it will be all your fault. Sending him to his death wasn't enough, so now you're going to twist the dagger with your own hands.
No.
Kiana moved the blade closer, knowing that if Ander could, he'd tell her not to be afraid. He'd tell her to please stop crying.
I'll stop crying if you come back to me.
She pressed the blade against the slit in Ander's flesh, and so many things happened all at once she could barely keep up.
There was a terrible hissing noise, like that of a snake, and then a thin tendril of black smoke rose up, carrying the bitter reek of burnt fur to her nostrils.
Ander's eyes flew open, crazed with pain, and suddenly Bart and Devin had to bear down with all their weight to keep him from thrashing his limbs. Even Nick, who was in charge of Ander's broken arm was having trouble keeping a straight face.
Layla pulled Ander in closer, still whispering in his ear that everything would be all right, that he'd be able to go home soon, that everyone was waiting for him, he just had to stay calm. Even as blood seeped from between his lips and smeared against her dress, she did not stop.
Kiana pulled the knife away. By the gods, how long did she hold it down? It couldn't have been more than two seconds, but it felt like an eternity. The fur around his wound was all burnt away now, leaving a bald patch in the shape of Father's knife, while the wound itself now looked like a piece of meat that had been left on an open fire for far too long. It was black and rough, with cracks of red running through it like a spiderweb of blood.
And it was still bleeding... by all the gods it was still bleeding...
"I have to do it again..." she said, turning the blade over. It smelled just like the molten iron of her father's smithy, but wet and cloying.
"Oh, Kiana!" Layla whimpered.
"Just do it quick, girl!" Bart shouted. "'Fore he lifts me right up!"
"I'm sorry, Ander! This is the last time, I promise!" she said and pressed the blade against his wound once again.
It hissed just like before, it smoked just like before, the stench of burnt skin and meat rose up to attack her just like before, but Ander's movements were so much weaker now, barely more than the feeble struggles of one who simply could not fight any longer.
She pulled the knife away, the whole world swimming before her eyes, that ungodly stench hanging in the air, even more oppressive than this infinite shroud of mist. "I'm sorry, Ander!" she pleaded, not sure if he could understand her. "I'm so, so sorry! I had to do it! I'm -
*
- sorry! So sorry!
Sorry...?
Something had woken him. A searing, burning line of pain. He could smell it. Charred skin, melted fur, blood that been boiled to a hard, flaky crisp. Was that him? Was he smelling himself? Or was that Garten? Was he still in the circle? Was he still fighting? He didn't know... But it was fading now, and he thought he might be breathing a little easier.
The world slowly started coming back into focus. He could see... Kiana. Oh... but she was crying again... she was crying for him. He could see her tears... Kiana...
And... Layla?
You're going to be okay... you're going to be all right... sshh... sshh... it's okay...
Was she here, too? He could feel something... it was different from all the pain... it was... warm. And soft.
I think that was the worst one. Get the bandages! Please hurry!
It was gone now... that soft sensation... but that was okay. He knew it was still there, somewhere, even if he couldn't feel it right now. But there was something else, another sensation, eating at him, gnawing at him with tiny teeth... like... he had forgotten something. Something very important...
Okay, you did your part, now it's my turn. I'll wrap him up, you keep him calm.
Thanks, Layla.
Thanks...
Yes, that was it. He had to thank her. The one who gave everything, and yet received nothing. There was something only he could give her. The father had started it twenty-three years ago, and it was the son's job to finish it. Ander's job.
"Ki... Ki... aah..."
"Shh! Don't try to talk!" Kiana gently put her fingers over his lips. "It's okay. I'm right here, see?"
Ander reached out, fighting wave after wave of dizziness and exhaustion. It felt like his arm weighed more than his entire body. Kiana took it, wound their fingers together, and kissed their clasped hands. In that moment, Ander thought he could almost die happy.
But there was still something he had to do. Even though it pained him, he extricated his fingers from her grasp, one by one.
"Ander?"
Where was it? It had to be here somewhere...
Layla pulled a roll of bandages from her mother's bag and unwound long, broad strips of it in loops of white. "Bart, Nick, you two lift him up a little, but be careful! And will somebody please tell Devin to stop being such a pussycat and come help!?"
"I have a thing about blood, okay!?" Devin's voice came floating by, so far away Ander couldn't even see him through the mist anymore. But that wasn't important. Where did it go? He had to find it! He must have dropped it when he passed out, but it should still be close...
He put his hand down on the ground and started to feel his way along, patting his palm up and down against the dirt, groping like a blind man. It had to be here...
"Hey there, big guy, remember us?" one of the identical Foxes said, stooping by Ander's side.
"'Cuz we sure remember you!" the other one said, sliding in between the girls.
"I only need you to prop him up a little so I can get the bandages around," Layla said, "so don't go overboard."
"Hey, Nick, how come we're always the ones get stuck doing all the heavy lifting?" the Fox on the left said, sliding his hands underneath Ander's body.
"Maybe because we're such prime examples of Foxy physique. Or maybe we're just suckers. Either way, I betcha this bastard hasn't gotten any lighter since last time, so lift with yer knees."
"Aye!"
"On three!"
No, not yet! Ander tried to tell them, but he could barely even moan. All he could do was continue his frantic quest, pawing through the grass and leaves and across gnarled roots as far as he could reach.
"One!"
Kiana seemed to understand he was looking for something, but there was no way for her to know what. Her eyes kept darting from his reaching hand to his eyes, begging to understand what was wrong.
"Two!"
Finally, Ander's fingertips brushed the rough surface of what he was looking for. The sharp, pointed rock he would use to finish his little sister's epitaph. He closed his hand around it, marvelling at how perfectly it fit the contours of his palm, as if it was made specifically for this purpose. He raised it up for Kiana to see, the pain in his arm screaming louder and louder as the seconds dragged by, but she just looked at it as if she had never seen anything like it before, not understanding at all. And why would she? She didn't know. She had no possible way of knowing. He had to tell her. He needed her to help him -
"Three!"
"Wait!" Kiana said, but it was already too late for that.
The twin Foxes hoisted Ander up by the shoulders and propped him up against the tree. It was only a short distance, but his pain flared up like a flame in the wind, burning everything it touched. Ander managed to squeeze out a single, blood-soaked gasp, and then the world started to drift away again, consumed by the gray, like smoke. Maybe the flame he had imagined was a real thing, and it would just continue to burn until there was nothing left.
He tried to keep hold of the rock in his hand, but it was no use. He could feel his fingers loosen against his will, could feel it slip...
Kiana reached out and -
*
grabbed it before it could hit the ground. She wasn't sure why Ander had tried to show it to her, so she tried to put it back inside his hand, but his fingers wouldn't close. "Ander?"
"Everybody, please give me some room!" Layla said and started to wrap the bandages around his middle. Even with the biggest wound cauterized, the first layer got saturated before she could start on the second, but she worked feverishly, leaning back and forth with her slim body as she applied more and more bandages, rolling them out from their mother's medical bag in one, continuous strip. Eventually the bandages started to maintain their white colour, and the red clouds of blood shrank down to mere blooms, then spots.
Ander sat perfectly still through all this, not moving a muscle, his eyes closed. She hated seeing him like that. It made her feel so... guilty. He had taken the pain of an entire village upon his shoulders, saving the lives of countless Foxes and Wolves who were all too happy to shift their burdens onto a stranger or inflict punishment onto their own family.
"Layla? Is he...?" She should have stopped him. She should have done something.
"I think he's just unconscious again. Don't -"
"Don't tell me not to worry, because that's impossible. For all the gods' sakes Layla, _look_at him. His own people did this, all because he dared to speak up against them. Because he didn't want to watch me burn. Because he rid the world of a monster." She hasn't felt this angry in a long, long time, and that was good. She could only feel so many emotions at once, and if she could keep her anger, that meant she wouldn't be able to feel guilty, at least for a little while. But looking down at his battered body... as her eyes travelled over each wound, she couldn't keep herself from imagining how each one came to be. She could clearly see the Wolves in her mind's eye, tearing and clawing at his helpless body, chained up underneath that massive statue of their heathen mountain god. They bit into his shoulder. They tore at his ears. They punched and they kicked. They threw rocks. They stabbed him with knives and swords. He must have felt so alone...
"Can we really save him, Layla? Can we?" She didn't realize the weight of that question until after it had left her lips. She didn't know if she wanted to hear the answer to a question that might slaughter her on the inside, but it was impossible to take it back now. If you ask a question, you'll get an answer. That's just the way it works. Sometimes, even no answer at all is an answer in itself, far more terrifying than a simple 'yes' or 'no' could ever be.
Layla tied off the ends of the bandages, cinched them tight, and cut off the excess with a pair of gleaming scissors. As the blades cut through the cloth, they made a sound like the jaws of some giant, freakish insect sliding over each other.
"Layla?"
Without pause, she started work on his shoulder, her silence deafening. Layla obviously didn't want to give an answer, and Kiana didn't want to hear one.
But she had to hear it. She didn't have a choice. "Layla, please answer me!"
"I don't know, all right!?" she snapped. "I only know as much first aid as you do! Mother's the only one who can really help him now. Who can..." There her voice trailed off, but Kiana knew exactly what she had meant to say.
...keep him alive.
"Um, I'd hate to be a Gloomy Gus over here," Devin interjected from deep in the mist, "but your dear ol' mum is back in Grovenglen."
Kiana placed a hand against her forehead in an attempt to squash the headache pounding inside her skull. "I know."
"And it took us all night to get here. If we go back to fetch her, then that's another half-day gone, and then another half-day bringing her back, and Missus Bethany isn't exactly fleet of foot, I might add. Realistically, we might not get him the help he needs till this time next morning."
"I know!" Kiana screamed, almost tearing out another tuft of her hair. "We can just - We... Okay, we'll take Ander to her. Make it one trip and save half a day. We should be able to move him if we all work together."
"But how do we get him through the pass? Kiana, the mouth is a dirty great big pile of loose rocks on this side!"
"And I'm not sure we can move him like he is now," Layla added. "With so many open wounds, he needs to stay as still as possible!"
Kiana closed her eyes and took several long, deep breaths. She needed to calm down. She couldn't afford to let her emotions get the better of her now. Her headache pulsed with every heartbeat, but she wouldn't let it distract her. Ander needed her. He had done so much for her and her family, now it was her turn to repay his kindness. She needed to think up a way to save him, and she needed to do it fast. Thoughts and plans and images raced through her mind. The outright bad ones got rejected immediately, but the promising ones she set aside, hoping that some of them might combine to create something doable. She thought about Ander and his wounds, she thought about the path they had taken to get here, she thought about the Wolves and the Foxes and Grovenglen, she thought about everything she could as fast as she could, unconsciously balling her hands into fists with the strain of it all.
She had almost forgotten she still had Ander's rock in her hand, but then its edges started to bite into her palm. She did not know why Ander had wanted this thing so badly, but it seemed to be very important to him.
Well, that was just one more thing she would ask once they got him back home. Back to his real home.
Kiana's eyes snapped open, a plan slowly but surely taking shape in her mind. "Hey, Devin! Get your scrawny butt over here. Right now!"
This far away he was nothing more than a hazy smudge of colour in the mist, his voice weak and wavering. "Is there still blood?"
"Not as much as before," Kiana replied truthfully.
"Um..."
"Dammit Devin!"
"Okay, I'm coming!" The hazy smudge gradually turned back into a Fox as Devin came running up to her, although he would've been able to move a lot faster if he wasn't also trying to shield his eyes. "Yes, what is it?"
"Take off your shirt."
"Take off my - Wait, what?"
"Take off your shirt!"
"Why?"
Kiana didn't have time for this. She grabbed the hem of Devin's shirt and started to pull it up over his head.
"Ow! Hey, what are you doing!?"
Kiana wrenched the shirt off his body and tossed it to Bart, who caught it with the most nonplussed look of any Fox she had ever seen. "Oh wow, Devvie's sweaty shirt. I shall treasure this always."
"You too! Take off your shirts, the both of you."
"Right-o!" Nick said, tossing in an enthusiastic little salute. Evidently he wasn't shy about undressing in front of a pair of vixens at all, because he was half naked before his brother could even undo his first button.
While they were doing that, Kiana picked up a sturdy looking branch from the ground and started to snap off the smaller twigs one by one.
"Ooh! I know what you're thinking!" Bart said, not so much taking his shirt off as just letting it slide off his body. Layla's concentration wavered only slightly, then she went right back to bandaging Ander's other wounds.
"Yeah, we're gonna build him a stretcher," Kiana said, carefully choosing a second branch. The ground was pretty much littered with them, probably blown loose from the storm last week. Her eyes fell on a nice straight one, just as long as its partner-to-be. She tossed both of them to the twins, who each caught one. "Just stick those through the arms. It'll be a bit narrow, but it's better than nothing."
"Yes'm!"
Well, that's one problem solved. Maybe. Kiana allowed herself a brief moment to wipe the sweat from her face. "Okay, who here is the fastest runner?"
"That would be our dear diffident Devvie over there," Bart said, pointing. "Hey, what are you standing all the way over there for, Devvie? Come show us that sexy bod of yours!"
Devin had turned his back on them all, whether he really was bashful about being naked from the waist up, or still skittish around all the blood was difficult to say.
Kiana walked up and placed a hand on his shoulder, making him jump.
"Devin, I need you to do something for me. It's very important."
"Um, sure. Whatever I can do to help. It's what I'm here for, right?" He tried to smile at her, but it came out looking forced. Still, Kiana appreciated the sentiment.
"I need you to run back to Grovenglen as fast as you can."
"Alone?"
"We need the twins to help carry Ander, I'm not very fast with my ankle still hurting, and Layla has more know-how than me when it comes to medicine. Please, Devin, you're the only one who can do this."
"Okay," Devin nodded. "I didn't say I wouldn't do it. Just wanted to be clear on the details, that's all."
"Good, then listen very carefully." Devin pricked both his ears, kind of reminding Kiana of a jackrabbit. "Get back to Grovenglen and take the main road back to my house. If you see anyone along the way, stop and ask them to meet up at the outskirts of town. It's a life and death emergency."
"Okay," Devin nodded again.
"My parents should be awake by now, but if they're not, you just hammer on the door until someone opens up. Tell them we found Ander, but he's hurt really badly and needs help. Mother will probably be furious, but if she flips out, just let my father calm her down. He's surprisingly good at that. Um..." Kiana wracked her brain, trying to figure out if maybe she had missed something. "Oh! And be sure to make a detour to Old Jon's mill. Nobody knows more about gears and pulleys and ropes and knots and stuff than Old Jon, so if there's any Fox in Grovenglen capable of hauling an unconscious Wolf up a rockfall, it would be him."
"Got it."
"Once you're done with that, lead them through the pass and up to the Western mouth. If everything works according to plan, we'll be waiting for you at the bottom."
"Okay, that should save everyone a lot of time. I'll get going right away."
"Oh, and Devin?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you."
"Oh, um... you're very welcome," he said sheepishly, scratching his neck. "Well, 'life and death emergency' as you said, so I'll just be on my way. Take care, and good luck."
"You too," Kiana said, watching him speed off into the mist until he disappeared completely in its swirling folds. She wondered again what he was doing wandering the roads of Grovenglen so late at night, and why he had decided to join them on a potentially deadly excursion into Wolf territory. Devin wasn't considered a 'popular' Fox by even the farthest stretches of the imagination, so she's never really talked to him much. In fact, she doubted anyone's ever talked to him much except for the occasional shout of "Dammit Devin!" which could be heard ringing from some corner of Grovenglen at least once a week. But once you got past his cynicism and sometimes outright anti-social behaviour, he was actually rather sweet, and Kiana resolved to be nicer to him in the future.
She hurried back to Layla and the twins, who had done an admirable job of building a makeshift stretcher with naught but three shirts and two tree branches.
"Do you think that will -
*
- hold him?"
That was Kiana's voice, softly piercing the darkness. She was gone for a while, but now she was back. Ander was glad.
"It held Nick just fine, although there's not really much comparison. It's certainly long enough, but I'm not sure about the width. We'll just have to try it out and see."
"You hear that, Ander? We're going home now." Her voice was closer now, so close he didn't merely hear it, but felt it. "You'd like that, right? So just hang in there. We'll get you home, and then -" He heard her sniffle, and then the soft sound of her hand brushing against the fur underneath her eyes, wiping away the tears that were undoubtedly retracing their old, familiar paths, just as they themselves were preparing to do. "Then everything will be right. You'll see. You'll finally be happy, and I'll be right there with you. We'll be happy together, okay?"
He felt her hand travel lightly down his muzzle, and her fingers gently trace his lips. They were warm and carried the sweet-salty taste of her tears.
Ander slowly opened his eyes. The silvery glare from the sun in the mist was almost blinding, but at the center of it all were the familiar shades of red and orange, gradually coming back into focus.
"Kiana..."
"Shh... It's okay. You just go back to sleep now. You've done enough. You've done _more_than enough. We'll get you out of here, I promise."
Ander painstakingly reached up and took her hand. He couldn't squeeze it like he wanted to, but he was happy just being able to touch her. Her face finally came swimming back into view, still slightly blurry around the edges, but clear enough for him to see what a sad, sad smile she was wearing. He didn't want to worry her even further, but this was important. He had to do it. Not just for himself, not just for his father, but for the little sister he never knew he had.
Ander slowly shook his head, his muscles so stiff and aching he could barely manage more than a few degrees in either direction.
"Ander?"
"I'm not... done... yet..." There was something tight around his chest, and it got even tighter every time he breathed in, but least now he could breathe. He had almost forgotten what it felt like. "Sis... ter..."
"My sister? Layla's fine. She's right here."
Layla popped up next to her sister and gave him a reassuring little wave, although she wasn't quite as good as Kiana when it came to hiding her concern. "Hey."
"No..." He could breathe, but it still hurt so much to talk, and every word sapped him of energy. He raised his head as far as it could go, grinding his teeth against the pain mounting in his shoulder.
"Ander, please! What are you doing!?" Kiana yelled.
"You shouldn't be moving!" Layla added in alarm.
Ander kept going, raising his head and twisting his neck until he could finally see the writing on the tree again. From this weird angle, they were just a bunch of upside-down lines, badly slanted. This would be difficult.
"Ander, please lie still!" Kiana said, reaching out to him, but too scared to actually push him back down.
He would've pointed, but Kiana was still holding his hand, and his other arm was broken, so he pointed with his eyes instead, silently begging for them to understand.
It was Layla who finally noticed. "Hey, what are these symbols?"
"Symbols?"
She pointed. "Right there, in the wood."
Kiana reached up with her free hand (Ander's heart leaped in his chest when he saw she was still holding the rock) and traced the lines with her finger. "Is this what's gotten you so worked up, Ander? What does this mean?"
"Enka..."
"What?"
Ander didn't have much time left. He could feel it slipping away from him just as the rock had slipped through his fingers. He could feel the warmth of the new day building, and he could see the mist lifting, becoming thinner, clearer, but that's not the way he felt inside. There, he was only getting colder. There, the mist was only growing thicker, not white but pitch black.
Time. During his punishment it slowed down to a crawl, but now that he was with the ones who loved and cared for him, it was speeding by like an arrow.
"Kiana, I need... your help..."
"That's what I'm trying to do, but you're not cooperating!"
"I need to finish it... But I don't think I can do it... by myself..."
"We don't have time for this! We need to get you -"
"Please! This -" Ander coughed. It was the weak, hacking cough of an old Wolf on his deathbed, barely enough to clear his throat of all the blood that was seeping back in.
"Ander, can't you see you're killing yourself!?" Kiana screamed at him, her lip trembling.
"This is... very... important..." Ander looked through the encroaching darkness, straight into her eyes, the only things left in this world that weren't being consumed by the black mist. She would understand. He knew she would.
Kiana looked back, and Ander could only imagine what she must be seeing right now. A Wolf beaten to within an inch of his life, stabbed and bleeding. It was exactly the sight he wanted to spare her, but here she was, watching him die, contemplating what might prove to be his final wish: to finish a twenty-three year old word in a language she couldn't even understand. But she knew him, and he knew her. She knew how important it must be to him, and he knew how important it was for her to help him. He knew all this because they had shared their hearts with each other, and there was no deeper bond than that.
Kiana bit down on her lip, took a deep breath and said: "Okay." She set the tip of the rock against the tree bark, right next to the last symbol, then she took Ander's hand and carefully placed his palm against the back of her own. She held it there, so that his hand was clasped firmly between hers. "I'll push, you guide."
"Other side..."
Kiana quickly switched over to the left, and Ander started the arduous process of tracing the one character that would put an end to this horrible experience, a moment of purity to signal the end of all the bloodshed. He slowly lowered his arm, and Kiana mimicked the movement perfectly, pushing the rock's tooth deep into the beech tree's bark, making it ooze its sappy blood all over their fingers. It would only take two lines. That's all. Surely he could finish this. He had to... for...
He moved his hand to the right, ever so slightly, and Kiana did the rest. She scraped the last line, cutting through the bark and the soft wood beneath, nice and deep, so that Ander could feel the vibrations through her hand, like a tiny earthquake of the flesh.
Ander smiled, feeling the weight of a huge debt slide off his shoulders.
"Ander? Are we done?"
His little sister's epitaph no longer read 'enka'.
"Ander?"
Carved into the wood, where it would stay forever, was a new word.
"Ander! Don't do this to me! Please!"
He felt like he could finally let go. The relief washed through him, and his whole body went limp. The rock tumbled out of Kiana's hand and disappeared among the roots with a hollow thud, its purpose fulfilled.
"No, Ander! Stay with me!" Kiana said, gently putting his hand back on his chest. But she didn't let go, and he was grateful for that. Even if her hands shook, he was so happy he could still feel her touch. Even if she was crying, he was happy she didn't have to cry alone. Even if he had to say goodbye, he was glad he had someone to say goodbye to.
"Ander!"
He looked up at the branches above, perfectly still in the windless morning. If he looked hard, he could make out little splotches of blue between the leaves. The mist was lifting...
"Ander!! Nooo!!"
Kiana was everywhere now. She was everything. Her face was so close to his, he could almost kiss her. He'd like to, but he didn't have enough strength left, and his mouth was all bloody.
I'm sorry you had to see me like this, he thought, looking deep into her beautiful eyes.
"Ander..." she said, her voice shaking, her eyes brimming with tears. "What do those symbols mean? What was so important that you had to push yourself so hard!?"
The black mist was starting to creep in from the side, its smoky fingers stealing away all the colour, except for the light blue of Kiana's eyes, so much like the sky. That was something it could never touch. They were so clear, so perfect, he could actually see himself reflected within their depths, like the moon shimmering on the surface of a midnight pool. But... something wasn't right. That shape... That wasn't him, was it? What was that?
Ander looked closer, unable to believe what he was seeing.
It was the stag. It had come back for him.
And all the blood around its eyes was gone, not even a single drop remained. All its pain was gone. All the torment was gone. All its suffering... gone. That's when he realized it wasn't really a stag. It was never a stag. All this time, what he was really seeing was... himself.
"Ander?" Kiana blinked, and then it was gone. But that was all right. "I don't understand! What do those symbols mean?"
Above his head, carved into the trunk of a giant beech tree, was his little sister's epitaph. She was taken from this world before she even had a chance to earn a name, and because of that, Ander was allowed to live. He was allowed to come back and give her her name.
Carved into the trunk of a giant beech tree was a single word...
Lenka
Because in the old Wolven tongue, the word 'Len' simply means...
"Life..." Ander whispered, and closed his eyes. He could hear Kiana screaming his name, and he could feel her squeezing his hand, but it was all going away. He couldn't even feel the ground underneath his back anymore. It felt like he was falling, but slowly. Like... like he was sinking. Yes, that was a good way to put it. It felt like he was sinking down into a pool of wonderfully cool water, down into a place where he could finally rest. He was so tired. So very... very tired. He just wanted to rest, just for a little while... where it was cool...
Down... down...
down
This is the end of Chapter 3! Woooo!!!
This was originally cut up into several more subchapters, but after reading through it a few times for editing I quickly realized that people might become slightly infuriated if I stretched this out over a period of two weeks, so I decided to upload the whole thing in one shot. You're welcome. :P
I'll be taking a short break now. I haven't had a single day off since January 3rd, and I am mentally exhausted. I fear it may have started affecting my work, because the next chapter has gone through several re-writes and I'm still not happy with it. I think I'll take a week to rest, and then another week or two to fix all the issues. But don't worry, this won't turn into another 4 month hiatus, I promise. Updates will resume near the end of July. I'm sure you understand.
Thank you for your understanding. I'm gonna go pass out n
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