FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

I used to remember my mother telling me that it was always darkest before the dawn, mostly after a bad evening with my father. It had been a comforting little phrase that she murmured to me when I'd been young enough to want her comfort. I'd never really thought about it, never believed it, not until CJ and Stefan. They were my dawn, just past the darkest point of my night they had arrived and brought with them light to shed through me and reveal the broken spots in my strange life. They didn't judge me the way that I had assumed that they would, though I think they didn't really understand the extent of what was wrong with me. They simply accepted and offered me a place that I could stay that wasn't a danger. I'd never really stayed somewhere that was safe. I'd never been able to sleep and not jerk awake at the slightest noise in case it was danger.

It wasn't the best situation, the apartment wasn't large and I had to sleep on the couch, but every night I went to bed without the worry I'd wake up the screaming voices. I didn't get off school and dread coming here, or avoid it, there was no one here that would hurt me. The first few days I had spent waking up constantly, stirring at the slightest sound or hint of noise for fear of my Father, but by the end of the week I was able to sleep well. The couch wasn't comfortable by any means, but it was soft and warm. It made me think about what my home should have been to me, a safe haven where I was able to relax and let down my guard. It was where my father had failed us. Though, some dark part of my mind wondered if it were more peaceful now that I was gone? He had always been proud of Jonty, why should he continue to be a bitter horrible monster if he only had one son in the house?

I hoped that was the case. At school, Jonty had stopped seeking me out, I didn't know why, I could only assume that it had something to do with my home life. Ivan had been pretty firm that nothing had been going on that he could hear, and the wolves normally heard quite a lot. I tried to take comfort from that, but the absence of my younger brother worried me more than I could express. I could have sought him out, I wanted to seek him out, but at the same time I wondered if he was keeping his distance for a reason. It wouldn't be unlike our father to try and keep us separated through threats or hints, and I didn't want to rouse him against my younger brother. Not if things were quiet there, so I kept my distance and had to trust in Ivan to tell me if things got bad.

That worry, more than anything else, dogged my heels as I struggled to acclimate to living away from my parents. CJ and Stefan didn't seem to be bothered at all that I monopolized their living room, though I suspected they spent more time out of their home than normal to give me space. CJ seemed to have accepted my break down without comment, he never brought it up to me, not unless I was the one to bring it up first. I was thankful for that, the day after I had felt so weird around him, I didn't know what to say or how to act. It was like I'd served up a piece of myself to them and I felt unsteady without that secret being held tight. When Stefan had tried to bring it up, CJ had stopped him saying that I'd talk when I was ready. For that, I was grateful.

Stefan was the strangest person I'd had never met. He was short and soft looking, chubby around the edges instead of long and lean. He always wore the neatest outfits, the sort that one imagined some foreign designer creating and his hair was constantly gelled up into stylish spikes. He tried to look older, but his youthful appearance made it nearly impossible. It was his tastes that decorated their apartment, he seemed to favor light colors and making things look modern, which is why I found him so terribly strange. He was so normal, but he had CJ as a boyfriend and the rat was most definitely not normal by any definition. It wasn't until later that I found out that he wasn't as normal as he appeared. In the first few days that I stayed there, I'd watched them go out to a club together and Stefan had been just as punkish as CJ, perhaps even more so with his coloring. He simply didn't enjoy wearing his clubbing outfits outside of their time going out together.

It was a strangely good life, and at times I was even happy, but there was an underside to all of it and that was found on the laptop in the quiet moments that I had the house to myself. In the safety of the apartment I started to search for things that I had never would have dreamed possible. CJ had helped me with the search terms and the moment I typed in transgendered an entire world opened up in front of me. Some of it was... terrifying to me and confusing. The internet was flooded with websites that advertised chicks with dicks and cunt boys and everything in between that made me feel uncomfortable. It took time, but I was able to find real information as well, websites with forums devoted to people that felt like they were a biological mistake. There were websites with advice, even for teens like myself, and all of it lead to me finally searching out the one term that frightened me the most. "Hermaphrodite"

If transgendered had given me some awful sights, that one did even more so and I was half terrified to click on any of the links. I knew what I was, at least, my mother had explained it to me, but I needed to know more. I needed to know why. I needed to know how. That need to know burned in me even as a very large part of me yammered to stop looking and go no further. Eventually I found a medical site that gave me the information I needed, and it was put in bold black and white terms that made my stomach turn. I never got to the pictures, but I learned enough to know that there were entire articles written on probable causes, the percentages of intersexed infants being born, which species were more likely to throw the sort of offspring and none of it made for easy reading. Not when they spoke so surgically about how they assigned gender and I knew what had happened to me, it made my stomach turn.

None of them spoke about the gender that one felt like when they grew up or why, or if they made mistakes. It was all about why they assigned gender and how. There were long suggestions about the drug supplements that had to be given, and I recognized the ones I had been taking all my life. I'd never really thought about the name, I'd just always assumed they were for my heart and nothing more, but the dosages I was being given made me blink. They weren't just moderate amounts, they were at the very high end, far beyond what would have been normal. At least, that's what I took from it. It made me wonder... was I being dosed right? Or had my father intervened? Had he pushed to try and make me male up? Pump me full of enough drugs and I'd just be fine.

And why am I still taking them... The thought was very quiet, right in the back of my mind as I closed the laptop one afternoon and pulled my legs up so I could rest my chin on my knees.

_ _

"Oy! Paws off the couch, Shall!" CJ's tone was almost pleading and I gave him a hang dog look and slipped my paws off the leather before my claws could do damage. "If Stefan sees you doing that I ain't saving your ass."

"Sorry, I was thinking." I ran a hand through my mane, feeling the stiff bristles untangling as I did so. "There's too much stuff online for me to process."

"Well go take a break, don't ya got practice today?" He leaned back in the recliner, stretching his full length as he turned his head to regard me lazily.

It was his day off, and like most of his days off he had spent most of the day time sleeping. Stefan tended to get up earlier to go to school, but the rat would spend large amounts of the morning sleeping on any given day. When he did finally emerge he normally watched TV with me for a bit and eventually logged onto his online school and settled down to do work when it finally turned a little more towards evenings. It reminded me of biology class and the long discussions about nocturnal and diurnal species' and how they had learned to cope with modern society and adjust to a day schedule. I don't think CJ had ever really read the same research that they'd forced us to read.

"No, last meet was over the weekend." I tried not to linger on the memories of the meet. Not only had I ended up losing, but my mother hadn't been in the stands. She used to always come, at least for a little, even if she had to work, but she hadn't been there. "No practice for me anymore, I'm graduating next month."

That was another point that pricked the back of my mind. Graduation, I knew it was coming, every day edged closer as the entire class was abuzz with excitement with plans, well over half were already picked for college, others were just wanting done with schooling. It had once meant freedom to me, freedom from my home and father, but I was already free. Now it was a looming unknown and the faint pang of wondering if anyone would even attend it from my family. Or would I graduate to the polite applause of strangers? I wanted to believe that at least my mother would be there, but the silence between my family and I stretched out, the lack of contact rattled what I had always thought about my mother and how she felt about me.

Mother will come... I thought, not for the first time, and tried to will some conviction into the thought.

"Ahh," CJ flipped through a few more channels in a rapid pace, not nearly slow enough to even see what shows were on. "Wotcha going to do after graduation? Got a college?"

"Not really, I haven't applied." My ears twitched back a few inches. "It's not like I have the money to go and I'm not that bright, so I doubt I'd get a scholarship."

"Did you try?" He shot back, his voice a little firmer.

"Not really." I fought the urge to squirm. "I mean, mostly I just wanted out of my home, and get a job somewhere. Maybe see if I can go full time at the Packhouse."

"That place is a shit hole." CJ drawled out in disdain. "You won't make nearly enough money to live on working in that place."

"You work there." I pointed out the obvious, only to have him straighten up and sit the recliner up. The look he shot me almost made me laugh, thoroughly disgusted at me for being a smart ass.

"I can afford to." He jabbed a finger at me. "You need a real job, kid. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind having you stick around here at all, but eventually you'll need to get your own place. When do you turn eighteen?"

"June 18th." I felt my stomach turn a bit with dread. So far, life had been good here, I liked it here, I had no idea what I was going to do afterwards, I had just wanted to bask in this small sheltered place for as long as I could.

"Good, so you have until then to save up money for your own place." The rat stood up with a straining stretch, his fingers nearly touching the ceiling. "Go grab my keys from the kitchen, and put on a nice shirt."

"Why?" I blinked blankly at him, trying to recover from the date he was giving me to move out of their apartment, away from the safety of their protection.

"I gotta friend, might be able to give you a better job than the Packhouse." He picked up his jacket, a heavy leather thing that went all the way down to his ankles, he wore it no matter what the heat was outside. "Pretty sweet deal, really, plus the pay should get you saving up money faster than you can count."

"If it's so good why don't you take it?" I asked, moving towards the bathroom where CJ insisted I keep my clothes stuff when not in use.

"Because he hates us plague carryin' rats , of course." He grinned at me and winked one dark eye. "Well, that and I kinda pissed on his foot when I was younger. Solare's memory is damned long for that kinda stuff."

I stared at him, not sure if I should laugh at what was obviously a joke, or if he was actually being serious. With CJ, I just didn't know.

~ ~ * ~ ~

I don't know what I was expecting with CJ's friend, perhaps I was imagining some sort of seedy club or something along those lines, what I wasn't expecting was the sleek modern building that his rattling car pulled up to. It was situated right on the edge of town and near the main gate, placed on a sizable plot of land and ringed around with wire fencing tipped with razor wire. It was intimidating to say the last, especially when I saw the cameras that swung towards the aging car that pulled up to main gate. Everything about the place screamed of money, the building was three stories with a glass façade that faced the road. A large fountain bubbled happily right at the front and I could see a sprawling parking lot that edged one side was mostly full.

CJ didn't seemed to be phased by the fact he and his car stood out like a sore thumb, he pulled right up to the main gate and hung out of the window to have a word with the guard. I half listened to him give his name, but my eyes were on the building, searching for a logo or company name that I would recognize. They were conspicuously missing, only signs that let visitors know that there were armed guards on the premises and they were being recorded. It made me glance back at CJ nervously as we were buzzed through the gate and he navigated his car up towards the front doors, not even bothering to make for the parking lot.

"What is this place?" The closer we got to the building, the more nervous I felt about the entire situation. There were people going in and out of the front doors, many of them looked like they were in uniform.

"C'mon.." The car rocked to a halt right beside the fountain and the rat flicked out his cigarette from the window. "It's a security firm. Lansing Security Inc, to be exact."

"But..." I stepped out of the car and glanced at the lopsided parking job. "Shouldn't we park down in the lot?"

"Huh? Nah, it'll tweak Solare's whiskers." The rat bared his buck teeth in a grin. "Don't worry, come on, we don't want to give him the upper hand, do we?"

"I guess not..." I answered dubiously and walked around the car. CJ's leather coat swung around his legs, making me cringe in sympathy. There was no way that leather was comfortable in the heat, but it didn't seem to bother him as he made his way to the large glass doors.

The inside of the building was cool, AC blasting down from the ceiling and I shrank in on myself slightly as I took in the modern art and elegant furniture that made up the lobby. I was shabby looking, or at least I felt shabby when compared to the clean building. My best shirt was actually too tight on me and the cuffs barely reached my wrists, I'd done my best and rolled the cuffs up, but now it felt too casual. My best pair of pants had seen better days, the stitching along the seams had started to fray and part, my mother had said she'd fix them, but she'd never gotten the chance. Most everyone was either wearing suits or neat, nearly military, uniforms as they came in and out at a rapid pace. CJ and I looked almost dirty as we stood in the wave of oncoming people.

"Calhoun, if you do not move your car I will personally have it towed to the nearest dump to be turned into scrap metal!" The voice that came was like thunder, it made me nearly jump out of my skin as one of the walking figures stalked through the workers. "There is a parking lot for such things."

The lion that approached us made me instantly want to run, my heart leapt into my throat as the older male made a straight line towards CJ and myself. He wore a suit that was designed and cut precisely to his body, expensively made and a dark vibrant burgundy that made the white of his shirt seem all the brighter for it. A kerchief was tucked into one of the pockets of the suit, the color a shade darker than the suit and peeped over the edge to draw the eyes. He even had cufflinks, gold with what looked like rubies set in them so they flashed in the light as he moved his arms. He was well built, muscular beneath the suit and showing none of the soft padded weight of my father, none of the years of drinking and smoking. And most startling of all, his head was haloed in a snowy white mane that spilled down along his jaws and disappeared into the front of his shirt. It made the rich dark brown of his fur all the more vibrant as his eyes remained trained on CJ, disapproval radiating from him.

"Eh, the lots probably full and I ain't walkin' all the way up those friggin' stairs." CJ drawled out lazily, not even moving as the lion came within a few feet of us. I wanted to run, the male reeked of dominance and confidence just as surely as he smelled of expensive cologne. "Besides, you'd just move it anyway so it wasn't junkin' up the lot and this saves time."

"Or you could get a new car." The male rumbled low in his throat, almost a growl before turning his head ever so slightly to one side. "Grace, will you send up one of maintenance to move Calhoun's... ahem.. car."

"CJ." The rat bristled ever so slightly and the lion's lips twitched, a slight hint of a smile before he inclined his head forward.

"Of course, See Jay." The initials were drawn out and for a moment I could hear an accent there, toying with the words. CJ only looked a bit more annoyed, but he didn't respond, instead he abruptly turned and grabbed my arm in one naked hand and yanked me forward.

"This is Shallan, brought him up so you could give him a once over." He announced suddenly and his eyes flickered towards me. "Shall, this is Solare Interus, what's that fancy title you got now, lion? When you got tired of being owner."

"CEO, thank you." Solare snorted and flicked his eyes over towards me, somehow, I managed to stammer out a greeting without sounding like a complete idiot. "A pleasure to meet you, come along. I'd rather not have clients see a rat hanging out in the front lobby. It's bad for business."

"There's nothing wrong with rats." I answered in defense of CJ, but the rat only snorted laughter and turned to follow the impressive lion. "Well there isn't."

"Perhaps not, but some go out of their way to give their species a bad reputation." Solare answered, barely flicking his ears back towards us.

We were led through halls that were cold and business-like, they made me keep closer to CJ than I normally would just because I felt so ill at ease. The smells were all sterile and sharp, almost like a doctor's office. Solare took us up a small narrow elevator, one that I was shocked to see required a card to be used. Who the hell was this lion and how had CJ gotten mixed up with him? He was obviously wealthy, powerful, everything that CJ was not, but just a few words between the pair had shown that they knew each other well enough to be at ease, even tease. And more importantly, how had he become a person of power. That was what teased my mind as I looked at the vast scope of this lion's 'empire'.

Predators, by and large, tended towards manual labor and lower jobs. Some actually made a good living at it, earning enough to have nice homes, newer cars, but they were still blue collar, not white collar. It was extremely rare for a predator to make it past species biases to a position of power, but the common believe was that most of our kind would abuse any position of power given to us. To be honest, it wasn't that far off the mark, we had a higher drive than most other species' and there had been a lot of trouble a few decades back when a wolf managed to rise all the way to mayor. The school often showed films of what they'd found when they'd taken apart his home, his dirty little secrets hidden away.

I liked to think I wouldn't be like that if I had power, but at the same time, I could look at Jonty or my father and see where they would make poor leaders. Yet, Solare seemed entirely at ease with his position, he didn't seem dominating, though he was intimidating and the few times we had seen his employees they hadn't seemed frightened or intimidated by the sight of him. It made my curiosity rise and I did my best to keep it in check as we were taken up to a private office, one the elevator opened up into and stepped out into a room that was filled with massive windows, the light streaming in. As I looked around, I realized it wasn't simply an office, it looked like a penthouse.

"Damn, do you drink your cream out of a silver bowl too?" CJ let out a laugh as he padded in, wriggling out of his leather coat to let it drop on the back of a chair. "I thought you still lived up town."

"Work has gotten... complicated." Solare gestured at a chair and to me, making me slip forward to slide into a thick leather recliner. "It's easier to stay here than to fight traffic or try and organize things from my home. This isn't a new one, is it? I rather liked the rabbit you were seeing."

"Nah, I'm still with Stefan, Shall is just couch surfing at the moment so I figured I'd bring him up to see you." CJ flopped on a chair, while Solare took a position leaning against his desk, consciously or unconsciously, taking a position above our heads as if to reflect his dominance. "The kids going to graduate soon, he works with me at the Packhouse, but that place isn't going to pay his bills or get him off the couch."

"A runaway." Solare's eyes turned to me, a frown creasing the line of his brow. The pale green eyes seemed to study me, making me squirm in place despite my attempt to keep still. "I'm not in the business of catering towards runaways."

"He's family." CJ spoke softly, very softly, but in a tone that made me jerk my head around to look at him. I wasn't family to him, we were friends, and becoming better friends, but the tone made it into something different. "Kid's father is a bastard, he needed out, so I had space. He just ain't goin' to get out workin' shit jobs with a high school education, I know you're always hiring."

"So are you." Solare inclined his head slightly. "Don't you-"

"No, and I ain't involved, the Trust runs it and I don't want shit to do with it." CJ's voice turned hard and sharp, his back stiffening. "Listen, if you can't find a spot for him, fine, just thought it was worth it."

"I.. I don't want to be a bother." I spoke up, I was feeling beyond awkward, like they were sharing a conversation in half phrases that I didn't understand. A code I wasn't private too. "I can go full time at the Packhouse and find another job easy enough, it's okay."

"No, youngster, he's right." Solare turned his eyes back to me, some tension relaxing. "We're always hiring here, ever since we picked up government contracts it means that we're always a bit short handed. You're not into drugs are you?"

"No, sir. I don't drink either." I tried to meet his eyes, but found it difficult, he was just that damned intimidating to me. It was nothing he did, it was the fact he was extremely male, extremely powerful and it made my thoughts instantly snap to my father.

"Well that's good, here.." He leaned over to his desk and picked up something heavy looking. His fingers flew across the tablet's screen, flicking and tapping lightly. "I want you to fill this out."

The tablet dropped into my paws, making me fumble to catch it before it hit the floor. "What sort of job would I be signing up for?" I tried to not sound as if I were questioning what was being offered, glancing down at the pale blue screen and form lit up on it.

"Didn't you even tell him?" Solare glared over at CJ who made a rude sound. "I run a security firm, we are contracted by the City Council to run security on the Wall. Mostly you'd be taken on at entry level, that means you'd be working the cameras and filing, nothing like being on the Wall, I don't take on new hires for those positions."

"The Wall.." My eyes flicked up at Solare, and new respect rose up as I straightened up in my chair. "You run the Wall?"

The 'Wall' was a barrier that ran around the entire town, it was massive, stretching out hundreds of miles to enclose us. Every town had a Wall, it was chartered into our government to protect us, to keep us safe, and to contain us. Everyone knew that there were still bands of 'throw-backs' that refused to stand beneath the rulings of the New Union and adhere to the laws handed down. Packs of wolves, prides of lions, owls and eagles, meat eaters that formed small bands that refused to bow their heads for common rule. They wouldn't, quite, challenge the cities, but they could be violent and unpredictable. Growing up, we had always been told about them, warned against them, hushed voices spoke of the few kids who 'disappeared' from class. We'd had a hyena leave freshmen year, and rumor had hit he'd gone beyond the wall to join up with a pack.

The military did what they could, but the fact was that there was little they could do short of mass slaughter which certain factions protested. All my life I'd grown up with that looming wall, that sense of 'protection' that I knew wasn't truly real. There were ways out, guards to be bribed, weak points that allowed cars in and out, sewer systems, all ways predators could slip free and go hunting. We weren't precisely forbidden to leave, but there had to be a reason for it, we couldn't just go on a pleasure drive out past the wall. If you were found hunting beyond the wall it was a prison sentence, it didn't matter if it was one of the small critters that had never evolved, you were still penalized for it and afterwards you'd be given a tracking chip. You'd be labeled as violent, someone to be watched. And they had a lion running security.

"You know the old saying, to catch a thief, you hire a thief." Solare smiled as he leaned back on the desk. "Most of the Wall-guards are grass eaters, I have no prejudice against them, but at night I select predators to take the watch. We have better eye sight and reflexes. If you want a position there you'd have to apply and enter into schooling, I don't do raw recruits and you'd have to work on your muscles."

I nodded my head, feeling a slight thrill go up my spine and I pricked my ears up as I regarded the application with renewed interest. It was something that went beyond my expectations of making food all my life or working at some construction sight.

"And no rats." CJ chimed in, sprawling sideways in the chair. "Or raccoons. You're a bigot, you know that. It isn't like we did anything wrong back in the wars, just trying to survive."

"And how did your family earn your fortune?" Solare sounded weary, but also slightly amused as he spoke, my attention went back to the application. "Your father used to tell me in detail when we had a few drinks how he amassed it."

"Hey, we were trying to get by and my Grandfather did, Dad just invested it." CJ sounded almost incensed as he did so. "You lions shoulda paid better and then you wouldn't be bitching."

"Mmh, and how proud your father would be of you now." Solare's voice dripped with disgust and scorn, making my eyes jerk up to see CJ glaring right back at him. "Tell me, are you even trying to groom yourself or have you been rolling in the sewer again to give you that blue fur?"

They held the pose, each glaring at each other, my stomach turned in sick fear that they were about to fight, truly fight. It was the same sick feeling I had whenever my parents fought together, that something awful was about to happen. My fingers gripped the tablet hard enough that I was half afraid it was about to break, but then CJ let out a short barking laugh and wrinkled his nose up.

"Jesus, has Mom been bitching to you again? It's not like it doesn't look good on me." The rat clicked his teeth together sharply, grinding them together with laughter.

"I have been treated to that lecture several times, thank you." The lion grimaced, almost as if he were in pain. "The next time you see fit to send your mother updates, you might warn me so that I can hire my own body guards to keep my skin intact. I've been told in no uncertain terms that I'm to hold you under water and scrub you until you're a normal color."

"Oh, you could, but what would Stefan say finding us in the bathroom together." CJ swung his legs down He was batting his eye at the lion, who pushed away from the desk to pad towards him. I tried, again, to look down at the application.

"It had better wash off, if it's permanent..." Whatever threat that Solare was going to give was lost as CJ suddenly yelped out and my eyes were jerked up towards the pair again.

"GERROFF!" CJ was trying to duck as the lion licked one finger and started to vigorously scrub his cheek, his other paw pinning the lanky rat down. "OY! STOPPIT!!"

"I'm not getting my tail singed by your mother if you've gone and done something stupid." Solare's voice was firm, but there was laughter beneath. Enough that I suddenly giggled at the sheer absurdity of the well dressed lion trying to use his damp finger to scrub off the blue dye.

"SHALL!" CJ managed to wiggle away, his eyes bright and a smile hovering on the edge of his lips. "Don't you have an application to fill out instead of staring at my lovely face?"

I tried to stifle another laugh, almost choking on it as the lion made another attempt to rub away some of the dye and looked back down at the tablet, I didn't know what their relationship was, but their antics relaxed me as I filled out the form. As I did so, the smile never left as I listened to them continue with their banter once CJ had escaped the attempts to groom him. It was barbed and sometimes tinged with annoyance, but it was familiar, and lightened the mood as I worked the tablet. I relaxed, Solare suddenly seeming less like the imposing force of my father, and more real, more trustworthy.

~ ~ * ~ ~

"Is Solare your step-father?" I blurted the question in CJ's car nearly two hours later, well after we'd pulled out of the security firm's parking lot.

"Tits on a bull, no!" CJ turned to glance at me, erupting out in laughter, his ears flicking back against his head as he took a neat turn going towards his apartment. "Oh god, you should have asked that in his office, he probably would have coughed up a hairball."

"But.. you mentioned your mother." I reached out to brace myself on the dash as he turned again, shaking his head while still laughing.

"Yeah, he's a friend of the family, imported me over 'bout three years back." CJ glanced over at me. "My mum's get better taste than that, trust me. Solare and my dad just grew up together, kinda inherited the family after he got himself killed. Not a bad sort, kinda stuffy, but he's not bad. He's known me since I was a pup."

"Oh.." I watched the road for a few moments and then opened my mouth again. I wanted to ask about what the talk was about a Trust, but at the same time, something made me stop. "What did you mean about me being family? I mean, I appreciate it, but he's gotta know I'm not if he's known you that long."

"Family is..." The rat paused a little as if he were struggling to find an explanation. "It's kinda short hand to identify others like us. People that aren't straight, strictly speaking."

"I'm not-" I started to protest, but he lifted a hand up to stop me.

"I know you're not, but it includes you too." CJ was watching the road intently. "Solare is too, he's just not open about it. Unc... Theo died a few years back and he's alone, but he knows what it's like, especially with you being a lion. Not that that will cut you any slack, you don't do your job, he'll fire you faster than you could spit, but it does mean he'll give you a chance to prove yourself. So don't screw up, okay kid? Just because your family doesn't mean you'll get a free ticket."

"Okay, I won't. I'm a hard worker, once I understand what they want from me." I kept my eyes on the road.

"Good, but he'll do his best by ya." CJ bobbed his a head a little. "He's been through it all before, especially being a lion."

I nodded my head a little, but my mind rolled the word 'family' around. I'd always thought that family was my broken little slice of hell, but now I'd learned a new definition for it. It made me feel strangely warm as we turned onto his street. The warmth made a smile tease my lips, up until the rat turned and began to slowly ease into a parking spot between an old beater and a minivan. My eyes locked on the car in front of us, my heart leaped up into my throat and I swallowed, almost tasting my pulse that began racing. The car had barely parked when I threw the door open and launched out, CJ's yelp of surprise didn't stop me as my feet hit the side walk and I saw two figures sitting on the front porch of the apartment.

Ivan stood up, jerking to his paws and turning his eyes towards me with a bit of panic and helplessness in them, but it wasn't the wolf I was looking at. My mother stood slowly, almost as if she were sore, her eyes locking on my own as I nearly tripped on my paws. She was wearing her work uniform, obviously just coming from her job, her features deflated beneath the heat. She was clutching her purse as if it were a shield, her claws extended out and digging into it as I came to a stop and tried to find something to say. I hadn't seen her since I'd left, she hadn't tried to contact me, hadn't come to my games, I had no idea what I could say to that. She'd all but abandoned me.

"Shall... we need to talk." Her voice was soft, as ever, but those words turned the hot day cold. Nothing good ever came with those words.