Missing Heart
Short story: Missing Heart.
by: Beefy the Bull
The note was in a fast and messy script: " I only wish I could have been what my Heart wanted me to be.
My Heart, I Hope You Never read this, Because my last wish was that in some small way, you still loved me, And I would never want to hurt you, my heart . I hope she will be happy with her new love. This is not her fault. The fault is my own, for being born without a heart. "
The letter trailed off then at the bottom was a sloppy signature and one last phrase: "My Heart"
There were dried smears in the ink from someone else's tears. The young woman cried as she read. She wanted to scream. Why? why such a cruel thing?
She lay down in his bed and cried, sobbing about the needless loss. After some time she recovered, and sat up looking across his room. The bland and low quality furnishing that he had liked filled the basement room, the mess of clothes on the floor, pictures printed from the internet taped to the wall. His room. After a moment she slowly, and uncomfortably, looked up. A short piece of rope was still tied to the pipe that ran across the ceiling, the dangling end cut and frayed by a knife. Her eyes welled up she could imagine the love of her life , hanging lifelessly from the pipe. Why had she not accepted him as he was?
Two days earlier:
"Look it's not too hard, if you cry that's fine..." Tony reassured Abby that everything would be ok.
" I don't know if I can tell him" Abby was not to confident.
" Look if you can't, just walk away and I'll tell him for you. ok?" Tony pushed for an answerer.
"Yah-" Abby wasn't so sure this was right.
Abby had been worried about her relation with the bull Devin. He was sweet and loving, he could be so kind, and they were in love, or so she had thought. They had been going out for a few months, they had even made love once, it seemed perfect, but then small things started happened here and their. At first it was nothing, and she didn't even think there was any sort of problem, but it would get worse and worse over the last month. It started with him being more quiet than usual, he was always quiet, only piping in when he had a good remark, but then he was even more so. Or the way he didn't answer the phone. He use to answer his phone right away after the first ring, like he was sitting, waiting for her to call. Lately he wouldn't answer or call her back. Then he started seeming distant, disinterested. He use to pay his whole hearted attention to her, now it was like he didn't care. She had confided in their mutual friend Tony, and he suggested the one thing she didn't want to hear, that maybe he wasn't interested in her, that maybe he just kept her around until he could find someone else. Tony's plan was simple: tell Devin you don't care and see how he reacts. If he's fine with it, then move on, if not then try and set things straight. She didn't like it much, but it seemed reasonable. That afternoon she waited for him to return from work. She looked a little concerned, not sure if this was right.
" What's the matter ?" asked Devin . Abby quickly spat it out before she lost her nerve completely.
" I think we should give each other some space." She looked at him quietly, hoping to see some sort of truth in his eyes. He was blank and still for a moment.
" Fine." Devin looked at her one last time, then backed up slowly, turned and walked away.
Abby was heartbroken , he hadn't even wavered.
Later, Tony told her not to worry, he would go see Devin and talk to him , and find out what was going on.
" Don't worry Abby, he probably wasn't ready for it, and what you told him came as a surprise. I'll talk to him." Tony was confident.
She implored him to hurry as she wanted to know as soon as possible. She waited nervously trying to think about other things, trying to do her homework, but she always came to one thought, Devin.
The next day, Tony called Abby and told her that he couldn't get a hold of Devin, that he didn't answer the phone or the door. He would try again and then let her know. But not to worry that was a good sign, that he was disheartened by the loss of her. She tried to think of it as a good thing. Tried.
Tony didn't see her until late that afternoon. He showed up at her house, and was very quiet. She probed him for answers but after a moment he just said:
"He's gone." Then after a pause, with a tear in his eye, "He...hung himself." Abby was shocked. Her eyes burned with tears. He tried to console her, but she couldn't stand Tony's touch, it was his fault, all of this!
A few days later, after the prompt funeral, she had gone to his house, and sat in his room, to try and make sense of it all. He had been depressed, even before he had met her, and his distances and inattentiveness to her was just him unable to cope with it. He had never asked for help, never told anyone, just covered the hole in his soul with his hand, like nothing had ever happened. And slowly his soul had leaked out, leaving him empty and cold.
Then she told him she didn't want him anymore. And that was the final drop left of him that spilled out. He lost all will to live in that moment.
Sulking in his basement, he cried as he came to the decision, he knew it was what he needed. Scribbling a quick note, he hoped it would make sense when someone else read it. Wiping a tear from his eye he pulled a small stool over, placing it under the pipe that ran across the ceiling. He took the small coil of rope from under his bed, it already had a noose on one end, he never untied it from last time... Standing on the stool he tied the rope to the pipe and made sure it was the right length, even when it was pulled tight. He learned from the last time. Carefully he pulled the noose around his horns, first one then the other, then over his snout. He tightened it around his neck, placing the knot to one side. He pulled on it slightly to snug it against his neck. The drop was slow and short, he didn't want to break his neck, no he would strangle, it would take time. He stood for more than fifteen minutes, staring at nothing. Then with a strong swing, he tipped the stool over and the rope tightened around his neck from the short fall. The feeling in his neck was a tight burning, the friction from the rope chafing his skin, the fire of running out of air, of suffocating. At first he tried to pull the rope lose and relieve the burning in his lungs, but with determination, he prevented himself from doing so, he put his fingers to the rope, but did not pull. soon he was dizzy, and it was clear things were over, that now finally all of this was over. He let his hands drop down to his sides, as one last thought of regret passed his mind, if only...
Devin had always called her "My Heart." he said that without her, he could not live. She was his 'Heart', he had not one of his own, and had never really lived until he met her.