Wild Rose Country - Chapter 15

Story by JonaWolf on SoFurry

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#16 of Wild Rose Country


It had been a long time since Sharra had given herself over to the depths of emotion and memory that were contained within a Link. Her control and self discipline with such things had eroded somewhat over the last couple of years and she kept coming up against unexpected difficulties. There were some things that she just couldn't forget and old pain from her past weighed heavily on her mind. She could feel those old memories all around her, pushing at her, clawing their way back into her mind from the dark imprisonment that they had long endured.

Such things were incredibly distracting and she was finding it very difficult to concentrate as she instructed John as to how to set his mind to following his end of the Link. Still, she soon realized that that had been easy compared with what was to come. Once she had distanced herself from her Linkmate and begun following her end of their bond, long repressed images sprung into her mind, weakening her professional detachment and self control.

It was so hard for her to not get swept away in her mental landscape. This place had come into her mind so unexpectedly and so quickly that it had pushed everything else to the side. Why this particular memory had chosen this time to return she did not know but it was making things so much more difficult for her. Everywhere she looked she saw something that triggered old memories and feelings, some happy but so many sad. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, seeking to calm the turmoil that threatened to rise within. It was no easy task. Everything around her was just the way that she remembered it had been on those last few days before her life had been forever changed. She fought desperately to control the emotions that this place brought with it, hoping that they would not interfere with the task she had ahead of her.

She walked slowly through the trees, her gaze fixed straight ahead and never wavering. Leaves of autumn gold drifted down from the tall poplars as she walked.

So beautiful...

So hard to see this place again...

A momentary burst of sadness gripped her with such power that she was suddenly on the verge of tears. She clamped down hard on her feelings and waited for the sadness to pass. It lingered far too long, an unnecessary distraction. She inhaled deeply, letting the scents of earth and trees fill her head until it seemed that there was room for nothing else. Her feet followed a path that they had been down many, many times before.

So familiar was the track her feet followed that Sharra didn't realize where she was going at first. Much of her attention was focused on tracking John as he dealt with the mental images his mind had created for him as he worked his way towards her. Fortunately, he was doing quite well on his own and didn't need any help for the time being. As a definite bonus she could feel that he was distracted enough by what he saw and felt around him that he wasn't paying much attention to her. Sharra relaxed slightly and was caught completely off guard a moment later by something she suddenly glimpsed through the trees.

It was like hitting a wall. Two years worth of repressed memories and feelings burst over her with such force that she was almost knocked off of her feet.

No!

A wisp of smoke was visible rising up through the trees a short distance away. Indistinct structures were barely visible through the obscuring forest and the tantalizing scent of meat drying in the sun wafted out to her.

Please, not now!

A small clearing had been cut out of the trees and the trail led right into it. A scent pole stood in the middle of the small clearing, marking the border between forest and village and stating to all that this territory belonged to the Forest Clans. A delicately carved eagle sat perched atop the pole, a representation in wood of the Watcher Above who would judge those strangers brave enough to venture into the territory claimed by the Forest Clans. Sharra's memory of this territorial marker was incredibly vivid and powerful. The scents of the village inhabitants that lingered on the pole, her friends and family, even her own unique markings, lingered hauntingly in her nostrils. She bowed her head to stare down at her feet.

I cannot go there, not yet.

The village through the trees whispered to her with familiar voices, beckoning to her, drawing her inexorably nearer to a past that she wanted so badly to forget but knew that one day she would have to confront. She struggled for control at the boundary marker, so many thoughts rushing through her head. It took great effort on her part but she turned her back and forced those old feelings deep down, seeking to hide them away for a while. She understood all too well that they would be back soon, bubbling up beneath the calm facade she tried so hard to maintain, driving her back towards that small village in the woods and the pain that lay therein. There would be time enough though, before those memories would return to haunt her, time enough that she would be able to deal with the tasks at hand. The autumn forest shifted and changed around her as she forced herself away from the village and bent her thoughts to other things.

Another image sprung forth as she travelled the memories that lay locked within her mind, a far better memory than the previous one. The Clan's hunting grounds, a broad valley of tall deciduous trees, of soft mosses and reassuring scents. A smile came to Sharra's face and she relaxed, her tail wagging of its own accord. She felt a little more in control of herself now. She had come perilously close to losing control earlier and she wondered if John had picked up on any of her emotional distress. Her mind tracked him effortlessly as she walked and her smile softened as she looked deeper into the emotions that he so easily broadcast. He was happy and thoroughly enjoying himself. Sharra flicked an ear. Surprising, and definitely not what she had been expecting. He had mentioned earlier that his kind did not Link but he seemed to be dealing with their bond far better than she thought he should have. He'd also shown a talent for using that same link in ways that that should have been impossible to someone who likely had no idea what was happening to him. Confusing and surprising again, but she had come to expect that from her human friend.

A quick glimpse of the surroundings his subconscious mind had provided for him showed Sharra a land of staggering beauty. A forest of pine trees with tall mountains in the distance, the sun bright in a clear blue sky. So beautiful, and a land not unlike the one that they currently inhabited. She wondered about that for a minute. Surely that could not be his homeland. He seemed ill suited to life in such a place. She frowned and pushed a few obstructing branches out of her way. She sensed something else from John, a deep sense of belonging, of harmony with the land that he walked quietly through. Perhaps not his homeland, but a place that pulled at some part of him that lay hidden beneath the surface. Whatever it was, it felt good. Sharra grinned and shared her thoughts with John and felt his echoing smile. She moved towards him, letting her mind parallel his, both of them moving closer, their link gaining strength as they neared the point of connection. She pushed all thoughts concerning her earlier difficulties out of her mind and sought to relax, remembering techniques taught to her long ago during her training as a healer.

Breathe deeply, occupy the mind's eye with thoughts of things that are restful and quiet, feel the tension flow away as the body submits to the will of the mind...

A small smile graced her muzzle when the long unused mantra began to work, and she began to feel better, her earlier emotional trials fading away as she came to stand on the banks of a clear and quick flowing river. A stone bridge crossed over the roiling waters and Sharra knew that she had come before the Link, the mental image of the subtle connection that bound her and John's minds together. It looked surprisingly normal considering who and what was on the other end of the Link.

The human's approach was both sensed and seen. Sharra watched him emerge from the thick pine forest and work his way over to her, wonder growing within her as she saw how he had changed. The mental image of himself that he retained within his mind was so different than what she was used to seeing and she realized that this was the person he had been before he had arrived here. Sharra looked him over curiously. The fur that had grown so thick over the lower half of his face was nearly all gone, cut back to barely a shadow of its former wealth. The fur on his head was shorter too, trimmed and groomed so that the close cropped fur gleamed copper-brown in the sunlight. His skin was clean and tanned a light brown under the summer sun. The clothes he wore were rugged yet comfortable. Tough, thick soled leather foot coverings, heavy blue cloth over his legs, and a thin white cloth barely showing underneath a thicker cloth that bore an interesting pattern of red and black squares that he wore over his torso. He walked tall and strong, a content smile on his face and confidence showing in his cloudy blue eyes.

It suddenly struck her that there was something uniquely familiar about this human but she couldn't quite figure out what it was. It was something that lay buried deep within him, something that had yet to make its way fully to the surface. There were other things too, things that didn't quite add up with what she knew of him. The landscape that his subconscious mind had created for the link, his sudden confidence and the ease with which he dealt with something that should have been completely unfamiliar to him, even the simple fact that he had linked with her at all. Taken together, all of those things made it seem like there was something more to strange human, something more even than he knew, and that unknown something was slowly awakening. She pushed that thought away and walked onto the bridge to meet him.

The human paused in the center of the bridge and waited for her to reach him. The calm, confident look in his eyes never once wavered.

His quiet voice echoed in her head. So here we meet at the border of two different worlds. He gestured to the creek and the contrasting forests.

Sharra moved to stand close beside him. He understood where he was and what he was seeing, yet another surprise. Yes. That is one way of describing this place.

John quirked a smile and he turned to look down at the flowing waters.This is going to sound a little strange but I swear that this place is familiar to me. I'm pretty sure that I've seen and felt it somewhere before and I think that maybe I've even been here before._He shook his head and looked up at Sharra with haunted eyes. _I think it might have been in a dream I've had several times over the years but had forgotten all about until now. There was a place in it almost exactly like this. It's tough to remember it with any clarity but I'm almost sure this is the same place. There was the strangest feeling that came with it too, a good feeling but a far different sensation than anything that I'd ever experienced before. Someone else was there but I don't know who. I never saw who it was but I always felt that someone was there watching me from shadows I could not see...

The human raised his head to stare at the autumn poplars as his words trailed off.

Sharra carefully controlled her emotions and her features, lest she betray her profound astonishment. Was there no end to the surprises from this pale stranger? She chose her words carefully after a moment of silence.

The subconscious mind, that small part of who we are that is linked to the greater world around us will often show its presence in dreams. However, meanings in such dreams are often obscure and details vague. Often seeking the advice of a Dreamspeaker is the only way to find the true meaning of such experiences.

A wry smile crossed John's lips as he turned his head to look at her.Yeah, I guess I could have gone and seen a shrink but I doubt he would have told anything I didn't already know. Hefrowned and shrugged his shoulders. It was just a weird dream anyways. My people generally don't believe that dreams have any special meaning.

_Shrink?_Sharra asked, slightly confused.

A doctor of the mind.

Sharra nodded. Among my kind, some dreams are known to have great significance. It was a dream that I had almost a year ago now that led me to the cabin that we now call home.

John turned to her, pale eyes boring into hers. _A dream led you here?_She could feel his surprise. She just nodded.

John turned back to the clear waters and sighed, sagging against the stone railing. I'm beginning to think that there's something else at work here, something a lot bigger and smarter than either of us.

Sharra nodded. Perceptive of him to sense that. I too have suspected such a thing.

Several moments of silence passed between them. Water burbled under the bridge and sunlight glinted off of wet stones. Sharra waited patiently, letting John decide when he was ready to deal with what troubled him.

Now what Sharra? Now that we're both here in this weird mental landscape, what do I do now? I've got this big knot of turmoil in my mind and I need to get rid of it before I go nuts. Sharra could feel the tension rise within him.

She grinned and put a hand out to his shoulder. First I want you to relax as much as you can. I will help you as much as I can with that. Then, I want you to think of what first sent events in motion three days ago. Do you think that you can do that?

Without looking at her, John nodded slowly. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, hoping some of his renewed tension would go out with it. He concentrated on the trees and the mountains, the creek flowing brightly underneath the bridge and he forced himself to relax. He could feel Sharra somehow exuding a calming influence over him. He closed his eyes and let his mind drift. With Sharra's gentle help, his tension slowly melted away.

He took another deep breath and opened his eyes. The creek and the contrasting forests were gone. He was standing in the meadow out in front of the cabin, a short distance from the shed. There was a poorly drawn charcoal outline of a deer scratched on the side of it. Sharra stood quietly beside him. He was absolutely stunned at what lay before his eyes. Everything was perfect down to the last detail, right down to the buzzing mosquitoes and the warmth of the sun. He grimaced, feeling the memories stir within him.

This is where that crazy day began Sharra. I slept in late and by the time I woke up you were already gone. I got bored so I decided to go out and practice throwing my spears.

As he spoke, a tall, thin figure moved in the grass off to one side. Scruffy and bearded and dressed in stained clothing it nocked a spear in the end of a short curved stick. John's eyes widened in surprise as he realized he was watching himself

Huh, so that's what I look like now, he mused. Wow, do I ever look like shit. Sharra snickered briefly before sobering. John looked at her sadly before turning back to watch the scruffy figure in the clearing. A knot tightened in his gut as he watched, knowing all too well what was going to transpire over the next few minutes. He turned to Sharra and looked at her with hollow eyes.

Are you sure you want to see this Sharra? What follows is violent and disturbing and much of it will probably surprise you.

Trust me. Came her gentle reply. We both need to deal with this and put it behind us. If we do not, the grief and terror will consume us and eat into our dreams. Believe me, I know, she said to herself.

John nodded slowly and turned away from her. Don't say that I didn't warn you. He looked down at Sharra's gentle touch on his shoulder.

What follows will not be easy for either of us my friend, but the pain will be short lived and we will both be better off after we deal with it. John nodded again, this time without looking at her and turned his concentration inward.

Sharra watched in fascination as the events of three days ago unfolded before her eyes. IT was her first glimpse into the human's mind and the way he saw the world. She soon realized that he had a stunningly accurate visual memory. While sounds were subdued and scents nearly non-existent, the visual detail and rich colours were absolutely astounding. She had never before seen a linked memory of this magnitude played out in such intricate detail. It was almost like she was actually there three days ago, watching as John was hit with her tormented cry for help.

Sharra watched, feeling John's helpless horror at what he had seen and felt, watched as he grabbed up his spears and ran through the forest at breakneck speed. A veritable storm of emotions spun a tightening circle around them as John crashed through the trees and Sharra fought to keep things in balance. John sensed her struggle against the weight of his emotions and wrestled for control of himself.

You aren't going to like what happens next. He warned her.

The bear suddenly loomed large and menacing in front of them. Sharra felt a momentary surge of fear at seeing the huge animal in such a lifelike memory. John winced as he glimpsed Sharra's memories of the beast. With John's help Sharra barely managed to keep her fear in check. Her heart was in her throat as John retreated from the beast, trying to keep a few good sized trees between him and it. She felt his fear rush over her like a great wind.

She saw his spear cast, saw the spear hit the bear and knew, as John had, that it had not been a good cast. The bear whirled and slapped at the spear and John took off running. A sickening feeling settled in Sharra's gut as the bear quickly gained on John. He jumped for a tree and her hope soared when he managed to grasp hold of a low branch but it died again when the bear swatted him with a huge paw and tore the limb from his grasp.

She saw John stagger as he tried to regain his feet and knew that he was injured. The bear was injured too, she noticed in awe. Blood dripped from its nose and it coughed wetly. She saw John draw his knife and grip it tightly in a shaking hand. Numb terror flooded through her mind, barely controlled on John's end. She fought with it for a moment, dissipating it slowly as John struggled to clamp down on his fear.

The bear reared up and John staggered back. Her heart sank as he tripped and went over backwards. The bear ran forwards and tore at his legs with huge claws. There was a panicked scream and John lashed out with the knife. He connected solidly and the bear sprang back. He managed to scramble to his feet but the bear lurched forwards and swatted him on the arm. Sharra felt a spike of pain sear through her mind like a red hot knife.

She knew that John's right hand was nearly useless now and she watched as he switched the knife over to his left hand. He stumbled away as fast as he could and the bear followed slowly, its steps becoming laboured as the spear point in its side cut deeper and deeper with each step. John stumbled and sagged to the forest floor, the knife tumbling from his fingers. She knew that he had fought his best fight and had resigned himself to his fate. She understood, just as well as he had at the time, that there was nothing else that he could do. She hung her head, almost unable to watch what would happen next, but her terrified fascination with just how John had survived such a brutal attack made her raise her eyes to the scene before her, as difficult as it was.

The bear was near its end as well, she saw that now. It staggered and collapsed at John's feet, huge paws tearing at the soft earth until at last it lay still and quiet.

Sharra felt stunned disbelief flow from the human as he tried to comprehend that somehow he had managed to defeat such a huge creature with little more than a makeshift spear and an old knife.

She saw John's reaction to feeling the link between them reawaken. He forced himself to his feet and ran frantically through the forest, searching for her. His despair nearly consumed her and she was forced to look away for a moment.

She watched as he found the carcass of the deer that she had killed and followed the trail from there. Anguish gripped her when John found tufts of her fur. Sharra looked at the blood trail left on the forest floor and was stunned. She hadn't known...

John followed the trail up to a pile of deadfall, his face a mask of grief, despair, and terror. He called out her name in a haggard, worried voice. When there was no response he called out again, desperation edging into his cracked voice. He tore a few branches out of his way a crawled beneath the pile of deadfall. There the memories suddenly stopped playing out for a moment. John was frozen in the act of tearing apart the deadfall, his face an empty eyed mask of anguish, blood coursing down his slashed arm in a web of red lines. Beside her, John looked up slowly. She could feel him fighting to control his feelings as she struggled to ease and dissipate them. His eyes were moist and the muscles in his jaw stood out as he clenched his teeth.

Are you sure you want to see the rest of this Sharra? My memories become dark and foggy after this. He turned away for a moment. I lost control for a while and it's not going to be a pretty sight.

Sharra sighed and tried to get a grip on her own emotions. She was being affected by what she saw more than she thought she would be. We must see this through, painful as it is. Only that way will the pain and terror fade.

John nodded. I think I understand you when you say that, but it's incredibly difficult to go through this again. I've never been so scared in my life as I was three days ago and I've never been so sure that I was going to die... His thoughts trailed off and he shook his head slowly from side to side while staring at the ground. When he finally lifted his head and met her eyes, she could see that much of his fear had not been for himself, but for her.

You were hurt bad Sharra, bad enough that I was terrified that you were going to die on me. His thoughts were slow and she could feel him struggling against feelings that threatened to overwhelm him. You're the only friend I have left and if I'd lost you I don't think I could have dealt with being all alone out here.

A brief wave of insecurity rushed over her and Sharra gently dissipated it. For a moment, she saw the human's transparent fear before he regained control and she knew how difficult it had been for him to admit that. She reached out and gave John the mental equivalent of a warm hug and felt him brighten up a bit. She wagged her tail and smiled at him. For all of his size and strength and strangeness, his fears were common and basic. Somehow, that made him seem more normal and she liked him better for it. She grabbed one of his hands and gave it a gentle squeeze.

The memories began playing again and this time it was Sharra who had to fight with her emotions.

When John emerged from the deadfall, he had a limp and bloody mass of fur clutched in his arms. His eyes were wild and his face an ashen mask. It was a total shock to Sharra to realize that bloodsoaked mass of fur was her. She began to realize why John was so hesitant to deal with these memories.

She watched with horrified understanding as she regained consciousness and didn't recognize her rescuer. The images around them flickered sickeningly between her and John's points of view. She felt the rising wave of pent up feelings crest and break into a chaotic rush of emotions as John lost control and reached out for her, screaming incoherently. She watched helplessly as she responded in kind and bit his hand. She put a hand to her muzzle, absolutely stunned that she had done such a thing. John felt her shock and remorse and did his best to reassure her, dissipating her rampant emotions as easily as she had his.

It wasn't your fault Sharra.

She remembered the brief flash of recognition she had before she passed out again and she felt John's echoing understanding. He knew as well as she that they had both been through some very traumatic experiences and neither of them had been thinking very clearly. Sharra grasped one of John's huge hands tightly as the rest of the memories played out before them. Unexpectedly, John took her in his arms and hugged her tightly, doing his best to provide the comfort that he suddenly knew she desperately needed and ease the despair that she felt threaten to swallow her up.

John was right. The memories did become dark and foggy past that point. She saw him take her in his arms and rush through the forest, but there was little else that darkness and vague flashes of frenetic activity between there and arriving back at the cabin. There things cleared up a bit. She saw how the human tried his best to clean her up, and when she had briefly regained her consciousness, saw how he had used the link to bring her to her senses and calm her down somewhat.

She watched in disbelief how John left the cabin and returned to the site of the attack. She felt him torn between leaving her and the desperate need to get at least some of the meat from the deer back to the cabin. She was absolutely stunned when she saw how he managed to butcher up the deer and some of the bear and drag that huge load back to the cabin as injured as he was. Everything slowly faded to black when John passed out on the floor beside her.

Coming back to reality was like surfacing from the dark depths of a cool lake. It was still dark outside and the interior of the cabin had cooled somewhat. The oil lamp still burned steadily on the table and the interior of the cabin was cast into deep shadows. John stared at her evenly from across the table and Sharra looked back at him in awe. What he had put himself through three days ago in order to help her, what he had seen and experienced no person should ever have to experience anything like that. She now understood his reluctance to deal with his experiences and the natural urge he had to bury them and try to forget. She'd had experiences that were just as painful and traumatic and a sudden image of that village hidden back in the trees flashed in her mind's eye. She had buried that pain, pushed it away and covered it up. She realized that she would soon have to deal with that old pain in the same manner that she had used to help John and she wasn't looking forward to that. She hurriedly pushed that thought away and looked down to where her hands were still clasped in John's on the top of the table. She gently pulled her right hand free of his and took hold of his injured hand in both of hers. She carefully unwound the bloodstained bandage and turned his hand gently to the light. Her ears went back when she looked at the wounds she had inflicted on the pale skin. It looked nasty.

"I cannot believe that I bit you." She said in a quiet voice.

"Don't worry about it Sharra." He said quietly. "I'd probably have done something similar in your position." He grinned at her, showing his square teeth. "Thing is, my teeth wouldn't do much damage, except maybe ruffle that thick pelt of yours."

Sharra stared at him for a brief moment before breaking out in laughter. John smiled softly, glad to have lightened the moment.

"You know, I do feel better Sharra. I don't really know or understand what exactly you did but when I think about that fight with the bear it's different now." He shrugged and scratched his chin. "The memories are there but the fear is subdued. It's weird. Whatever you did, you have my thanks for doing it."

Sharra wagged her tail. "You are not the only one that feels better. You helped me as well and probably more than you know." John's brow furrowed at that comment.

"While I was taking the brunt of your emotions and dissipating them, you were doing the same for me, and doing it surprisingly well I should add."And far better than you should have been able to, she thought.

John raised an eyebrow and his brow furrowed in thought. "Yeah, I guess I did do that. Funny, it just seemed like the right thing to do..." A moment of silence passed before Sharra finally spoke the question that had been on her mind for some time.

"What is it with you?" Sharra demanded.

"Huh?"

"You say that your kind has nothing that compares to a Link yet you deal with the one we share as easily as anyone I have ever known. You say that you have seen the subconscious image of our link before, dreamed of it even, yet you say that dreams are considered to have little meaning among your people." Sharra paused for breath. "You even seem to use the Link on an instinctual level. It does not make sense that you, of all people, would be able to do that since your people apparently do not have those kind of mental connections. I have helped some of my own people, family and friends, that were more clueless than you when it came to dealing with a Link when one grew between them and another."

John looked confused for a moment then shrugged. "Guess I'm just lucky." The tone of his voice belied his easygoing attitude and Sharra's sensitive ears picked up on it. He was more concerned than he let on. Damn that unreadable face of his. Though he managed to show no outward signs it was harder for him to hide his feelings from the link. She felt the uncertainty that lurked beneath his calm surface. When she didn't say anything for some time, John picked his knife from the table and the piece of wood that lay beside it. She saw the grimace of pain on his face as he steadied the stick in his injured right hand.

"I don't understand it either Sharra." He said softly. The knife scraped against the wood, slivers curling away as he delicately shaped the chunk of spruce into a useable shape. His concentration level looked intense yet he kept speaking. "To have a connection like the one we share scares the hell out of me most of the time, yet there are some times when it seems like the most natural thing in the world. When it first started happening I had no idea what was going on. When I started having dreams of some of your memories I thought I was going crazy. Do you know what it's like to be suddenly exposed to a world of scents that you never knew existed?" He shook his head. "Your hearing's too damn good too, and the whole experience of seeing someone else's memories through their own eyes is just too weird for words."

Sharra opened her mouth to say something but John cut her off with a wave of his hand. The fact that there was a knife clenched in it made it difficult to argue.

"Those dreams have helped me understand you. I now know a bit about you, how you think, and how you see the world around you." John paused again and she sensed a sudden change in his mood.

"You're a good friend Sharra and I've grown to like you. I know that you're a good person that tries to help whenever she can. You have a gentle and caring soul but something in your past has made you the loneliest person in the world and you'd pretty much given up hope before I showed up on your doorstep, battered, broken and nine-tenths dead." John looked up at her, eyes large and luminous in the lamplight.

Sharra knew what he was going to say next but even so she was unprepared to hear it out loud.

"I'm pretty sure that we've been brought together for a reason. What that reason is I don't know, but I hope to find out."

Wild Rose Country - Chapter 16

As spring worked its green magic around us during our recovery from the attack by the bear, our situation didn't seem all that bad. Sure, we were both sore and limited in what we were able to do but we were still alive and the healing process had...

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Wild Rose Country - Chapter 14

The pungent scent of smoke wafted over Sharra's senses as she drifted through the flat grey borderland that ruled between the dream world and the real world. The scent brought forth such a powerful surge of emotions and memories that she wondered what...

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Wild Rose Country - Chapter 13

What can I say about the aftermath of our horrifying encounter with the grizzly? Even now, when such things are years in the past, it's very hard for me to find a place to begin. I could start by saying that in the weeks afterwards there were times...

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