FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Have you ever tried to impress someone you love, only for those loved ones to make you feel terrible about yourself? Tried taking a bad path due to the good route not going so well, just for the same exact feeling to come back at you, however twice as bad, as a result? Did all that emotional pain made you lose your temper from feeling so betrayed, wanting to commit vengeance without thinking? Did all of that hate and anger made you develop a side you wish you've never had, having no choice but to hold onto that ego for the rest of your sad, miserable life?

No? I bet you've answered "No" to all my questions. Well anyways, all of that bullshit happened to me, every last event I've asked, the reason why I look like a big screw-up today. You know, to be honest with you, thinking about it now and comparing my past to my present, I rather live my depressed, present life. Hey, besides feeling like a total fuck-up, bright side to this is that at least I'm alone and no one has to bother me. No need to impress others; no need to love others; no need to brutally murder people that hurt me emotionally anymore.

My thinking on my lifestyle wasn't like this. I had goals on how to make others happy and get others to like me. That was back when I used to be an innocent, sweet, and adorable little mouse in New York City. Well... just innocent, was called sweet and adorable by teachers and girls in elementary school, even though I was just a normal black rodent with... strange grey ferret-like markings.

I'm just going to skip all that boring and try to remember my past... It's kind of... hazy. Besides the events that changed my life in an instant, I don't think they have said anything about how much they loved me, not even once actually. I bet since I was born, that was how long it was. All they did was give me such weird looks, like blank emotionless stares. Sure they hugged me here and held my hand there, when people were around. Once we were alone, they stopped and went their way back to their "normal" selves. For twelve years I went through... Not a single "I love you". One small conversation I've listened in changed my life in an instant I have perfect memory of... sadly.

I'm pretty sharp, great at picking up on things I've learned. When I was a normal little mouse, I believe I've learned about car parts, self defense, surviving whenever I'll be on my own, and shit like that... Blame Google and my early thinking about how to be independent, wanting to show them how much I've improved. Skipping the dull stuff, I've gotten my first report card in 6th grade, nothing but A's. I was studying my ass off, done extra credit worksheets, everything I need to try and amaze my parents.

This event changed me forever... I'll tell you down to the last of it. One night, I put a smile on my face and walked up to their room with that report card with perfect scores written on it. The lights were on, so I knew they were still awake inside. Before I knocked on their door, something told me to stop and listen. Planting my ear on the door, I heard my strange name being said a few times, Cyprus. I was assuming they were talking about me and figured out someone was on the phone. Once in my life, which confused me, I heard that bitch and her asshole spouse parading and all after she hung up the phone, hearing that mattress spring moving rapidly. Just them bouncing with excitement, saying they were waiting twelve long years for this moment to finally come.

Those two sounded very excited in there, talking all fast and what they can't wait to do, can't wait to spend money on. All the things they've listed were pretty expensive sounding, jewelry, mansion, spots cars... What interested me more was that they kept saying my name, "Cyprus" here, "Cyprus" there, and spectating their shadows under the door moving over to their own drawers with their luggage. Were they going on a trip? Did they win a cruise or something and want to prepare themselves for it? Are they leaving now, especially at this time? Are they bringing me with them for saying my name over and over? I was pondering over those questions.

Didn't take me long to figure out my answers. It was a trip, yes. The jackass duo was talking about a personal boat to Cyprus, scheduled for them, had nothing to do with me at all. One was grabbing the car keys, until that shithead stopped her. I guess he didn't want to leave right away? These words he said, "Wait, just for a while, until he's asleep, so he won't know we're leaving him tonight." My eyes widened from what he had said. First thought was, Were they talking about me?

Her turn to speak. "I guess you're right, was kind of tired of him being around us. I mean... we can finally leave that kid now!" I gasped lightly and took a step back from the door, hearing her mocking me in there, too. They really didn't want me around. I was just someone to use? Was I really annoying to them? Is that why I couldn't put a smile on their face? I had to know the truth about how they felt about me. It was hurting me, nevertheless, I just had to know!

She had to continue and say more fucking bullshit from her mouth. "Didn't want to have a child in the first place. But it was a requirement in her will to start a family, use the boy as a reminder, and wait twelve years to finally get my money and house from my sister. Such bullshit..."

"I know, but it's finally over. It'll be just us two. We can say goodbye to this life and never had to return here again. Just a couple hours of waiting for him to sleep... he'll be a problem for someone else now, and we can start a new life."

I couldn't listen to more of that. I just could not believe those words came out. My aunt was the only person that showed more love to me than those disgrace for parents. I deeply respected her, the only piece of family I had. It was a shame that she died from a bad case of cancer, hope she rest in peace... And for her to say that about my aunt made my heart hurt so much. I was holding onto my chest, along with me crumbling my report card.

I realized what I was, just a tool to get what they want and toss away once they're done. I was shedding so many tears. I dropped my report card and ran to my empty room, sobbing silently as I sat on my bed. I took everything they had said and meditated on it after... a half hour of crying? I know I was crying for a good while. Tear stains, bloodshot eyes, that whole bit, still running those tears down my face. Holding onto my tail, I was so hurt, so much pain in my chest. I felt so fucking stupid, trying so hard to make them proud of me. All of my effort, they didn't really appreciate anything I had done. Not a single goddamn thing, no fucks given, because I was just... a tool, a thing they had planned to throw away and abandon from the start.

No wonder things weren't going so well... My aunt wanted me to be happy, Guess she added that part on her will to help me out. Didn't go as planned, Auntie... Those two ended up abusing that part of her will to still get what wanted from you. Emotion and sorrow were building up and I wanted to cry again, being scared of being on my own and feeling so betrayed. For once, I was out of options. I didn't know what to do.

All of these thoughts came in my head, ideas about how I can make them change their mind about leaving me. The lack of love and care toward me countered them all. They hated me, so why do I even bother impressing them now? It ended up scrambling all over my mind, until my stability shattered. I finally snapped, biting my lip so much I make myself bleed down my chin and onto my shirt out of rage. Tightening my grip on my tail, I was developing one last option, with my anger this time. They wanted to leave me, abandon me, not giving a single shit about my life? Then so be it. This will be my last time doing something for them, then.

I grabbed my tools and went to the family computer, going on Google once more to look for some options. My plan was to send them a surprise, a going away present for leaving their son, their tool actually, that used to love them. They were leaving by car obviously, so let's do something about that. Finding the right way to "surprise" them, I took my tools and made my way to the garage. I had to work quickly, only about an hour till they leave me for good.

Once I was done, I pretended I went to sleep, covering me and my clothes that were covered in oil and dirt. They opened my door to see if I was sleep. After that, they made their way downstairs and to the garage. I jumped out my bed to sneak around, watching them start the car and leave the driveway. Hearing that car speed down the street at night, I knew it wouldn't take long for them to see my "gift".

Moments later, sitting on the couch, my big ears picked up the last few sirens of an ambulance speeding by, pretty much going down the same street where those two went. I turned on the television and just in time, too. The reporter was right there, looking over a car crash at a nearby intersection. Plenty of cars and trucks were in that crash, while one car exploded from a gas leak for being caught on fire after crashing, looks like a certain couple's that tried abandoning their only child. The reporter said plenty of people got hurt, some walked away, unfortunately... fortunate for me, two were killed in their own car that sped down the street and not stopping. I knew who those two were, and I bet you do, too.

I didn't give a fuck. I only huffed and gripped the only thing I can remember them by, a few colored hoses that were cut off. Yeah those were brake hoses, needed to stop the car at the red light they sped by. I took them off, still dripping brake fluids onto my clothes and the couch. I didn't even want to hear what else happened, nor did I care. Sacrifices had to be made as long as I know they went on their last trip ever. Good riddance, and enjoy my going away present...

I know they would trace the car sabotage back to me. I had to erase my tracks! I also want to erase this place too. I'm on my own now, and I don't want anyone to take me away for anything. Checking Google once more, I had to make plans, I had to survive on these streets on my own now. This little house I lived in will have to be taken down to cover my tracks. I first got my clothes and food together in a small bag, gathered all the surviving tips I needed including a map.

Once everything was settled and me traveling light, I went to the gas line in this house and let all the gas out. Then I moved to the toaster and placed a big folded newspaper inside it, setting up a little bomb. I quickly made my way outside and closed the door behind me. I ran away from the house, just in time for it to explode meters behind me. I hid behind a tree, waiting for all the exploding debris to finish falling from the sky. Lights in other houses were turning on, catching on about what happened. I couldn't let anyone see me, had to run away from the mess I've caused. As active and healthy as I was, it wasn't hard to do so at night.

From a hill, I saw fire trucks and people surround the house I've destroyed through my binoculars. I wasn't followed here, so it was fine for them to look over the work done by an emotional abused boy. Holstering my binoculars, I went back to finish my traveling, making my way in the wilderness to a safe zone pinpointed on my map. Luckily, my neighborhood was near a campground that no one goes to. I took that spot there to hide from sight and sleep for the rest of the night. I knew I had to put my surviving skills to the test first thing in the morning.