FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

It had taken some time, but finally Zerobi was getting accustomed to the layout of the caves, lovingly nicknamed "Nomad's Land" by its slowly departing residents. It reminded her of home, and even more of the Cerulean Cave, right down to the awfully strong Pokémon wandering to and fro. At least unlike that place, they were the ones who were afraid of her. The only thing missing was Astrid, and she felt thankful to find that the less meek of the revolutionaries were happy to share what they remembered about him. It felt very nostalgic to hear of his antics, severe bashfulness and untimely attempt at bravery.

The cool, refreshing air gradually turned stale as she ventured deeper inside the complex. Following the Whimsicott's instructions, finding the fabled "stash" was a cinch. A vertical stretch ending with a small opening leading into a larger room - The similarities with her old execution chambers were uncanny, and she hoped the sight inside would not be nearly as horrifying.

It wasn't. A stack of rather huge crates filled the far end of the room, one of them pried open to reveal its contents: Bottles of neatly packed beer. Alcohol was something she did not have much experience with. One time Basil managed to sneak some into school, but insisted on drinking the full bottle himself to show everyone how cool he was. Most of his classmates were unimpressed, watching as the Bellsprout tried to root himself into his own desk for several minutes before passing out and being carried off to a Pokécenter. Although she had many sorrows to drown and trauma to forget, she never tried any. Rationalized that she needed to stay sharp and could not risk getting drunk, accidentally stumbling into town while blurting out more than a few things that would send her straight to prison, and not just to sober up.

Of course, the beer was not the only thing to catch her eye. Sitting next to a crate while using the open lid as a chair was Lucario, although "slumping" might have been a better description than "sitting". His back was turned to her and his head all but vanished behind his shoulders, slouching to the point where only his drooping ears proved he had not been decapitated. She walked up to him, noticing a somewhat full bottle on top of the crate; his makeshift table.

"Lucario?" Zerobi spoke up, realizing he would not have noticed her arrival due to her lack of an aura. Or his lack of attention. He very slowly turned his head towards her, his eyes bloodshot and his mouth slightly ajar.

"Ze... Ro... Bi...?" he wheezed, a waft of alcohol hitting Zerobi in the face. Finding it to be nowhere near as revolting as what was included in his preferable diet, she tried to grab the bottle only to find it slipping out of her steely hands. She spun it around in place in order to read the label: Berry Brew Bluster, spicy flavor. A beer accustomed to appeal to the palettes of Pokémon enthusiasts, better remembered as the biggest marketing flop since Pokéballs were redesigned in an Electrode motif, causing trainers to carry them upside down by accident.

"Why are you drinking this?" Zerobi asked with a sneer, "You hate berries."

"... Gotta do it..." Lucario grumbled as he snatched up the drink and held it away from her, "... Gotta clear my mind..."

"CLEAR your mind?" Zerobi repeated with irony in her voice, "What, to help you realize that's not how alcohol works?"

Lucario stared at her grumpily for a few moments, trying to think of a reply while swimming through a turbulent ocean of booze in his drunken mind.

"... So it would seem..." he muttered with a secretive tone, "... But such is... Not the case... Thanks to this, I've finally got everything figured out... All of it..."

"What did you figure out?" Zerobi asked to humor him, watching with concern as he took a deep swag from the bottle and almost emptied it out in one go.

"Every... Last... Detail..." Lucario grunted while placing the bottle down on the crate, "See... I used to be under a delusion that I wasn't a useless sack of shit... But no matter how hard I try... No matter how hard I train... Everything always ends up the same. It's not my fault, though... It's fate."

"... You said you don't believe in fate," Zerobi said, surprised to see his normally alert personality take a nosedive.

"After what's happened, how can I not...?" Lucario muttered as he swished around the last contents of his drink, "Life's like a stupid story... All my actions only exist to lead to one inevitable outcome... Doesn't matter how hard I fight or how much I suffer... I can't change the will of the author, and whatever tale he's got planned out..."

Zerobi had never really assumed Lucario to be a happy drunk, but this depressing state was worse than she expected. It had only been a week and he already looked as if he had completely given up at life.

"Come on, this isn't good for you," Zerobi said while trying to pry the bottle out of his hand, "Let's go. Get away from here."Claws off!" Lucario burst out while knocking her arm away, "You spent 8 years in a cave, and you get on my case after mourning the death of a dear friend for a few days!?"

"That... Was different..." Zerobi explained while thinking back, wondering if Lucario thought she had spent all that time moping, "I didn't do it for my sake, I just didn't want to hurt anyone else!"

"Same as me, then," Lucario growled before stopping for a moment, his expression turning into melancholy, "Mew... Mew will be the last casualty. As long as I stay in here, I can't bring death upon anyone else."

Of course, Zerobi had long since figured out the source of Lucario's depression. She herself had only spent about half a week together with Mew, during which the fabled legendary had either been unconscious or trying to stay away from her as much as possible. Although both Celebi and Lucario spared no breath in singing Mew's praises, Zerobi was not exactly overcome with sorrow regarding her passing.

"Lucario..." Zerobi whispered in an attempt to empathize, "... It wasn't your fault."

"... Like hell, it wasn't!" Lucario shouted as he suddenly sat up straight, "I'm the one who led Darkrai out into the snow! I'm the one whose pathetic hide Mew had to come rescue! I'm the... I'm the one..."

The volume fell lower as he began to slump down again, turning his face away from Zerobi to hide his growing devastation.

"... I'm the one... Who was supposed to... Protect her..." Lucario whispered with dismay while slapping his forehead, "I couldn't even protect her from low temperature! Instead, she... She died because of me..."

Appearing to be entering recluse once more, Lucario instead slammed down the bottle with surprising force, nearly shattering it in the process.

"And for what!? Why was I even there in the first place!?" he yelled with fury and started counting up all the failures in his life, "I sacrificed that small penguin to get away from Suicune, I put you in danger, I screwed up and let Kabuta get her arm ripped off, I sat and watched as the Dragonair's mind shattered, Rukario's probably dead too because of me, Celebi got shot and Zoroark nearly went to the gallows when I wasn't busy beating her up over shit that didn't matter..."

Zerobi stared at him with confusion, but he cared not how much of what he had said was new information to her.

"And now... Even Mew had to give her life to spare mine..." Lucario groaned as he grasped the sides of his head in anguish, "Why...!? What was the point!? My life isn't worth a damn, it's not worth saving! I CAN'T DO ANYTHING!"

The loud shout echoed throughout the cave. Lucario took a moment to catch his breath, Zerobi remaining stunned from his outburst. Constantly boasting in battle and having been the former champion of the world, she never imagined Lucario would have such a poor self-image. She recognized his line of thinking all too well and only now saw the folly of the concept. Did he really consider himself a bother to those around him? Did he not realize how much he meant to her?

"But... You can..." Zerobi whispered as she carefully placed a hand on her chest, "... For me."

Lucario continued drawing in breath while looking away from her, forcing himself to calm down.

"... No, Zerobi... You've worked hard to get your life back..." he replied quietly, "... Don't ruin it. Stick with me, and I can only promise you misery and death."

"Two things I've dealt with before, and would-" Zerobi started, but was interrupted as Lucario lashed out with his arm. The blow was clearly not aimed at her, but the surprise was enough to make her step back.

"I won't let you! Get the hell out of here, or I'll throw you out myself!" Lucario shouted while staring at her. His expression was not of anger or sadness, but something else. Curious as to what would come of it, Zerobi moved closer. In an instant, Lucario thrust his open palm towards her.

"Aura Sphere!" he exclaimed while finding it a little difficult to keep his outstretched arm stable, "Don't think I wouldn't! I'm drunk 'n dangerous! Leave me alone!"

Zerobi flinched, Lucario's gesture reopening her most devastating of old wounds. He watched her as she staggered backwards, not feeling a whole lot better about himself as she gave him one last look before turning around and going through the exit. Still, he knew it was for her own good. When the legendary dogs arrive or when Darkrai comes back to "reap", he wanted her to be as far away from him as possible. If he had to get it done by being a mean asshole, so be it. He withdrew and looked at his open palm for a moment, surprised that it had even worked in scaring her off.

"Like I'd really do it..." Lucario muttered to himself, thinking she did not know him as well as she imagined. With a discontented sigh, he turned his attention back to his drink.

"... Like you'd really do it," Zerobi said under her breath as she leaned up against the wall outside and stifled a snicker. Expecting to feel hurt or concerned, she instead found his feigned abrasiveness to be strangely amusing. Trying to appear threatening after she had seen him cry over a plate of rice and curry - He really was a poor actor. Everyone else had said that he was consumed in anger and sadness, but she could tell that was not the real reason he had pushed her away. She had a feeling he was being prideful, wanting to prove that he could get through this without the help of anyone else. Even so, at least now he knew her feelings and that she was willing to stay by his side. Constantly nagging and tugging at him now seemed like a bad idea, and so she decided to give him some time to himself.

In truth, she had no intention of sitting around and worrying about other people all day. She felt like she could use some time alone as well, having a particular concern of her own to deal with. She had been able to put it off for some time, but with the state Celebi and Lucario was in it seemed unlikely they would help get her mind off her own problems anytime soon. It was not something she had to do, and it was not even a particularly good time to do it. It was an opportunity, nothing more or less. Awaiting the sun's departure, she took a short nap while preparing herself to grab for it once more.

Can I trust my friends to stay with me?