FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Calina shivered, despite the heavy cloak that she wore, and tried her best to put on an extra burst of speed up the tree to where a glow told her that Kitch had already started to warm their home up. Their home. Such a foreign word to her mind, but one that brought with it a rush of warmth and happiness that was just as confusing as thinking those words. It had been her idea to either have Kitch stay with her or live with him. The nights had turned bitterly cold, though the days were still warm enough to be pleasant. She didn't like having to hot foot over frost covered branches and roof tops to get her room and she didn't enjoy knowing that Kitch had to do the same. She'd asked him if he'd like to stay the night with her and it had steam rolled until he'd shyly offered to find them someplace roomier.

She was still baffled by her relationship with Kitch, and sometimes she could question it, but it was becoming something that she relied on. His presence made the strange world more understandable, his gentle touch was something that she shyly craved. The fact that he'd managed to find a small home for them that consisted of four different rooms had calmed her down. He hadn't commented when she pushed her stuff into one of the spare rooms instead of the shared bedroom. She felt a need to have another room she could claim as her own. She wasn't ready to give up her independence entirely. Sometimes she believed he didn't protest or say anything because she'd never spent a night in her separate room. Just having it let her feel more relaxed. She had a choice.

Illusion. All illusion. She sighed to herself a little. The sound would have sounded upset or defeated, if her lips hadn't been pulled back in a smile.

It was an illusion that she kept for herself. That she had her own room in their home, but it wasn't one she retreated too. The large bed that they'd stuffed with reeds and down feathers was their bed, not Kitch's bed. It was large enough they could in it easily and the covers weren't as thick as the ones she'd had on her bed. She'd found out why the first night. With thicker covers she grew overheated quickly because two furred bodies snuggled together generated a lot of heat. The lighter covers meant they could curl up together and not end up twisted in the blankets. Life had changed for her, and it had changed for the better with her duties no longer calling her away so often. Most of her sabon was enjoying their time off from their normal work and indulged in crafts to pass the time by, she had other things to do.

"Kitch?" She called out as she came up from the stairs that led up into the heart of the living room. She secured the door behind her to keep the drafts out.

"You were out at the baraen again?" Kitch's voice was soft, but held a bit of strain as she shook the cloak off herself and hung it up on a peg. She fought not to flush with her guilt.

"I was out walking." She temporized and glanced over to find Kitch fletching new arrows with glossy brown and white feathers he'd been cutting down the last few days.

"To see the baraen." Kitch flattened his ears and grimaced. "Please, Calina, leave them alone. They work to protect us all, no matter that they are removed from us. It isn't your place to try and spy on their training or homes."

Calina wrinkled her nose a bit and dropped down on a long seat. "I want to know what they do. I want to know what they are."

Kitch sighed a little, but continued to seat the feathers into the grooves he'd cut for them. In the winter they might be driven to hunt the old and dying to make sure that they would push past it. At least, that's what he told her. They didn't enjoy hunting and they avoided it, but in winter the elderly beasts and the ones wounded from the fall would be coming to their end. If it was a particularly harsh winter his sabon would go out to find the ones ready for their ending and give it to them as peacefully as they could. It gave his fingers something to do as she tried to put an end to the bone of contention between them. Her stomach rolled with a hint of nausea as it always did when they began to talk about a point they didn't agree with. The baraen was a point that they never agreed on.

"They are our protectors and soldiers. I have told you this." Kitch licked his lips and blew out a sigh. "And it is not a place for females to go. They do not allow them into their ranks and they would not allow them to spy on them if they knew you were there."

Calina bristled and fought the urge to snap back what she thought of that idea, instead she swallowed her instant anger and puffed out a sigh. "I know that, but I don't understand them and I want to. I promise, I've been careful not to be seen."

Kitch gave her a look, but let the matter drop. Part of her wished he'd continue so she could mull out her own feelings, but the rest was just grateful not to end up arguing. It was the only point that could send them both onto the defensive and their tempers could flare. She was worse at keeping her temper now. When she'd been human and male she had been able to make her point and leave the other side trying to continue the debate, but now... She wasn't sure what caused it, if it was the change in society, the change in herself, the change in her gender, but she couldn't keep her temper. Part of it was the fact that getting angry was easier than puzzling out the reason she was angry.

Calina snuggled down into the chair and picked absently at a bowl of mingled nuts and dried fruit as she tried to understand her anger at the baraen. Part of it was because they refused all females. She'd never been into gender equality in her old world, but she'd never thought females were lesser. She just hadn't seen it as something close to home. Now she was faced with being excluded from a group based on her gender and it made her bristle. She wasn't desensitized to it or looking at it on an anthropological level, she was seeing it as something personal. Add to the fact that Kitch was definitely unhappy with the group and had let it, it made her feel a reason to exploring it. So far the village had seemed perfect and idealistic, but now she wondered if she'd found the hidden darker side to it. It was both uncomfortable to know that she had missed it, and comforting to know that if they were hiding something, she had found it.

The rest of her anger was centered on her first glimpse at them and the newest of their group. She didn't know Edan well, she had only met him once, but he had seem a lively young boy. Kitch knew him better and seemed to like him, so that gave her a reason to feel a personal interest in him. Though, it could have been her own need to justify spying on the warriors. Her first sight of Edan had been of the lad pushed into the midst of a sizable group of youngsters and being roughly disciplined to get into line. The older males didn't seem inclined to show any sort of gentleness to their charges, instead they were snapped as if they were already entirely grown. Edan's face had looked frightened and intimidated as he'd been interrupted from his bragging to be dragged into place. For that look, she was willing to brave Kitch's displeasure.

"Why are you so interested in them?" Kitch flicked his ears back and set his arrow aside to look at her. "Why do you keep going to see how they train?"

"Because I want to see what they are. I want to know about how they work. Something doesn't seem quite right about them." She shifted and tried to piece together what she was trying to say. "In my world, we had soldiers that served us, but they weren't forbidden from living among us or having families. They fought for that. They were a part of what they fought for. The baraen aren't a part of what they fight for. They're taken away from the village and it makes me wonder what they think they're fighting for."

"You could ask me." Kitch answered softly and furrowed his brow. "It's the way they've always been. They often have to range far and that would make it hard for a family. They are out of touch, but I think that is mostly because of Chane. He is older and has led them for so long that he's forgotten his own childhood. His second doesn't question the old one, he only follows orders."

"So what's to keep them from doing something more? From taking over the village or dominating everyone because they can fight?" She shifted a little and watched Kitch's features as they smoothed down and he looked almost pained.

"They exist to protect us, Calina. They have no other purpose. They wish us to be safe and to ensure that the Lupar and other groups do not break their treaties. Harming us would go against every law they are taught and every oath they've sworn." He spoke patiently, but she wasn't ready to let it rest.

"Everyone here is naïve." She let some of her frustration come into her voice. "You've never seen a war, you've never seen what it's like. A greedy dictator can take over an entire country. Hell, they might not even see it as harm if they take the village over. They might see it as trying to make you all stronger, but it would go downhill from there first. They'd have to bring you under heel, and you wouldn't even know how to defend yourselves."

The worries that she had felt after the first time she'd seen them bubbled past her lips before she could stop them. Kitch's eyes flashed open wide, but he didn't make a move to interrupt her as she spoke about her worries. Her mind went to all the different cases of war that she had seen in her life as a human. Not only with dictators such as Hitler or Hussain, but in the matter of groups that had been able to overtake smaller weaker groups. The idea of using a passion for safety to create terror and take away rights one after another while the other side didn't protest. They would start out small, but it would rise, and before they knew it they could be sucked under until they had no rights unless the military gave it to them.

"I promise.." Kitch reached out and touched the back of her paw with his finger tips, "They would not harm us, they would not move against us. They will not do what you fear. I do not approve of all that they are, but I know them well enough to know they would find such ideas repugnant."

Calina glanced up at Kitch's dark eyes and swallowed slightly. How could he know? He had no experience, he had not seen the human world. Every part of her screamed that this was what would happen. This was what they would do. It made her feel sick that no one else could see it or took her worries seriously. She ran a paw against her belly and sighed to herself. The most she could do was watch and see just what they were and what they were doing. She couldn't force others to listen to her when they didn't know the world she came from. But it made her stomach tighten and feel sick as Kitch changed the subject to something safer. She let him, even if her mind wasn't entirely on it.

~ ~ * ~ ~

The small clearing wasn't made by a lack of trees, but it was made up of large pine trees that rose up around her and the thick branches made for a canopy that made for a dark area. The bases of the trees were far enough back that she had nearly eight feet or more in each direction. It was a perfect place for her to be hidden when she looked down on the small valley below. It was a great hiding spot to make sure that even people walking up the path behind her didn't see that she was watching. Her pale grey fur was perfect camouflage, especially in the early morning when the fog rolled up from the valley below. That suited her perfectly.

The area that had been given over to the baraen was far enough away that she wondered how the village had ever agreed to it. It was situated in a valley that was nearly a two hours walk from her home and there were no good trails that led to it. They couldn't possibly get the village in time if someone attacked the main trees, so what were they doing this far out? It seemed like a ploy to make sure that their recruits couldn't go back easily. Even if they did leave, it was far enough away that they would be noticed as missing. And with no clear trails, it would be hard for the kits to find their way back. It smacked to her of deliberately trying to make sure that they were isolated. But that also worked against them, because the group didn't leave or travel in often, she was able to hide from them with relative ease. She didn't want to be seen, especially by the males below her who started to wake up for the day and began to train.

She had never put much thought into how the military trained and what they did. She'd seen enough movies that showed boot camps and what happened there, so she had some idea on the stereotypes, but she was curious on what the baraen would do. After the conversation with Kitch, she was determined to figure out how they ran and what they were doing. The fact that they were situated far from the village was the first mark against them. They weren't just on the outskirts, they were past the main part of the forest and into an area that had turned more towards a pine forest then a normal one. They stationed sentries around the area, though she found that they were easier to get by then she'd first expected them to be. She was able to slip past them with little more than the effort it took to climb to the safest highest point in the trees. They were always at the lower branches.

Below her the group was starting to wake up and gather together to stretch. She had seen this before, it wasn't that interesting. A handful of larger and heavier males moved through the slender ones that looked as if they were Kitch's age. The youngest of the males were set to another side of the field and were being led in their stretches by several of the youths. She was too far to be sure which one was Edan, but she picked out one of the young dark furred squirrels that she thought might be him. They stumbled through the exercises and were corrected by the youth's who held what looked like thin switches and gave light taps to get them into proper form.

There aren't enough to make an army.. She glanced over the numbers dubiously and added in the sentries.

There were less than sixty baraen in the group. They ranged from the very young, to ten veterns that had gone towards the grey. Only Chane was truly elderly and it was doubtful he could fight as well with age creeping ever further on his bones. He mostly stayed to the side and observed as his pupils warmed up and stretched themselves out. It gave Calina a chance to settle down on her belly in the soft pine needles and look over one after another. They came from so many different families and sabons, but they all had a sameness to them that made her think of the soldiers she used to work with. It was the time they spent training with one another that forged that sense of unity. They even dressed alike, in the same shade of breeches.

As the finished stretching she glanced towards the older groups that began to pair off against one another. They spread out near the edges where they could claim larger space as they selected hardwood staffs one after another. The tips flashed in the light where a metal of some sort had been formed into caps. Their tails were no longer bare, but had been wrapped with what looked like some sort of bone or wood cuffs that wrapped around the base, twice in the middle and once at the tip. That was the reason they had been shaved down until there was just a small fuzz instead of the long plush hairs she possessed. They had barely set up before they went after one another and began to spar. It was a form of fighting that was new to her and if it had been at any other time, she would have enjoyed it. But for now she kept her attention on what it was meant to do.

The males were muscled and large, and they took that strength into a liquid series of movements that defined their fighting style. The staffs caught the light and flashed as they danced and flowed over the ground, attacking and circling one another looking for a weakness. They fought with every limb they had. They kicked with rapid attacks to the side, before lunging forward to use their free hand and the one with the staff in driving blows to try and force one another back. They used their tails to swing around and hit when they had to. The thicker cuff at the tip proved to be a formidable weapon when brought into play by twisting movements that followed a kick. It was almost like a form of dancing, but with deadly intent put behind it that showed that it wasn't a game.

The youths weren't as well trained. She saw the moves that would one day be graceful, but they still needed adjustments. They fought against one another, but they were brought down by lucky blows rather than skill. They didn't use their tails instinctively as another weapon, instead they had to be reminded by several older males who watched over them. They were still learning and it was interesting to see the way they were corrected. The fights were almost constantly halted by the older warriors and the youths would adjust themselves before going back to their sparring. Eventually they would become just as deadly as their fellows. They would start to grow into their muscles and learn how to use their tails and limbs with the deadly accuracy their profession demanded.

The kits were another story all together. They were the ones that Chane over saw personally. The old squirrel stood in front of them and showed them the moves so that they could echo him. They didn't fight against anyone, but went through the motions with the air. They weren't able to move well at all. Their limbs weren't grown long enough to be graceful and they were unsure of themselves and where to put their tails. They watched their teacher with focused eyes and serious faces. The movements weren't advanced in the least bit. They kicked the air and lunged forward with small closed fists, but they didn't use their tails except to complete swings.

The three different groups let her look into the way the baraen were organized and how they progressed with their training. The first few times she watched them, she'd been disappointed that they had no real weapons. They had bows and arrows, but they seemed to be secondary weapons instead of primary. Which made no sense. The Lupar were massive creatures and deadly with their fangs, not to mention spears. Why would a squirrel wish to fight one when they were face to face? It would be impossible for them to be equals even with the training. A wolf wouldn't sit about and fight hand to hand, they would attack and kill. It made no sense, unless she looked at it in terms of them training to attack something other then predators and outside warriors.

If they were training themselves to fight other squirrels, then they would be a force to be reckoned with. The village held hundreds of squirrels easily, and though this small group barely hit a hundred, they would be well trained to fight unarmed squirrels. They'd be able to take one down easily and that kept her alert and watching for treachery. She wanted to see more, she wanted to be able to actually hear what was being said. Were they already retraining Edan and the rest so they would obey Chane and no other? Were they ready to take out the village or still filling their ranks with those loyal to them and them alone?

~ ~ * ~ ~

Towards evening Calina left off her vigil with no more information than the style of fighting the baraen fought with and the unease they left her with. They kept reminding her of people that were getting ready for a battle and trying to hide it from the rest of the world. She left the woods by the high tree branches and didn't even feel the familiar joy of leaping through the air to land on each branch. Her mind was filled with endless circles of plots that could be forming in the group. She wondered if Edan had been introduced into ideals that went against what his sabon had started to teach him. If he were already forgetting his mother and looking to the strange males as his only family.

She was thinking hard enough that she wasn't paying attention as she ran up the tree and took the stairs up into her home. Her ears were held back against her head as she came into the inner warmth and she curled her toes a bit to try and revive feeling in them from the cooling air. She was so distracted that she didn't notice two shadows in the living room or the sound of Kitch's voice. She didn't notice until she'd topped the stairs and heard him take a tone she'd never heard from him. Sharp, angry and nearly growling as he stood bristling in front of a far larger male that stood across from him. The older male had his ears flicked back and was showing his buck teeth at Kitch who cut off what he was saying and took a step to put himself between the stranger and Calina.

"That's her." The strange male was a flat grey color, almost without the white and black peppering that Calina boasted. "You cannot deny that she has gone to Bar's and spied upon us."

"She was not born to our tribe, she cannot be held accountable for her curiosity. She is no kit that has been raised with our beliefs." Kitch growled the words out and she watched his fur raise up higher and his tail twitched roughly back and forth. "As well punish the kits for asking questions."

"You have no voice here. You have no position to argue with me. You abandoned your duty to return here. She is not a kit, she is an adult and fully able to listen to those who tell her what is forbidden." The stranger snapped his teeth and suddenly Calina recognized him as the male who had been glaring at Kitch at the ceremony.

"Why is it forbidden? What are you doing that means another can't watch?" She stepped forward and Kitch shifted just enough she could see around him, but didn't keep his body out of the way. "That smacks of secrets to me."

"Ours is a sacred duty. Those who are picked give up much of their lives to protect the village and you want to peer into their training? You want to mock the would be protectors of our village by staring at them as they learn?" The male gave himself a shake, "It is forbidden because those who are not chosen might still attempt. They could hurt themselves trying to mimic us or they could try to make the weapons we use to hurt each other. It also is designed to keep females from coming to us or the other way around. Our males do not need the distraction of females."

"That's bull." Kitch's hand moved to her waist and gave a gentle touch there. "You're training to attack the village and control it."

"What?" Both Kitch and the stranger got the word out together, but it was Kitch who continued. "Anin, she did not mean that. She was not born to us, she doesn't understand."

"I did mean it. Why else are they out in the middle of no where? Why else are they keeping the kits from their families? They're retraining them to be loyal only to each other, not to their village or family." She tensed up as Kitch's hand flexed against her belly and he put himself more firmly between her and Anin.

"Child." Anin furrowed his brows and then looked at Kitch. "Regardless what Kitch has told you, we do not disavow ourselves from the village. We live apart because we must be warriors and we must train. That sort of violence isn't becoming of the sabons and it wouldn't be fair to them to have us training in their midst. We also live apart because our lives are dangerous and short. Why would we wish mates and kits when we might die and leave them alone? We make that sacrifice for the good of our village and our privacy is all we ask in return."

"I told her what I believe, you are all forgetting what it's like to live within the village and what you protect. You are.. distant." Kitch's hackles started to go down and his voice returned almost to normal.

"Is that why you betrayed us, Kitch? You were eager as a kit to be one of us, but you left when given the first option to do so." Anin glared at Kitch with as much disdain as he had at the ceremony. "You were the first in four generations to leave the baraen."

"I left because I have no desire to become like the fully trained males. They lose something of themselves that way. They lose some part of themselves and don't get it back. I left because I wanted a life." Kitch glanced back at her and she fought a blush. "I wanted to live and be a part of my village, not live my life devoted to conflict and battle."

"You were selfish. The first rule, kit, we sacrifice ourselves for our village. We sacrifice ourselves that others might live. You broke that rule with your selfish desires." Anin glared over at her, the relaxed pose hardening again. "You broke everything we stood for and for what? A creature that wasn't even born one of us and fletching arrows as he fill the hole you left in our ranks?"

"What is between myself and my mate is none of your affair." Kitch snarled the words and took a step forward. "I left because it was my choice to have this life. It was your choice to stay there. Or are you so jealous that I have found where I belong and you are forced to continue an existence where a quick death is considered the finest ending? The baraen accepts death as a part of their lives, they vow to it, they expect it even when they are kits, they are empty of laughter and life."

Anin snarled out something and stepped forward. He must have made a gesture of some sort, because Kitch moved in front of her and hunched his head down. His body tensed up as if he were getting ready to attack or be attacked.

"You are nothing to us, Kitch. Keep your mate from our lands or she will be treated as the threat. I do not need to tell you what that'll mean for her." Anin stepped forward, but he deliberately moved past Kitch. His dark eyes were bright with anger. "We accept our fate so you might have your laughter and life, kit. You benefit from our 'emptiness' so do not belittle what you could not understand."

Kitch snapped a curse at him, but Anin left without making an attempt to attack. His dark grey tail slipped down the steps before the door open and shut, remarkably without a slamming of wood. Kitch glared at the stairs for a long moment and the tension in his shoulders slowly started to relax. His eyes looked weary as he glanced back at Calina. She had been holding her breath, half afraid that he would go after the baraen and attack him. She'd never seen him angry, never heard him raise his voice to her or anyone else. He let out a shaking breath and stepped away from her.

"I told you, please do not bother them." Kitch ran a paw over his ears and shook his head. "You've been spotted, Anin came here to warn me that you had been. They do not like to be watched by strangers. Most especially females."

"That doesn't seem strange to you?" She lifted her ears slightly. "I didn't mean for you to get caught up in this though.."

"It is strange, but it is the way it is." He gave his head a shake and moved his hands up to wrap around her. "Anin has no love for me, not since I left his tutelage and came back to the village, but he still warned me so that you don't come to Chane's attention."

"What would they do to me if they found me watching them? Chane I mean?" She felt his arms wrapping around her and he squeezed slightly. His body went a bit tense.

"They would drive you away and they could ask for you to be taken from the village and join another. One the Toron, the grey furred, villages instead of one like ours." He let out a sigh and pressed his muzzle against her shoulder so that her nose was brushing his ear. The warm vanilla scent filled her nose.

"They could force me to go to another village, just for watching?" She wrapped her arms around Kitch and squeezed him back.

"Yes. They might not. I left them, but not all feel anger for me and my choice. Chane respects it." Kitch nestled against her neck. "They might only warn you since you're my mate, but they would have to warn you in such a way that you wouldn't dare try again. But I would not take the chance they would send you away. I could not.. They would send you to a Toron village where I could not follow.."

His hands shivered slightly around her waist and she felt her mouth go dry. She tried to imagine being sent away to a village where he could not follow. Away from Kitch's gentle touch and his patient nature. He had made her life here, not just bearable, but enjoyable in ways she hadn't planned for. She was her friend, and so much more and that could be taken away. She could be sent away. Away from a home that they had lived in together and loved in together. Her stomach twisted at the thought of his warm body not being there holding her and the press of his paws against her back. Gone, gone forever because they had forced her away where he couldn't follow. She squeezed harder around his waist and drew in a comforting breath of his scent.

"I won't let them send me away. I won't go away." She murmured against his neck and felt his cheek brushing against his own. "I wouldn't want.. I couldn't stand not having you with me. You're my mate.."

Mate.. Calina felt Kitch give a slight start at the word and he pulled back to give her a surprised look as the heat rushed up to her ears. She'd never said that word, she'd never actually heard him call her that until tonight. Mate. He wasn't her boyfriend, that was juvenile. What they had wasn't juvenile. It went deeper than that. She didn't hesitate to lean forward when he started to kiss her. She met him and felt the brush of his whiskers against her cheeks as their tongues joined together. She was his, and he was hers in a way that went beyond friendship. She wasn't going to lose him. There would be another way, she'd find another way, but she would not lose him and all they had. They were mates.

. . . . . . . . . .