FSE

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Hey everyone. This is my first upload to the site, but definitely not my first story. This is Part one of three and part two will be out shortly.

enjoy!

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Ch 1: Anywhere but here...

"Who cares?"

It's a phrase that's thrown around a lot in our society and it's used so frequently that a lot of us don't even know what it means. Originally, when the phrase was first invented, it was an actual question. Someone would do something that they weren't sure would be accepted by a public audience, so they would speak up and ask "Who cares?" If nobody answered, they'd go ahead and do whatever it is that they planned on doing.

Since then, the phrase has been twisted, warped, and completely mutilated into something that aggravates me to my very core. Today when someone says "Who cares?" What they're really saying is "I don't care, and neither should you."

Everyone uses it. In fact, it seems to be what gets most people through the day.

"Sure I hate my job, but the pay is great, so who cares?"

"Yeah I stole money from my mom's purse. She has way more where that came from so who cares?"

"I got a girl pregnant the other day. It's no big deal, she's getting an abortion, so who cares?"

"I get that people are sick, poor, and starving in the streets, but I have enough money to stuff my fat ass with food, so who cares?"

...see what I mean?

People use this phrase all the time and it drives me absolutely insane. No. Scratch that. They don't just use it, they fucking cling to it like it's their only hope for survival.

...but you know what? I'm no better. Through all my bitching about it, I'm just as bad as everyone else. My 'who cares' line....

"I hate where my life is heading. I hate that I constantly have to please everyone else. I hate that nobody knows who I really am and what I'm really like, but so long as it keeps everyone else happy and off my back, then who the hell fucking gives a shit.

A distraction in the form of a seven hundred pound woman sat down next to me on the subway cart, snapping me out of my self-loathing. Being that my only other alternative was to remain squished against the wall, I stood up and grabbed a railing instead.

I rubbed the spot on my arm that had been squished into the folds of her fat. She was sweaty...like really sweaty and my arm was now moist with her epidermic excrement. I pulled the tail of my shirt up to use as a rag and wipe the sweat away, but no sooner that I had done that did I hear someone behind me start to whistle at me.

Realizing that I had just exposed my stomach and the small of my back for everyone to see, I quickly pushed it down and turned to shoot a glare at the teenage boy behind me who was apparently admiring my body.

He chuckled a bit and then looked the other way, and instead of calling him out like I had wanted to, I simply let out a sigh and turned back around. I suppose I should take that as a complement, but it didn't really make me feel better about myself.

I was what most people would find attractive. Sorry if that makes me sound arrogant and self-centered, but hey, I'm not the one saying it all the time, they are.

I had long, flowing, dark red hair that hung down to my shoulder blades along with a pair of bright green eyes that tend to sparkle in the sunlight. But let's face it, most people are looking south of my face.

I like to keep my body in good shape and exercise at least five times a week to do so. The result was an hourglass figure, complete with a c-cup bust line and a pair of legs that have spawned more than their fair share of dirty comments.

The clothing I wore only accentuated my figure. A skin tight white tank top with a pair of bright blue skinny jeans. They were extremely uncomfortable and if I had my wish, they'd be ashes in the bottom of my fireplace. But no...that's not what people would expect from me, would they.

God forbid I choose to wear a baggy t-shirt and sweatpants like I want to. Heaven help me if I choose to skip my makeup in the morning. And if I just so happen to forget my earrings...kill me now. Seriously, put a gun up to my head, and pull the trigger because all I'll be hearing all day is "Hey Amy, why aren't you wearing your gold hoops? They really do look good on you. Do you want to borrow some of my earrings? Seriously, it's not trouble at all. Why not? Seriously, you look much better with earrings in."

God I can't fucking take it! Has it ever occurred to people that I don't care what I look like? That the only reason I wear these stupid clothes is to shut them up and get them off my case? Everyone just expects things from me and I can't fucking take it. My so-called "friends" expect me to look perfect 24/7. My parents expect me to go to college even though I could just as easily become a pokémon ranger right out of high school, which is what I actually want to do. My coach for volleyball expects me to take charge of my team when I don't even like the sport in the first place, and my teachers expect me to get straight A's even though I'm to busy worrying about pleasing everyone else to focus on my schoolwork.

Sometimes, I just wish everyone else on the planet would just drop dead.

I heard snoring to my left and turned to see the overweight woman that had forced me out of my seat, asleep with her head laid back and her mouth wide open, a bit of drool beginning to escape from the corner of her mouth.

I couldn't help but smile a bit. It wasn't exactly what I had wished for, but it was enough to put a smile on my face.

This woman was fat, lazy, ugly, and just all around unpleasant...so is it pathetic to say that I envy her. No one cares what she does. No one is telling her she should try harder. No one is telling her she should care about her appearance. She can just do whatever the hell she wants and it makes absolutely no difference.

She had what I've always wanted...freedom. Freedom to do or be whatever I want. So even as that spittle began to drip from her chin and begin to soak her shirt with something slightly more disgusting then her sweat, I wanted to salute that elderly fat woman.

Unfortunately, I didn't have time to.

"We are now approaching 34th and Greene. That's the intersection of 34th street and Greene rd."

The train screeched to a stop rather quickly, throwing a few people who weren't paying attention off balance. While most people were trying to remain their footing, I was already walking toward the door as it slid open.

I stepped out into the station letting the smell of something awful fill my senses. Based on what normally goes on in this neighborhood, it was probably a mix of three different things: Sweat, garbage, and urine. Yet, I still breathed it in as if it was nothing. It was the smell of my home. My neighborhood, and it had absolutely no effect on me.

My home, much like my life, kind of sucked. It was a poor neighborhood, right on the edge of Jubilife city near an uncharted forest. Homelessness was a huge problem here, and even in the station I could see five or six hobos just lying around down here, but that was nowhere near as bad as our wild pokémon problem.

Since we're so close to the forest, we get a lot of stray mightyena, luxray, and even the occasional arcanine running around out here. Some of them are friendly...most of them are less than pleasant.

No one does anything about it. The cops have better things to do with their time then go chasing down the mangy mutts of 34th street, so everyone just lets it happen.

At least I was one of the lucky ones. I had a home, a family that loves me, a future to get out of this dump...so at least I've got that going for me.

But as I stepped out of the underground station and into the bright spring afternoon, I suddenly had an urge to be somewhere else. I didn't care where...just anywhere but home. If I went home now, Mom would be just waiting there for me and we would have yet another one of our awkward conversations.

"Amy, hon, how was your day. Did you get your physics test back today? What did you get on it? An F!? Oh Amy, dear, what happened? I helped you study all night for that. At this rate you'll end up going to Jubilife Community College. Although, maybe that's a good thing. It'll be a chance for you to learn how to manage your work. What, you don't want to go to community college? Well if you don't get your grades up, that's where your headed, Amy."

I cringed at the thought of that conversation.

That's another thing. People really need to stop calling me Amy. Every time I hear it all I can think about is that pink hedgehog from a video game I used to play as a child. My name is Amanda, not Amy. I tried telling people that, but you could probably guess what happened.

"What, you don't want to be called Amy? Ok...well then how about Mandy. That's a cute name. No? Then what do we call you? Amanda? I don't know Amy. That just feels a little weird. Are you sure?"

I clenched my fists and cursed my mind for making me pissed off before the conversations even started. One thing was for sure, going home was out of the question.

Instead, I found myself looking off to the left, towards the forest, just on the edge of the city.

"...Tag." I said to myself with a mix of hope and determination. It was the middle of spring, which is when he said he would be back from his trek in the mountains. I knew the way to the lake by heart, and if he was back, it would be great to see him again.

Tag...where do I even begin with Tag. He was more than just my friend. I don't care if he's a lucario; he's like family to me.

Actually, screw family. My family doesn't even take me seriously when I say I want them to use my real name, but Tag...

He listens to me, helps me, and even comforts me when I need it. He's the only one who I can have an intelligent conversation with and he treats me like I'm an equal. Best of all...he never, ever expects anything of me. I can just be myself around him and he doesn't care. He likes me for who I am.

I met him seven years ago. I was ten and a few of my friends said they'd give me five bucks to stay in the woods overnight. Of course, me being ten years old at the time, I thought that five bucks would make me the richest girl alive. I ran straight into the forest without thinking and got lost.

That's when Tag found me. He tried to lead me back home but I insisted on earning my five bucks. He actually stayed up with me all night and brought me all the way back to my house in the morning.

...he was barely even a lucario back then. Still relatively small for his breed, but he's grown...we both have. I went back to visit him quite a few times, and soon, I found myself spending more time with him then I did with my human friends.

Now, seven years later, I'm questioning whether my human friends are really my friends at all, but Tag, there's no doubt in my mind that he cares about me.

So, needless to say, I was more than a little anxious to see him again. I was just worried about what kind of mood he would be in when I got there.

...we didn't exactly say goodbye on the best of terms. Still, even before I had made my decision to see if he was there, my body was already unconsciously making its way to the end of the woods. If he was there, I would try and fix things. If he wasn't, it was a good enough distraction to kill some time.

I didn't have any pokémon with me, but I didn't need any. I'd been through here so many times that most of the pokémon in this area knew my face, and Tag made a death threat to anyone who came near me, so I was safe. I smiled at the thought. I swear to God that lucario is so damn overprotective that it actually gets annoying...I guess now I know why.

I slowed my pace down a bit, remembering the last time we had seen each other. It was so sweet, and yet so awkward at the same time. It was way back in November, six months ago. I had just gotten out of a bad relationship. And I don't mean we had a bad break up, it was just a really bad relationship.

It was a guy that I didn't even really have any interest in. I mean, he was nice enough and everything, but I just didn't feel that way about him. Still, I decided to give him a chance because...well...why the hell not. We had gone out for two weeks before I found him cheating on me with some cheerleader behind the school.

Sure, I didn't care that we broke up, but that has nothing to do with being cheated. If you've never been cheated on in your life, you're lucky, because believe me, it's one of the worst feelings imaginable. It's like a gigantic slap in the face. It makes you feel cheap...worthless...like you don't even matter, and at the time, I was feeling like nobody cared about me, and Tag leaving was just making everything worse.

I thought back to that day, and how he tried to make it all better...and how it only made things worse.

...

It was a bright winter day at the lake. A thick, 8-inch blanket of snow covered the forest floor and remained untainted except for the small set of footprints we had made on the way there. The sun was starting to set, and the sky was painted a brilliant shade of orange. The lake was frozen over, and could easily be walked upon should we have chosen to. Instead we just sat next to each other in the snow enjoying each other's company.

We had spent the entire day together, although I don't know how good of company I really was. I was in a bad mood all day and barely talked at all. He didn't seem to mind though. He always just liked that I came to see him. I vented to him about my break up earlier, he was comforting and supportive as he always was, and I knew I'd get over it eventually. Still, I wish he could stay just a bit longer.

I looked at Tag, all the while trying to conceal how sad I really was to see him leave. He was my only friend and even though he made this trip every year since I met him, that didn't make this goodbye any easier. His fur was absolutely soaked and I was wondering how he wasn't freezing to death. He rubbed the spot on his chest where his chest spike should have been as he often did when he was thinking. For whatever reason, he was born without it and he brooded over it constantly. Although I would never say it to his face, I kind of liked him without it. Those chest spikes are dangerous if you get to close and he was much more huggable this way.

He didn't seem to notice my gaze, but instead, stared intently at the suns position in the sky. All of the sudden, he opened his mouth to speak. "I think it's time for me to go."

I nodded indifferently, although on the inside, my heart was sinking. He must have sensed this because he put a comforting arm around my shoulder. "I'm sorry to leave you like this, but I really do have to go."

"I know." I said, not wanting to drag out the whole goodbye speech. "You don't have to be sorry, I'll be fine." I reassured him as I stood up. He did the same and brushed himself off.

"Are you sure you don't want me to teach this guy a lesson before I go?" He asked jokingly.

I snorted at the comment. "Nah. If I want revenge, I'll get it myself." I said, cracking my knuckles as I gave my best tough girl face.

He chuckled and shook his head. "Arceus help that man." We shared a laugh, albeit, a rather half-hearted one and just by instinct, I wrapped my long-time friend in an embrace. I think I took him a bit off guard, as we had hugged before, but never quite to this intensity. Now it was like I was clinging on to him for dear life with one arm wrapped around his neck and the other around the small of his back.

I was worried that I had made him feel awkward, but he soon not only returned it, but matched my intensity.

His fur may have been soaked, and in fact it did a number on my winter coat, but his body was in fact very warm so it kind of evened out. After what seemed like forever, we let go. If you asked me today, I still wouldn't be able to tell you what it was. Maybe it was that I wasn't hiding my feelings as well as I usually do. Maybe I was going through a really hard time in my life. Hell, maybe I just had something in my eye, but for whatever reason, a single tear dropped from my eye.

I hoped that he didn't notice it, but I wasn't so lucky. "Amanda...are you...crying?"

I shook my head and turned the other way, embarrassed beyond belief. What was I so emotional about? He'd be back by April just like every other time. "I'm fine." I said quickly, hoping he'd just leave it at that.

Of course he didn't...he's not that kind of person. "You're lying." He stated bluntly. I silently cursed him for being able to sense feelings. This would be a whole lot easier if he just left.

"What do you want me to say, Tag. That I'm going to miss you. That you're my only friend and these next few months are going to be miserable without you. That I'm mad and wish that I at least had an explanation of where you disappear to every year." I told him. I cursed myself for letting all of feelings out like this, but once I started going like this, there was absolutely no way to stop it.

His demeanor changed into something I didn't quite recognize...maybe it was...guilt? "Amanda...I had no idea."

I clenched my teeth, starting to get a bit angry. Not at him, but at myself. "Yeah, well...now you do. It's fine, I deal with it every year. It's like a band-aid you just have to rip it off and get it over with so this will be a lot easier on me if you just go."

I hoped he would buy it so he didn't have to see me like this. I was never this emotional, ever_, and it was really starting to piss me off. It just made me feel...vulnerable. Like I was dependant on him. I was stronger than that...I knew I was stronger than that, and I didn't need him by my side to tell me everything would be alright. So when he placed a paw on my shoulder for comfort, it only made me feel worse._

"Amanda...you don't really believe that...I know you don't." He stated. He really did know me too well.

A long awkward silence passed as neither of us really knew where to go from here. But eventually, he spoke up.

"Amanda...what if we didn't have to be separated."

I quirked an eyebrow at the question, not sure at what he was implying. "What are you trying to say? Are you asking me to come with you? You know I can't-"

He held up a paw to stop me. "No, that's not what I'm saying." He looked at the ground and closed his eyes, as if he was trying to figure out how to tell me something.

"Do you really want to know where I keep going off to every year?" He asked me, not really waiting for me to answer, as he already knew what I would say. "A lucarios mating season is during January. It happens every year, and we all meet up in the mountains to find a potential life partner. It's a two month journey to get there by foot, each bonding ceremony takes multiple days to complete and none of us are allowed to leave until they are all completed. By then, it will have been another two months and it takes two months to get back...that's where I've been going."

"...ok." I said, waiting for him to continue.

"So...what if I didn't have to go?" He asked.

"Tag, that's insane!" I exclaimed.

He lowered his head in what looked like disappointment. "I'm sorry...I...I didn't mean to...I mean...it was just a thought."

"Well think again! I'm not letting you give up a chance to find a mate just so you can stay here with me. You should have just told me that was where you were heading every year."

He blinked for a second and then sighed. "No, that's not what I was asking."

"Then spit it out. What are you trying to say?"

He rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. "Well I...Amanda...I've actually though about asking this for a little while...but...I think now is the right time." He looked me in the eyes, meaning every word. "Amanda, will you be my mate?"

I stood there in absolute silence, eyes widened in surprise and jaw slowly dropping as I began to comprehend what he had just said. He wanted me...to be his mate? Like...lifetime commitment, lovers, together until death, mate? Where did that come from?

Is he just doing this because I'm upset? No...he said he'd been thinking about this for a long time. I didn't...I mean I had no idea that he felt that way. I...how can he even expect me to...I don't even...huh?

"Tag...I...I had no idea that..."

"Look, I know how sudden this is, and you don't have to decide-"

"I can't." I interrupted, causing an awkward silence.

"What? What do you mean you can't?"

...I really didn't know what I meant by that. Everything was just happening so fast, I didn't know what to say, what to do, I couldn't even think straight, so in the end, all that came out was...

"I'm sorry...I just...I can't." I said, staring at the ground. I couldn't even look him in the eye. I knew that if I did, I would see him in pain, and then I would start crying again.

"...I see...I...I understand."

I looked up, and saw that now it was him that was on the verge of tears. "Tag, I'm so sorry."

"Don't be." He interrupted, which spawned another awkward silence. Only this one was much, much worse. Now, there was no good way out of this. Hell, I think I just broke his heart. But what did he expect me to say? Was I really supposed to accept what was essentially a marriage proposal? How could he expect me to answer that kind of question when he asked it right out of the blue.

He looked away, obviously embarrassed. I don't blame him really.

"Look...I really should get going now." He said, trying to keep his voice from quivering, but ultimately failing. "I...guess I'll see you in a few months."

I should have stopped him. We should have sat down, and talked about this calmly, like adults. But that's just it. I wasn't an adult. If I was, I might have accepted him. I might have said yes and I at least would have considered it. But I was seventeen. Almost an adult, but still a teenager. The fact is...I didn't know what the hell I wanted. So instead of doing the smart thing...I watched my best friend walk off into the trees without another word...and regretted it for the next six months.

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Alright, as I said, part two will be out shortly.

until next time ^_^