FSE

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Authors Note

Welcome to my new series, [Title Pending]!

...Ok, so I'm having trouble thinking of a good title right now so... [Title Pending] will have TO suffice... I guess.

This story will contain post-apocolyptic/mature themes, nudity, depictions of M/M and M/F relationships, blood and gore, and... other stuff. Just as a warning for all you yiff hunters out there: This story will focus mostly on the PLOT. Shocking, I know. That's not to say that there won't be some sexy time it will just take a while to build to that sort of relationship. In short, you will get your sex, just be patient and enjoy the plot in the meantime. If you have been reading my other series, "The Day Doesn't Last", then you will notice that I have changed up my style a little on this one. Really just wanting to make it so that when I transfer in between writitng the two series' that I won't ever get bored with one or the other. So, in that regard, your feedback on my attempts at first person writing and switiching in between perspectives is greatly appreciated, along with any other feedback you have to offer. I digress...

I hope you enjoy the path this new series is taking, however blurry it may be at the moment. As usual, comment, favorite, and vote if you liked it or if you disliked it. Your feedback motivates me to write faster. And without further ado, here is CH1...

---

Smoke from the Ashes

The first thing I saw when my heavy eyes fluttered open were the golden beams of sunlight that shone through the broken window. I slowly brought up a vanilla colored paw to my face, trying to rub away the sleepiness. The disgusting, springy mattress I found myself on gave a groan of disapproval as I stretched my body. Damn that feels good, my bones generating a cracking noise as I felt the body under the brown and cream fur become more limber. My paws hung lifelessly over the railing at the back of the bed as I let my body go limp. Finally, my brain caught up with my body, the feeling of stiffness coming from my groin a reminder of the morning hour. Looking down at the tent that formed at my crotch, I sighed. I really don't want to get up. However, like every morning for the last month, I looked to my right, towards the other person in the room lying on the other bed.

Carson. That was the name of the young human that slept across the room from me. His head was surrounded by long golden hair that he usually kept in a ponytail running down his back. The boy's body was slim and devoid of much muscle, the only bulges on his body were from the work of a usual household. His arms held his body loosely, obviously trying to fend off the cold that came with the night. However, it was morning and the hot sunlight that fed into the room should have been enough to warm the boy. Carson's shivering and pained expression weren't from the cold...

I swiftly got out of bed and padded over to the shivering human. On the way I sniffed the air to tell if any creatures had decided to camp outside the house. I didn't smell any foreign beings, though I did smell something. Fear. As I got to Carson's side I narrowed my eyes. He was afraid. No. More than afraid. Terrified. His breathing was heavy, his chest rising and falling quickly alongside the constant shaking. My hazy mind finally came to a realization. Of course... I get it now, I thought. _ Slowly I crouched beside the bed, my large figure looming over the boy. For a couple of seconds I simply stared at his soft pink skin and boyish face that was troubled by the expression of fear and pain. Knowing full well what was happening I brought my paw to his shoulder. Before I got there I looked down towards my fabric covered crotch. _Good, don't want him seeing that. Relived my morning wood had settled, I touched my large paw to his shoulder, the warmth of his skin under the black shirt feeling comfortable on my pads. I waited for Carson to wake up from my touch, though the boy continued to sleep. I saw the glistening of sweat on his contorted brow as the boy unconsciously fidgeted. Softly, I began to shake him.

"Carson." I called, my deep voice filling the room. The boy did not wake, but he did begin to mumble.

"My fault... My fault... My fault..." The words became ragged and fearful as they left his soft lips. My eyes widened, grasping what he was muttering about.

"Carson, c'mon wake up." My paws shook harder, his whole body beginning to rock back and forth. This only caused his mumbling to become louder and more frantic.

"My fault. My fault. My fault!" I noticed my own breathing getting quicker. The kid was getting me worked up with him.

"Carson! Wake up!" My shaking becoming just as desperate as the young human's voice.

"My fault! Mom! Mom, I'm sorry." My shaking stopped at the mention of the word. His mother... Emily. He has to be seeing...

"Carson!" I shouted. However, as loud as my shout was the cry that came afterwards overshadowed mine ten to one.

Carson shot up, just barley missing my snout, and let out a bloodcurdling scream that sent a jolt down my spine and forced my ears down, trying to burrow into my skull. The scream was the very definition of terror. Of pain. Of loss. I had heard it before. Understanding his sudden shock, I quickly grabbed onto the boy's shoulders attempting to stabilize his as he started to erratically look around the room, breathing like he had been deprived of air for hours. Once my paws latched onto his body, I turned Carson around so that he was looking straight into my eyes. The terrified look and tears running down his face only made me feel worse.

"You're safe! I'm here! No one is going to hurt you." I soothed, trying my best to calm the shaking teenager. I ran my paw up and won his arm, hoping that my presence would be enough to pacify him. At the same time I stared into his soft blue eyes as caringly as I could. I have been told my eyes were many things, strong, confident, and driven, but never once had someone told me that they looked caring. I only hoped Carson thought they did. The boy's face eased up, but the expression only changed from fear to sadness. Slowly the tears started to run again, the sorrow personified in those eyes of his. The feeling in my chest felt as if a knife had run through my heart. Carson's head fell, his blonde, long hair dropping over his face like a cascading waterfall.

"I'm sorry. I... I just..."

"Had a nightmare?" I offered. Carson softly nodded, his body still trembling, but otherwise calming down. After a month I thought it wouldn't come to this, that he had somewhat moved on. Though I was foolish to think that. Something like that... the things he saw... I hardly believed that a young boy like Carson would ever move on. At least not yet. The sobbing and sniffling slowed alongside his breathing. With Carson finally secured I decided it was best to begin preparations to leave. I placed my paw on his knee, another indication of how much larger I was than him, and gently patted it as I stood up.

"I'm going to go wash up at the shower outside, ok?" I wasn't asking for permission, but I did want Carson to feel safe knowing where I was. Carson nodded, but refused to look up, instead content with staring at the tear stained mattress. I frowned at the boy's state. He was almost showing some signs of normality yesterday, but now... I felt guilty leaving, but we had to get moving soon. Reluctantly, I started to walk towards the door, taking a moment to look over my shoulder.

"We're gonna try to leave soon so get ready." Again, the only response he gave was a slow nod. As my view of the teenager became obstructed by the rotting wall of the house I sighed. I'm sorry Emily... There are some things even I can't protect him from.

---

Pathetic. The tears that stained the bed seemed to mock me as I sat there sniffling. I knew how pathetic it was; crying like that in front of him, but... the dream was too real. As if it actually happened. I finally lifted my head up, staring at the sunlight that streamed through the shoddy window. It did happen.

New Dallas. Bailey's Raiders. Mom... It wasn't some nightmare I could simply forget about. It was my reality and in that reality my home was destroyed and mom was... I choked back a sob as the images of my dream flashed before my eyes.

"No." I said, squinting my eyes in desperation, hoping the images would disappear along with... I had to stop thinking about. I focused on the slight shaking of my hands, feeling the epinephrine that was coursing through my body begin to dissipate. As long as I can push it away... As long as I can block it out I can look forward. It had worked ever since we had escaped New Dallas and fled into the wastes. At first it was easy; my brain seemed to stop working for the first two weeks while we stayed at the small shack, letting the raiders get some distance from our area. Although it was difficult to recall, the feeling of being on auto-pilot, like the vehicles of old, was a distinct feeling. Even when my travelling companion tried to communicate with me, my brain seemed to work on its own, always giving the simplest, quietest answer possible. However, after a while, I felt like I had more control. Like I was slowly beginning to come out of the shell I had hid myself in. The events that transpired in New Dallas seemed like a dream. Well, a nightmare, but a figment of my mind all the same. Sometimes thoughts would rise to the surface like a pent up feeling of dread. Thoughts that ridiculed me for running away, for trying to forget about what happened. Luckily those thoughts, like the memories, were easy to repel.

However, when he stated that we were going to be moving out of the shack and we began our journey on the road I could feel the wall I had placed around my memories start to fall. I had blocked out that part of my mind for so long that I was blind to the deteriorating. The nightmare had been the first sign of the memories returning.

I slowly took in a large breath and exhaled, as if the simple breath would take away the thoughts with it. I have to stop thinking about it, I told myself. Instead I thought about the only living, breathing thing I had contact with over the month I had been in the wastes. Ashton Miller.

I remembered the first time I met him. The non-human had suspiciously appeared out of the dust clouds of the wastes. The local militia almost shot him on sight, not that I would have blamed them; he was the first non-human that the town had seen. While I hadn't seen a non-human before then, I was aware of their presence more than most in New Dallas. I had read an old newspaper article that said the government had created them through something called NCP. That information didn't diminish the awe I experienced when he walked through the open gates and into town. The crowd the creature conjured up was filled with gasps and muttered questions. Insults like "devil", "abomination", and "feral" were thrown his way as the local militia surrounded him, guns positioned and ready to kill. Even though my view of the non-human was obstructed by the growing number of people, the thought of them killing him horrified me. Just when I thought the captain of the militia was going to order his death, my mother interrupted. The captain and she argued for a few minutes until the captain relented and called off the men surrounding the non-human. At the time I was confused as to why the non-human was spared and what my mom had to do with it. As the situation died down and the people of New Dallas began getting back to their daily lives, I also decided it was best to go home and ask mom.

In my house I was startled to find the non-human and my mother both sitting at the dining room table. All I could manage to do as I stood in the threshold of the room was stare in confusion at the creature. The first thing that came to mind when I looked at his form was the image of a German Shepherd. The non-human looked exactly like one, from his elongated muzzle to his tail that lazily waved back and forth behind the chair. His whole body was covered in a thick coat of cream and brown fur. My awkward staring was interrupted by my mother's introduction of the non-human canine. After she introduced him as Ashton Miller the non-human swiftly stood to his massive height and stuck out a... paw in hopes of me shaking it. I nervously obliged as I touched my flesh to his black padded paw. I was entranced at the mere thought that I was shaking hands with a paw. However, that feeling of awe and excitement quickly gave way to fear and unease as I reminded myself of his huge height and bulging muscles that could be seen even under his thick coat. I did manage to form an awkward smile in hopes of keeping my friendly front. He returned the smile just as awkwardly, the way his muzzle twisted in a crescent shape incredibly strange. Afterwards my mother swiftly ushered me out of the house to help Kat with some obscure task, obviously wanting to be alone with visitor.

Over the next two days he stayed with us, opting to sleep on the living room couch even when I offered my own room. Little conversation was held between us and when there was it was meaningless small talk for the most part initiated by me. He was friendly enough, though his size and normally serious expression gave him an intimidating front. Things stayed like that until... until...

As my thoughts drifted toward that fateful night I stifled another sob. Pathetic, I thought, chiding myself once again for my weakness. Why can't I just forget? Why can't I wake up from this nightmare? God, I'm so pathetic. I couldn't even save my own mother! Mom...

I let gravity pull my body into the mattress, the tears threatening to return. I could have gone on without New Dallas, but mom... I shifted my body so that I was looking up at the rotting ceiling. Again I took a large breath and exhaled. Suddenly, the question that had been at the back of mind since the day after the attack rose up from the murky depths of my attention. Why was I continuing to live? What was motivating me to live? My expression became solemn as I stared blankly at the long broken ceiling fan. Mom was gone. New Dallas was gone. Kat was gone... Dad was gone. That was my reality. Everything I loved was gone. So, why the hell was I still going on? I didn't have a motivation. I could have easily strove to kill every last one of the raiders that slaughtered my town, but even now the idea sickened me. The idea of revenge wasn't it. No. There was nothing left. But could I take the final step...?

The sound of rushing water echoed through the room as Ashton began taking his shower, knocking me out of my thoughts. I couldn't answer that question. At least not yet. For now, I could continue going on without incentive, but I knew deep down that it wouldn't last long. My inner musings began to fade away, the task of preparing to leave becoming more prominent as I stood up off the bed and stumbled over to my nearby pack. Soon enough I would have to answer the question and if things continued on like they were then I already knew what the inevitable answer would be. I shook my head, pulling the simple white t-shirt off the pack and over my head, knocking away my previous thoughts. As for now, I thought, I simply continue to live, reason or not.

---

The initial blast of cold water almost convinced me that cleaning my body wasn't worth the discomfort that the chilly liquid brought on. However, with the blazing sun peeking over the horizon and the heat it provided the cold feeling soon became refreshing. I sighed pleasurably, stepping into the full force of the stream. The feeling of my fur becoming damp from the water running down my fur and over my form elicited a moan of approval. For a while I simply stood in the small wooden outdoor shower relishing in the feeling of the cold water thinking about the last time I had the pleasure of rinsing off in cold water. As I recalled the last time was...

I brought my paws up and ran them through the brown fur on my head, the black claws on the tips acting as a natural brush. New Dallas, I thought solemnly. I continued to run my paws over my body, the black pads passing over the brown fur that went from my head to my shoulders and finally down my back and tail. The feeling of hard muscle was very noticeable as I started to do the same to my front except the brown morphing into a cream color at the start of my chest. I closed my eyes for a brief moment, taking in the smell of the water and surrounding wood.

"I tried my best... We tried our best to keep him away from stuff like this. From the life we were a part of. Please, Ashton, get him away from here. As far away as possible. Somewhere... safe. Somewhere he can continue... continue to live carefree... and... happ..."

I bite my tongue as the memory flashed through my mind. Emily. Even considering the rude welcoming, my short time in New Dallas was as close to peaceful as I'd ever found. Emily took me in as I graciously expected, excitedly introducing me to her son, who I'd last seen as a newborn pup. I briefly ran a paw over my sheath and scrotum before moving down toward my inner thighs.

It would have been a lie to say I wasn't interested in the kid. I was almost eager to see how Emily and Charles' plan of upbringing worked out. It was safe to say Charles' would have been proud and relieved to see how his child ended up. Even before speaking to him, when the sixteen year old boy walked into the dining room I could already smell his submissive nature. I also noted how similar he looked to Emily, from the blonde hair all the way to his softly shaped face. However, the one thing he obviously inherited from his father was his eyes, the blue orbs looking almost exactly like his without the cockiness or aggressiveness. As our meeting commenced the way he tried to hide his fear and unease of me was refreshing among the many hate filled stares I had received a few moments prior. Carson. It was odd being around a child, especially one as inquisitive and caring as Carson. While he rarely ever voiced his questions, at least not to me, I could tell every time one popped into his head as he would awkwardly squirm in place rubbing his hands over each other. It was probably the first time he had seen a non-human, I would gather, deciding to let the young human come to me with the questions instead of going to him. Maybe it was due to my inherited Alpha genes, but the submissive behavior from the boy was endearing, a trait rarely found in the wastes. Carson's kindness also seemed to know no bounds. The teenager would always cook all the meals expertly, not accepting any help that I would offer. Though his continuous asking if I wanted to sleep in his bed did get a little annoying, it showed just how compassionate he was. I was awestruck that someone this caring could live in this time of history, it seemed impossible. However, Charles and Emily promised to raise him how they wanted and from what I observed they succeed. I showed up randomly wondering if I could stay there for a while. It was more than enough that they happily accepted me into their home, but in typical Rhodes style they went beyond the call of duty. Emily came to me after my second day there and said she had discussed something with Carson. She told me that it wouldn't be a problem if I needed to stay with them for a few more days... or forever.

The comment caught me completely off guard. Emily was kind, and I'm sure Carson even more so, but to offer that... For thirteen years I cut myself off from them, only coming back when I happened to be passing through the area. I had tried to justify it by telling myself that she had moved on with her family and that she wouldn't want her past interfering with that. When I finally returned after staying for only two days after such a long hiatus they offer me a place in New Dallas, a place in their home... a place in their family. I had never had family, only my brother in arms, but now they were offering something I never thought I would gain.

As hard as I tried to keep my stoic front up, when she told me that I couldn't hold back. Years of pent up loneliness, sadness, despair, and newfound happiness came flooding out in a torrent of tears as I clung onto the smaller human. All I could do was pathetically utter the words "Thank you", Emily gently hugging me back. For the first time in... forever I felt happy. Truly happy. Though I should have known. I should have known that nothing like that could ever happen.

I slammed my fist against the wooden wall of the shower, the resounding noise echoing across the empty waste. My heart ached and my eyes urged for tears to drop. However, I had already cried all the tears I would on the subject. I had to move on. I reached for the rusty handle to turn off the cold spray of water. Not all was lost. The refreshing water left abruptly leaving my body yearning for something to cool the heat that radiated from the sun. I still had a promise to fulfill. A promise to Emily.

I proceeded to shake my whole body, the easiest way to get the water out of my fur. Although the outdoor shower was cramped I still managed to have enough room to dry off well enough to grab my clothes from the hangar outside of the shower. I quickly pulled on my boxers and pulled over a black sleeveless shirt. With most of my nudity covered up I pushed open the creaky door and stepped out into the light of the wastes. My eyes took a moment to adjust, the sudden change in light blinding. I began to pull my jeans over my foot paws, the claws annoyingly catching on the fabric. Once on my waist I gently maneuvered my bushy tail through the professionally constructed tail-hole. I sighed at the heavy, hot feeling the clothes emitted. It was definitely going to be a long day.

I took a moment to sniff the air, my paranoia becoming apparent as I checked for any threats. Instead of the smell of an irradiated rat the rich scent of bacon permeated the air. Distinct. I had first had it at the Rhode's residence; Carson had cooked it for all of us. I was surprised, I wondered how he managed to find some, but the incessant smell of cooking meat told me to stop asking questions. Carson. The young human was so frail and defenseless in this world. So I would be there. I would protect him even if it meant my life for it was the least I could do for Emily and Charles. Though there was something else, a more prominent reason. Carson was the only thing I had left. With the smell of fresh, greasy meat wafting throughout the air I made my way towards the front of the decrepit building, where my charge was no doubt slaving over the oven.

---

Working with the ancient stove was not as troublesome as I had thought it would be. While it was practically the same as the one I used to use, the rusty piece of culinary machinery in front of me was corroded, unused, and incredibly dirty. Ashton had managed to get the generator in the basement working, but even with its help I had been doubtful of the stove's performance.

However, after a swift wipe down and a turn off the knobs the smell of burning meat and fat quickly filled the air. I had found a pan inside the old cabinets, along with two relatively clean plates, and started to cook the bacon. As the cracking sound heightened I decided it was time to flip the strips of meat on the hot pan. There were only a few pieces of bacon, six in total, and I knew from earlier culinary experience that the canine non-human ate more than a regular human. Though I felt bad for not being able to appease his appetite, I knew that using any more of our food would be foolish and cost us in the long run. I was sure Ashton would understand.

When the distinct clicking of the front door echoed throughout the house I swiftly listened for the sound of rushing water. Luckily the sound of the shower running was absent, confirming the identity of the person. The clicking of the non-human's clawed foot paws was barely audible over the cooking bacon as he entered the kitchen.

"Smells good." The unnaturally deep voice behind me indicated, the sound of heavy inhaling accompanying his comment. I simply hummed in agreement. The clicking and padding of Ashton's foot paws stopped, the sound of metal being pulled across he tile of the kitchen replacing them. I glanced out of the corner of my eye to see the large non-human sitting at the small table in front of the kitchen window. The obviously uncomfortable position he sat in due to his tail and sheer size made me thankful that I as born human.

The only noise in the kitchen was the cracking of the cooking bacon and the light tapping of the non-humans claws against the glass table. The overwhelming feeling of wanting to say something, but not know how to begin permeated the environment awkwardly. These awkward silences were not as foreign occurrence to me as the last month had been filled with them. Even though I had dealt with them fairly well over the month the discomfort of the silences still made my skin tingle anxiously. However, before the situation became overly awkward, Ashton broke the wall of silence.

"This is the first time you've cooked that stuff since we left New Dallas," I hoped my cringe went unnoticed, "Is today some sort of holiday or special occasion?" The question wasn't accusatory. If anything the question held a hint of concern. I shuffled the pan in front of me nervously. It reminds me of better days... Before everything went to hell.

"No, nothing like that. I thought that it would give extra energy for the road ahead." It wasn't a full lie, but it wasn't telling him everything. I had heard that most non-humans could easily tell when you were lying or leaving something out. I hoped that Ashton wouldn't.

"Hm." The rough noise left no clues as to what he was thinking, but I did feel the heavy stare creating a hole in the back of my head. I was snapped out of my thoughts as I remembered the cooking food in front of me. The smell of the bacon was enough to indicate to me that they were done, so I quickly grabbed the tongs and a plate and began placing the strips for Ashton on its glass surface. He wasn't convinced. That much was painfully obvious. Once I had transferred all the strips of the meat to the two plates, with some difficulty, I slid them onto my hands and carefully carried them over to the table. Although I tried my best not to make eye contact with the man when I did glance over to his seat I noticed he was staring at me the whole time with a look that was difficult to decipher. Unfortunately for me reading non-human's facial expression was almost impossible. I slid Ashton's plate over to him, a mumbled "thank you" reply, and sat down with my own. After I sat down in my chair across from Ashton another long silence ensued. As if I hadn't had enough to last a lifetime...

"You okay Carson? You seem... tired." Ashton asked in between bites of bacon. I opted to continue staring at the plate of bacon instead of the green eyes.

"Yeah, I'm fine... Just the morning is all. Thanks for asking Mr. Miller." Another half-truth.

Ashton sniffed heavily once before shuffling in his chair, probably trying to find a comfortable position where his tail wasn't jammed up against the backrest. The German shepherd uttered a small noise, his mouth opening slightly before closing once again. One of Ashton's more interesting traits that popped out at me, besides his physical structure, was his tendency to chew on his tongue when he was nervous or embarrassed, although I only guessed regarding latter, the man never seemed to be the slightest bit ashamed at anything he did. I took a moment to look up at his muzzle to see it slowly gnawing at the muscle inside.

"Carson..." he began, "If you want to... talk about it... I'm here to listen." The man's voice was reluctant, as if he didn't know how to proceed. However, I did note the touch of genuine compassion in his unsteady, deep voice. Although it was caring it still made me uneasy. He knew or at least had an idea of what I'd been thinking about. What I had dreamt about. I didn't want him to know, this is exactly the situation I had hoped to avoid. In my panicky state I did the only thing I could think to do at the time, act coy.

"What do you mean? What is there to talk about?" I ushered enough courage to look up at the non-human and stare him straight in the eye. Like always, those eyes seemed to stare right into the bowels of my soul, easily picking me apart and analyzing every fiber of my being from just a simple stare. I understood why people said to never look an animal directly in the eye. Although I tried to stop it, my hands found themselves embracing each other, rubbing over themselves in attempt to calm my increasingly nervous body. Mom had said that was one of the biggest things that gave away any lies or fibs I tried to tell. I only hoped Ashton had not caught on.

"Take it from someone who knows, it's better to talk about these things before they get worse." His eyes were caring and almost pleading, but they still failed to make me feel comfortable.

"W-What brought this on?" I stuttered, attempting to gulp down my worry. It did nothing to help. Ashton sighed before continuing.

"You dreamt about New Dallas didn't you? About your mother?" He asked, his voice becoming softer and less intimidating. I looked down at my plate blankly. Mom...

Ashton began reaching a large paw over the table towards my own hand, "I want to help Carson, but I can't do anything unless you allow me to. I know what you're going through and-" Before his pads touched my bare hand I swiftly pulled it away and shot up from my seat, the chair crashing to the floor behind me. Ashton's ears cowered at the loud noise it elicited and his arm retracted. He knew what I was going through? I stared at the floor, the tension in the room like a great, thick wall.

"Carson, I-"

"I..." I interjected, "I'm going to finish getting ready. Excuse me." With my tail between my legs I swiftly hurried myself out of the kitchen, ignoring Ashton as he started to apologize. He knew what I was going through? He acted as if his family and friends had been killed in New Dallas. No. He didn't know. Nobody knows. When I reached the bedroom I threw myself onto the dirty mattress. As I buried my head into the springy surface, the pathetic tears threatened to return once again.

"Mom... I feel so... Alone."

---

When the young human was gone I brought a paw up to rub at my increasingly sore head. I'm such an idiot. Why did I say that? Bringing my now sweaty paw down to the table, I stared off into the burning wastes through the large, grimy window. Damn my idiocy and damn this fucking heat. For what felt like the hundredth time that day I sighed. Today was going to be one hell of a long day...