09 - Apprehension

I made a few bad decisions, plain and simple, but nothing to get bent out of shape over, right? At least that's what I thought until Brandy's Honda pulled into my driveway and up the hill to my parking lot of sorts. I felt a lump rise in my throat as I considered what I'd say, or on that note, what we'd do.

"I hope I know what I'm doing." I whispered to myself nervously as I watched her pull in from my lake view balcony.

I already felt pretty awkward having just had a conversation with Brandon a few minutes ago and wussing out on my chance once again, but when Brandy entered the house it became about twenty times worse as I attempted to give her a grand tour of my house which only killed twenty minutes. I made it pretty obvious, but I think she sensed loneliness in me, especially actually having to hear me drone on about my family more so than friends during the tour.

At almost 3 p.m. I asked her if she had any plans for the afternoon of what she would like to do; I, of course, had nothing in mind.

"Nothing in particular." She smiled.

I observed her casual wardrobe of a plain red t-shirt, but noticed that her khakis had a rip in them. I could tell by its position that the rip didn't have any fashion to it, so I brainstormed for a moment. Snapping my fingers, I grinned, "Got it."

We parked our car at a toll lot in downtown Austin and paid for six hours, then began to walk down Congress Avenue. A clump of trees sat on the right, but on our left, a less busy area of downtown Austin peaked many of our interests as we both came across quite a few interesting stores. I granted myself a guilty pleasure and picked up a couple of video games in a game store, but when we arrived at a clothing store, I instantly tore myself from the sidewalk and pulled the fox in with me. She nearly squealed with excitement as I brought her around the store and served as her fashion adviser. I fell shocked to find myself winning the battle I originally felt so sure would end up a loss.

We pretty much filled the stereotype of girl-with-a-gay-best-friend, but I surprisingly did not feel judged, even when we went to the counter joking about a pair of Miley Cyprus underwear. The total came to $136.64, most of it for her.

After we paid, she put on the revealing red skirt I had bought for her and I shuddered inside thinking of what her plans for the evening must've been.

"You look exquisite!" I stood dramatically erect and spoke with a pompous British accent.

"Darling, please put on your new trousers before I develop a temper." She replied, pointing at the pair of pants in my hand daintily.

Her British accent sounded so well-played that I could not help but burst out laughing, "At once, m'lady!" I noticed the cashier staring at us like aliens as I closed the door to the fitting room behind me.

After quickly dressing myself, I shoved the door back open and modestly walked out wearing a rust red leather jacket over a black vest with a single purple stripe down the right side, a black snow hat with a NAFSCAR logo on the front, a pair of black dress pants, and two shiny black no-lace sneakers.

I shrugged, looking sheepishly up at her, "So?"

She slowly approached me, almost suggestively, and wrapped her elbow around mine, holding my left paw. I looked into her eyes and laughed shyly, trying hard to keep my ears upright. My tail gave a wag or two.

"Stunning." She breathed. She tipped her hat to the bewildered cashier on the way out.

This restaurant even smelled fancy. The walls encompassing the dining room were coated with a minimalistic mural of sorts, laced here and there with bay windows equally spaced apart. Upon entry, we found ourselves on a small balcony, from which we descended a few steps to the dining room and kitchen. Appetizing scents filled the room and made my stomach grumble anticipation. Smells of delicious oriental cuisine filled my nostrils, and I couldn't wait to get our seats.

We were both seated by a very well-groomed coyote who spoke to us in about the most stereotypical fancy waiter voice imaginable.

We both were handed menus and ordered our drinks; a white Zinfandel for me, and a Brandy for her. Yes, she did it on purpose.

I started immediately upon her taking her seat next to me on the glass table. "Well... how was your offseason?" I asked innocently as we waited for our waiter to return.

"What offseason?" She laughed a little, "My job's full time. I'm a NAFSCAR analyst; I'm getting new stories even during the NAFSCAR offseason."

I scratched my cheek nervously, "Heh... I knew that."

"How was your offseason?"

"Whew..." I paused to gather my thoughts, but figured I'd try to act a little clever to fish for some answers, "Where do I begin? Well... went to my first team meeting, spent a month with my family, got an awesome Christmas present, my cousin came out to me, then I came down here and spent the last week here."

The server arrived on the spot with a small notepad and appeared just as well-groomed as the host. The panda felt a little more modern than the wolf we had run into earlier. He sat down a small tray of sushi, which we immediately dug into, and then graciously took our order.

"Nice guy." She said. The guy had a lisp, and in all honesty, I eye-humped him a bit as he walked away and I noticed the rainbow tag on his belt loop. I kept my mouth shut about it, though.

"He did what to you?" I heard a deep voice from behind and turned abruptly to see Louis in a tuxedo accompanied by a well-groomed female cat in a gold skirt holding his paw. She looked like a Bombay.

I took a second to figure out what was going on and cried out, "Louis! What the he--"

"Heard about your double date when I called your house. Jack said you'd set something up here, so I figured we'd join ya here. This is Vanessa. Vanessa, this is Jasper." He spoke quickly, as if trying to finish that speech.

I shook off the surprise and gave Louis a playful pat on the back, waving at Vanessa, "Pleased to meet you."

"Thanks. Same here." She grinned at me. Her teeth were white and perfect, her face was soft and smooth, her fur a perfect contrast and well-trimmed, and her voice like an announcer for a shampoo commercial. She was about my height and body structure, but God did she have some large breasts!

"So... your cousin did what?" He stood there for a moment with his girlfriend, studying me with an almost worried expression.

"He... came out to me. Well... the whole family." This was not what I had in mind. Louis was the one guy I did not want to share this with, but he had shared it with himself. Wrong place, wrong time, and now I found myself forced to make do with what I had.

"Like... as a queer?" Louis spat smugly.

I sank lower in my seat. My head screamed for me to make a B-line for the bathroom and make up a story so I could prepare myself and return later, but I forced myself to stay seated and try to handle this as well as I could. Luckily, my ears stood tall, so I complimented them with a confident posture, "Yes. As gay."

Louis laughed hysterically and patted me on the shoulder, "I am so sorry, bud! I completely understand where you get it from now!"

This was one of those rare occasions when I wanted to rip my best friend's ears off, grill them, and feed them to Brandy, but instead of risk facing ten years incarceration by following through, I chose the low road and took a Trojan Horse style jab at his faith, "Funny! I actually told him that he was brave to tell me and that God does not hate him. He was pretty broken up about it, so I had to cheer him up. I mean, what kind of cousin would I be if I didn't?" I completely reversed that and made it look like Liam needed the help when actually it was me that came to him for it.

Louis blew a raspberry and rolled his eyes in the middle of my sentence, and following its completion he responded, "A better one than you are now. You're really gonna let him be a fag?" He was beginning to make this into a scene. Luckily, we sat in a side booth seat away from everyone and not in the spotlight.

I chuckled, suddenly having some anger that I did permit to burst out of me, "Louie... let me just say that I am happy that I got to him before you did." I smiled proudly and then stood up, "I didn't invite you to this date, bud. And I surely didn't want it to end up a moral argument."

I gestured Brandy to follow me toward the bar, and she put down her fork and did so. Her ears were folded back slightly in anger and as we left together I heard from behind, "Bud... I'm just gonna leave untouchables where they belong. Keep this up and you'll be a fag, too!"

"Aren't you gonna say something?" Brandy asked me, looking at me as we walked.

"I... I don't see the point..." I paused and then noticed the double-meaning of "untouchables", "And I flunked history, I can't top that." My voice cracked as I spoke quietly. Despite me trying to hide it, I think she could easily read my discomfort through my body language, as I showed signs of a submitted fur.

She sighed as we approached the bar.

Now I felt like shit; the date fell to disaster all because of loudmouth Louis. Now I pissed him off and subsequently my "girlfriend", and what held me back more than anything was the fact that he didn't lie! I am a wuss! I just didn't want to admit it.

I fell quiet for a few minutes, putting my drink down at the bar, where the female bartender just so happened to be another fox. I turned to Brandy to see her singing along with a song on the radio I did not recognize, "I'm sorry." I said to her shyly, "I'm... not that good at handling conflicts." I took another sip of my drink and gulped it quickly, the sharp flavour making my tongue tingle as it went down.

"You were right, though." Her emerald eyes were glistening with sudden joy, "What you did for your cousin was what any proper parent should do. I hope those two don't ever have kids."

I sighed, "He called us..." Oh shit... us? I had to finish my sentence, regardless, "Untouchables."

"He called gay people Untouchables, hon. Not us."

I let out one of the biggest sighs of relief I'd ever exhaled. Lucky break; another double-meaning.

"You are aware of what Untouchables are, right? The lowest form of human life in the Hindu Caste system of the 13th century?"

She scoffed as she took a sip of her drink, "I find it funny he uses a word from a faith that isn't even his to express his distaste. There is nothing wrong with gay people. My girl friend is a lesbian." She stated all of it pretty matter-of-factly as she took another swig of the drink.

"So... how old are you?" I asked out of the blue, wanting to change the subject I guess.

"27." She sounded proud.

My jaw fell, "No way!"

"Yep. Got six years on you! Class of 2001, born December 4, 1982."

Good recovery, Jasper! But, of course, when I'd brought myself back up to my feet I became a sitting duck, just waiting to get pushed over again.

"Well hey buddy!" A sarcastic voice seethed from behind. Instantly I froze, my head hiding in my shoulders as I turned to face the lazily dressed Zedley King, "Congrats on the ride!" His smile was sinister, "Another nice one to wreck, huh?"

"How did you end up here?" He asked.

"Saw the Louis's Chirp on Chitter that you and your girlfriend would be here, so I thought I'd pay ya a visit since I happened to be in town."

Zedley, a native of Corpus Christy, TX., had many sponsor and fan meets in Austin and other major Texas cities. It did not surprise me that he was in town, especially since I appeared to have the most rotten luck to begin with.

"Oh my God, Zed. Will you leave me and my girlfriend alone?! We're trying to talk!" I said "girlfriend" mostly for show, but I found that it became my downfall.

"There's no way you could have a girlfriend." He said with disbelief, "You wouldn't know how to treat a lady." He rounded my bar stool to her's, his wife beater and ripped jeans playing accurate testament to his personality. I could tell he was somewhat intoxicated, as well. "Hello there, madam. Care to take a stroll down 3rd and Long?" He traced a claw across her chest, tugging slightly at the clothes I bought her.

Brandy looked at him in disbelief and removed the paw with force, "Sorry, I do believe you're lost, sir. Skandal's is down the street and to the right." She looked at me with worry, but I couldn't tell who she felt more worried for; me or herself.

"Zed, leave your hands off her!" I tried to yell, holding a paw up shakily, though I probably sounded more pathetic than I thought I did.

He approached me menacingly and towered above me. I sank into my jacket. I shook and my ears folded back; I couldn't help it.

"What are you gonna do about it?" He snarled between clenched teeth.

"Zed! Back off!" Louis screamed from a nearby table.

I kept my attention on the cat above me. I had to answer with something, "Not hit on ladies outside my league! Maybe you could learn from me?"

I was instantly met with a clenched fist to my face, knocking me from my bar stool to the ground. I didn't hesitate to scamper to my feet and run, clenching my aching cheek and panting heavily. The entire restaurant stared at me as I bolted for the door, not knowing if he gave chase or not. I didn't lose any teeth. It hurt like a bitch, though, and I definitely tasted some blood from where my teeth made contact with my cheek.

I found myself back on Congress Avenue and hurried across the street to the lot I parked my car at before I heard a voice from behind, "Wait!"

I turned to meet Brandy's eyes again. They were sympathetic. My teal eyes, on the other hand, reflected a mix of a dozen emotions, "You don't want this, Brandy! You don't want a victim boyfriend! You deserve someone strong like Zed, not me! If you're smart you'll just go back in there and ask him out!" I found it hard to believe my own words, let alone the fact that tears clouded my vision as I yelled it.

She stood there motionless for a second, staring at me intently, then slowly she turned around and walked back in through the revolving doors.

I panted heavily with my teeth exposed from both the pain in my face and pure frustration. I closed my eyes after I'd seen her walk back in and bowed my head, turning and leaning against a pedestrian handrail behind me. I flailed in anger, "I fucking deserve it!" I growled, "God, why am I fucking cursed?!" Again, I couldn't believe the words coming out of my mouth, but I didn't let it stop. I punched at the sky, cursing everything that could be cursed, and even several things that couldn't, before I stopped and sat on an adjacent bench.

"Jasper." I heard Brandy's voice again and lift my head to see her standing there again, this time accompanied by Louis and Vanessa. They crossed the street and managed to bring me with them as they headed for the toll lot where we'd parked. I remained silent for the most part while Louis bragged about how he kicked Zed's ass and got himself thrown out of the restaurant. I honestly didn't believe him though, and Brandy even said that Zed got thrown out while Louis didn't really do much of anything except hiss and yell.

I apologized to Louis and he apologized to me, another load off my chest as I couldn't stand upsetting him.

The ride home was pretty peaceful. Me and Brandy talked for a bit about what had happened and I went ahead and told her what she should know... and I don't mean the gay thing.

"Bud... you got some work to do, obviously, but I think you were far too hard on yourself." Her voice was soft and comforting, "You are not undeserving, especially compared to that dumbass cat."

I didn't answer.

"As a lady, I understand completely what you are going through, but um... you gotta stand up for yourself sooner or later. I could tell it was really hard for you to try to stand up for me like that, but I thought it was very sweet." I felt her plant a kiss on my cheek. I didn't give pause to it, though.

I sighed and followed the road, sizing up what she was saying.

"Jasper..." She breathed, "You're cute."

I blushed and turned my head slightly to her with my ears down, "You think so?"

She scritched my chin gently and kissed my cheek again, "I do. Is your jaw okay?"

I laughed softly, "I'm still talking, aren't I?" She managed to cheer me up. Big shocker, actually, "I take it you don't want to pursue me further, though?" I tried to sound disappointed.

"Actually... I want to take you out again... sometime." She sounded hopeful.

I sighed, but couldn't determine it as relieved that she didn't judge me too harshly, or despair of another fake date! I thought for a moment that a date with Brandon would top this in every way... then my thoughts wandered onto him for a good fifteen minutes, thoughts I'd never experienced before about the possibility of him being gay. What if he had a crush on me? The fantasies managed to cheer me up pretty well until Keith Urban began to play from my cell phone as I pulled up my driveway. I answered it.

"Jasper?" I heard Jack's gruff voice.

"Yes, Jack?" I responded. I was on speaker phone this time, not Bluetooth.

"Liam seemed kinda off last week. Do you know if he's alright or not?"

My heart rate increased a little, "L-like how?"

"I dunno. Just seems kinda out of touch with me. He's been talking with the rest of the family more."

"That doesn't seem too bad, Jack." I commented. I glanced over at Brandy who loosely knew the back story... at least my version of it.

"Well, he came to me earlier today and told me he is in favor of gay marriage, and that he has renounced his faith in God, which really shocked me_._ I was wondering if you had told him anything. I know you aren't religious."

"What would I have told him?" I didn't want Liam to pay for simply having a different political opinion, let alone sexuality altogether.

Jack sighed, frustrated, "Jasper. This is a serious issue. Did you convert him or something?" His voice powered over the car's humming.

I nearly barked back, "Does drinking the liberal Kool Aid upset you that much, Jack?! I was told to be a parent, so I was; I spread my indoctrination to the next generation. Liam has a different political opinion. So what? Are they opening up purification camps for that now, too?" I did not hide the anger; I'd had enough repressed emotions that evening.

"Jasper Ivan Erickson!" Uncle Jack sounded shocked at my tone.

"Love you, Jack, but I'm driving. Talk to you later." I hung up.

Brandy patted my back, "Again, you did the right thing, bud."

For someone having done the right thing, I sure felt wrong.