Push For Silence
I've been working on several stories, and I know I haven't posted something in a while, so I decided to write this in one sitting. It's about a leopard who learns the hard way that patience is a virtue. I think we've aaaaallllll been in this particular situation, haven't we? :P
Also, this is my attempt at delivering a "joke". I hope it paid off, and I hope you guys enjoy it and/or find it funny! Feel free to comment. :)
***
Two hours. Just two more hours, and Bret would finally be back in the arms of his girlfriend, in Seattle. He still wondered why she even decided to attend that stupid Liberal Arts college, since she herself had condemned it for having outrageous tuition fees. But whatever, she went anyway.
And the separation wasn't easy. Even being apart for a mere three weeks was frustrating for both of them, especially Bret. The leopard made a valiant effort to keep his tail from flicking frustratingly around in his seat, but the anxiety and impatience were constantly bearing down on him and diminishing his barrier with every persistent second. It became more and more evident simply from the look on his face. This is why he hated flying sometimes.
It was the baby fox-kit, rather, and his mother sitting in the seat right next to him. He was loud.
The elder vulpine tried futily to mulify and appease the young one, but well...foxes are stubborn. Especially baby foxes. They always seem to want everything they can't have. In this case, Bret didn't know whether that came more from the the fact that it was a fox or that it was a baby. What he _did_know, however, was that he wasn't going to be able to take that incessant screaming much longer.
It was clamorous. Grating. Perhaps the worse kind of 'turbulence' Bret could imagine. And it wasn't just him who was annoyed; several other passengers in the immediate vicinity-and Bret even estimated the entire back half of the plane-showed similar signs of drudgery. And the mother had to have been embarrassed for her failed efforts in keeping her kit quiet. Nothing worked: not the tender rocking, not the gentle shushing, and not even the bottle of cream-the kit rejected them all, and he was only getting louder and more aggravating.
Bret's claws were constantly drawing in and out, and his nostrils flared as he bit his lip. If he wasn't careful, his claws would pierce the plastic cup of water in his paw. But it was all he could do to keep from absolutely exploding right then and there all over the mother and her kit.
He wanted to. Oh, he so badly wanted to tell those foxes to shut their fucking muzzles. Hell, he'd be doing everyone on the planet a goddamn service, because it was clear that they were annoyed, too.
It continued. The screaming, the crying, the yowling, the fidgeting.
Goddamn foxes, the leopard thought. He quickly lowered his head, shifted in his seat and sat on his tail to keep it from thrashing, lest it betray him and show how angry he was. If nothing else, he liked having the window seat, and he tried to combat the irritation by glancing out the window toward the workers on the tarmac getting the plane ready. It didn't look like they were getting much done.
"Fucking. Drudgery," he muttered under his breath before quickly biting his lip again, hoping the fox beside him didn't just hear what he said. She probably didn't anyway, given how loud her kit was, and her attention seemed entirely focused on him, as it damn well should have been. Except nothing she was doing was fucking working!
And the plane didn't look like it was moving anytime soon.
What's taking so fucking long? The thought raged in Bret's mind as he subconsciously clawed into the arm rest of his seat with his other paw.
"Fuck," he said under his breath again, regretting the action.
He didn't know what to do. All he wanted, all he could think about was his girlfriend, over in Seattle. He wanted nothing more than to be in bed with her, kissing her and plowing her like the sexy canine she was. Those sweet, supple breasts pushing up against him, begging to be massaged and squeezed, her sex dripping wet and aching to be penetrated, and her beautiful muzzle yearning for passionate kisses-the very thought nearly propelled him to a hard on right then and there. Just two more hours, and he'd be there. He just had to have patience. The thought was heaven compared to where he was now: in a cramped plane next to a mother and her yowling kit.
Suddenly, the baby screamed again and this time it was loud enough to sting Bret's ears and make them swivel.
That was it.
He couldn't take it anymore.
His claws came out again, piercing his cup as he nonchalantly threw the leaking water upon the yowling baby fox.
The kit immediately stopped crying and looked up at him with wide, bright eyes. His mother stood in complete shock, muzzle agape and also wide-eyed. Several passengers around them also stood with a look of surprise upon their faces.
"Holy shit," a Husky across from them said.
"H-How could you?!" the mother said, quickly wrapping her arms around her offspring.
"Oh, fuck off. It's not like he's hurt," Bret said with a rather scowling look. "Besides, he stopped crying. Maybe all he needed was some goddamn water."
Just then, a female raccoon flight attendant stepped on the plastic cup Brent dropped, and slipped, taking with her several cans of soda, all of which burst open as they fell to the ground, spraying several passengers with the aforementioned sticky liquid, including the mother, her kit, and Bret himself.
"...At least it's Root Beer," the leopard said, wiping his face.
"Hey there, Nia."
"Hey, Spotty. You here yet?"
"Uh...not exactly," Bret said, biting his lip and clutching his cellphone tightly,
"I'm still in the Bay Area."
"What? Why the hell aren't you here, yet? It's already been two hours."
"I, uh...got kicked off the plane."
"Wow. That's a new one," Nia said, "How on earth...did you manage that?"
A deep breath of exasperation escaped the leopard's muzzle. He knew his girlfriend wasn't going to like his excuse, even if it was the truth. No, she'd probably slap him if he told her what he did. But what else could he say? How many ways were there to get kicked off a plane? You have to do something really stupid. Really stupid.
There was no way around it.
"I threw some water on a baby fox and his mother." He almost forced the words out.
There was a silence-a very awkward silence that drifted between both phones, and it quickly became so intense that seeing Nia's face right then probably would have made Bret uncomfortable.
"Are you serious?" she finally asked.
"...Yeah."
"Why did you do that?" Her voice was curt, now. He knew her long enough to know that she only talked like that when she was angry.
"Because...I don't know. The fucking baby was screaming, crying, and yowling for, like, fifteen minutes! He wouldn't shut up!" He growled slightly, even though he didn't mean to. "It kept going on and on, crying and yowling, and...fuck, you know how foxes are. They just don't shut up."
"Excuse me?" Nia snapped back.
Bret immediately froze and then mouthed the word 'fuck'. Amidst his anger, and the biggest-perhaps legendary-moment of stupidity...he'd actually forgotten that he was talking to his foxy girlfriend.
"No, no, sorry," the leopard stammered, "I didn't mean that. I mean, just...I don't know what I meant. I'm an idiot, sorry."
"You got that right."
He immediately heard a loud beep in his ear. It instantly made him regret having the volume all the way up, and the sound was loud enough to betray his feline sense of hearing as it stung his ears.
But it was the all-too-familiar sound bearing the last thing he hoped to hear.
She hung up.
"Goddamn it," he said slowly and acutely. He then sat back in his chair, letting another breath of exasperation leave his muzzle.
At least they gave him a refund for his ticket. But that didn't help the raging hard on he wanted to satisfy with his girlfriend-ex girlfriend's luscious vulpine body.
"Goddamn fo-" he stopped himself before the words left his muzzle. The last thing he wanted to do was make it worse for himself.
There was really only one thing he could do now.
"Hey, Clay, you busy?"
"Nope, just watchin' a movie. Havin' a good time in Seattle, dude?" the red panda grinned.
"Actually, I'm still in California," Bret said, "Can you come get me from the airport?"
"What? Why-"
"I got kicked off the plane for throwing water on a fox and her baby kit. Let's just skip the questions for now, okay?"
"...And let me guess; you told this to Nia, and she...didn't take it well."
"...Right." The leopard started poking holes in his seat with his claw. He was almost ready to throw his cellphone at the nearest wall. "Just...come get me, please?"
Clay chuckled. "Knowing you, I can imagine what you said to her. 'Foxes don't shut up', right? That'll teach you to keep your muzzle shut."
"Clay..." Bret sighed heavily.
"Alright, alright, I'll come get you."
"Thanks. I'm at San Jose Airport."
"Aww, couldn't you have at least chosen a nice airport like San Francisco's? San Jose's airport is shit."
"It was cheaper to fly out of..." Bret gritted his teeth.
"Fine, fine. I'm on my way."
"Thanks."
"Look on the bright side. When we get to back to Berkeley, you can always fuck me, now." Bret could practically feel Clay grinning on the other side of the phone, and the accompanying snicker didn't help. The leopard gritted his teeth once more and if he hadn't retracted his claws as soon as he did, he would have rip the seat right out from under him.
"Just come get me."
"Alrighty, heading there now, dude! See you soon."
And then the beep. Bret sighed once again. It turned out to be a terrible day on almost all accounts. Right now he just wanted to get back home.
If nothing else, he'd at least be able to satisfy his urges and fuck his roommate senseless, even if it was more for Clay's pleasure than it was Bret's.
Unfortunately, however, it was Saturday evening. And that was when traffic in California was usually at its worst. As such, it usually took two, sometimes three times as long to get to the airport. Bret knew how long he would have to wait, too.
Two hours. Just two more hours.
Suddenly, his ears swiveled and caught the sound of another crying, yowling baby. A yowl so curiously familiar, that he instantly recognized it.
He quickly turned his attention to the airline ticketing counters to see another fox with another screaming kit.
"Goddamn foxes," he muttered under his breath.