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Warning : the following fanfiction contains mixed material of a violent, and a rather impolite nature. Viewer discretion is advised... seriously, bronies. I dunno what's going on. This is a Pinkie Pie style series. It jumps from dark to light like nopony's business.

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My Little Pony

The Aeons of Equestria

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Episode 2: Dinner in Ponyville

When Reno's eyes had opened almost half an hour ago he wished they hadn't. Over the past twenty-four hours he'd almost grown accustomed to being surrounded by anthropomorphic equines, regardless how gruesome or girly his whole predicament seemed. But after waking from unconsciousness with the mother of all hangovers throbbing at his brains Reno was hoping he'd just wake in his bed at home to realise the whole thing had been a dream.

No such luck.

When his eyes opened to find himself sitting in a squishy chair in the Ponyville library he had a total of five seconds to recover before he had a handful of introductions crammed down his throat. Sitting across from where he now stood with one hand clutching an ice-pack against the back of his head where soft scabs clung in his shorn hair was Spike, the baby dragon. He'd suffered a light gash to the cranium where Spike had panicked and smashed a chair over the back of the human's head.

Reno had seen fairies, murderous humans, magical talking horses, clockwork warriors and trains pulled along by ponies. Meeting a dragon, he figured, was just a matter of time. But Spike wasn't exactly what one could expect of a being depicted as a fierce fire breathing flesh rending menace covered in armoured scales and with claws and teeth that could break the toughest sword... no, Spike was a light purple specimen, short, squat, almost chubby with stubby little arms and legs that ended in rounded fingers and toes. His tail ended in a blunt pike, and he had ridges of soft, almost spongy green spines running along his back, all the way up to his head where the largest of the spines formed an almost adorable green Mohawk. Being wingless and clawless, and lacking a distinct amount of ferocity it pained Reno to even consider Spike a member of the dragon species.

Taking the ice from the back of his head he inspected the vaguely red-stained pack before giving the moist bag a shake. Ice cubes rattled. "And next thing I know, I'm conked out by the pipsqueak." He shot a look in Spike's direction as he finished up the story that ran from him waking in a field to witnessing torture, finally to the train chase and arriving in Ponyville. "But you were around for that part."

Applejack frowned averting her gaze. "Ya'll knocked him out, Spike?"

Applejack was the pony he'd sort of met on the train earlier. The one who had sat down beside Reno and persisted to chat with him. Regardless, the human had to be thankful, without her he never would have ended up here. Rather stuck in a library situated in a hollowed out tree than stuck on that train. She was on her hooves, leaned up against one of the bookshelves with her arms folded over her chest and Stetson-hat pulled down low.

"With a chair." The baby dragon answered Applejack's question almost proudly. The dragon didn't stop eying the human suspiciously. "It was easy."

Reno gave another silent glare before a sky-blue Pegasus hopped into the line of fire.

Rainbow Dash seemed to be the local hot-shot, or tom-boy even. She had a slim, wiry figure clad with sky blue fur. Her mane was short and brushed back with all the colours of the rainbow running through the hairs, exactly like her trimmed tail. She was dressed in a set of lycra-shorts, a white tank top and a pair of sweat bands on her wrists. Her dark purple eyes seemed to burn with a certain flame of defiance, either not wanting to trust Reno because of the impossibility of the situation, or simply lacking trust out of nature.

One thing that set 'Dash' aside from the ponies Reno had seen until now was the fact she has a pair of feathery wings sprouting from her shoulder-blades, allowing her bursts of speed, enhanced agility and even full-flight. There had been several occasions during Reno's story where she had been circling the ceiling with a bored expression on her face.

"Well of course he conked you out!" Rainbow Dash snapped with emphasis. "You were attacking Twilight! What was he supposed to do?"

"How about ask nicely for me to stop?" Reno retorted grimly.

Across the room, Twilight Sparkle moved closer. The purple unicorn was as she had been when Reno had tackled her and grilled her with questions about the throne of the moon. There were a few flecks of Reno's blood on her white blouse though.

"You were scared and confused, it wasn't your fault." Twilight defended. "Look, throwing blame around and debating on the finer points of trust are going to get us nowhere." She said rationally, addressing both her friends and Reno. "What we have to do is..."

"THOW A WELCOMING PARTY!" came an excited squeal as the next pony quite literally threw herself onto Twilight's back.

Pinkie Pie was hot pink, clad in a pair of matching shorts and a little dress. Her mane was a darker shade like her tail, both extremely frizzy and puffy like she'd stuck a finger in an electrical socket. She wore a permanent smile from ear to ear and had enough energy to power a small city.

Bouncing around the room she let off a long unintelligible sentence most of which sounded like gibberish to Reno. "You'renewintownandneedfriendsbecauseyournewandyoucan'thaveanyfriendsbecauseyoudon'tknow anybodyandhavetostartmakingfriendsbecausehavingfriendsisthegreatestthingevereverybodyneeds friendsdon'tyouthink?" she fired away suddenly landing by Reno's side and wrapped her arms around his torso, attempting to lift the human off his feet. "The only thing left to do is PAAAAAARTYYYYYY!!!"

"Urk!" Reno groaned, his eyes popping like that of a cartoon character getting a bear-hug. "Is she always like a sugar rush personified?"

Twilight gave something between a chuckle and a giggle, suddenly finding herself in the full brunt of Reno's gaze. She angled her head away shyly and seemed to rub her arm uncomfortably. "Uh, hehe. Yeah, that's Pinkie Pie!" she quickly reached out and peeled the pink pony from Reno. "Now's not really the time, Pinkie."

While they calmed the maniac down, there was a final pony who hadn't said anything since she'd introduced herself. Fluttershy was a Pegasus like Rainbow Dash, but seemed like a complete opposite.

A yellow mare with light pink mane pulled down to hide half of her face, she sat near one of the windows fidgeting with her fingers. She was clad in a simple little beige dress, her large blue eyes fixed on Reno and the others, but her face cast downward. She was making no attempt to make herself known, and earlier Reno had discovered she was so soft spoken another had to introduce her so the human would know her name.

As the others were discussing... well, whatever it was they were discussing, Reno dropped the ice pack on a small table and walked over. Seeing him move closer seemed to cause Fluttershy to squeak and retreat inward. She quickly turned her face away, but her eyes were still watching him. Halting by her shoulder he peeked out the window she was apparently gazing out of. The sun was setting over the forest on the horizon, blasting the sky with fiery orange colours broken up by puffs of white cloud.

"What's up with you?" Reno asked seemingly crudely, wondering what she was looking at.

"Oh." Fluttershy whispered with a jolt apparently not even realising the human was standing by her. "Um... I was wondering when Rarity would get here." She said in a soft voice.

"What's a Rarity?" Reno asked.

That made Fluttershy give a cute little grin with a little chuckle. "Oh, Rarity is the most stylish, and most beautiful unicorn in all of Ponyville." She said with some enthusiasm. "It's not like her to be late though."

As if a queue had been given, there was a knock on the door of the library. Twilight Sparkle sang a; "I'll get it," and trotted towards the door. Reno was only half paying attention, looking out the window at long shadows slowly creeping over Ponyville. Twilight's hand closed in on the brass door-handle, fingers curling to turn the lock and open for her next guest...

What happened next happened fast, and everything Reno did in turn came from pure instinct he didn't thing he had.

The door swung open in a shower of splinters spat from the lock mechanism. A blur of purple and white rolled from the hall back onto the library floor, two ponies sliding to a halt. Ducking against the nearest wall for cover out of surprise, Reno saw Twilight laying unconscious next to another unicorn equally dazed.

The newcomer was brilliant white, clad in an equally brilliant, yet torn, long gown. She was a rather curvy mare, an ample bust contained under her gown with legs that just seemed to go on forever. Her features were delicate and refined, her fur and dark purple mane brushed immaculately. Her mane and tail were reasonably long, curling elegantly at the ends. This beautiful unicorn was no doubt this 'Rarity' Fluttershy had been talking about.

The next newcomer towered over them, his hoof-falls thudding heavily on the wooden floor. He was about Reno's height, a muscular dark furred pony in black fatigues and grey armour covering his torso with a label Preacher etched across the abdomen. His eyes were aflame with murder, fists balled tightly. Something about him felt familiar, and for a moment the human couldn't but his finger on it.

Then he noted the blood caked around the stud's nose and groaned.

"Awww... gay." Reno said with a pained expression on his face when he realised this was the conscript he'd taken out on the train, the one he'd relieved of a rifle. The bastard was back for revenge.

But 'Preacher' would tear through the ponies defending Reno first.

"Pick on somepony 'yer own size!" Applejack screamed from across the room, charging the interloper that had just taken out two of her friends.

She crossed the library in just a few powerful strides. On her last step she leapt up and aimed both hooves at the stud's face. One of her hands reached out, palm slapping down on the ground to propel herself forth even harder. However Preacher saw it coming.

Without even pausing for a breath, Preacher caught Applejack by one leg, the other hand grabbing a handful of her poncho. He twisted, transferring the pony's weight and pile-driving the mare straight into the nearest bookshelf. Shelves shattered and splintered, and Applejack collapsed unconscious under a pile of books.

Another angered cry rang out as Preacher strode closer to the middle of the room. Rainbow Dash had leapt up against the ceiling when the stud breached the door. Now she launched herself down on him, fists held out in front of her and wings spread. In just a split second she built up the momentum of a nose-diving cruise-missile, the gees literally peeling her cheeks back.

Impossibly however, Preacher just lashed out with one arm, the back of his open hand catching the 'pony-missile' in the cheek. Dash was launched across the library and rolled to a halt at Reno's feet. The human looked down at the unconscious Pegasus, then up to see Preacher looking directly at him.

"You." The stud growled in a low, menacing tone.

Reno quickly held up his hands to indicate he didn't want to fight. He was still sore and... to be entirely honest he wasn't a fighter. Up until now he'd been running away. Disarming Preacher on the train had been a fluke.

"Listen dude... eh... brony..." he squinted wondering if he should consider the equine a person or a pony. The difference was still vague to the human. "Can't we talk about this?"

"Stow your forked tongue!" he bellowed back.

A pink shadow flitted over Preacher's shoulder as he slowly stomped closer to the defenceless human with Fluttershy cowering somewhere behind him. The stud was in no hurry, taking his time and grinning broadly with his eyes fixed on the human. Reno watched him back... but for a second his eyes flitted to the corner behind the conscript.

Gathered there in the corner was his backpack, along with his rifle standing awkwardly against a bookshelf. The magazine lay beside it, and the weapon itself was resting with the barrel pressed against the groove between two floorboards, stock propped against a row of leather books of various tarnished colours. Reno clenched his fists at the sight of it. He couldn't take out Preacher in hand to hand again. Not while the conscript had him in his sights. There was no element of surprise Reno could use to his advantage. Fighting the stud would be like taking on a t-rex with a toothpick.

Out of nowhere Pinkie Pie was a pink blur, reeling up over the conscript's shoulder, teeth bared in some sort of ridiculous war-face. She bore down on Preacher... who simply snapped a fist up, knuckles slamming into Pinkie Pie's face. In turn the pink mare just crumpled among her friends.

Reno wasn't even waiting to see how Pinkie Pie's assault would inevitably fail. He anticipated and used the momentary distraction to make a run for it. Rolling his shoulders away from Preacher, the human dashed across the library towards the rifle. He'd have to grab it, load it, aim it and then fire it... and hopefully either hit Preacher and scare him off... or the alternative.

It was a doomed plan before it was initiated. Preacher saw Reno coming and threw himself into the human. The two, tangled, tumbled to the ground and landed in a clumsy heap. Hands grabbed this way and that, punches blurring through the air between them. A fist landed in the side of Preacher's face, but he merely shook it off as it brushed him. A hand grabbed a handful of Reno's sweater and his arm came down to beat it free without success. His other hand batted at the conscript's neck and face trying to find something to grab, anything to purchase, anything to gouge at.

"You are a demon!" Preacher exclaimed as he landed a punch in the floor beside Reno's face. "The power of the lord compels you to wither and remove yourself from this world!"

"Ah, quit preaching!" Reno managed to scream through fear and adrenaline.

All the time Spike was hopping from foot to foot beside them. "What do I do?" he yelled as the beating of his friends threw him into a panic. "What do I do?"

Preacher's hand was beaten off Reno's sweater, but sliced through the flurries of grabs and blows and closed around the human's throat, squeezing harshly. Reno choked and gagged, but managed to squeeze a single phrase out for Spike.

"Try hitting him with a chair."

Next thing Reno knew, as the world started closing and pain lanced through his throat and chest, wood smashed across the conscript's back. Bits of chair scattered the floor around them as the grip on Reno's throat loosened. The two foes wrestling for their lives just stopped and turned their heads to see Spike uncomfortably holding the remnants of a wooden chair's backrest

"The fuck is it with you and hitting people with chairs?" Reno exclaimed through his pants for fresh air.

The sentence died at the question-mark as one of Preacher's fists came down and buried into Reno's stomach. Rolling onto his side, the human gasped in pain and doubled over, feeling like his already hungry and growling guts had either completely collapsed, or popped.

Preacher was up and scrambling across the floor to Reno's pack. The conscript landed with a heavy thud and scraped up the rifle and clip. The magazine slotted home with a sharp slap and the action was cycled and cocked with a clack!

The conscript stud rolled onto his back, weapon shouldered and pointed upward as Reno scrambled to his feet and sprinted across the library. He closed the distance between them with his boots slamming against the floorboards loudly before he swung his right foot around. The toe of his shoe hit the mid-section of the rifle and sent it sliding from Preacher's fingers and across the now scuffed and dented floor. Reno followed through, bringing his knee up to his chest, then snapped down a kick, burying the sole of his foot in Preacher's face. The stud's head snapped back and bounced painfully against the ground.

Clutching his stomach with one hand, Reno quickly hobbled half-doubled over to where the black rifle lay and snatched it up. Sling dangling over one arm, he swung the weapon around and aimed at where Preacher had been a second ago.

Fighting pain and disorientation much like Reno was at that moment, the conscript was on his hooves and sprinting across the library, only not at the human. He was fleeing this time. Reno's swaying aim followed trying to draw a bead, but by the time he closed the sights on Preacher's mid-section the stud disappeared out the shattered door and into the night.

He must have been sitting there for five minutes without fail, down on one knee, trembling with adrenaline and fear keeping the rifle trained on the door hanging from one hinge. Fluttershy was balled up under a table, Spike shaking beside her. It had all happened so fast she didn't even get the chance to be angry over seeing her friends getting beaten up.

It was only when the knocked down ponies started groaning and stirring when Reno fully came to grips with what had happened. The world seemed to spin. Applejack slowly pushed herself up sending discarded books tumbling to the floor.

Reno collapsed gasping for breath that didn't come. He just fell on the rifle in his hands, cheek pressing against the cool body of the weapon. The smell of oil and a distinct odour of pennies made his sinuses swell and hurt. He didn't care. He just lay there waiting for his heart to stop beating a thousand miles per hour.

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While Applejack and Spike worked on re-seating the front door, Reno sat and watched, crunching on a juicy and sweet apple he'd been given. The human hadn't eaten anything in about twenty-four hours and was starting to feel the ill-effects. His gut still hurt where he'd taken a full on punch, but it was getting better as he scoffed down his cuisine of fruit. Much else edibles wasn't really available to him.

Ponies were vegetarians, he'd found out. Fruit and veg was the only thing on the menu... unless Reno could take it upon himself to choke down a mouthful of grass, but he wasn't that hungry quite yet. Fruit was good. Full of essential vitamins and natural sugars. He'd live.

Chewing away, he hardly noticed a sultry figure slide up beside him.

"Hello." She said with a broad smile.

The unicorn known as Rarity was as Fluttershy had said. With a white, tall luscious figure, well groomed mane and tail and big, beautiful azure eyes that went with her immaculate gown she could well be described as the most beautiful in the room. Her eyelids were delicately made up with similar azure that framed her eyes along with long, back-swept eyelashes.

In contrast, as if to make the situation comical, Reno snapped his gaze around to lock eyes with the mare while his cheeks bulged full of apple.

"Ullo..." he managed without spitting any of his mouthful all over her.

"I don't believe we were properly introduced." Rarity said with a tone reserved for extremely classy, sophisticated ponies. As she spoke, she held out a delicate hand expecting Reno to up and kiss it like any gentlemen would do in the presence of a lady like herself. "I am Rarity."

"Um..." Reno quickly swallowed his mouthfuls down. "Ree-noh." He annunciate bluntly.

Rarity was the kind of girl, Reno imagined, who was popular and powerful in the social world. The kind of girl Reno used to go to school with. The kind of girl that would never in her right mind direct any kind of attention in his direction. That thought alone threw him off a little.

Her hand still hung in front of him as she continued with what Reno now identified as a 'shit-eating' grin. The human wasn't exactly polite, and Rarity knew it. But her kindness showed as she just took it and moved on. "Reno. Rather a quaint name. Where are you from, Mister Reno?"

Figuring he might as well be polite, Reno wiped his hand over the thigh of his camo-trousers and put down the apple-core within hand's reach. Quickly he scooped up her delicate hand and planted a delicate kiss on her knuckles. "Excuse me for being so rude, Miss Rarity. Allow me to start over. My name is Reno. And I'm afraid I couldn't even begin to explain where I'm from."

The unicorn was suddenly overwhelmed with surprise that the human made a sudden three-sixty like that. As her hand slipped from his, she seemed to let out a nervous laugh. "Oh, there's no need to be so polite. Simply Rarity will do." She lost herself for a moment and shook it off. "Applejack tole me you've been through an ordeal, poor thing. I can understand how your patience may be worn thin."

"That's not an excuse to be rude. My sincere apologies." He was hitting all his courtesy buttons, and Reno was rapidly running out of buttons. His personal thesaurus only went so far. He quickly indicated the gash in her gown where she'd been thrown through the door by Preacher. "Are you alright? You're not hurt are you?"

Over the hammering noise Applejack was making putting the door back in its hinges, Reno could just about hear Spike whine and mumble under his breath in a pattern that mocked the human's. "Mu-neme-mu! Yu-nuu-mhuu-ee-yuu!?"

Reno shot him a look as if to say 'what's your problem?' and Spike quickly retreated back to Applejack's side to help.

Rarity however didn't notice as she gathered up the gash in her expensive looking attire. "Oh, it's nothing. Just a dress I suppose." She sighed. "You on the other hand took a lot more punishment. It is I who should be worried about you."

Reno grinned. "I'm learning to get used to it." Was he really, though? Just because he evaded the Shadow Legion so far didn't exactly make him the Master Chief, did it? All three times he'd only narrowly avoided death's cold grasp. The worst thing about luck was; it ran out eventually.

More figures gathered around them as the other ponies moved closer. Twilight Sparkle was holding a thick leather-bound book in her arms, half open looking at the cracked and stained pages. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash fluttered in her wake curiously while Pinkie Pie bounced about cheerfully completely forgetting they had all gotten their asses kicked no ten minutes ago.

"I was checking references for the throne of the moon you first mentioned." Twilight stated sitting down beside Reno. "You said the Shadow Legion commander was asking Trixie about it?"

Reno nodded as Rainbow Dash scoffed.

"Huh, I hope that little boaster got what she deserved." The blue Pegasus snapped.

Fists balled, Reno was about to pipe up, but quickly calmed himself and let it go? Nobody had deserved what Trixie had gone through, but he didn't want to have to explain it in a way Dash would understand, fearing to have to relive the moment in his head.

Rarity seemed to notice Reno's spurt of anger being suppressed and quickly leaned forward, touching his knee. "Are you alright dear?"

Spike leapt forward out of nowhere. "Rarity! Don't touch him; he might have some sort of alien contagion or something."

All the ponies in the room, even the only human, gave Spike a confused look that literally said what Reno vocalised. "Kid, what the fuck are you on?"

"Uh..." the baby dragon seemed to take the question too literally and looked down at his feet. "The floor?"

Twilight shook the interruption off and looked down at the book she had retrieved. "Anyway! The references point to this book on ancient Equestria history... err... Equestria is what this land is called." She added for Reno.

"Yeah, I figured that much on my own." He assured.

"Right." Twilight quickly moved on. "This book seems to be the only one in all Equestria literature to reference the throne. The Aeons of Equestria."

"I found it under the tee!" Pinkie Pie bounced excitedly.

Giving a toothy grin, Twilight's expression oozed apology for the constant interruptions she was suffering. "You get used to her doing that." She assured before holding out the book for Reno to see. "The Aeons of Equestria is a full guide on all the ancient evils that had inhabited Equestria at some time. Among them are various cults, monsters and legions. And also the throne of the moon, some sort of ancient artefact of incredible power... but the pages for that chapter have been torn out!" she finished, drawing a groan from Reno.

The whole time the human had been excited. Actually excited, like he was looking forward to Christmas presents the next morning. He was so close... only to have the only reason for continuing on snatched out from under him. "Dammit!" Reno cried out and leapt to his feet, rubbing his temples. "God-fucking-damn it! So what you're saying is I'm still no closer to figuring out why I'm here, or why those Shadow Legion guys are after me?" he added rounding on Twilight.

Sadly, the unicorn nodded.

"Oh, don' worry, sugah-cube." Applejack comforted, walking over from the repaired door and squeezing Reno's shoulder. "We're not givin' up."

"Yeah, we'll figure it out!" Dash encouraged pounding a fist into the palm of her hand. "And next time those Shadow Legion guys show up for a fight we'll be ready for 'em."

"What we're trying to say, Reno." Rarity said. "Is that we're not going to throw you to the wolves. You came here for help, whether it was voluntary or not. And help is what you are going to get." She added firmly.

"I'll need time to go through this book and study the contents properly." Twilight said, standing and snapping The Aeons of Equestria shut.

"An' we ain't gonna leave you alone." Applejack said. "We'll all stay here with ya'll tonight. Safety in numbers 'n all."

"Yay!" Fluttershy whispered as Pinkie Pie practically jumped on the shy pegasus' shoulders.

"Slumber party!" the hot-pink pony cried. "Oooh, I'd better go get some treats and stuff!"

"I'll go fetch my make-over kit!" Rarity added excitedly.

"I'll bring sleeping bags." Dash smiled as she led the way to the door.

"Wait..." Reno started, but he was interrupted by Fluttershy of all ponies.

"I have a few board games we could try." She whispered as she trotted after the others out the door to go get their things for a slumber party.

It was just Reno and Twilight standing side by side, Spike hovering in the background somewhere. The lavender unicorn was grinning broadly at the human, book clutched to her chest.

"What are we doing?" Reno asked weakly.

"Looks like we're having a slumber party." Twilight explained simply.

There were about a thousand things wrong with that. Reno couldn't even comprehend his situation. What was worse? Immanent torture and death, or a girly slumber party with ponies! He had to be dead. He was dead and this 'Equestria' was hell. There was only one phrase Reno could have possibly uttered in such a situation.

"Fuck my life."