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Invading Will

Chapter 20

By: D. C. Henry ("Ahndeleck")

Raogothcar turned over and opened his eyes. The sun hadn't climbed over the mountains enough to shine in the valley he had landed in, but the sky and clouds wore the light colors of a good morning. The ground was hard, and the roots of the trees he slept under were harder. Where he chose to rest last night felt even worse, but he still preferred his nest or some soft blankets to lie on. The sky might be having a good morning, but he didn't feel it was so good.

Today would be his third day of flying back home. The first day stretched over countless trees. The second day had been a challenge, flying over a much larger mountain range than the one he lived in back in Freeraven. This would be another hard day, flying over the Sea of Melodies.

He remembered from maps he'd seen, that just over the Dimkai Mountains and then due south were the Stoneroost. The humans called them the Lighthouses, even though there was nothing light about them. In the center of the sea, three narrow plateaus offered rest to traveling dragons. With Torland enslaving dragons the Stoneroost they stood lonely in the sea, but Raogothcar guessed it would make his journey home much easier.

It would be a long flight, and dangerous too. There would be no places to rest after he began. Raogothcar stood and stretched his wings, his right shoulder still felt sore.

Before he left, he chewed on some small ferns near a small stream. He wondered what his mother had called them again, but the names always escaped him. They didn't taste good, but they would keep his stomach full until he could get to Stoneroost. There would be better plants once he got there, he hoped.

Raogothcar leapt into the air and climbed until he was far above the ground below. He turned towards the south, it wasn't long when he left the lands of Torland. He was glad to be free of the place. Torland allowed to many wrong things, slavery, injustice, and hatred, none of it was right at all. If dragons ruled Torland, there wouldn't be any slavery. If he ran Feeraven, there wouldn't have been any assassins, mobs, or anything wrong.

He couldn't understand why they ruined so much of their own civilization. Everywhere there were humans they probably fought wars, tried to kill each other, and make life harder than it needed to be. There wasn't any reason to it, their life was wrong, they were wrong.

The warm water below him pushed warm air up into his wings. He relaxed from beating his wings and glided. The rush of the air, and the smell of salt water felt suddenly calming as he closed his eyes and let himself slide through the air. Finally, freedom from simple human worries brought a smile to his face.

Behind him, Torland receded as he moved further over the water. Then in the distance he could make out the speck of stone stretching into the sky. It would still be a very long day ahead of him, one of the longest flights he had done in a very long time.

The clouds boiled and frothed through the day. By the middle of the day they loomed over him, much higher than he could ever fly. Thunderstorms started that way, they would explode upward, and then after a time, would come crashing down. Raogothcar worried the storm might be a strong one. He could fly through wind, but no dragon could safely fly through a thunderstorm.

Reluctantly, he pushed forward, pumping his wings rhythmically. He had to reach Stoneroost before the storm did.

******

It would nearly be sunset now, Raogothcar guessed. The sun and fallen behind the clouds many hours earlier, and now the winds had begun to grow restless. The Stoneroost were only a short glide away. Each cliff face towered high into the sky, nothing grew on the rocks, an impenetrable fortress to all but the flying. The crown of each spire held small bushes, and small groves of grasses. Birds would be roosting now, but Raogothcar couldn't hear them over the roar of the waves beneath him.

As he circled one of the spires, trying to climb high enough to land on it, the clouds threatened to knock him from the sky. Their churning and rumbling shouted warnings down to him. Then Raogothcar's heart skipped as he felt the first drops of rain. He twitched his wings and tail as a gust of wind rushed over him from the side.

Desperate for a place to land, Raogothcar roared defiance back to the sky and raced forward. His shoulders and wings burned from exhaustion, but he needed to climb as he turned around the spire one last time. The lowest clear spot would be his last chance before the storm struck with full force.

Gusts rushed at him from every angle. Each one threatened to turn him over, or knock him into the cliff sides. As he turned towards the small clearing, he saw the rain release from the clouds. A blanket of water splashed over him as he stretched out his legs for the grass just before him.

He stood, claws clutching into firm clay and rock. He looked over his shoulder and roared in victory over the storm. The cool rain felt good running down his wings and over his shoulders. He turned and looked over the cliffs as he spread his wings open and let the rain cool him.

The sea leapt and danced through veils of driving rain. The wind then flew up the side of the mountain and swept over him. His spines bent to the side and his wings caught the force and threatened to twist him off the ledge. He furled them as he watched the storm from his balcony.

Fatigue from his journey struck him as he watched. Slowly he turned and walked towards the center of the stone spire. Ahead of him was a large stone, the bottom carved away by generations of dragons using the place to sleep. Around it, small bushes and grasses hid the rest of the spire from view.

Lightning flashed around him and then thunder tumbled from the sky. The rain no longer felt good, the wind had become too strong to enjoy. He crawled into the small nook in the rock and curled himself to fit. It felt warm still from being in the sun earlier in the day, and it felt good.

Another bolt of lightning shattered the sky, as he watched the grass bow in the wind's fury. Bushes and grasses hissed with the wind, and the rain fell with renewed fury. The water slowly dripped off of his sides and wings, forming small trickles down to the grass at the edge of the stone.

He was glad to have a smooth rock to lay on and a place out of the rain. Deanna and Thomas were probably trying to get back home somehow, and they were probably in the rain now. He wondered if Matthew had some trick to keep them out of the rain. Then he hoped Matthew couldn't do anything to help them. The humans could sit out in the rain and mud for all he cared.

They deserved to be miserable, they had made him miserable too many times. It was their turn now. He hissed and grinned as he saw Deanna sitting cross legged, pouting in the rain. He could see all three of them pouting in the rain. He hoped lightning stuck all three of them.

The air began to feel cooler, and he curled up tighter and pressed his back against the back of the rock. He would let the humans fight their war without him. It was obvious neither set of humans, north or south, wanted him there. Since everything everyone seemed to do was either a lie or for their own gain, it didn't seem wise to him to help them with anything.

Raogothcar shivered, it felt like cold winter frost was pouring over his back and around him. Now even the warmth of the rock didn't seem to help. Annoyed, he wrapped his wings over his sides and hoped he cold block the cold out. It didn't seem to help. It felt like the cold was pouring through him.

He yawned and tucked his head under his wing and closed his eyes. The flight had been a long hard one. Sleep came quickly to him, a cold icy sleep.

******

Raogothcar suddenly felt he was daydreaming. There had been images, his father and another dragon they had met once while they were hunting. Raogothcar opened his eyes, trying remember where he and his father had been that day, and what the other dragon had talked to them about. He couldn't remember.

He lay in the mouth of a cave, it was several times larger than he was. Raogothcar recognized the two large trees outside the cavern, the oaks ere large. He knew the one on the right had claw marks all over them, he had put them there twenty years ago. He turned quickly, it couldn't be possible that he was in his parents' den again.

Behind him he saw the familiar tunnel lading back into the rest of the caves. There were even one of her favorite cave plants growing at the back giving off a soft blue glow. Raogothcar smiled, it had been a long time since he had a lucid dream.

"I'm glad you're awake Raogothcar."

The voice was harsh and unfamiliar. It sounded half like a growl, and half strained, like a sick angry dragon. Raogothcar glanced over his shoulder. The dragon at the mouth of the cave stood larger than any other dragon he'd ever met, nearly half again his size. His midnight black skin and spines made him look like he was made from shadows as he stood in front of the light. His limbs were powerfully built, to Raogothcar this dragon could crush rock under his paw if he wanted. His spines seemed twice as long as any other dragon, and his whiskers were much longer as well. Then the dragon's red eyes peered down at him as he approached.

"I've been waiting for you for a while now. I'm glad we finally get the chance to meet each other."

"Who are you supposed to be? I've never seen anyone like you before in my life."

"You can call me Hatred if you'd like. You've met me before though."

"That's a terrible name. Hatred sounds wrong, like I made you up."

"Did you? You made me up? I find this very hard to believe."

"Hatred is a word, not a dragon name."

"I'm not a dragon at all Raogothcar. Think about it, for a few moments, there are no dragons my size, there are no black dragons, and we both know no dragons that look quite like I do. I'm something else entirely Raogothcar, but you've seen me before.

"We were introduced when you fought for your life and for your friends during the Freeraven banquet. You felt there, by the nose, what hatred can be like. You saw me in those men, in the man that threw Eleanor off the edge of the tower.

"You saw me again at the bridge. I tried to kill you with arrows and magic-"

"Are you going to try to kill me here?"

Raogothcar turned slowly and spread his wings slowly. He knew he had control over his dreams, nothing could go wrong here. Even the largest monster his mind ad ever created would be a slave to his will in his own dreams.

Hatred narrowed his bright red eyes. Raogothcar gritted his teeth, unsure what his imagination would throw at him. Then Hatred grinned and laughed. The sound screeched around the mouth of the cave, and Raogothcar felt his skin tense from sheer discomfort.

"No, I'm not here to kill you Raogothcar. You have to understand, it wasn't anything personal anywhere you've seen me. Not even in Fort Blister Raogothcar, not even there.

"You see, I'm everywhere, I'm in every thinking creature. I'm in everyone you know, and I'm in you as well. Hatred is everywhere, and for a good reason."

Raogothcar relaxed, for a figment of his imagination, whatever this thing was made some sense. He sat down and turned his head to one side to listen better. Maybe through this dragon he planed to tell himself something. His mother told him that could happen sometimes.

"Why are you talking to me? I don't understand why you're here."

"Simple, because you hate too. Hatred burns in your mind just as much as it burns in my eyes Raogothcar. You have amazing potential I believe, enough to bring the sort of justice this world has needed for ages.

"You've seen how terrible the humans are. We've been strong friends the last several days. Then there are all the dragons that could be doing something about the slavery in the north, setting things right, but aren't. There are problems in the world you couldn't even imagine right now.

"You could change that Raogothcar. There's a new way of doing things in the world Raogothcar, and I need you to help make this possible. The dragons have lost their way, lost their drive to influence the world. They retreat too much from the humans, from the world. You could lead them Raogothcar."

"I couldn't lead anyone. I don't even know how."

"That is something I can provide Raogothcar. I can give you mastery over skills that you don't even know you have. I can help you bring out the power you wish you had. I can help you to do unimaginable things to help realize the world that you wish this was."

"How can you do that? You're just a part of a dream I'm having."

"Am I? Let's try something shall we?"

Hatred stepped even closer and threw open his wings. The world fell to dust and scattered from the force of his wings, colors swirling around them. Raogothcar knew where Hatred took him. As the colors and pieces of the dream came back together, the court hall in Fort Blister appeared around them.

They both stood on the stone stage. Around them, people stood in a silent trance staring up a the two dragons. Raogothcar looked around him and bared his teeth in a growl. Hatred folded his wings and began to whisper.

"Yes it's this place. Here you felt me very strong. We were practically brothers then, just as we are now Raogothcar."

Hatred moved closer and reached out with a wing. His eyes became a shelter of understanding and reassurance. Raogothcar's shoulder went numbly cold when Hatred's wing rested on him, patting reassuringly.

"Raogothcar, now we will be brothers in the hunt. You will have a chance to unleash some of the power we both know you have. The power to turn this world into what you want it to be. We'll start, with him."

Hatred took his wing from Raogothcar's shoulder and walked toward the edge of the stage. The mayor stood at the opposite side of the stage, rhythmically striking his hand with his iron rod. His face contorted into the same rage filled hatred he had the hours that Raogothcar suffered under his pitiless mercy.

Raogothcar raised his head and roared. This man he would kill, this man he would tear limb from limb, this man he would sink his teeth into his very life. Raogothcar charged forward.

The mayor ran forward as well. As he brought the iron rod up above his head, Raogothcar turned his head and opened his maw. As the man's blow came down, Raogothcar thrust his head up to meet the man's arm. The taste of blood filled his mouth, and screams of pain filled his ears.

Muscles bulged and twisted in his neck and with a quick motion, Raogothcar had the man on his back laying before him. Raogothcar savored the taste of the blood, the look of fear in the animal before him. Without any aim, the mayor swung the rod wildly above him.

Disdain filled his mind as he slammed his forepaw on the man's chest. A quiet cry hobbled past the sound of crunching bones, the broken man then took in short gasps. Raogothcar looked down at the barely living form, his mind rushed with the thrill.

"Good," Hatred stood beside him, "now all you have to do is take his life. You took him down easily. I was impressed Raogothcar."

"It was easy. Very easy. They are so fragile, so frail. They taste good too."

"Try another bite."

Raogothcar finished what he began, and sunk his teeth in the man's neck. Once again fresh blood swam over his tongue. The mayor whispered a gurgle to Raogothcar as his last moments fled from his mind.

Raogothcar rose his head, savoring the kill. He had never killed a human before, and this one definitely deserved it as well. His heart raced, and he felt righteous. He might even say he enjoyed it.

"See? With me it was easy wasn't it Raogothcar? I can help you do this to all the wrong people. It can be so easy with me there to help you. In a battle you would never fall, you could leap from body to body destroying the lives of all these wrong doing animals."

"I could."

"Come with me Raogothcar, let me show you something else. There's more that we can do together.

Hatred walked toward the edge of the stage, and Raogothcar followed. Just as Hatred's paw left the edge of the stage, the world fell apart like sand. Raogothcar kept walking, following Hatred through the mists of color. Soon it began to flow back together.

Stonework built itself all around them, as blue mists formed large curtains over the sides of the room. Tables and bookshelves poured up from the stonework in the floor. Soon a cool summer breeze flowed in through the curtains completing the world around them.

Raogothcar stood in the tower in Ravenstone. Once again, his ears hummed with anger and his teeth ground with rage. These people here tossed him aside as easily as the mayor from Fort Blister beat him.

They stood facing one of the curtains, that slowly billowed itself open. The mid day sun shown down on the city below the balcony, stretching out to the foothills of the Maral Mountains. In the distance, he could hear the shouts of countless people. They were living their lives, oblivious to the dragon that now stood on the balcony. Hatred stood beside him, as they both gazed down on the city.

"At first Raogothcar, you enjoyed them. They were friends, but they turned on you. They forgot you almost as fast as they met you. I was there too. They had spread rumors about you, and they feared you. Soon they hated you. You were different than they were, in a week you lived in the tower, were best friends with the prince. To them it wasn't fair, it was too fast, too impossible. Then the rumors sparked them to cruelty, which you escaped. You can feel it though, it's still there."

Raogothcar knew he was right. If the people had attacked him once, they would surely do it again. It would be just like in Fort Blister. There would be names and jeering, there would be people there to beat him, and there would be people to watch and cheer. He hated them back, he didn't want to deal with them.

"Destroy them, Raogothcar. Use your magic to destroy them all. Draw a circle powerful enough to tear this city apart. I can help you make it."

"I want to, but I don't know how to do it."

"That doesn't matter. I can work through you. What you start, I can finish."

Raogothcar stepped back from the balcony railing and looked down at the stone floor. He felt the hot rush and pressure of his anger surge to his mind. He twisted that anger into his gaze and felt the circle he needed to draw. He had always traced circles, but this time he knew it would be right. He poured enough anger and power he could see the circle glowing on the stones before him. Within moments a fierce series of curves and angles shimmered in a bright blue before him.

He walked into the circle and placed a paw in the center. Raogothcar looked up and saw Hatred smiling at him. Raogothcar smiled back, a toothy predatory grin, and then released the tiny burst of magic into the circle spell he had drawn.

A wall of air pushed passed them. Then Raogothcar looked out into the city to watch his creation do its work. A brilliant pillar of light erupted from a marketplace in the center of the town. An avalanche of sound, like a waterfall too close filled the world. Then the light exploded, expanding in a flash over the town. Trees, stones, buildings and people flew into the air with tremendous force. In an instant the light flowed over Raogothcar and Hatred, and it tickled.

The light diminished slowly, and Raogothcar walked to the edge of the balcony. He knew the tower would be spared, he had made the spell that way. The town had its life torn out from its shell. Rubble, and skeletons of buildings smoldered all around him. Trees and bodies scattered through the streets burned. The sound of fire and falling rubble met his ears, but the best part was the lack of any human sound.

"I'm impressed Raogothcar, that was brilliant."

"It was beautiful."

"And I think you could do it again, don't you?"

"I think I could. I feel like I could."

Raogothcar didn't feel any drain from the spell at all. Even in his dreams, he remembered that using magic felt like it drained him. While it didn't really, even in his dreams magic seemed to follow the same rules. This time had been different, it felt like he hadn't even used any effort at all. He ripped his attention from the ruins and looked at Hatred's black face.

"How did that work?"

"I gave you that focus." Hatred continued to survey the city, "You gave the direction, I gave you the power. I can do this for you whenever you need it as long as you are with me. I have no limits to this sort of power."

"Does it always feel like this?"

"It does. Although the results aren't usually this spectacular, I really am impressed."

Raogothcar sat down and returned his gaze over the lifeless city. Ashes and small bits of buildings rained down around them. The solitude felt good, as did the destruction, but the magic felt too savage. The magic felt wrong, like it tore through him.

Magic usually felt like a hard flight, or a long wrestle with his father. It made him feel tired, but invigorated at the same time. This magic lacked the tired feeling, but he felt rattled, like something was missing, and it had taken something else from him. Magic was natural and normal, but this wasn't. He knew he was in a dream, but the magic felt far too real. So did the sudden chill that followed, and he shivered.

"Would you like to see one last thing we can do before we become one Raogothcar? Then we can begin our mission to set the world right."

"I think so. What did you want to show me?"

"That we can break through any barrier, any barrier at all. Nothing can stop us together."

Hatred started walking, and the balcony dissolved around them. As Raogothcar followed, the mists flowed up from the city around them and evaporated the entire scene. It felt like they walked for a much longer time then. The mist around them diminished and receded into darkness. Soon Raogothcar could no longer see Hatred ahead of him, but felt his presence ahead somewhere. The chill from Ravenstone remained too, a bitter bone cutting chill.

When the darkness closed completely around him, Raogothcar stopped. He could feel the faint brush of the mists as it flowed around him, building something around him. He waited, Hatred would have something to show him soon. He didn't think he would like whatever was coming, and he began to feel anxious.

"There have been so many that have lead you astray in your life Raogothcar."

He turned at the sudden cold voice, Hatred stood behind. Raogothcar twisted himself around in the darkness to face him. They looked at each other for a long time, Raogothcar thought he could feel things moving in the darkness.

"Your whole life you've been lied to, mislead, and pushed aside."

Hatred stood and began walking in a wide circle around him. As he walked Deanna stepped out from the shadows. He hadn't expected her to appear, and reared his head back in surprise.

"She doesn't care about you. Harsh, demanding, uncaring, she hates you for what you are. Now we have Prince Alan, he despises that you've saved him so many times, and he suspects that you might be aiding his attackers. Thomas, he gives the same kind, happy facade to everyone, especially to you. Look around you Raogothcar. They are all here. No one can escape hatred for you."

Each person Hatred mention stepped out of the shadows and into a dim foggy light. They stood then, motionless, expressionless, like words on a page, frozen in time. The light spread out around them slowly revealing more faces. Alicia, Richard, Matthew, King Roland, he was surrounded by frozen bodies.

In the back his parents appeared. His mother caught his attention first, her silvery scales shimmered in the light, and seemed the most living thing in the entire space. His father stood next to her, almost invisible with his deep red hide. Neither of them moved, they both stared blankly in his direction.

"Look at them all Raogothcar, they've all done things against you. They've all tried to ruin your life."

"How Hatred? My parents haven't done anything against me."

"That's where you're wrong Raogothcar. They didn't tell you enough about the humans. About how horrible they could be. They didn't warn you about what to expect. They've collaborated your failure since you were born."

"They couldn't have done that though, they-"

"They failed to tell you what you needed to know Raogothcar. What you don't tell a person can be just as hateful as what you do tell. They didn't tell you what you needed to know about the humans that are in your world. Because of that, your life has been misery."

He was right, his parents hadn't told him everything. They had failed to tell him everything, and they was no reason for them to hold anything back. He felt the anger burning in his eyes once again.

"Kill them all Raogothcar. Tear the memory of each single being in your life apart. You need none of them any more, all you need is me. They have all helped to ruin your life, together we can reclaim it. But before we can, you must kill them all, right now, and surrender yourself to my will."

Raogothcar tore his hot gaze from Hatred and looked at his parents again. They had been wrong. They had thrown him into the harsh world. He felt his infuriating anger flare at them.

He also missed them. He wished he could ask his mother why everything had gone so wrong. His father would tell him how he had lost a battle, but rallied his friends and took back everything that had been lost. They were wrong, but they would make things right.

His anger sputtered, he couldn't destroy his parents. He turned his gaze to Deanna then. She had visited him often while he healed in the church. She, Thomas, and Matthew had all rescued him from Fort Blister. She was harsh, but he couldn't harm her either. It didn't feel right.

"Don't hesitate." Hatred growled in his ear, "There is no power in hesitation. Tear them apart, burn them with your magic, just wish for them to all die Raogothcar."

"I can't, I won't."

Raogothcar turned to meet Hatred's harsh gaze. He suddenly felt even colder than he had, and suddenly very scared. Hatred's spines bristled all down his back, to his tail. The long spines and thick muscular body made him seem even larger than his already imposing body seemed.

"Do you know what you're saying? You can't deny anything that I've said Raogothcar. These people have all done wrong to you."

"They may have done wrong, but they don't hate me. These are my friends, no matter how pitiful they may be. Those are my parents, and I love them. I can't kill any of these people. None of them."

"So you would rather have them all hold you down and beat you to death? Let you fail and die in the world? You would let them commit their crimes? You've lost your mind."

"I haven't. You're nothing, you're only a thought in my mind. A wrong thought, and that's all you will ever be."

The blow stuck his entire head all at once. He couldn't see the huge claw fly through the darkness, but he felt it's impact. Nothing in any of his dreams had ever felt so real. Raogothcar staggered from the blow, and felt blood flow from his cheek.

Hatred's eyes burned down at him. His mouth was open and heaving, white wicked teeth gleaming in the darkness. Raogothcar backed up a step, then spread his wings and returned the stare. Fear lanced through his mind, his dream seemed far too real now, but he wouldn't listen to Hatred any longer.

"Leave Hatred. Leave."

"Leave" Hatred roared, "You have no control over me you worm. My will is my own! You will never command me to do anything."

The brutish dragon leapt forward. Raogothcar knew it was coming, and sprung to the side. Raogothcar didn't see Hatred's tail swing and slap him in the neck. It hurt, and he shook the pain off.

Hatred spun around, talons scratching on hard cold stone. Raogothcar twisted himself around and planted his feet for the next strike. With a serpent's speed, Hatred bounded forward and raked at Raogothcar with an open claw.

Raogothcar hopped backwards, feeling the burn each talon left on his neck. He hopped back a second time, trying to stay just out of the massive dragon's reach. The third blow Raogothcar expected never came, as Hatred lunged his head forward and snapped at him.

He ducked, then from his crouched position launched himself forward. He reached out with his claws and caught Hatred's chest twice with his claws. Deep red blood poured from the deep cuts. Hatred reared back with a roar. Raogothcar scrambled backwards, the roar flailing over him.

Hatred landed heavily on his legs and narrowed his eyes. Raogothcar waited, watching the beast before him and listening to the rhythmic splatter of dripping blood.

"You know you can't stop me Raogothcar."

"I don't have to stop you, just not listen to you anymore."

"You have no control over my will, no control at all at what I do to you or anyone else around you."

"I can control myself, and that's good enough for me. Now leave."

Emboldened by his blows against the other dragon, Raogothcar stood tall. He would be right, he was right, and he would show Hatred that he would do things his own way. He bared his teeth and growled defiance at his larger adversary.

The cavern lightened slightly and Hatred growled back at him. As the cavern continued to brighten, Hatred's shadowy form melted before the light. Within a moment, the echoes of Hatred's growl dispersed completely. Raogothcar stood in the large cavern, the shapes of everyone he knew standing around him.

He felt alone, and safer now that Hatred had disappeared. Raogothcar collapsed to the ground to allow his heart to settle down. Hatred had been far too real to be a dream, even now the dream felt far more real than any he'd ever experienced.

"You did very good, Raogothcar."

He knew the voice. He lifted his head to face where his mother stood. Now she stood close by, having silently slipped through the impossibly thick sea of human shapes around him. She stood over him, smiling. She alone looked alive amidst the other forms.

"That wasn't an easy situation for you."

"No, it wasn't. He was right too though, mother. So much of what he wanted me to do felt right."

"It usually does when you're faced with it. It's like that for everyone Raogothcar, not just you."

"Are you really there, or is this just more of Hatred's tricks?"

"Oh, I'm really here Raogothcar." She tilted her head to one side thoughtfully, "Or I'm as really here as you want me to be. This is your dream after all."

"Then why did Hatred seem so real? He was real."

"You're right, he was real Raogothcar."

"Why didn't you stop him then? Why didn't you say something while he was here?"

"Because I couldn't, because you couldn't let me."

"That doesn't make any sense mother. You stood there the whole time. Why didn't anyone here do anything to help me?"

"Well, maybe because you hated everyone? Maybe because you didn't think any of us would help you? Or it might be that maybe you didn't want us to help you."

Raogothcar laid his head on the stone floor and let his eyes wander the gloom of the cave. It might be possible that he didn't want any of them to help him, but that didn't seem right. Something else had happened, but now there would no answer to it. He felt certain he was dreaming now, but before it didn't feel like a dream.

"So what happened?" Raogothcar mumbled up to his mother.

"I don't think I could say very well. What do you think happened?"

"I must have been angry, I still am. Not as angry as I've been the last several days now, but still angry. I just stopped being angry, I threw it out."

"And?"

"And because I was angry, I killed someone. Then I killed a whole city. I wasn't angry enough to kill my friends though."

"That's very good, keep going."

"So maybe I'm mad at certain people, and groups of people, but I'm not angry at everyone. Not my friends. I can't be angry with them, but I have been. They let so many things that I can't stand happen." Raogothcar slammed a claw on the stone, the sound echoing through the cavern.

"They couldn't help it though Raogothcar. Your friends are not the groups of people that you're angry with."

"I'm not mad at them."

Raogothcar realized he'd been wrong. He had been wrong for so long, and he had treated them so poorly. His anger fell on them far too harshly. They had done their best to help him, and he should be thankful for that, not angry at them. It was so many other people he should be angry at, and now he had left them.

******

Raogothcar snapped open his eyes and stared around him. This was the real world, it was still dark and damp from the rain last night. The sun hid beneath the horizon somewhere to the east yet, but a promise of light lingered in the sky. Every image and word still burned in his mind, fresh as blood.

He turned over slowly and closed his eyes again. It was far too early to be awake again. Then he thought about his friends still in Torland, trying to find a way out. They would find a way out. Deanna could find her way out of anything, and with Thomas and Matthew's help, there wouldn't be any doubt of that. He wanted to see them though, he wanted to talk to Deanna.

He needed to apologize for the things that he said to her, especially for the things he had shouted to her. Then there was Thomas and Matthew, both of them needed an apology as well. He had to find them, and help them do what they needed to do. He would help his friends, not humans. There was a difference, and he could see some of that now.

The rock felt uncomfortable, so he turned back over again and stretched out his hind legs. He felt tired, but couldn't get himself to fall back asleep. His friends were on his mind too much. He turned again and laid on his stomach as the sun's rays began illuminating the world. The fresh smell of rain and sea salt felt good he decided, sleep would have been better, but the freshness would do.

He would have to find them again somehow. Now that he had gone on his own, it would be hard to find them. They couldn't stay in Torland, so they would have to try and get back south somehow. How they would do that, Raogothcar couldn't guess. He couldn't guess at how Torland would think, everything they did failed to have any logic that he could see. Deanna though made some sense, she would want to get back to Freeraven and tell Prince Alan about what had happened. They had all left from Long Dock and he was certain that would be where she would return at.

That would be where he would go next, Long Dock. He stretched his front legs, then his back, and finally his wings. It would be another long flight, but the worst of it all would be over. Now he would be in territory he remembered, if only vaguely from when he first came to Freeraven. Then he would wait in Longdock until he found Deanna, or she found him. After that he didn't know what would happen, but finding Deanna was all that mattered now.