This is Me...
I guess I should start with the song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmbHP6FUm9A When I'm Gone by three doors down.I'm not really sure if my story is even worth sharing but whatever hope people can learn from this experience.
_ _ This is me... a teenager with dark brown hair, light blue eyes that are almost grey, rendom hats with different designs on them, cargo shorts and any t-shirt with a meaningless logo, and a zip up hoodie. The inner me is something I try to hide, the inner me is an individual who tends to let his unstable mind run wild with deep subjects and things that make me question myself and other things, sometimes it can leave me depressed and sometimes it doesn't.
I guess this whole thing started in 6th grade but the biggest thing that happened to me happened in my freshman year of highschool. I've always been treated like shit instead of an actual person ever since 7th grade. Anyways back to that day when I was a freshman, It was a normal routine day, nothing special happened until after school when I was supposed to get my usual "beating" from Adam and his thugs.
"You can't run forever Hummel!!!" I was running away from Adam and his gang towards the South building hoping I could find some means of getting out of this situation, "Just stop and take your punishment like a man." ,"NO!!! I don't even know what I did!!" I was getting closer and closer to south building, thinking of any way I could get away from these guys, "You were you, that's why!", "That doesn't even make any sense!!!"
I was starting to believe that there was no way of getting out of this until I saw a stack of crates next to the greenhouse, "Oh thank god!" I used the crates to jump up onto the greenhouse, but in the process they were all knocked down. I ran across the the greenhouse and jumped over the large gap between it and the south building, "You can't run forever Gabe, we will catch you tomorrow."
I landed on south building and rolled, I didn't doubt they would try to beat me again, I guess it was just dumb luck that I got away today, "Worthless piece of shit, I can't believe they didn't drown him when he was a baby." Him and his thugs started laughing as they gave up and walked away to do whatever the hell it is they do when they get bored with me.
I sat on the edge of the building and looked up at the overcast sky, thinking over what they just said, "Maybe they should have... maybe it would be better if I was just dead... I mean, do I even matter to anyone, would anything change if I was gone? Maybe some lives would benefit from it or remain unchanged... and who would miss me, my friends? Hardly, even when I hangout with and other people I'm a third wheel and the only other reason they hangout with me is because I'm the best of a bad situation..."
I could hear thunder clapping in the distance as it started to drizzle, "My life has no purpose or meaning... I don't even know who I really am. Am I Gabe the kid who's fun to pick on for anyone, or the kid someone hangs out with when there is nothing better to do? Nothing would change and no one would miss me... so why keep living a life where I don't matter." I sighed and stood up on the edge of the building, "Maybe I should just end it now, better than living a day like this."
Thunder clapped again as it started to rain harder. I took a deep breath ready to jump, "Goodbye life, it was hell while it lasted." I was leaning forward ready to fall when something grabbed my shirt and yanked me back onto the building, "What the hell do you think you're doing throwing your life a way like that!?" I turned around to see a black wolf with red tribal markings on his face and the tip of his tail, he was wearing the same clothes I was, "Umm, avoiding living a life where I mean nothing."
He started growling at me, "Bullshit, you have no idea how many people would miss you and change if you were gone." I shoved him back, "I do to know! None, nobody would be affected by my death."
He calmed down a bit and started rubbing the back of his neck, "That's not true, and you shouldn't believe that. It's awful selfish of you to think no one would miss you if you died." I looked at him and he looked back at me, "Whatever, so who exactly are you and why are you here?"
He grinned and started laughing, "Who I am can wait, why I'm here is different, I'm here to help you out of this rut. So what makes you think that your life is so meaningless that you could just throw it away like that?" I looked at him as he pulled out a cigarette and lit it, "Weird... well why exactly should I keep living? I have a family that doesn't give a damn about me, friends who I don't mean anything to, bullies who pick on me for being me and I don't even know what that means, and I don't know who I really am... so what's the point of living if you don't matter to anyone, all I am is a waste of space."
He looked at me as he started smoking, "Do you really believe all that? True you have a family that's like that but they would be devastated if you died, they don't really express their love that well but you do mean something to them. As for those friends of yours... well the ones that treat you like that never really were your friends, but what about Nathan and Carson? They'd surely miss you, and what about the gang on sf? David and Dash would miss you, do you think they'd put up with you if they didn't like you, and would David worry about you as much as he does if he didn't care?"
He blew out some smoke and continued, "And what about Jake? He considers you family and looks at you as a younger brother and I know you look back at him the same way. Do you think anyone would do that if they weren't close? You're bro's in every way except blood and a name that's insignificant in that situation."
He blew out more smoke, "As for those bullies, they hate you because you're different from their standards, you break their ranks so to speak. Another reason you drive them crazy is because you defy them by running and getting away from them, most people just take it or try to run but fail in the end. As to finding out who you are... isn't that all the more reason to stay alive, so you can find out."
"You're creative and smart in your own way dude, you ask questions that normal people would never think of asking or bother to question it, and smart people who struggle with them. You wonder if you matter, you debate on whether you make a difference or not and you want to know who the real you is and what makes you, you. You're one of the select few who think about it as deeply as you do at this age, it's not weird it just means you're maturing faster and earlier than a lot of people so go ahead and question who you are, just don't kill yourself over it."
He laughed and I looked at him feeling totally foolish for trying to kill myself, "I never looked at it that way... I guess you're right, I shouldn't give up so easily and I have a few questions for you."
His ears perked up when I finished, "Oh? What's on your mind?", "Who are you and who do you think I am?" he grinned, "I'm you... well a part of you anyways, or maybe I'm just a hallucination created by that psychotic mind of yours. As for who you are, you're simply Gabe interperet that any way you want but I can't say anything else, you have to find that out for yourself." He laughed as he dropped the small portion that was left of his cigarette and stomped it out.
"Oh, I guess that makes sense in a weird way... but I only have one more thing to ask... If you're supposed to be me then why are you a wolf?" He looked at me funny, "Well I guess that's a reasonable question... I guess you could say that I'm the animal inside you or the reckless side of you." He laughed and I nodded, "Anyways, I'll see you again when you're in trouble... or when you hallucinate again." He winked at me and just like that, the wolf was gone.
"No, wait!!!" I sighed and stared at the empty space where he was, "I guess I'll see you around Gabe." I turned around and walked back towards the greenhouse so I could get off this building...
I don't know what it was but a few days after our conversation, I started to feel better about myself and I had a feeling I was closer to finding out who the real me is... all I can say now is... I'm simply Gabe.
this is me