A Hunting We Will Go!, Chapter 1
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** "A Hunting We Will Go"**
** or**
** "The Not So Successful Adventures of a Knight and his Page"**
and
** Introducing Bodkins the Wonder Horse**
** oh, and almost forgot, 'Chapter 1'**
** "I don't like the looks of this Milord" Jenkins said as they rode into the large rundown village; it wasn't quite large enough to be called a town, or maybe just barely if you were feeling generous. **
** "You never like the looks of anything." The handsome young knight replied to his less then handsome Squire. But truth be told, the expressions on the villagers faces DID look somewhat less then welcoming.**
** He gave a soft pull on Brunhilda's reins to slow the horse down, and Jenkins mule gave an irritated bray as the Squire did the same. The villagers stares weren't quite glares, but weren't far from it; most closely resembling the kind usually reserved for when you've found something nasty on the bottom of your boot, after you've entered the house and traipsed it all about.**
"Excuse me, my good man", Sir DeLancy asked a slightly less hostile looking peasant, "could you direct me to the local Lord's castle or manor?"
** "No, I can't, so piss off." The villager replied, and then spit on the ground.**
** "Well, that went well." Jenkins sniggered.**
** "Doesn't hurt to be polite", Sir DeLancy said, "but if that doesn't work..." And in one smooth motion he drew his sword and tickled the peasant's throat with the tip.**
** "Now that I've got your attention", Sir DeLancy said, "I'll repeat my question. Could you direct me to the local Lord's castle or manor?"**
** "Y-Yes Milord", the man said, suddenly smiling and sweating as he stared cross-eyed at the blade that had suddenly appeared out of nowhere, "uh, I mean, no, Milord! I-I mean..."**
** "Look", Sir DeLancy said, "do I have go to the next step, which includes removing certain body parts, to get a polite answer to my polite question?"**
** "He'll do it, too." Jenkins said, nodding knowingly with a grim expression.**
** "P-Please Milord!" The peasant gabbled, "I meant no disrespect, I didn't! It's just that, well, Count Jeffries is dead these past five years, and the manor burnt to the ground! I can show you the ruins, if you like. They're quite nice, I mean, for ruins and all."**
** "Good Heavens", Sir DeLancy said, lowering his sword, "That's terrible, pray tell, what happened to good Sir Jeffries?"**
** The peasant gave a gasp and fingered his not quite nicked throat, and decided he'd better keep talking. "Oh, I wouldn't say he was that good; Sir Jeffries I mean, but then again, he weren't that bad neither."**
** "And...?" Sir DeLancy said, raising his sword suggestively.**
** "And he was killed by a Dragon"; the peasant quickly said, eyes glued on the tip of the nasty sharp sword as it circled his nose, "Him and all his Men-at-Arms, then the brute burned down the manor house. Since then the Beast has been terrorizing the countryside, and we all live in fear of our lives, Milord!" Then he took a deep breath, face red.**
** "How horrible! Sir DeLancy said, "Have not other Knights or champions been sent by the King to rid you of this pestilential creatures depredations?"**
** The peasant blinked, and muttered "Pesitinal creatures whatsits?"**
** "Been sent to kill the bloody thing!" Sir DeLancy snapped, he was losing patience with this conversation.**
** "Ohhh", the peasant replied, "That's a good one 'pestinial depradatings', have to remember that, I will." Then also remembering the sword, he added, "Yes, Milord, but all have been defeated, devoured by the brute. After about the twentieth time the King told us we was on our own, and except for the occasional adventurer none have dared challenge the creature, and those that have, well, you know." And he made a rather good impression of great chomping jaws with his hands.**
** "That's shameful!" Sir DeLancy said, "A King is supposed to defend his people from monsters and the like. Now tell me, is there a decent Inn in the village, my Squire and I would take lodgings for the night."**
** "Well, I don't know about decent", the peasant said, "but the 'Cock and Bull' is the only Inn in the village. It's straight down the street, on the other side of the commons green. You can't miss it."**
** "Thank you my good fellow", Sir DeLancy said, "Now it wasn't so hard to be polite now, was it?" And flipped the man a large copper.**
** This time the peasant's smile was genuine as he snatched the coin out of the air and replied, "Thank ye, Milord!"**
** "Are you thinking, what I'm thinking?" Sir DeLancy said to Jenkins as they continued down the road.**
** "I doubt it', his Page replied, 'but I do know what YOU'RE thinking."**
** "And that is...?" Sir DeLancy said with a smile.**
** "That this is a 'golden opportunity', and it would be the perfect chance for us to make our fortunes and gain a reputation as monster slayers." Jenkins replied in a fairly reasonable approximation of his Masters voice.**
** "Close enough." Sir DeLancy chuckled, "What were you thinking?"**
** "That we'd better bugger off before the Dragon finds out we're here and gets cross." Jenkins replied morosely.**
** "Ah, Jenkins my friend", the Knight sighed, "You have no sense of adventure, no thrill for the hunt!"**
** Jenkins replied, "I'd rather stay at home and leave all the running about to others, anyway. You'll live longer that way, as my old Pap used to say."**
** "Your father died when he was twenty-one, if I remember correctly." Sir DeLancy said.**
** "That IS old where I come from." Jenkins replied, "Now, why don't we just get a good night's sleep, then be on our way and leave the poor beasty alone. Surely we can find something less...Dragony to kill, such as a Werewolf or fearsome giant chicken, or better yet, a Werechicken. You know, start out small and work our way up to the bigtime; shouldn't take any longer than a year or two, then we can come back. I'm sure the Dragon won't mind waiting to be slain."**
** "Well, thankfully that's not up to you", Sir DeLancy said, "now let us find this Inn and have a decent meal and good night's rest, and in the morning we'll set out to find this so-called Dragon. It's probably just a large lizard or snake anyway."**
** "That wiped out the local Lord and his army", Jenkins muttered under his breath, "bugger!"**
** "Did you say something?" Sir DeLancy asked.**
** "I said "Oh Joy, sounds like fun, I can hardly wait." Jenkins replied with a straight face, causing his Master to laugh again, and he had to admit his Master had a most pleasant laugh.**
** Jenkins eyed his young Master as they rode along, and had to admit it would have been harder to find a better Knight to be a Squire to. The large young man was stout and well built, and while not handsome in the classical sense was still a good looking fellow. Jenkins gave a sigh, whereas his boss was stout and handsome, he was a beanpole and horribly plain. Still, they got on well enough, the young Knight treating him more as a friend then a servant, though he did not take advantage of that to shirk on his duties. Yes, he thought as he gave his mule a kick to catch up with Sir DeLancy, he could do much worse.**
__________
** Sir DeLancy eyed the establishment called the 'Cock and Bull' with something less then enthusiasm. Being the only Inn in the village; and having the market cornered as it were, the Innkeeper seemed to have been rather frugal when it came to upkeep. If not for the fairly fresh sign over the door, and the fact that customers were coming and going and smoke trickled from the chimney, he would have assumed it was abandoned. It had that slumped over decrepit 'about to fall down' look to it. But still, he'd stayed in worse places, though it was a close runner up. As they pulled up in front of the Inn, he said,**
** "Jenkins, see to the animals while I inquire about lodgings." And with a quick bob of his head; touching one hand to his forelock, Jenkins did exactly that.**
** As Sir DeLancy suspected the mutter of voices in the main taproom of the Inn tapered off to silence soon after he entered the door. He couldn't really blame the local yokels, the sudden appearance of a well armed and armored man in their midst was bound to attract attention, especially since he was a stranger. But when he didn't pull out his sword and start laying waste they soon pretended to ignore him and returned to their own business, but he could still feel their eyes on him.**
__________
** Meanwhile young Jenkins had located the so-called stable, but was having a harder time locating the stable master, or whoever ran the place. There was only one other occupant in the stable; a large chestnut stallion, so he put Sir DeLancy's mare and his own mule in stalls, and gave one last bellow, "Stable boy?!" **
** "Don't bother", a deep melodious voice said, "he's in the taproom getting drunk as usual. Nice ass, by the way."**
** Jenkins spun around, startled, as he tried to find the source of the voice, but he was alone! "W-Who said that, who's there?" He yelped, "And I'm NOT Gay!" **
** "I didn't mean YOUR ass", the voice snickered, "I meant the mules; she's got a great butt. The mare's not bad too, if a bit on the lean side."**
** "Okay", Jenkins said, "this isn't funny, and that's sick, you pervert!"**
** "If I were human I'd probably agree", the voice came again, "but since I'm not, I won't apologize."**
** Jenkins was getting pissed by now, someone was obviously having fun at his expense, and he wasn't going to put up with it any longer. "Look", he said, "you come out right now, or I'll give you a good thrashing!"**
** "Sorry, can't", the voice said, "the stall's door is locked from the outside and I can't reach the bar. They wised up after I let myself out a few times."**
** "Where ARE you?!" Jenkins said in frustration, looking behind a stack of hay bales.**
** "In the stall next to the mule." The voice replied.**
** "The only thing in that stall is a horse", Jenkins said, "I know, I looked! Twice!"**
** "Exactly", the voice said, "I'm the horse. Name's Bodkins, pleased to meet you."**
__________
** Sir DeLancy walked up to the bar and addressed the rather large fellow standing behind it, and asked, "Are you the Innkeep, my good fellow?"**
** "Uh-huh, waddayawant?" The man replied, and Sir DeLancy flinched from his breath. **
** "Well, I'd like two tankards of decent Ale or Stout, lodgings for two, and have two animals to put up in your stable. Oh, and also a good meal if you have anything available."**
** "Yuh", the man said, "Idsallbesomwhut, OK, furalltensiverstupence."**
** "Um, come again?" Sir DeLancy replied, leaning a little closer.**
** "Uhsad, the man said, "Idsallbesomwhut, OK, furalltensiverstupence! Yudef?"**
** "Ah"; Sir DeLancy responded, "you're a foreigner. Parley vous François, Sprechen sie Deutche, Parli Italiano, Un gok bagrok, ????????????? ???????? Habla Espanol? You big fella, him speake pidgin, savvy? Capiche?"**
** The man blinked, and said, "Huh? Waddayumakinfunsyme?"**
** "Oh dear", Sir DeLancy said, "you seem to speak some local dialect with which I'm not familiar. Do you know sign language by chance?" When the man flipped him the rigid digit, he added, "Well, at least you know some, that's a start. Is there anyone else here I can talk too who knows the King's English, by chance?"**
** "Er!" The man replied, "Idsnodmahfaltutakfunne!"**
** Sir DeLancy was about to give up and leave, when a fairly short; but very pretty, young woman exited what appeared to be the kitchen area, and said,**
** "He IS talking English, you great lump, he just has a speech impediment. He said its ten silver, tupence, for everything you asked for, including the stable fees. And dinner is mutton stew and fresh bread, well, freshish."**
** "Ah", Sir DeLancy said, "that would certainly explain a lot, poor chap. Now, as to the price, that's a bit high, don't you think?"**
** "Take it or leave it", the woman said, "we're the only place in the village. If you want to stay in the stable with the other smelly animals we can knock off two silver."**
** "Er, that's not necessary", Sir DeLancy said, "and, Lady, you are...?"**
** "I am none of your business, and I'm NOT available." The woman snapped, and then disappeared back through the door, and he caught a brief glimpse of a rather nice backside.**
** "Good heavens, how rude!" Sir DeLancy said.**
** "Yuh", the Innkeep said, "Anshegrat?"**
** "Uh, yes, quite." Sir DeLancy said, then took a sip from his tankard, and raised his brows, not bad, not bad at all. And he didn't mean just the Ale.**
__________
** Still not quite convinced someone wasn't yanking his chain, Jenkins said, "Oh, ha-ha, talking horse my ass!"**
** "It is your ass, isn't it?" The voice responded, "I mean, you rode in on it."**
** "What, uh, yes, it is my ass", Jenkins said, "I mean my mule; Suzie doesn't like being called an ass."**
** "Well, I guess I can understand that", the voice said, "I wouldn't like being called an ass either, even if I was one."**
** Jenkins, who had been sneaking up to the stall, stuck his head over the top of the top board on one side; and said, "AH-HA!" Then blinked in surprise, there was no one there! The large horse gave a soft nicker that sounded suspiciously like laughter, and turning its head, said,**
** "As long as you're back there, would you mind scratching my left rump, I've got an itch I can't reach; it's been driving me crazy. And would you do me another favor? See that feedbag over there? It's got some lovely apples in it, would you fetch me one? There's a good lad."**
** "Y-You can TALK!?!" Jenkins stammered in shock.**
** "Yes, and you can too." The horse replied, "Amazing, isn't it? Though I must admit your pronunciation leaves a lot to be desired. You must be from the South, I'd guess, New Warwick, or maybe Crofton?"**
** "Fenwick actually", Jenkins squeaked, " b-but, horses can't talk!"**
** The horse gave a snort of exasperation and lowered his head, and said, "It never ceases to amaze me how some people don't believe something that's right in front of their noses! Do you have ANY idea how annoying that is?? I'm a horse, I can talk, accept it! I certainly do."**
** "Dear God in Heaven!" Jenkins gasped.**
** "Look," the horse said, "all manner of other beasts talk. Satyr's, Minotaur's, Orc's, Dragon's, humans, and many others. Why is it so hard to believe a horse can?"**
** "Well, it's just not...not normal!" Jenkins said.**
** "Well, I must admit that is a truth, I'll give you that", the horse said, "but then again I'm not a normal horse, I'm enchanted."**
** "E-Enchanted?" Jenkins stammered.**
** "Well, I guess cursed would be more appropriate", the horse said in a sad sounding voice, "You see, I used to be human, a long time ago."**
** "Zounds, how horrible!" Jenkins responded, "You poor thing!"**
** "Oh, it's not so bad", the horse said, "you get used to it. Been so long I can't even really remember what it was like to have hands and stand upright anymore. Now, um, if you don't mind, that apple?"**
** "Oh, yes, of course!" Jenkins replied, and fetched a big ripe apple from the feedbag, and held it for the horse as it munched it happily, slobbering all over Jenkins hand, which he was sure the horse was doing on purpose.**
** Sir DeLancy is NOT going to believe this, Jenkins thought. He still wasn't sure HE did!**
*_________ *
** "Well", Sir DeLancy asked, "what took you so long? The Ale is getting warm, and the stew is getting cold." He said as Jenkins joined him at a table.**
** "You wouldn't believe me if I told you." Jenkins muttered.**
** "Come now, Jenkins old fellow, you know me better than that", Sir DeLancy responded. "I'll believe almost anything."**
** So Jenkins told him about the talking horse, and as he expected, his boss stared for a few seconds, sniggered, and then broke into laughter.**
** "Told you." Jenkins sniffed in an aggrieved tone.**
** "I'm sorry my friend", Sir DeLancy guffawed, "but really, I mean, a talking horse!"**
** "Bet you a silver piece." Jenkins said.**
** That shut Sir DeLancy up, he knew his companion seldom made a bet he wasn't sure of winning.**
** "You're serious, aren't you?" Sir DeLancy said.**
** "That's what I said in the first place" Jenkins said, "there's a bloody great talking horse in the stable! He's quite a nice fellow actually, very polite and all. But he's not really a horse."**
** "But you just said..." Sir DeLancy broke in.**
** "Let me finish!" Jenkins snapped irritably, "he's enchanted, some witch or something cursed him. Really a sad tale."**
** About that time the girl Sir DeLancy had talked to earlier plonked fresh tankards of ale down on the table; a fair amount of the ale actually ending up ON the table, and said, "He's telling the truth, you know. The horse can talk. Problem is; we can't shut him up. He'll drive you crazy if you let him."**
** "Good Lord!" Sir DeLancy said, "A talking horse! What next, a singing pig?"**
** "Had one of them too", the girl said, "but the Dragon et'it. Could only sing Italian opera though, so no one was very upset." Then when she saw the looks on the two men's faces she giggled, and said, "I was kidding! I mean, a singing pig?? Sorry, I just couldn't help it! You should have seen the look on your faces! Oh, la, it was priceless!" Then she gave a peal of laughter.**
** "Jenkins, shut your mouth." Sir DeLancy said as his Squire just gaped at the women, then he started laughing too. It took Jenkins a little longer, but soon his high nasally snorts of amusement joined the merriment.**
** "Good one!" Sir DeLancy said, "You got us! Now, I don't believe I've introduced myself. I hight Sir Brian DeLancy, Knight errant, and this fine fellow is my Squire, Jenkins. Whom do I have the honor of addressing?"**
** The girl gave a final giggle, then said, "I'm sorry I was so rude earlier, usually someone toting around a sword turns out to be trouble, but you seem harmless enough." Then she gave a perfect curtsey, and said, "My name is Teresa, if it pleases Milord."**
** "What a lovely name." Sir DeLancy said, earning a beaming smile. But then she gave a frown at this next question. "So, tell me Teresa, what is this I hear of a Dragon hereabouts?"**
** "Oh, it's a horrible beast." the girl said, "It's been terrorizing these parts for years. No one's been able to defeat it, and all who tried have disappeared, never to be seen or heard from again. Devoured, I reckon. Or worse."**
** "W-Worse?" Jenkins said.**
** "They say it's a magic Dragon, and can turn people into toads!" Teresa replied ominously.**
** "Don't tease him, he scares easily." Sir DeLancy said.**
** "Who's teasing?" Teresa said, perfectly seriously, and Jenkins gulped.**
** "Hmm", Sir DeLancy mused, "tell me, do you know anyone who has actually seen the beast?"**
** "No", Teresa replied, "any that have didn't live to tell the tale! But I've heard it roaring in the distance north, its fire lighting up the night sky! On those nights we all cower in our beds, praying we'll live to see the morning."**
** "Hmm, uh-hmm", Sir DeLancy hmm'd, "Do you know where the Dragon has its lair? Most likely in a cave, or ruined castle...?"**
** "Yes", Teresa surprised him by saying, "it's in the mountains north of town about twenty miles, give or take a mile or two. I've never actually seen its lair, mind, but I know where the entrance of the valley is that leads to it."**
** "Excellent!" Sir DeLancy said, "Can you take us there?"**
** "Nope." Teresa replied, and then swept off to wait on another customer yelling for more ale. **
** "Well, that went well." Jenkins said.**
** "Shut up." Sir DeLancy said, and took another swig of ale.**
__________
** Later; as they got ready for bed, Sir DeLancy said, "We really need to find someone to lead us to the general vicinity of the creature's lair. I do not know this area, and we could search for weeks on our own, and maybe never find it."**
** "That would suite me just fine." Jenkins replied.**
** Sir DeLancy snorted, and said, "Everyone we've asked just either looked at us like we were simpletons, or told us to shove it. I mean, you'd think we'd asked them for permission to roger their mothers, for God's sake!"**
** "Maybe they don't know the way." Jenkins speculated.**
** "No, it's not that", Sir DeLancy said, "It's something else, but I just can't put my finger on it. I mean, they should be cheering us on our way!"**
** "More like jeering." Jenkins replied, "Maybe they're just scared shitless. I mean, it IS a Dragon after all, and from the sound of things a rather anti-social one. Getting your head bitten off is quite a deterrent to paying it a visit."**
** "Possibly, possibly." Sir DeLancy muttered, still not entirely convinced. "Well, we'll give it another try in the morning. Perhaps an offer of payment; or a percentage of the treasure, will spark someone's courage."**
** "Or you might try the sword trick again, or a boot up the backside." Jenkins said, "Works wonders with peasants. Greed is good too, though."**
** "Well", Sir DeLancy replied, "I hate to have to do that, but we'll save it as a last resort. Rather keep on the local's good sides, as it were."**
** "Oh, yeah, right", Jenkins said, "they really love you, don't they?"**
** "Well, I do admit that last 'Sod off, you git!' from the little old lady was rather rude." Sir DeLancy chuckled.**
** "You know", Jenkins said, "I've been thinking Milord."**
** "Uh-oh", Sir DeLancy said, "you know what happens every time you do that."**
** Not to be put out, Jenkins continued, "It's about that horse, the talking one I mean. We need a new mount since old Radish came up lame and we had to sell her, and I was thinking having a talking horse might be useful."**
** "Hmm", Sir DeLancy said, "you know, that idea does have some merit. I take it back; you do have a good idea on occasion. In the morning we'll find the owner and see if they might be...inclined to sell him. He's a good strong stallion, and would make a much better mount for me then Brunhilda. She can go back to being your mount, and Suzie can be a pack mule again like she's supposed to be. It's not seemingly for a Squire to ride a mule anyway.**
** Jenkins suddenly had another thought, "Maybe the horse knows the way to the Dragons lair!"**
** "Good Heavens!" Sir DeLancy said, "Two good ideas in one night, it's a miracle, will wonders never cease?"**
** "Oh, har-de-har-har!" Jenkins snorted as he got into bed.**
** "Blow out the candle, would you", Sir DeLancy said, then added "Good night Jenkins."**
** "Good night, Milord." Jenkins said as he snuffed out the candle.**
** A short time later Sir DeLancy said, "Jenkins! Light the candle, will you." **
** Jenkins did so, and then they both hopped out of their beds and started brushing themselves frantically. Then once they'd calmed down they slipped out of their sleeping shifts and examined one another carefully.**
** "Do you think we got them all?" Jenkins asked after awhile.**
** "Bedbugs! I HATE the bloody things!" Was Sir DeLancy's only response as he gave a shudder of disgust.**
** "Well, I don't know about you", Jenkins said, "but I'm going to give the stable a try, at least it's a nice night."**
** "And yet another good idea!" Sir DeLancy said, "Jenkins, you're on a roll!"**
__________
** Teresa looked up as the two men entered the Inn with their bedrolls over their shoulders and straw clinging to their clothes. "Hello", she said, "thought you'd left when you weren't in your room this morning."**
** "It was already occupied" Sir DeLancy said, "I don't suppose I can get two silvers back, since we did end up sleeping in the stable after all?"**
** "Sorry, no refunds. Not our fault you like to sleep with animals." Teresa said, "Now, do you want some breakfast?"**
** Sir DeLancy gave himself a scratch as he sat down, and seeing Jenkins doing the same, said, "Looks like we missed a few, or maybe picked up some fleas from those dogs we woke up with. Need to get our clothes fumigated I guess."**
** Jenkins; who had woken up to find his pillow had been replaced by a friendly old Collie, nodded in agreement. He wasn't sure what was worse, bedbugs or fleas.**
** "Oh, Teresa", Sir DeLancy called, "is there anywhere where we can get ourselves deloused?"**
** "What, you've got bugs!?" Teresa yelped, and backed up.**
** "We're not sure", Jenkins said, "but those beds in our room had more wildlife in them then a zoo."**
** "Oh, bother!" Teresa said, "It must have been those merchants who passed through last week! I thought they looked a bit ripe. I'm sorry; I'll have all of the bedclothes and mattresses taken care of. We have a local helaer who can cast a first rate anti-vermin spell, works on people and animals too. Normally we don't have that kind of problem, but what with travelers and all you never know. Old Morg will be furious."**
** "Old what?" Jenkins asked.**
** "Morg, he's the fellow who owns this establishment", Sir DeLancy said, "I told you about him."**
** "Oh, right", Jenkins said, "the one who talks funny."**
** "He does NOT talk funny!" Teresa fumed, "He has a speech impediment! It's not NICE to make fun of people with a handicap!"**
** "Oh, sorry", Jenkins said, "but I wasn't laughing, was I?"**
** "Well, all right," Teresa replied, "but a word to the wise, don't let HIM hear you making any comments like that. He's a bit touchy about the subject."**
** "Riiight, thanks for the tip." Jenkins said. **
** "Um, Teresa", Sir DeLancy said, "about that horse in the stable, the chestnut stallion, the one with the, er, unusual ability. Do you know who owns him, and if he might be for sale?"**
** "Well; technically, I guess I own him", Teresa replied, "but I don't know if he wants to be sold. He likes it here. I'd have to ask him."**
** "What do you mean you need to ask him", Jenkins said, "he's a horse!"**
** "And he's probably smarter then you are." Teresa said, "Besides, you know he's enchanted, right?"**
** "Yes, he told us that", Sir DeLancy said, "but not the details. What happened to the poor fellow?"**
** "Oh, the usual thing, I guess", Teresa said, "he pissed off some witch and she cast a spell on him and turned him into an animal."**
** "Well, can't she be persuaded to remove the curse?" Jenkins said.**
** "Well", Teresa said, "not anymore; you see, they burned her at the stake, but forgot to ask her to lift all the various curses and other nasty spells she'd cast first. Crowd kind of got carried away I'm afraid. There's a chicken, a duck, and a rather large squirrel that also used to be people running around somewhere as well. So I guess he's out of luck."**
** "How unfortunate" Sir DeLancy said, "is there nothing that can be done?"**
** "Not to my knowledge", Teresa said, "but then again I'm not a witch or magic user, so don't much about that profession. I suppose another one might be able to help him, but since any who show up around here get burned at the stake right away we may never know. Besides, I think he likes being a horse, gets to sleep in a stall most of the time and eat apples."**
** "Well, I'd pay a good price for him", Sir DeLancy said, "I need a good charger to replace poor old Radish. And I can see where his being able to talk might come in handy."**
** "Weelll, I don't know", Teresa mulled, "I am somewhat fond of the beast."**
** "Well, I could offer forty gold sovereigns, unshaved and full weight." Sir DeLancy said, hefting a fairly good sized leather purse.**
** "Sold! He's yours!" Teresa said, snatching the bag of gold coins from Sir DeLancy's hands so quick it was little more than a flash. Where she stuck them no one could be sure, they disappeared so quickly. "Wait here, I'll get a bill of sale." **
** "Well, that went well." Jenkins said.**
** "Yes it did." Sir DeLancy said, watching as Teresa went back to the kitchen, admiring the view as it were. Truth be told, he'd been willing to offer a lot more.**
** They spent several fruitless hours trying to find someone brave enough to lead them to the Dragon's lair, but despite buying drinks for more than a few of the locals; as well as offering various rewards, they had no results whatsoever; other than an old man throwing up in Jenkins lap, much to everyone's amusement but Jenkins. Finally, frustrated, Sir DeLancy said,**
** "Well, sod this; it's a waste of time. What a bunch of cowardly curs, it's not like I'm asking them to help me fight the beastie! I guess we'll have to find the thing on our own. Come on, Jenkins, let's collect our new mount and set forth on our quest."**
** Unknown to them Teresa had overhead his outburst, and said, "Of course they're scared, every time some so-called Hero comes along and stirs up the Dragon it takes out it's anger on the village. Damn thing burns down a few houses, scarfs down some livestock, then takes off until the next idiot shows up and pisses it off again! So that's why they don't want to show you where it lives! It knows were THEY live!"**
** "Well, be that as it may", Sir DeLancy replied, "I am a Knight, and it is my sworn duty to kill any and all monsters that are terrorizing the countryside. It's what we do!"**
** "Well, it wouldn't terrorize the countryside if people didn't keep trying to KILL IT!" Teresa growled.**
** "Come on, Jenkins", Sir DeLancy said, "let us go while there is still enough daylight to cover some ground. We're wasting our time here."**
** "Well, good riddance!" Teresa said, and stormed off to the kitchen. When Morg tried to ask her something she just snarled at him, and he had the good sense to go back to polishing the top of the bar.**
__________
** "What do you mean, you won't go!" Sir DeLancy asked the large horse in surprise.**
** "Well, for one thing", Bodkins said, "no one asked me about being sold. And secondly, I do not want to be anywhere within fifty miles of a Dragon. Dragons eat livestock, and I'm livestock. Snort!"**
** "But I own you" Sir DeLancy said, "I have a Bill of Sale, you have to do what I say, I'm your Master!" **
The horse's only response was to stamp a hoof and give a loud snort.
** Jenkins, who was wisely edging towards the door of the stable, froze as his boss said,**
** "You, freeze! It was YOUR idea to buy this horse! YOU get him to do what we want!"**
** "ME?" Jenkins sputtered, "How the hell am I supposed to do that, stick a hot poker up his butt?"**
** "You try that", Bodkins snorted, "and I'll stomp you into goo!"**
** "Well, at least let me ride you until we get near the lair", Sir DeLancy said, "I don't fight mounted anyway, I always engage my opponents on foot. You won't even see the Dragon."**
** "Well, the only problem with that little idea", the horse said, "is that I don't let anyone ride me. It's demeaning. Snort!"**
** "TERESA!" Sir DeLancy yelled as he stormed out of the stable and entered the Inn.**
** "Sorry, no refunds." Teresa said, "Besides, I already spent it."**
** "Already spent it!?!" Sir DeLancy said, "It's only been twenty minutes!"**
** "I gave it to Morg" Teresa said, "to pay off part of the debt I owe him."**
** "Well then", Sir DeLancy said, "I'll just have a talk with him and explain the situation!"**
** "Won't do no good." Teresa replied, "He's already used it to pay the local tax collector for this year's taxes."**
** "Well, what the bloody HELL am I going to do with a talking horse who won't let me ride him, and won't go anywhere near any monsters!" Sir DeLancy yelled rather loudly.**
** "Oh, about that" Teresa said, "you owe us for a day's upkeep and feed fees, that will be two silvers please." Then she said, "Hey!", as he stormed out the door of the Inn.**
** "Don't push it!" Jenkins warned, as he followed his master.**
__________
** "Look, horse", Sir DeLancy said, "I don't care if you don't like being ridden, nuh-uh! Be quiet and listen to me! You're a horse; it's what horses are for! I bought you, and you're my property, like it or not. And I WILL ride you, if not into battle then at least for transportation. And IF we run into anyone who can help lift your curse I'll see what I can do. Do you understand? If not, then I only have one more thing to say, glue factory!"**
** "You wouldn't DARE!" Bodkins said, shifting nervously.**
** "Just try me." Sir DeLancy replied in a 'wanna bet' tone of voice.**
** "Don't push him", Jenkins said, "it won't be pretty."**
** "Hmfff, snort!" Bodkins huffed as he considered his options, before finally saying "You're rude, crude, and a big bully! But seeing as I have no choice, very well! Put your saddle on me, but don't expect me to be happy about it!"**
** "All I expect is for you to behave yourself and be a good horse", Sir DeLancy said, "and so long as you do that we'll get along just fine."**
** "Well, that went well." Jenkins said.**
** "Jenkins, SHUT UP!" Both Sir DeLancy and Bodkins said at the same time.**
** Sir Delaney found Bodkins to be true to his word, and the large stallion behaved himself well enough as Jenkins bridled and saddled him, though he did voice muffled displeasure about the bit.**
** "Ah don lak bids!" Bodkins gobbled, chomping at the bit. "Ew god uh hockuhmur?" **
** "Nope, sorry.", Sir DeLaney said, "Besides, a bit will make it easier for you to understand my...commands."**
** "Hmmph." The horse snorted, slobbering as he tongued the bit in distaste. **
** As they rode out of the barn they found Teresa leaning on a hitching post watching curiously, and she said, "I don't believe it, you actually got a saddle on Bodkins! Last one that tried that ended up in the dung pile."**
** "All it took was a good talking too, and a little motivation." Sir DeLancy said.**
** "The threats helped too." Jenkins added.**
** The horse muttered something that no one caught, but it sounded rude. **
** "Oh, I'll just bet they did!" Teresa giggled, and Bodkins gave an annoyed sounding nicker.**
** As they rode down the street Jenkins ventured to ask, "Uh, Milord, seeing as none of the peasants were so kind as to tell us where to look for the dragon, um, where ARE we going to look??"**
** "Oh, but one did." Sir DeLancy said with a smile.**
** "Huh", Jenkins said, "guess I missed that little bit of information somehow. Who was it?"**
** "Our fair Teresa." Sir DeLancy said.**
** "What?? When??" Jenkins blurted.**
** "Well", Sir DeLancy said, "we came from the South, so that pretty much rules out that direction. So we'll search in the direction from which she heard 'roaring in the distance north, its fire lighting up the night sky'."**
** "Oh yeah, right!" Jenkins said.**
** "You're not as stupid as you look." Bodkins chuffed.**
** "Thanks, I think." Sir DeLancy said.**
__________
** The day was very pleasant; just cool enough so they weren't sweating, and after awhile Bodkins stopped bitching and moaning when no one paid any attention to him, and they continued on in a pleasant silence. After a few hours had passed, Jenkins asked,**
** "Um, Milord, how do you plan to fight the beast?"**
** "Well", Sir DeLancy replied, "I guess I'll confront the brute, challenge him to honorable combat, and have at him."**
** "Well," Jenkins said, "that's all good and proper, IF your opponent is another knight, but with a beast that might not be such a good idea."**
** "Whatever do you mean?" Sir DeLancy said.**
** "Well, it's a Dragon, right?" Jenkins said, "And it can fly, breathe fire, and has nasty fangs and claws, not to mention being much larger then you are. Seems to me that makes the odds a bit...lopsided. In the favor of the Dragon."**
** "Well," Sir DeLancy said, "be that as it may, I can't just sneak up on it and stick a spear in its back, it wouldn't be sporting."**
** "Why not?" Jenkins said, "Sounds like a good idea to me, and I won't tell anybody. You can always challenge it AFTER you stick a spear in its back."**
** "Well, it's just not done!" Sir DeLancy said, "There are rules!"**
** "Sounds stupid to me", Bodkins broke in, "I think Jenkins has a point."**
** "Maybe if you built a giant crossbow?" Jenkins ventured.**
** "Or dug a big pit and lured the Dragon into it!" Bodkins said.**
** "With sharpened stakes in the bottom!" Jenkins added.**
** "And snakes!" Bodkins threw in.**
** "Poisonous ones!" Jenkins said.**
** "Jenkins, Bodkins, shut up!" Sir DeLancy said in a 'shut-up!' tone of voice.**
** The rest of the day passed uneventfully, and except for encountering a few peasants; who took off for parts unknown as soon as they saw the riders, nothing of any interest happened. Then as night began to fall they found a nice camping spot by a clear running stream; that from the evidence was a popular stop for travelers, and setting up camp was easy as they traveled light. They did have a lightweight tent, but since the weather was pleasant and there was no sign of rain they decided not to put it up. While Jenkins attended to the animals, Sir DeLancy gathered wood for a fire. He didn't mind helping with the camping chores, otherwise it would be after dark before Jenkins could attend to everything.**
** One of Jenkins accomplishments was he was a fair cook, and soon had a good passable stew simmering over the fire, both their mouths watering from the smell. The animals had been fed, now it was their turn. Then as they were eating they froze as they heard something large approaching, but relaxed as Bodkins deep voice asked,**
** "Mind if I join you?"**
** "No, not at all." Sir DeLancy answered.**
** The horse moved closer to the fire, the light reflecting from his large soft wet eyes, and lowering his head he nibbled at some grass, then said,**
** "Sorry I was so contrary earlier. It's just that I don't like being ridden; it kind of reminds me of what I am, in a bad way. The witch who transformed me used me for her mount, and I had to obey her. It was...degrading."**
** "I'm so sorry," Sir DeLancy said, "but we really do need you, you're a big strong mount."**
** "Well, you're a good rider." Charlie said, "The witch used a snaffle bit, and she tore up my tongue and lips with it. You have a gentle hand though, the others like you."**
** "Others?" Jenkins asked.**
** "Brunhilda and Suzie." Bodkins said.**
** "You can talk to them??" Sir DeLancy asked.**
** Bodkins gave a snort of amusement, "Well, I AM a horse, you know! But, no, we really don't talk. At least not in a way humans could understand, it's too hard to explain. I just can't put it into human words."**
** "Amazing." Sir DeLancy said, "Um, what exactly happened to you? I mean, I know the general story, but not the details?"**
** "Oh, it's not very exciting I'm afraid." Bodkins said, "Back when the Count; Sir Jeffries, was still alive, a witch moved into an old cottage in the woods near town. At first she didn't cause any trouble, but being a witch was reason enough for the local authorities to give her a hard time. And anytime something bad happened, such as milk going sour, or hens stopping laying, of course they blamed her. Things got out of hand after awhile, and she retaliated by cursing people. I ended up as her horse, and some Men-at-Arms sent to arrest her ended up as other animals. The villagers got together, and she was burned at the stake before she could transform anyone else, or restore those she'd already cursed. That's about it." **
"I'm sorry for you", Sir DeLancy said, "And as I promised earlier, if we find a witch or other magic user that can help you we'll see about returning you to human form. We certainly can't let you go on living as an animal."
** "Well, that is awful nice of you to offer", Bodkins said, "But honestly, I'm not sure if I want to be changed back. I like being a horse; it's such a simple and enjoyable life. Hardly any worries, works easy; most of the time, people mostly leave me alone, and there are other...benefits. I guess they're scared of a talking horse. And I've been told the longer you remain an animal, the harder it is to change back, so it might be too late anyway. Now, how about yourself, why are you out here tramping about looking for Dragons, of all things? **
** "Well", Sir DeLancy replied, "To make a name for myself, perhaps earn a title and my own land from the King; or another noble. I'm a Knight, but one without his own estate or fortune. My father was a Viscount, but my older brother inherited the title and the lands. We got along well enough, and he offered to employ me as commander of his Knights and Men-at-Arms, but I decided I wanted to make my own fortune instead of being dependant on others. Since there are no wars right now, and I won't inherit a title, monster killing is about all there is. So here I am, out to make a name for myself, and hopefully attract some notice. But we weren't looking for Dragons in particular."**
** "How many monsters have you killed so far?" Bodkins asked.**
** At that question Sir DeLancy looked a little...embarrassed, and said, "Well, truthfully, none yet."**
** Bodkins gave a soft snort, and said, "Well, I've certainly got to say you're ambitious! How many barbarians or brigands have you slain?"**
** Looking equally embarrassed, Sir DeLancy said, "Well, none actually. We haven't encountered any brigands or bandits, and the barbarians have been behaving themselves lately. It's been very quiet."**
** "Uh-huh", Bodkins mused, "Um, are you really sure you want to take on a Dragon for starters? No offense, but that seems a bit...daft."**
** "Oh, don't underestimate Milord DeLancy", Jenkins said, "He may not have chopped anybody yet, but he's very good at being a Knight. He's won more tournaments then all the other Knights in his brother's service combined, and has never lost a Melee."**
** "Well", Sir DeLancy said, "I must admit I may be inexperienced, but it's about time I got some experience, and I can't think of any better way than killing a Dragon. And after doing that anything else will be easy."**
** "Can't you talk any sense into him?" Bodkins said to Jenkins. "I mean, he's a nice fellow, I'd hate to see him get eaten, or turned into a toad."**
** Jenkins snorted in a very good imitation of one of Bodkins, and said, "You don't know him like I do, might as well try and talk the sun into not rising."**
** "Hey!" Sir DeLancy said, "I'm not that bad! Am I?"**
** "I refuse to answer that on account of it might get my ears boxed." Jenkins replied.**
** Sir DeLancy laughed softly, and then said, "Well, we'll just have to wait and see how things turn out. We may not even be able to find the beast. Now, enough talk, we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow, it's time for some sleep!"**
*__________ *
** Rising bright and early the next morning; as was his wont, Sir DeLancy called out cheerfully for his Squire to rise; much to the disgust of said Squire and a certain horse. When that didn't work a well placed boot got the desired effect, and soon Jenkins was up as well and started fixing breakfast.**
** "He always this cheerful this early in the morning?" A cranky Bodkins snorted in annoyance as Sir DeLancy happily whistled a catchy tune.**
** "Yep, afraid so, so get used to it." Jenkins muttered as he put some waybread in the frying pan to brown.**
** "It ain't natural." Bodkins grunted.**
** "Tell me about, I have to live with him!" Jenkins grunted back.**
** "Oh, come now!" Sir DeLancy said, "It's a beautiful day! Why waste it lying about doing nothing?"**
** "I am SO going to dump him a mud puddle!" Bodkins said, in a low tone of voice, causing Jenkins to snort in amusement.**
** Breakfast finished, they set on the second day of their quest to find the Dragon's lair. At first the countryside remained serene and prosperous looking, but around noon that began to change. They begin to pass burned farmsteads, fallow fields, and there was a distinct lack of sheep or other livestock grazing in the overgrown fields, not to mention peasants. They hadn't seen on one for miles.**
** "I think," Sir DeLancy said, "that we may be on the right track."**
** Bodkins gave a nervous whicker in agreement, and Jenkins just nodded, keeping his eyes open for any sign of large pissed off reptiles. But to his immense relief none put in an appearance as they kept riding.**
** Towards evening; just as it was getting dark, and they had begun to look for a decent spot to camp for the night, Jenkins suddenly noticed something.**
** "Milord! There, in that copse of trees, a light!"**
** "Indeed!" Sir DeLancy said, "You have good eyes, I do believe it is a farm house or building of some kind! Looks like we won't have to sleep out this night after all." **
** Even Bodkins gave an enthusiastic snort as it was beginning to look like it might rain, and being a horse there wouldn't be any room in the tent for him. And contrary to popular belief horses do NOT like to sleep in the rain. They get just as wet as humans do.**
** "Open up, open up for a Knight of the Realm!" Jenkins yelled; or at least said rather loudly, as he banged on the door of the large farmhouse.**
** "I don't care if you're the King himself, piss off!" Replied a muffles voice that sounded like a woman's.**
** "Now, now, dear lady," Sir DeLancy said, "it is my right to seek shelter for the night in any residence. Fear not, I will be glad to pay a fair fee for your hospitality."**
** "You can take your fee, and SHOVE it!" The voice came again.**
** "How rude!" Jenkins muttered.**
** "Lady!" Sir DeLancy said, clearly losing patience, "Either open this door, or I will break it down!"**
** "You and what army!" The voice cackled, "Good luck!"**
** Several minutes later, both their shoulders bruised, Sir DeLancy and Jenkins took a brief rest from their 'breaking down the door' efforts. **
** "Well, that went well." Jenkins said.**
** "Jenkins, don't go there!" Sir DeLancy warned. **
** "Allow me" Bodkins said, "Please stand aside."**
** Sir DeLancy and Jenkins just looked at the horse, looked at one another, shrugged, and did as he requested.**
** Bodkins backed up to the door, looking over his back to make sure he had the distance and angle right, then with a mighty kick of both his hind legs knocked the door clean off its hinges.**
** "Wow." Sir DeLancy said; Jenkins just gawped.**
** "I'm good at getting doors or gates open." Bodkins said smugly.**
** "Remind me never to stand behind him." Jenkins said, at which Sir DeLancy nodded in agreement.**
** As Jenkins entered the house he barely managed to dodge a blast of green light, and then threw up his hands and yelped as something begin flying around his head; and with a battle cry Sir DeLancy drew his sword and charged into the house. There he encountered a little old lady; who looked like someone's sweet old granny, who was quite nimbly bounding around the house like a five year old and hurling blasts of magical power at him from the tip of a wand, which he managed to deflect with the blade of his sword.**
** "Pick on a helpless old lady, will you!" The old woman screeched, "Knock down her nice new door, will you! Take that, and that! HAH, bet that smarted, you hoodlum! Turn you all into rats, I will!"**
** "Helpless, my ASS!", Jenkins yelled as he swatted at the hissing creature dive bombing him, then suddenly it dove behind him, there was a blast of flame, and he ran out the door shrieking, the seat of his pants smoking.**
** "Good heavens!" Bodkins whinnied, rearing as Jenkins ran past him yowling and dove into a watering trough with a huge splash.**
Sir DeLancy began throwing anything he could lay his hands on at the madly capering old woman, helping to throw off her aim a bit as balls of colored light whizzed past his head as he ducked and dodged. Finally she ran into a dangling frying pan, knocked herself silly, and lay motionless on the floor.
** Sir DeLancy cautiously approached her, and gave her a poke with the tip of his sword, but she didn't move. "Good Heavens, a witch!" He said, "Jenkins, get her wand, she'll be less dangerous without it."**
** "Gee" Jenkins said; dripping water, "Never would have figured that out on my own." And timidly he picked up the aforementioned wand, and when it didn't blow up he tucked it in his belt. **
** As the old woman gave a moan and stirred they both jumped back, Sir DeLancy with his sword at the ready, Jenkins holding a large ladle, keeping an eye out for his airborne attacker. Sitting up and shaking her head, she peered blearily at them, and said,**
** "Oh, bloody Hell!"**
** Sir DeLancy approached her again, and said, "Well, witch, what do you have to say for yourself?"**
** "Drop dead." The woman replied, and spit on the floor.**
** "How rude." Jenkins said, holding the ladle at the ready.**
** "Why did you attack us?" Sir DeLancy asked.**
** "Because you kicked my door down!" The witch said, "What did you expect?"**
** "I identified myself as a Knight," Sir DeLancy said, "and it is my right to claim shelter for the night!"**
** "Oh, right!" The witch said, "Like I haven't heard THAT before! 'I'm a Knight, let me in!' Then when I open the door its some traveling salesman or a Troll or something! That's the oldest one in the book!"**
** "She does have a point." Jenkins said.**
** "Well, I AM a Knight" Sir DeLancy said, "and we ARE going to be staying here tonight, whether you like it or not! Besides, it's starting to rain."**
** "Well", I'm glad someone finally noticed, came a voice from the doorway. "Would you please put me in the barn?" Bodkins said in an aggrieved sounding tone of voice, his head; which he had stuck inside, dripping water on the floor.**
** "By Baphomet, a talking horse!" The old lady said, "That's not natural!"**
** "You know", Bodkins said, "I'm really getting tired of that reaction! Typical!"**
** "Jenkins," Sir DeLancy, "see to Bodkins and the other animals."**
** "Gee, thanks." Jenkins said as he went out into the now pouring rain, but at least he was already wet.**
** "Well", the witch said, "looks like I'm stuck with you. What say we call a truce? I won't blast you, and you don't chop me up in little chunks?"**
** "Sounds reasonable." Sir DeLancy said.**
** "Then it's agreed." the witch said, "Um, can I have my wand back, please?"**
** "Not a chance." Sir DeLancy replied.**
** "Rats." The witch muttered, "I was just going to use it to help fix dinner."**
** "Uh-huh." Sir DeLancy said, "Like I haven't heard THAT one before."**
** "You're not as stupid as you look." The witch said grudgingly.**
** "Yes, I get that a lot." Sir DeLancy said, "Now, what's for dinner?"**
** "What happened?" Bodkins asked as Jenkins removed his saddle and bridle. "All I heard was lots of squealing and yelling."**
** "Crazy old witch attacked us," Jenkins said, "and Sir DeLancy had to subdue her."**
** "What happened to you?" Bodkins asked, "I mean, you came running out with your, um, ass on fire."**
** "Zounds! That's right!" Jenkins said, "There's something else in there, I'd better go warn Sir DeLancy! It's probably a demon of some kind!"**
** "So," the woman said, "what's a Knight doing in this area?"**
** "If you must know," Sir DeLancy answered, "I'm here to kill the Dragon." **
** "HAH!" She replied, "I've heard that before!"**
** "Well, I am." Sir DeLancy said.**
** "Hmph, good luck, you'll need it!" The woman snorted.**
** About that time Sir DeLancy looked up as Jenkins came barreling in, and yelled, "Milord, there is some horrible creature loose in the house!"**
** "Hey!" The woman said, "I'm not a horrible creature!"**
** "Jenkins", Sir DeLancy said, "Shut the door and tell me what you're gibbering about! And why do you smell like burnt wool?"**
** "Because it set my arse on fire!" Jenkins yelped, keeping an eye out for any flying objects. Then both turned their heads and stared when the old woman began cackling in amusement. "What's so funny!?" Jenkins said.**
** "Oh, that was just my precious little Pip!" The woman said, then made a kissy noise, and said "Come to mommy, my lovely!"**
** Jenkins ducked with a yelp as something swooped down from the overhead rafters and landed on the old woman's shoulder; then turned to face them and gave a loud menacing hiss.**
** "Good Heavens!" Sir DeLancy said, "It's a Dragon!"**
** And indeed that's what it looked like, all glistening scales and horns, reptilian eyes, wisps of smoke drifting from it nostrils, and fragile looking bat wings. But for all of that it was only about a foot long from the tip of its long tail to its beak of a snout.**
** "THAT'S the Dragon?" Jenkins said, "This is going to be easier then we thought!"**
** "You touch one scale on Pip's body and I'll turn you into a newt!" The woman hissed, protectively cradling the angrily hissing reptile in her arms.**
** "Jenkins," Sir DeLancy said, "I doubt very seriously that this is the same Dragon we're looking for. I mean, think about it. Don't you think it's a bit small?"**
** "Well," Jenkins said, "It looks like a Dragon to me. I mean, I've never seen one before, but it does have all the physical characteristics. And it did set me on fire."**
** "Sorry about that," the old lady muttered, "but you frightened her!"**
** "I frightened HER?" Jenkins huffed.**
** "Well," Sir DeLancy said, "He does have a point, it does look like a Dragon."**
** "It IS a Dragon." The woman responded; the little creature sitting on her shoulder again and eying her guests with obvious dislike. "A fairy Dragon to be exact. They're harmless; they live in the deep woods and eat insects and small rodents. I found her a few years ago with a broken wing, and after I healed her she decided to stay."**
** Jenkins; who had moved a little closer for a better look, bent over a little bit, and then jumped backward with a yelp as the little Dragon gave a loud hissing snarl and lunged at him, fang filled mouth snapping shut a few inches from his nose.**
** "Be careful," the woman said, "she bites."**
** "Vicious little brute." Jenkins muttered.**
** "She was just being protective." The woman said, stroking the Dragons back as it nibbled at her ear, hissing softly.**
** "Who are you?" Sir DeLancy asked, "And what are you doing living way out here alone by yourself? Aren't you afraid of the other Dragon, you know, the BIG one?"**
** "Oh, sorry," the woman said, "Names Megan, but everyone calls me Old Meg. I'm not that old though." And to illustrate that point she took off a rather hideous wig and plopped it down on the table, and straightened up. The 'transformation' was nothing short of miraculous. She went from appearing to be a slightly crazy old woman to being a rather good looking much younger woman.**
** "Good Heavens!" Jenkins said.**
** "And as for living out here all alone, the last time I visited the village they tried to burn me at the stake, stupid peasants. I mean, pull a coin out of someone's ear and they freak out." Megan said, "And as for the Dragon, I leave it alone, and it leaves me alone. It's only interested in livestock anyway, and I don't have any except for an old goat."**
** "But why disguise your age?" Sir DeLancy asked.**
** "Think about it Mr. Knight," Megan said, "A young woman, living all alone in the middle of nowhere? By pretending to be a crazy old witch it keeps any...amorous would be rapists from coming calling."**
** "Well, yes, I can certainly understand certain, er, precautions." Sir DeLancy said, "well, you have nothing to fear from me."**
** "Really?" Megan said, eying him up and down, "What a shame. I DO get lonely you know."**
** "Well, er, um, hmph! Ah-um, tell me, er, Megan," Sir DeLancy stammered; trying to ignore Jenkins sniggering, "What do you have to say to being a witch, you know the practice of black magic is unlawful."**
** "Says the man with a talking horse," Megan said drily, "and why is it the second someone does a magic trick everyone starts yelling 'witch!' and tries to burn them at the stake?" **
** "Why don't you ask Bodkins, he's the talking horse," Jenkins said, "he used to be human until a witch transformed him!"**
** "Oh dear, the poor fellow." Meg said, "Unfortunately it's true that more then a few of my fellow practitioners of the craft use it for less then beneficial means. They give the good witch's a bad name. Stupid bitches."**
** "Say", Sir DeLancy said, "Your being a witch, do you think you can help poor old Bodkins, change him back?"**
** "Sorry, no can do." Meg replied.**
** "Why not?" Jenkins asked, "I mean, you were yelling about turning us into rats and newts earlier!"**
** "Well," Meg sighed, "truth be told, I'm not much of a witch."**
** "But," Sir DeLancy said, "the fireballs, and you have a gay Dragon for a familiar!"**
** "She's a FAIRY Dragon, not a gay one," Meg said, "big difference! And she's not my familiar; she's my friend and pet. As for the so-called fireballs, if one had hit you all you would have felt was a slight tingle. They're just fireworks and lightshows, intimidating, but harmless. Good for scaring the local yokels though. Zap them with a few of them and they leave me alone."**
** "So," Jenkins said, "you don't really have any power?"**
** "I didn't say that at all," Meg replied, "I AM a witch, just not a very powerful one. Most of my powers are of the more benign kind, such as healing or making plants grow. As far as zapping people, well, you saw. And if I were to try to change anybody into a rat they'd probably end up as only half of one."**
** "Ewww." Jenkins said; he didn't know which would be worse, being a rat, or being half rat and half human.**
** "Well," Sir DeLancy said, "do you happen to know where the lair of the big Dragon is? It's my sworn duty as a Knight to slay the beast."**
** "No, not really," Megan said, "It might be my neighbor, but I've never paid it a visit. But it's somewhere in those hills to the North of here."**
** "Thanks, that helps a lot." Jenkins muttered.**
** "Jenkins, be polite." Sir DeLancy said.**
** "Thought I was." Jenkins groused.**
** "Just be quite then." Sir DeLancy said. "Well, Megan, can you provide us with a meal and lodgings for the night? We'll pay a reasonable fee for your trouble, of course."**
** "Well, if you like squirrel and lentil stew I can feed you," she replied, and there's fresh bread as well. As for sleeping accommodations, well, we can talk about that while we eat, hmm?"**
** Dinner was a big success, both Sir DeLancy and Jenkins proclaiming the stew delicious, and Jenkins even made friends with Pip by offering the little Dragoness bits of squirrel, which it accepted with delighted little hisses. As for Megan she was quite glad to have visitors, at least of the kind who didn't try to burn her at the stake. And Sir DeLancy was a hunk, so she flirted with him rather openly. She hadn't lied about being 'lonely'.**
** Jenkins was rather put off by the sleeping 'arrangements' though, there was only one bed, and guess who got it. He got the barn. Not that he blamed his Master, the 'old witch' was quite good looking without her wig and 'old lady' act, and after all his Master was a healthy young man with all the interests of a healthy young man. So when the invitation was made to share Megan's bed he jumped at it, and later on her. Several times. **
** As Jenkins approached the stable; at least it had stopped raining, he was surprised to hear rater loud grunts and snorts. Concerned, he opened the doors and stopped in confusion at first. Bodkins was in Suzie's stall, and in fact was on top of Suzie, his hindquarters clenching and thrusting as he grunted in...pleasure! Oh, for...! Jenkins thought, EVERYone was getting laid, but him! He heard a soft bleat and looked to see a rather large goat eyeing him hopefully, and said, "Sorry, I'm not THAT desperate!", and with a sigh he climbed the ladder into the hay loft, and got as comfortable as possible as he listened to the sounds of equine passion; which went on for quite some time. When he heard Brunhilda give a squeal of pleasure later and the grunting and snorting started again, he rolled over and pulled his pillow over his ears. It wasn't fair!**
** The End**
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