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F*ck a Buck

© Cederwyn Whitefurr

18thApril 2023

All Rights Reserved.

Ethan's pale fingers flew across the laptop keyboard. Ethan leaned back in his hard wood chair, looking skywards for a moment, before resuming typing.

Personal Journal,

Day One,

Personal entry, 22nd March, 2024.

Nathaniel Whitemane - greatest Park Ranger who ever strode the woods on cloven hooves! Decorated, venerated, adored by staff and visitors alike - my father, my role model and my...

Greatest non-believer in me...

Right from my earliest memories, I wanted to be like him. Proud, noble, smart! Loyal to a fault and as strong as a mountain! He's an Elk, tall, overbearing, that beautiful tan coat with that magnificent dark chocolate mane! So thick!

As a fawn I buried my muzzle in it to my eyes!...

Me? I'm...well, me...

I swear I look more like a Whitetail, than I do an Elk! I lack the thick, majestic mane, that regal, proud voice and posture, I barely stand five feet four on my small, almost dainty hooves...

Father - that proud, majestic icon of everything I aspired to be, and then some - he was retired when he sired me.. I was a genuine almost impossible - accident...

I look up at my father, in my minds eye, I see him - proud, noble, filled with strength of purpose and pride in his accomplishments. He was decorated for his heroism and his selfless years of service...

When I was growing up in his shadow, literally and figuratively, I expressed my desire to follow in his cloven hoof steps.

You know what he told me one day? I took it to heart... He looked down at me, not just down, but - down - and he spoke, his voice filled with everything he felt about me - he said - "Fuck a Buck..."

Well dad? I'm finally going to make you proud of me...

It's my first day as a Park Ranger Trainee...

His smart, dark olive long sleeved shirt with sleeves rolled up to his furred biceps, dark khaki slacks and below the ankles, his highly polished black cloven hooves. His wedge-like tail poked out the back of the slacks, making a quiet whap, whap, whap as it flagged from side to side against the hard wooden chair slats.

Ethan squealed and jumped, when he felt a strong paw grip his tail and tweak it painfully.

"ONE more twitch..." Growled a female voice behind him, making his tubular ears rotate backwards. "I'll tear it off... You have _any_idea, how annoying that sound gets?"

Ethan swallowed the lump in his throat, turning his head slowly to the side, his bright emerald green eyes glancing out of the corners.

"Sorry - " Ethan murmured, a weak smile touching his muzzle. "I'm just so excited, weren't _you_excited when - "

Ethan spun his chair around, then there was a crash on the floor, his full coffee cup exploding and spraying hot coffee and ceramic everywhere. He moaned, then turned about, one cloven hoof crunching on broken ceramic and splattering more coffee.

"Just...leave...it..." Came the exasperated sigh. "Ethan? Just...please - go outside!"

Ethan hung his head, then stood up and stepped over the puddle and quietly crept out of the ranger station, his tail down and ears flat. Watching him, the Senior Park Ranger, an Arctic Vixen, rested her head in her black paws and sighed.

"Gods, I beg of you, give me patience and sanity..."

Nothing answered her heartfelt prayers.

*

Outside, Ethan leaned against the log wall of the Ranger Station, tilting his head back and tilting his muzzle up to the sky. He breathed in the scent of pine and rich, loamy soil, feeling the call of nature as he'd never felt it before. Maybe it was the season, maybe it was just, well, him - he listened to the animals in the woods, the babbling of the brook to his right - it all just blended together in his mind in to a vision and sound of loveliness.

Walking over, he leaned against the new cruiser - it was less than a week old and he cocked his right hoof up on the bumper. Leaning back, he sighed in contentment, then before he realised it, he was flat on his back, gazing skywards. A crackle of crushed gravel come from behind him and the cruiser began to roll backwards.

"No.." Ethan squeaked, rolling over onto his palms and knees, trying to get to his hooves. "No, no, no, no..."

With a crash, the cruiser burst into the forest and then with a sickening crunch of metal and shattering glass it slammed into a large oak tree - a branch snapping off and crunching down on the strobe lights and squashing the roof down.

A thunderous boom sounded as the Ranger Station door was flung open and Janice stormed out, eyes wide and tail frizzled to twice its size. Taking one look at Ethan, then turning her head to look at the cruiser, her muzzle fell open and she just stared.

"It's not my fault - " Ethan began.

Without a word, Janice shut her muzzle, turned about and walked back inside, slamming the door hard enough to shake the wall.

"It's not my fault..." Ethan repeated, then sighed and pushed himself upright, dusting off his trousers. "Why does this _always_happen to me?"

*

Day Two,

Personal entry, 23rd March, 2024.

I'm cursed, I swear it, if something can go wrong, it will - and I'm responsible. I swear, that cruiser incident wasn't -my- fault! I've spent all day filling in paperwork... Urgh, I should have known a government job come with responsibility - that responsibility? Reams of paperwork! I swear, I come back inside and my coworker, that aloof, ice queen Vixen, Janice...

Ethan stopped typing for a moment, before he rested his head in his paws and sighed. His ears were flat against the back of his shoulders as he started typing again.

Its not my fault, whoever drove the cruiser last? Well, they forgot to engage the... the...

Ethan's paws slowed then stopped, as a frown crossed his face.

"You going to finish that report sometime before the next ice age?" Janice growled.

"I'm working on it - " Ethan muttered, reaching out for his coffee cup, then groaning as he found it empty.

With a disparaging sigh, he resumed typing.

Did I mention its not my fault? I can't remember - anyway - they took it away this morning. I swear, this stack just gets taller and taller. Anyway, its a new day, so a new start. Speaking of starts - well, I better sign off for now, the Ice-Maiden is giving me _ that _look - I swear, how much more do I need to do to prove I'm a true and worthy Park Ranger? I just don't know, all I - do - know, is this paperwork isn't going to do itself...

Anyway, journal, at least -you - won't betray me, I better sign off now - did I mention that? Oops, got to go, Janice is getting up and she doesn't look happy with me...

How can one Buck have such bad luck? Or am I just cursed? I try so hard to live up to my father's standards and others expectations, being his son - his only son - is it too much to hope for, to make dear old dad proud? Tomorrow we're going to dart, radio collar and ear tag the wild deer! I'm so excited...

"EEEEK!" Ethan squealed in alarm.

Janice materialised like a wrath behind him, her black furred paw gripping his tail, the tip of which still flicked from side to side. With quivering paws Ethan slammed down the laptop lid, before a pained expression crossed his muzzle and his eyes glimmered with un-shed tears.

"Really?" Janice asked, her eyebrows raising almost level with her ears.

Ethan lifted his squashed fingers and put them in his mouth. He sucked on them like a thirsty fawn would nurse from its mother. A weak smile curled the edges of his furred lips and he glanced up over his shoulder at her.

"DO NOT SAY IT - " Janice growled at him, tweaking his tail sharply. "Just don't..."

Ethan's smile turned wavy as he blinked twice and continued sucking his fingers.

TO BE CONTINUED...