Dragons are Tougher in Real Life
#18 of Vore
Dragons are Tougher in Real Life by: BerserkerB
Berserker sat back against the couch, his body slumped and his face showing sure-tale signs of boredom. He lazily held a game controller between his hands, pressing the buttons like a mindless drone. On the screen, Berserker's character, a typical looking knight in shining armor, charged at the level's boss, a menacing looking, fire-breathing dragon. The screen shifted into the cinematic-style action. Berserker pressed the button that flashed on the left side of the screen. The knight jumped over the dragon's swishing tail. Another button flashed, and Berserker reacted to it without looking. The knight jumped to the side as a ball of fire whizzed by.
He kept hitting the buttons that appeared. He had done it a hundred times before, and the buttons never changed. He yawned while hitting the last button. The knight on the screen slid under the dragon, and slashed at its belly with his sword. Computer generated blood spewed from the wound, and the dragon gave a horrible shriek before collapsing forward. After the game saved, Berserker shut down the system.
"Good grief!" he exclaimed as he tossed the controller at the other side of the couch. "I'm so damn bored!" He shifted around the pile of games sitting beside him on the coffee table. There was Fallin 3, Hatchet and Clunk, Circle: Stretch, and a score of other hit titles. He had played them all, beaten them all (twice), and could not find the urge to play them again. He growled in aggravation and leaned back against the couch. He closed his eyes and said, "I wish there was something I could do to relieve this ef-ing boredom!"
A second later, there was a knock at the door. Berserker opened his eyes and looked at the door in surprise. He was not expecting anyone. Being a curious kitty, he hopped up from his seat and strode on over. He opened the door, expecting some religious nutjob, a political activist, or even a random kid who needed money for college. What he found...was nothing.
Berserker looked around, up and down, but saw nothing. "Stupid pranksters," he mumbled. He closed the door and went back to the couch. He plopped his ass down and stared at the TV. It took him a moment to realize that there was something different about the room. He stared at the TV for a minute, then looked around the room, but could not quite figure out what was wrong. Then, he noticed it. Laying next to him on the couch was a book.
Quite surprised, but more curious than he ought to have been, Berserker reached down and plucked the book from its place. He held it up to the light. The thing looked old, really old, like older than Senator John McCain. The cover of the book was a dark brown, but looked stained around the edges. Several cracks ran along the binding, and a quick inspection of the edges of the paper showed that they had been thumbed through quite a number of times. He flipped the book around a few times before staring at the front cover once more. There was something faint. He squinted his eyes and peered at the cover. Letters, very dim letters, adorned the front.
Berserker tried making them out. "Eh...pee...all...es. Epiales?"
"It's pronounced, Eh-pee-all-ees. Get it right, if you please."
"Oh! It's Greek." Berserker stared at the book with a stupid grin of satisfaction. "Wait! Who said that!?"
"I did."
Berserker twisted his head around, searching for the source of the voice. "Who, what, where?" he said in rapid succession.
"Down here, you stupid creature. Hearing must be your worst feature."
Berserker gazed down at the book in his paws. His eyes went wide as a shadowy face appeared over the cover. The hyon let out a gasp and tossed the book away. He scurried his legs onto the couch and sat nearly curled up.
"How rude, to toss me like that. You must be a meatheaded twat!" The book began to rise, and hovered over Berserker's coffee table. "Now then, if you'll kindly sit still, I will introduce myself. Yes I will."
Berserker gulped nervously. He reluctantly relaxed his body, somewhat, and set his feet back on the carpet. "Who are you? What are you?"
The shadowy face grinned amusingly. "I am Epiales, a grimoire of dreams. And you my dear friend, are lucky indeed. For you see-" the book flew in close, the dark face nearly pressed against Berserker's snout "-I am here to grant you my magic. I have lived long, through events happy and tragic. I have seen many things, been around many a creature; and now it is you who may taste of my features."
As the book eased back, Berserker felt his curiosity grow. Sure, deep inside he knew that this book was probably some manifestation of pure evil, and that continuing would most likely lead to a pain and agony worse than death, but he was a cat, and curiosity got the better of him nine times out of ten. "Alright, Epiales, what exactly is your 'feature?'"
The face did what Berserker could only describe as a grin. "Boredom burns within you like a fire; and I shall make those flames expire. With me around, you will never be vexed; though you will certainly be perplexed. Your video game had you play a knight; but to be a knight I now invite. Through my pages you shall turn, but don't blame me when you get burned."
Berserker wanted to ask what that last line meant, but before he got a syllable out, Epiales sprang open. A gust of air issued from the magical book's pages. Then, it all reversed. Like a giant vacuum, Berserker felt his body being sucked towards the open book. Instinctively he dug his claws into his couch. He held on for dear life. Epiales drifted closer, and the suction grew stronger. Berserker's feet slipped free. The suction held him off the ground, his feet dangling mere inches from the book's flapping pages. The upholstery started to rip. Riiiiip! The sound lingered like a taunting laugh. Finally, the upholstery gave way. Berserker yelled for help as the magical book dragged him into a dark vortex.
Epiales slammed shut and fell to the floor like a rock. Berserker's voice trailed off into eerie silence.
In the next instant, Berserker's eyes opened to bright sunlight. He gasped for air, as if coming up from a long dive underwater. He took several quick breaths before realizing he was alright. But where was he?
He looked around, taking a quick glance of his surroundings. He was not in his apartment anymore, that was for sure. He was outside, the sun was shining high above him, and there was a faint freshness in the air. Around him were fields of green, with patches of shrubs and trees scattered here and there. In the distance he could see a forest, and beside the forest there looked to be a small town. But the town looked...strange.
All of a sudden, he heard a loud sneeze. He looked down and for a moment thought he was seeing things. He was riding a white steed. The horse's mane shined like silver, and it did not seem to notice his sudden appearance. His eyes traveled to his paws, which gripped the horse's reigns. His arms and hands were covered in metallic armor. The sun's light reflected back at his eyes, forcing him to adjust his gaze. He quickly discovered that he was clad in armor all over. The heavy metal clanked as the horse trotted along. The hyon's senses were just coming to grips with everything, when he heard a familiar voice echo across the sky.
"And so, the brave knight Berserker set forth to rid the town of this great evil." It was Epiales's voice! "With his mighty lance in hand, shield at the ready, and his sword at his side, the brave and illustrious hero felt ready to slay the great beast which had caused the townspeople so much strife."
"Epiales, is that you!?" Berserker shouted at the sky. He waited for the book to respond, but it only continued its exposition.
"The great dragon lay far north of the town. Up the winding hills, Berserker knew he would find the dragon's lair." A dragon? A dragon! The hyon's expression twisted from fear, to surprise, back to fear, and then a mixture of the two. Epiales continued. "Though many a brave knight had faced the dragon before, known had ever returned. Still, knowing he may face his demise, Berserker kept his composure steady, and never let the fear in his heart sway him."
"Says you," Berserker mumbled. Okay, he thought. He was trapped in some medieval story. He was, according to Epiales, a knight who was off to slay some dragon. The pieces slowly fell into place. This must be a dream. A smile of relief spread across his face. Of course, it was so obvious. He had fallen asleep while playing that game, and was just dreaming he had been sucked into a strange world by a magical book.
If it was all a dream, all he had to do was get hurt, or fall, or do something that would jolt him back to reality. He was about to pinch his cheeks, but then had an idea. If this was all a dream, he might as well enjoy it. After all, since he knew he was dreaming, he should be able to make the dream go any way he wanted. He sat up proudly, took a good grip of the reigns, and beckoned the mighty steed to gallop. Maybe when he was done slaying the dragon, he would dream up a nice prince who would shower him with affection for saving his life.
Yeah, this was going to be sweet.
It did not take long to reach the dragon's lair. As Berserker rounded the last hill, the cave came in to view. "Typical," Berserker mumbled. He had hoped his imagination might have come up with something original. He shrugged the feelings away and brought his horse to a halt. He listened intently; everything was quiet. He slung his shield over and held it tightly in his left hand. He adjusted his grip on the lance, getting the handle squared tightly under his arm. Berserker took in a deep breath, and then called out. "Hey, dragon, get your ass out here and fight me!" It was not the most knightly of phrases.
At first, nothing happened. Then, slowly, Berserker heard the sounds of something big and scaly thumping towards him. He peered at the dark entrance, ready to charge at the dragon the moment he saw it. The creature stepped out into the light.
"Charge!" Berserker screamed. His horse took two steps, and the dragon roared. The bellowing sound hit him like a freight train. The guttural roar reminded the hyon of the T-Rex from Jurassic Park. Berserker's horse reared back on its hind legs. It neighed violently and shook Berserker from his saddle. The hyon fell on his ass, and his so called 'might steed' sprinted away. Berserker clambered to his feet and yelled at his feeling horse. "Get back here you good-for-nothing sack of glue! When I get my paws on you...!" The sentence trailed off when he heard a loud snort from behind him.
Berserker spun around and stared awkwardly at the dragon in front of him. The creature was a little bigger than a horse, with a slightly long neck and a long tail. It stood on all fours and gazed at him with yellow eyes. Berserker sensed the tension from the creature. He was not sure if it was intelligent or not, but considering it was all just a dream it really did not matter.
"I am here to slay you, beast!" He brought up his lance and poised it at the dragon's snout. "Prepare to-" He was cut short when the dragon lurched forward, grabbed his lance with its jaws, and flung the metal pole several meters away. "Okay..." Not entirely sure what just happened, Berserker barely had time to block as the dragon swung it's mighty tail at him in an arc. The hyon readied his shield, which took the brunt of the impact. The shield slipped from his grasp, and sailed far out of his reach.
Now, without lance or shield, Berserker felt a twinge of fear. He reminded himself that it was just a dream. Just a dream. Just a dream. He repeated the words in his head, even as the dragon began its approach. It's powerful legs thumped the dirt path, picking up small clouds of dust as it slowly advanced.
Then, he remembered his sword. Berserker pulled the blade from its sheath, and held it out bravely. "Now then. Taste. My. Steel!" Before he could move, the dragon opened its muzzle and issued out a blast of fire. The hot-breath enveloped Berserker, blinding him and forcing him to close his eyes. The heat was unbearable, and he thought he was going to end up roasting in his metal armor. But the flames died down quickly. The once gleaming armor was black as ash. A gust of wind daintily tapped him, and the suit of armor fell to pieces. Berserker opened his eyes and gazed down at the blackened heap at his feet. A moment later, his sword disintegrated from his hand.
Now, naked and defenseless, Berserker thought it would be a good idea to wake up. He pinched his arm with two fingers, and grit his teeth at the pain. Nothing changed. He still stood at the entrance to a cave, in a medieval setting, where a big green dragon stared hungrily down at him. "Okay," his voice quivered. "Time to wake up!" He pinched his arm again, but harder. The dragon continued to advance. The sudden realization hit him like steel beam. "This isn't a dream."
With the truth in mind, Berserker's survival instincts finally kicked in. He spun, lifted one foot off the ground, and ran for his life. Unfortunately, the dragon was a step ahead. It swept a paw at his feet, knocking him to the ground. His face hit the dirt, and everything began spinning. He then felt something hot and wet envelop his feet. Berserker lifted his head, spat out some dirt, and looked back.
The dragon had scooped his feet into its mouth. The green scaled beast clamped his jaws tightly around Berserker's legs, and followed it with a loud and powerful gulp. Berserker's body slid across the ground. He yelped and dug his claws into the dirt. Clawing for dear life, the hapless hyon struggled to break free of the dragon's grasp. His shouts and cries for help went unheard. The dragon leisurely swallowed again, pulling the hyon's knees into its mouth.
"For the love of- Epiales!" His voice shook with fear. "Epiales, I...I've had enough! I'm not bored anymore. Really!" He let out a yelp when the dragon lifted him off the ground. It angled him towards the sky, and another gulp forced the hyon's hips down into the sticky gullet. Berserker reached down and grabbed the dragon's jaws with both hands. He fought the pull of the tight throat muscles with all his strength. It slowed the process, but did not stop it. "Epiales, please get me out of here! I don't want to end up as dragon food!"
The only sounds he heard were from the dragon as it slurped down his abdomen. Berserker's mind raced with thoughts, most of them panic stricken. He tried to ignore the hot and sticky feeling of the dragon's saliva as it drizzled over every part of him. The dragon's gullet squeezed tightly around his lower body, greedily begging him to slide further down the dark tunnel. The dragon's jaws enveloped his chest, and he could no longer keep his hold on the beast's muzzle. He whimpered pathetically as his head sank deeper. He closed his eyes when hot, sulfur smelling breath washed over his face. The creature's thick tongue plastered his face with gooey saliva. Everything was dark, and the only sound he could make out was a wet, slobbery guzzling.
His arms were the only limbs left outside the dragon's mouth. He desperately grasped at the air, but the hyon found no savior in it. He felt something strong and wet wrap around his paws. The dragon's tongue pulled the flailing limbs in, and the echoing of clamping jaws signaled the hyon's doom.
Berserker squirmed like mad as he descended the dark, wet tunnel. His face pressed up against the soft flesh, and for an instant he wondered what the dragon looked like, with an anthro-cat shape bulging out the scales of its gullet. But his thoughts quickly turned to panic once more when he reached the dragon's stomach. The tight confines squeezed at him from all sides, forcing Berserker to curl up. It was the most comfortable position he could find, but it hardly helped considering the ultimate position he was in.
He cried softly in his fleshy prison. A hint of rage shivered up his spine, and he cursed the damn book before the dragon's stomach acid engulfed him.
Epiales's voice narrated the rest: "And so, Berserker fell prey to the same fate as all the others. His bravado and weaponry did him no good against the fiery power of a dragon. The dragon, now contently full, started off on its usual trek to the village. Its belly swayed slightly as it walked, churning the meal into energy for its trip. The dragon would be done with its food by the time it got to the village, and the creature would surely be hungry once more. And so our tale ends. The moral of the story: Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup."
The dragon issued a loud, hot belch, which sizzled the afternoon air.
The End