When Years End
When Years End
10:00PM; 120 minutes left. It was way past my bed time. Yet, bedtimes seemed like such a hazard, especially on New Years Eve. I was only five years old and I wondered why my parents could stay up and not me. I guessed it was for my own good, but on New Years Eve you weren't supposed to go to sleep. You were supposed to stay up and take in the whole day. I wanted to stay up that late. I had never done so before and a time as late as midnight was like dream, without any true thoughts on what it was like. It was my wish that eve to finally see the night so late.
So, when my dad called for me to go to bed that night, I ran to him and began to beg. "Please daddy," I looked up at his muzzle, feeling like an ant to his size, "can I stay up tonight?"
My dad, a strongly built, light red fox, raised an eye, but smiled. "Why?" He asked.
I expected my dad to know why and didn't like having to explain it. "Because to night is New Years!" I exclaimed, making it sound exciting. "You're supposed to stay up and not sleep!"
"Do you think you could stay up all night?" My dad seemed to doubt me. He had reason to, since I usually fell asleep easily. But on New Years Eve there was no doubting the tradition.
I nodded. "I can do it! I've been practicing now!" I assumed that staying up an hour after bedtime meant I could go all the way.
My dad laughed, making me lower my ears. Could I really not do it? He made it seem that way. But he answered me as I hoped he would. "Well, if you want to try it, then go ahead."
I grinned. "Thank you daddy!" I hugged him for a moment and ran back to the living room. I was going to see midnight! I was going to celebrate my first New Years Eve! I felt unfortunate for my mom and little brother, who had gone to sleep already. I guessed my brother was too young anyway, only three years old.
It was only a week after Christmas. We still had our tree up, which I had pleaded to keep up for a few more days, as well as our other decorations. It felt like Christmas Eve again, except I knew Santa wasn't going to come that night. I held my new cat plush that I had gotten for Christmas and sat on the couch to wait for the year to pass.
Yet, after five minutes or so of waiting, I realized that I didn't have anything to do. There was no one awake but my dad, who was in the kitchen. It was unusually quiet. I heard every time the clock ticked and it made me feel peaceful. Since I was a so young, I did not take such peace as important. What was important was staying awake all night. But I knew I was bored. There were still two hours of the year left and I was not sure how to spend them.
Then I yawned. I didn't think much of at for a moment, but then I realized that meant I was tired. I knew very well not to even think about sleep, yet my instincts told me it was time to rest. I shook my head and growled. I had to find something to preoccupy myself. I jumped from the couch and glanced at the clock again. 10:10; 110 minutes to go.
I ran to the kitchen with my cat and met up with my dad, who was listening to a song on the radio, perched relaxed in a chair. He was at attention when I arrived. "Daddy," I told him my problem, "what else do I do on New Years?"
My dad seemed unsure of what to do himself. He made a full attempt to show he was thinking. I waited patiently for his reply. "Well... you should be thinking about the things that happened this year." He explained. "You should try to remember the fun things you did and how much you enjoyed this year."
I looked at my cat in thought. I wasn't sure what to recall from the year. I was only five, everyday seemed the same to me. All I cared for was my birthday and Christmas. Without much emotions but joy and play, it was hard to recall anything in particular. I thought hard though; it was New Years and I felt I had to find something like my dad told me. "Well... I became five this year." I answered with pride. It made me feel bigger and more important.
My dad chuckled. "Yes you did, and did you like your birthday?" He asked, trying to make me think more.
"Of course." I answered. I meant, wasn't it obvious? "I got new toys and all my friends were there." I recalled the birthday well. I didn't have a lot of friends then, but the birthday was very special to me. I jumped on my dad's lap to talk more.
"Ha, that was nice." My dad smiled at me. "What about the summer? Do you remember our vacation?"
I nodded, now suddenly retaining the trip we took to the city in the summer. Since I lived out in a village, I had never seen the city till that summer. My parents took me and my brother out there for a few days and I saw all I could in those few days. It gave me a child's image of a big city. Those tall skyscrapers were monsters to me and I loved to look up at them and try to see their tops. I was surrounded by those buildings and it made me feel crowded. Being a shy girl at that age, it was a bit uncomfortable with all the people scurrying around and trying to meet their dates. We went to museums and I saw a lot of things I didn't understand. Bones of old creatures, pictures of stars and planes and jets were among my sights. I had gotten a cool toy dinosaur there which I kept in my room. That was probably the climax of the vacation.
"That was fun." I told my dad with a gleeful smile. "But those dinosaurs were scary..." I admitted.
My dad patted my head a bit. "Don't worry, they're all gone now."
I began to feel the relaxing thought of those memories. Once again, I didn't take it as something special, only something expected, but it made me like New Years even more. I wished I could remember more things I had done.
"You also started kindergarten this year." My dad reminded me.
I grinned. Kindergarten was like the most fun I ever had as a child. Unlike other school years which had much more work, in kindergarten I spent most of my time playing around while they taught things. It was fun learning! I met new friends and had more fun than I had at home. I actually enjoyed going. "I love kindergarten." I told my dad. "It's way fun!"
I glanced at the clock again; 10:30 with 90 minutes left. I spent more time reminiscing than I thought. Unfortunately, I couldn't think of anything else to remember, even with so much time left. I looked at my dad again with a frown. "What else do I do?" I asked for advice.
"Well," my dad explained another tradition to me, "you also have to think of what you'll be doing to make next year better than the last one."
I frowned. "How do I do that?" I wasn't sure how I ever could make it better.
"Take me for example," my dad said to explain it, "I still haven't learned how to swim. I can try and learn how to swim next year and make that my goal for the year. So, next year, I have to achieve that goal."
I chuckled at the example. "Even I can swim daddy." I told him teasingly.
"I know." He rolled his eyes. "But the point is you should think of something to improve on or practice."
I shrugged. "What could I have to make better?" I wondered. I had a classic, little kid ego, in which I didn't believe I had faults. My parents told me that. I believed it.
Dad shook his head. "You can think of something dear." He seemed to want me to try thinking of something. I wasn't sure why, but I tried for him.
"I guess I could get in trouble less..." I mumbled, hoping that would satisfy him.
My dad nodded. "That's a start."
I looked down in a bit of disappointment. "And maybe I could help out more..."
"Now you've got the idea." My dad took those answers with a smile. He wanted me to admit my need to improve. Even after that I still felt like an angel, but I tried not to show it.
I tried to smile at him. "Um... then... may I start that now?" I asked him. It would surely keep me awake longer. I felt my eyes growing heavier and I needed a more physical activity.
My dad raised an eye. "How would you start now?"
I already had an idea. I had seen my mom work hard to cook and clean and help take care of my brother. The perfect way to be nice was to do something for her. There was always one thing I wanted to try.
"Can we bake mom some cookies?" I suggested, enlightened and excited.
My dad frowned. He didn't seem to like that idea. "Do you know how to make them?" He asked in wonder.
I shook my head. "No, but doesn't mommy keep the recipe?"
"I can't cook Scarlet." My dad sighed, admitting it straight forward. He appeared disappointed, so I chuckled to try to make him happy.
"Don't worry, we can still try." I made the offer larger, so he couldn't refuse it. "Mommy will like it." I got off of his lap so he could stand up and stretch.
"Fine," he gave in, "we can try it."
I clapped my hands in joy. I laid my cat plush down on the table to get to work, and so it could watch. Immediately, I ran for the cabinets and began to search. Luckily, my dad helped find the recipe and handled the ingredients. I spilled sugar and flour often, making a slight mess of myself. I sneezed and it flew off of my hands. My dad shook his head, but couldn't help but laugh.
Messily, we were able to set up the batter and set it on a tray. We stuck it in the oven to bake and washed ourselves off before I looked at the clock again; 11:00PM with only 60 minutes left.
I went back to the living room with my cat plush, deciding I would play by myself until the cookies were done. I thought about my dad's ideas, of remembering the year past and wishing for the year ahead. I sat in front of the Christmas tree and grabbed some of the toys I had left there like a doll or car.
I played around the tree a bit, sometimes pausing to think about the past Christmas or how I could help my mother next year. At one point, I spent too much time thinking about it. My eyelids grew heavy without me noticing and I ended up in a dozed state, with only little nudges from my mind to keep me awake. "I've got to stay awake..." I told myself over and over again. The toys blurred and I had to shake my head to see straight again. It was harder than I thought.
I think I got too far into that dozed state, as my dad nudged me once and I found myself opening my eyes. "They're finished." He told me softly after saving me from falling asleep.
I jumped my eyes wide open and got up, knowing he meant the cookies. "Oh, let's see!" I exclaimed and ran for the kitchen.
My dad stopped me from touching the oven and took them out himself. They smelled delicious; chocolate chip, my favorite. My mouth watered as I stared at them. They didn't look bad at all, even if it was our first try. I wanted one so very badly.
"May I have one?" I asked my dad very kindly. Innocence was a key to getting what I wanted.
My dad shrugged. "Fine, but just one. Remember, they're for your mother."
I nodded. I knew well who they were for and I would let her take all the rest. There were about a dozen of them. I took a bit of one and grinned. They were as good as they looked! I gobbled it down and chuckled. "Mom will love them." I told my dad with a smile. He smiled back in agreement.
11:20PM; 40 minutes were left. With the cookies done and all the goals thought of, my options fell lower. What else was there to do? I needed to stay up still longer and I was growing so very tired. I thought for a moment and then I had an idea.
"Hey daddy," I asked him as he put the cookies in a container, "can we go outside?"
My dad didn't seem so sure about that idea. "It's dark out there." He reminded me. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I do." I insisted. "I want to see the outside so late." I had never stayed up this late before, so I had to take the chance and see how it really was like close to midnight. As well, I couldn't think of a better place to spend my New Years then outdoors. I loved the outdoors and I played outside everyday unless it rained, and even then I'd try to get out. Since I spent so much of my year there, being there when it ended was perfect for me.
My dad still didn't like it, probably for worry I would get lost, but he smiled. "Fine, but we're not going far. Grab a coat, it's cold out."
I obeyed and grabbed my jacket and boots, putting them on quickly and scurrying to the door. My dad had to rush to keep up with me so I wouldn't leave without him. He opened the front door and when I stepped out I couldn't see anything. My dad closed the door behind us, leaving only light from our windows and some others from neighbors to help me see. It took me a minute to adjust, but even then the night was quiet and shaded darkly. I felt the crunch of the snow on my boots. The snow was the only thing that was easily visible. Its whiteness gave all the houses and trees an outline.
I looked around at my neighborhood, coated in snow and darkness. It was like a black and white movie, but much blacker. My dad stood at the door where I could see him and he could see me. I stayed in our yard and just stood around. I gazed up at the sky, which was a very pleasant, dark blue. It wasn't entirely black. There were white, shining stars in the sky, like snowflakes stuck in the heavens. There were plenty of them and in the middle of them all was the moon. Its little crescent shape made it stick out amongst the stars.
I found it very peaceful. It was too cold for me to consider falling asleep, so I was able to stay awake and play a bit in the snow. Some other houses were lit, showing me others were celebrating New Years in my small village, just like me. I quietly laid in the snow, making a small snow angel and staring at the sky again. The peace of the snow and stars allowed me to think straighter. I was able to remember much of the past year now. I saw my birthday and my first day of school clearer. I couldn't remember, no matter how hard I tried, the early half of the year. It seemed like those months were part of a whole other world now, beyond where I could memorize them.
I had seen the depths of the night. I was very much satisfied. For the first time ever, I was up at the darkest hours of the day. It was a special event for me. Though I knew I wouldn't be allowed up that late again for a while, I wished I could spend time at that hour of night everyday. Being kind of bored, I made little snow balls and threw them around, not at anyone in particular. I threw one straight into the sky to hit the stars, but it almost hit me in the face on the way down. I chuckled at myself.
Growing bored, I returned to my dad, who was leaning against the house. "You ready to go back in?" He asked me.
I thought about it again, if I wanted to leave the peaceful darkness for the warmth of my house. Like I said, I had spent most of the year outside. Should I spent the rest of it there or go back inside? After a brief moment of thought, I answered. "Yes, I am." I decided to stay inside with my family for the New Year. Though they all weren't awake, I felt it was right to stay with them. My dad took me back inside, where I returned to my cat plush and looked back at the clock.
11:50PM; only 10 minutes left! I gasped when I saw the time. It was almost midnight! I was going to make it! I jumped on the couch and stared at the clock, watching the hands click over and over again as seconds went by.
"It's almost midnight." My dad noticed it as well. "Think you can make it?"
Of course!" I exclaimed. I was very sure of myself. I mean, how hard could ten more minutes be?
Unfortunately, I didn't know how tired I really was. I couldn't help but lay down on the couch and I worked hard to keep my eyes open. My dad came by and sat beside me, patting my head. "Just a little bit longer." He tried to keep me awake by talking, but his patting only calmed me more. I was not sure whose side he was on; mine or sleep.
I stared at the clock. Minutes went by and my eyes grew heavier upon each minute gone. "Daddy..." I said in tired tone, "is it New Years yet?"
"Not yet sweetie." He answered to my dismay. "There are still a few minutes."
"A few minutes..." I sighed and tried to think about the year again. The best I could remember was the night that was about to pass. It showed me the true value of my time and what the world looked like so late. New Years was now one of my favorite holidays. It was tough to stay up so late, but highly worth it for all the peace and harmony it brought. I closed my eyes slightly in happiness.
Then, waking me up, was the ring of my clock. I sat up and looked at the clock as it started to ring. All three hands were at the exact same position. It meant it only one thing; midnight. It was midnight, where the night was strongest and at its highest. When two days shook hands and went their separate ways. But on that day, midnight meant two whole years were saying their hellos and goodbyes. 365 days greeting at once. I looked up at my dad. "Happy New Years." I said and laid back down.
"Happy New Years." He said back, patting my head.
I smiled and fell asleep within seconds. I had made it. I made it to midnight.