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It had been four days since Hunter told Samel off, and through some miracle or another, nothing seemed to have changed between them. Samel was shy at first, guilt hounded him every time he reflected on the moment he crept down towards the dog's crotch. But that was a good thing. It helped him assess those feelings, all those desires he had and how he'd lost sight of his own boundaries. His aroused mind had grown so fat on lust and hedonistic pleasures that it was affecting his judgement in every capacity, and he'd never been like that before. His entire life, bar the last two weeks, he'd been a reserved person. He wanted to stay that way outside of his more sexually adventurous moments.

Having time away from Davie was good. It soothed him to have a hard barrier in front of his biggest temptation while thinking these things through. Though their break had almost certainly become performative more than something real, there was a pleasant balance there that gave Samel more material to reflect on. They'd been texting every night before bed, just catching up on what they'd been up to and how they were feeling. Davie had been having some low days, though he'd been warned starting anti-depressants could cause that to happen and for the most part he'd been coping.

But that changed this morning when Davie texted him.

Seeing shrink today. Feel like shit, heart is racing and I have a stomache ache and everything feels awful. I just wanna stay home, don't need someone poking around my fucking skull.

Samel bit at his lip.

_It'll be ok, they're a professional who's probably helped others who felt the same

Fuck that. I'm still going, I promised I would but fuck man

Did you take your pill this morning

no they make me feel like shit

Take it and I'll meet you in town before your appointment? This is important enough to break the break for.

:( tempting but no. I miss you a lot and that's really kind but feels wrong. I'm just stressing. Worried she's gunna pull something out of my brain that'll get me locked up or some shit.

What about that confidentiality thing they have to agree to?

I thought that didn't cover crimes

Are you a criminal?

No but my thoughts sure as fuck are. Didn't wanna scare you, but having some really violent dreams lately. Like real gruesome shit. Think its these pills I dunno. They're fucking with my head._

Samel frowned at that.

_Maybe don't take it then, see what the shrink says

Grrr

?

Just took it because you wanted me to

oops

It'll be fine, feel a little better talking to you

Call me?

Maybe later, going to work now.

Enjoy your day, let me know if you really do need help getting to your appointment ok?

Nothing face to face. We agreed.

Yep, can still call you or something

ok, thanks but rather not

All good. It'll be ok. Proud of you for doing this._

Davie didn't reply, which was mildly concerning but Samel let it lie. This wasn't going to be easy and he had no frame of reference for what Davie might really be feeling, he just wanted to be as supportive as he could. He lazed around Step's manor, hoping for some kind of communication but it wasn't until well past 8PM did Davie reach out again.

_Been trying to type this for the last three fucking hours and I'm so fucking tired of trying. Never felt more fragile in my entire fucking life. Feel fucking violated or some shit I can't even explain it, fuck. She ripped me a new asshole and tore my entire life through it. Couldn't even cover it all and she's fucked me at every turn for things I think or see or did, categorizing it all in ways I never thought of. Was so fucking good but holy shit it's fucked me. I got really anxious and made myself just go all out, got tired of trying to think of ways I could lie or make it easy on myself so I just kept talking and she's railed my god damn brain. I just feel fucking empty right now and it's peaceful and chaos at the same time. Never been heard out like that. Fuck.

We'll go over it all some time, just not now. I got you some reading material._

He attached an image of a pamphlet titled 'Bipolar Disorder: What You Should Know'. Samel's heart was racing as he re-read the message twice over. Davie texted again before he could reply.

Starts off real fucking nicely too. That's rattled my fucking brain every time I've read it.

Davie sent a close up image of part of the first line of the pamphlet that read: Bipolar Disorder (also known as Manic Depression).

Samel swallowed hard, mouth a little dry. He hadn't known the other name for the disorder. He just thought it meant strong mood swings or something. His hands were shaking as he replied.

_You going to be okay?

Probably. I was scared this morning but now I know so that's cool to think on. Made a lot of things make sense. Thought I'd feel so shitty if I actually was something but the more I read the more I'm like... fuck, that is me. And this entire fucking time I've been some shit head acting tough about how cool it is that I'm just some fucking guy. I don't need no label bullshit I'm just who I am. MEANWHILE. Undiagnosed mental disorder. Fucking hell. I dunno what I expected. Feels so fucking weird to admit. Didn't want to believe it at first. But my psych fisted that denial. Straight in, no fucking mercy._

I'm so happy you did this.

Samel was aching to do some research, get real familiar with as many bipolar studies and literature reviews as he could. He could still access his college's online library full of dense scientific studies during break, and that sort of thing was fascinating. But he had more pressing matters. He called Davie, the boar answered immediately.

"Hey."

"Do you wanna hear a joke?" Davie asked, his voice was husky like he'd been crying but it came through strong and full of spirit.

"Yeah."

"I'm a little depressed." Davie snickered before laughing. "Fucking hell. I dunno if I owe you an apology for busting your balls about that or not, you were right I guess. My doc's a dumbass. The pills he gave me fuck with the whole bipolar thing. Shrink called what I've been feeling hypomania, might last for some time so sorry in advance if that fucks with you but I'm fucking manic." He stressed the word like it was something to celebrate.

"Did you get something else then?" Samel wasn't all too sure how to react to that.

"Yeah. She's put me on mood regulators. That sounds so fucking evil, like some sci-fi mind control bullshit or something but it should help. I can keep taking the same happy pills with the mind control ones and apparently it works out just fine."

Samel chuckled. "Good. It's nice to hear you happy about all this."

"Yeah, well, I'm medicated. Though it's probably not doing anything yet. I'm just happy that so much shit's making sense." Davie paused. "Uh, listen. I told her about you."

"Oh?" Samel's heart beat a little faster. From how he led into it, it didn't sound at all positive.

"Yeah. She uh... doesn't think there's much wrong with the idea of our relationship."

A smile filled Samel's face.

"She said that it's fine. Thinks that age gaps don't really mean much, people just like to make a big deal over them because they can't relate. I do still think it's a bit weird, but it happened. And I'm at peace with that. There are some ethical concerns but the fact that we've kinda talked them over and agreed it's cool solves them for the most part. She said that could change any time though, if this stops being mutual. The main difficulty is you know, having an actual relationship with an age gap that was built off of sex. I told her physically we're damn good. Emotionally we're getting there. But all the normal shit is where it gets messy. And we're going to talk about that some time, probably not next session but the one after. Lots of other stuff to get through first, and she knows we're on our little break." He exhaled sullenly. "She warned me though, that you could become part of these cycles of manic behavior. That because I've been so up and down as part of how we fell in love, it might be kinda normal for me to really swing all over the place just because that's how I learned to love you."

"Right..." Samel grit his teeth. That wouldn't be good in the slightest. "Can something be done about that, if it is true?"

"Dunno." Davie sighed. "That worries me."

"Me too." Samel took in a deep breath.

"But the pills should help. And I can talk to you about it, and I talk to her about it. Half of how I've started seeing this shit is whether or not it might affect our relationship. Today made me realize you're all I've got kid. And I'm not going to let myself really fuck it up. Maybe it doesn't work out anyways, but I swear to fucking god that's not going to be because I fucked it up. I love you Samel, and fuck it feels so good to say that to you."

"I love you too Davie." Samel's heart glowed warm in his chest.

"Yeah. Fuck." Davie laughed. "It's taking a lot to not race over there right now and give you a hug.

Samel leant away from his phone for a moment, forcing himself to bite back the urge to encourage it. It'd be good so why stop it? "Is it nine or ten days left?"

"I've been thinking the same thing. It's nine originally, but we sure as fuck didn't start off well. So I think in fairness, it should be ten. Which is also unfair as hell, but that's how I'm calling it."

"But you'll be coming over for the pool in a few days so even less."

"Um. I know you were probably looking forward to that but I've already spoken to a coworker, we've traded jobs." Davie sounded a little awkward. "Felt like the best decision, given what happened last time."

"Alright." Samel struggled to hold in a sigh. "It's cool."

"You sound so disappointed." Davie huffed. "I'm sorry."

"I think you did the right thing. I'd be tempted, things could get messy. I've been trying to sort out my own issues and I think I'm making progress. At the very least, I've realized my impulse control is just as bad as yours if not worse. And I think I kept using you as a scapegoat to feel like I could get away with it."

"Damn." Davie chuckled. "No matter what happens between us we've both learned a lot from this. And I'll always be grateful for that, especially now. Fucking hell kid, it's still sinking in that so much shit I've put myself through isn't normal. Fucking decades of mood swings. I just thought I was a bit emotional or something. And that really builds you know? Made some bad choices because I was feeling down, which led to more and then I'd get angry or do something a bit too much. Lost friends, lost boyfriends. Hurt my family. And nobody could ever push me to work that out. Some tried, but usually I'd already fucked up my relationship with them so bad I just didn't wanna listen."

"Never too late to work things out I guess."

"Yep. And that's encouraging. Fuck." Davie laughed. "You know when my shrink was trying to get me out of the room, I couldn't fucking believe it? I wanted to stay there, get fucked longer. Wasn't done yet. Fuck, you can probably tell with how much shit I'm talking. Oh fuck, almost forgot."

"Huh?" Davie was speaking a lot, but it was good. These were all things Samel wanted to hear.

"First thing I told her was that someone close to me thought I had schizophrenia. She kinda rolled her eyes, asked me a few questions but led into some more basic getting to know each other things, didn't mention it again until the end when I asked her." Samel could hear Davie grinning through the phone. "The closest I come to being a skitz is that I have a few fucked up ways of thinking that can be explained by anything else. Fuckwit." He laughed.

"Yeah, yeah." Samel exhaled, lips taut from embarrassment.

"In your defense when I told you about that fucked up voice thing, I didn't mean it like I was actually hearing it or some shit, just part of how I think apparently."

"And this is why I'm in med science and not medicine," Samel muttered.

"Y'know I didn't actually know what the difference was? I had to look it up and even then I couldn't make a lot of sense of why that mattered, I just get they're different things and med science is for smarter idiots, medicine is for actually smart people and the rest of us go become pool guys or something because we've got rocks in our skulls instead." Davie snickered. "What is it you want to do after college?"

"Uh." Samel coughed. "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

"That sounds awesome."

"I like learning about this sort of thing, I don't know. I'll make sense of that at some point. Hopefully."

"That must pay well."

"Shut up." Samel groaned. "I don't know how to think about this sort of thing at all. It's scary."

"Yeah. I feel that. The future's... spooky." Davie paused. With some hesitation he continued. "I spoke to my boss about transfers through the company. They don't really facilitate anything other than setting us up in a new position in a new place, usually takes a month for it all to sort out."

Samel's heart raced.

"And there isn't much risk they turn me down, uh... depending on where it is. But if that happens, I'll look for another job where ever."

His breath came fast and uneven.

"No rush. No pressure. No decisions yet. Just wanted to let you know. You don't even have to tell me where you study yet, that's a pretty big step I think and you should only tell me when you're ready to. If this all falls through, you deserve that privacy. I'm ready though." Davie took in a long breath and when he continued, his voice was softer. "I don't like it here Samel, there's too many memories. Too many people who've seen me at my worst. A few who've made me my worst. And a few I've hurt because I'm an idiot. If things don't work out between us, I think I'm going to move anyways."

Samel didn't even hesitate. "I study in Fowling. FTU, Fowling Tech."

There was a long gap. "Fuck." Davie chuckled. "Been up that way once before. Nice city. Alright." Davie oinked softly. "Fuck." He laughed once more. "I need to stop thinking about this. But fuck. Samel. I'll do it if you want me to. Holy shit." Hearing the joy in his voice was intoxicating.

"I live in a dorm but my parents told me they're happy to help if I wanted to move somewhere a little more personal, lots of cheap places to rent near campus." Samel was grinning. "I quit my job to come back for break but I'm getting paid to house sit, have a little saved too. I'll find some work again during semester, and if my parents chip in some and we split costs." His mind was racing. It was feasible.

"Samel." Davie oinked again. "Fuck. Shut up, please this is a lot. We'll talk about it more another time. I fucking love you kid."

"I'm so happy."

"This is fucking insane still, but it feels right doesn't it?"

"Yeah."

"Now I really want to hug you."

Samel grinned. All the mirth quickly spilled over into other, warmer thoughts. "Still open to getting booty called?"

Davie made an exasperated sound. "There is nothing more in the entire fucking world I want right now than to hold you, but Samel, it's not happening okay? Ten days."

Samel's heart sunk in his chest a little. "I know." He sighed.

"Have you eaten yet?"

"No."

"I'm going to order you pizza. That's about as close as I can get to a hug from here." Davie snorted.

"You don't have to."

"I want to though. I want to spoil you so fucking bad. You make me so happy." He spoke like he was struggling through a smile.

"Then do it. But I don't know how to repay you and I'm going to want to."

"Wait, is Hunter busy tonight?"

"Probably not but he might be with his girlfriend."

"Invite him over, I'll order two."

"You're serious about this aren't you?"

"Completely."

"I'll text him in a moment. But how am I repaying you for this?"

"I dunno. You don't really have to." Davie hummed in thought. He gasped, exhaled softly and cleared his throat. Through the range of sounds he was making, Samel was more than curious about what he was considering. "M- fuck." He growled.

"You good?"

"Too happy, getting stupid," he muttered. "We should get off the phone, go ask Hunter if he's free. Text me, I'll order for you guys." He rushed through the words, then the call ended.

Samel stared at his phone, bewildered. He texted Davie.

_What was that about?

What word starts with M and means taking your two week old relationship way too fucking fast?_

He scowled, a bit unsure what Davie even meant until the realization was painfully obvious. It carried so much weight the thought dropped right out of Samel's skull.

_Marry?

DON'T SAY IT

Damn. Lol. That's as awkward as it is cute.

SHHHHHHH

Pizza for marriage? What a trade

STOP JUST LET ME GET YOU PIZZA AND CRY IN PEACE

You ok?

HAPPY CRYING. VERY OVERWHELMED AT THIS EXACT MOMENT OK_

Samel laughed, butterflies in his stomach. He wasn't stupid enough to act like this was a good thing. At last reason had trumped his infatuation, though this would've been a stroke too far even at the peak of his obsession. But it was endearing in a way he never expected out of Davie. The boar had been through so much today and maybe this was brought on by the medication, or a very potent upswing of Davie's mood. If anyone was entitled to have a joyful breakdown it was him. Samel texted Hunter, the response came as swiftly as it was eager. There was zero chance Hunter would deny himself free pizza.

Samel flicked back to Davie's messages, unable to drop the grin from his face.

Hunter's coming. Love you so much you dumb pig.

The pizza arrived forty minutes later. Most pizza places in town offered to put little messages or drawings in permanent marker inside the boxes as part of the delivery. Both boxes had been scrawled in.

**STUPID F*CKING CAT

LOVE YOU TOO**

Hunter eyed them with a smile. "Alright," he said. "What happened this time?"