FSE

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Dear Francis,

One day in the shower, I got to thinking; how could I possibly sum up everything we had in a hundred pages or less? It was probably one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do, but the saddest part was that, by the end of it, I realized I only needed one sentence:

I tried, you lied, and we died.

##

Chapter 1

"Boom, headshot!" Jayden shouted, collapsing back into his computer chair with a satisfied grunt. Cracking his knuckles quickly and unceremoniously, Jayden ran his clawed fingers up the snowy white fur of his muzzle.

Looking back at the computer screen, he could see the horde of zombies advancing on him with a vengeance, obviously distraught by the flashy display of his M16 skills. Of course, this was assuming that the zombies were even capable of anything other than reeking like rotten flesh.

Rolling his head across his shoulders, he turned his frayed, black cadet cap backwards as a mischievous smirk slit across his face. His deep emerald eyes were twinkling in the quiet light above him as his hands rest back on the mouse and the WASD keys. He was a master at this; he may damn well be lost in his own life, but when it came to controlling someone else's through an electronic interface, all bets were off.

The sound of unrestrained gunfire echoed off the walls of his small room, the deep bass making the floor vibrate below him. A low tinkling filled the room as the casings hit the pavement and the furious sounds of clicking assaulted his ears, but he had yet to hit a single button. A loud scream filled the room amidst the gurgling sea of grunts and groans eliciting a thinly veiled chuckle from the wolf.

"Dammit, Jayden, get your head out your ass and do something!" Paige shouted, as she pushed the keyboard away from her.

"Don't worry, I got this," Jayden smirked. Running backwards, he began to fire shot after shot at the zombies as they pressed forward, working fruitlessly for their next meal. Mow them down, he thought, thin the horde, slow them down. Headshot, headshot, headshot. This was all so trivial, yet so thoroughly entertaining; it was almost like he had control over something for once. It was nothing like the real world where you had to worry about relationships and what to wear the next day. This was actually thrilling.

With his back against the wall, Jayden hit the closest zombie across the face with the stock of his gun. Before it even had the chance to stumble backwards, there was an explosion of red followed by the calming sound of it's corpse hitting the pavement.

Pushing the keyboard tray in, Jayden reclined back in his office chair and crossed his legs pompously. With a low creak, he turned to face the flustered fox as she sat on the edge of his bed, using a small wooden table as a makeshift keyboard tray. Rolling her summery orange eyes as she stared at his TV, which was also acting as her computer monitor, she shook her head with repulsion.

"Who's amazing?" Jayden said with a smile, as he pulled off his cap to scratch the thick fur below it. Replacing the hat properly, the wolf did a little victory dance in his chair, snapping his fingers as it spun around lazily. Paige let out a loud sigh as she yanked the power cord from her computer tower and tossed it on his bed.

"I totally could have helped you if you weren't such an ass," Paige said, her white tipped tail ruffling angrily as she tossed both the keyboard and mouse on Jayden's bed. She straightened out and turned to the wolf, her hand perched on her hip. She wasn't really mad, was she? Blowing a small tuft of fur out of her eyes, she sighed again, just like she always did when she fell out of character.

"It's all about the practice, baby," Jayden said, nudging his eyebrows playfully.

"And you practice so much it comes as no surprise that you're still single after how many years?" Paige grumbled, bending down to pick up her computer.

"Ouch, that's harsh."

"I just calls 'em as I sees 'em," Paige said with an extravagant grin as she kicked open the bedroom door, "You spend so much time with that computer that you forget how to make any actual contact."

"I do too know how to talk to people," Jayden moaned diffidently, following the fox into the long, dark hallway, "I just haven't found a guy who takes gaming as seriously as I do."

"I'm surprised your hands don't get tired because of all the practicing you have to do on all those long, lonely nights," Paige quipped as she placed her computer on the kitchen table while she dug through her jean pockets for her car keys.

Jayden leaned against the wall beside the closed door and mocked Paige silently with his hands, miming her incessant speaking. Paige chuckled to herself lightly as she held the key ring in her hand, the old car key poking out from between her thumb and forefinger. She ran her petite hand through her headfur as she looked up at the wolf with a grin.

"Are you working tomorrow, too?" Jayden asked through his smirk and crossed arms. Uncoiling himself, he unlocked the door and pulled it open just as Paige heaved the computer onto her side, showing an amazing resilience for someone with her small structure.

"Yup," she said, slowly backing out of the door into the apartment building's hall, "until ten, and then I'm off with the boyfriend. At least I'll be able to own his ass in any game we end up playing."

"I'm telling you, man," Jayden laughed, holding the door open with his foot, "if you keep practicing, I'll be the one who ends up dead for once."

"I, good sir, do not look at gaming as a profession, quite like you do," Paige said, the key in her hand pressing into the center of Jayden's black t-shirt. She slowly backed away, extending her index finger to him as he waved, a wavering smile on his face.

"Later," Jayden called to her as she receded down the hall, her bright fur covered with a sheen that made her stick out against the drab, seaweed green carpet.

The hallway door shut with a loud slam; apparently no one had gotten around to fixing it yet. Retreating back into the apartment, he let the door slam behind him as walked into his bedroom again and pulled off his shirt.

Left in only his unnecessarily baggy cargo shorts, he tossed the shirt angrily in the direction of his hamper. It hung limply off the edge of the whicker basket, ignoring Jayden as he swiped the keyboard and mouse off his bed, sending them careening into the stubborn whitewash walls with a thud.

Flopping down onto his back, his bed grunted ingratiatingly and Jayden pressed the back of his head into the monotonous black sheets. Rubbing his eyes lazily, he looked down his white chest fur as it ruffled in the breeze that his fan threw around the room.

His fan had four speed settings, but even the highest didn't make the slightest dent in the heat that continually plagued his room, regardless of the season. Considering the cost of this apartment a month, you'd think the air conditioners would work. But, of course, they were both broken and the maintenance here took their sweet time doing everything from fixing doors to repairing air conditioners.

It hurt, what she said about him still being single after all these years. It'd been three or four years, maybe, since his first and last boyfriend broke up with him. Or since Jayden broke up with him. He never really knew how to word it, because in the end it was always just a pointless battle about semantics. All that really mattered was that, when it came down to it, his last boyfriend was insane. Maybe not clinically insane, but any well-rounded person would definitely admit that there was something wrong with that boy's brain.

First off, there was the fact that his ex had been nineteen and Jayden had been fourteen. That wasn't even the sad part. The sad part was that at the age of fourteen, Jayden had been more mature than anything his ex could ever aspire to be.

His ex had been sure he was the offspring of Satan, something that caused Jayden much distress now that he looked back and judged himself on his past decisions. His ex was also pretty damn stupid and it wasn't just practical knowledge that his ex didn't understand, like math or literature, it was simple things like common sense. Or people skills.

And Jayden would be hard put to accept that he had similar social skills to his ex, who once argued with an ordained Wiccan priestess about the number of sabbats in a year.

In all reality, it wasn't that Jayden didn't try to get into relationships, because he did that with a determination rivaled only by politicians, what with their desire to ruin the world, or take it over, or whatever it was they did. Every 'relationship' that Jayden did manage to get into was just a little... off, to put it simply. It seemed that closet cases flocked to him because he was the only gay guy with any sense around here.

They really needed to make classes that taught you how to get closet cases to come out, because it seemed that no matter how hard Jayden tried, they always ended up fumbling around with the lock on the way out.

It'd barely even been two months since the last guy decided to lock himself back in the closet and disappear from Jayden's life. It seemed that it always happened after they, inevitably, ended up sleeping together, and he wasn't sure that was a bad thing or not. He was just growing tired of the nagging feeling that reminded him of just how big his bed was in relation to his lone body.

Every time they ended up running away, he'd swear that it was his turn to close the door and run away first, just once, but there was always another one that came stumbling through.

And that's where his obsessions came in; the things that almost made it feel like he had some control over the tides of his life. His writing, his gaming, and his general geekiness.

Some days he'd want to be anywhere else, and be anyone else, so he'd end up writing. Some days he'd feel like he'd lost control of everything, and his world was falling down around him, and that's where his games came in. And just about every other day of the week he'd just feel empty, so he'd read computer manuals, webpage articles and newspaper clippings.

He had no job, he had no money, and he still lived with his mother. He'd dropped out of school when it had become too much, and now he was seventeen and on a fast track to nowhere. He had no intentions of going to college just to rack up bills, while having no idea what he wanted to do with his life.

Jayden lived his life through indefinites, because at least then it was harder to be let down. Some days he wanted nothing more than to write stories for the rest of his life, so he could always live in his own little fairy tale world. Other days, he wanted to repair computers and deal with cold, hard facts that didn't leave any room for emotion interpretation.

Today was a rare, and often welcome, occurrence. Today he didn't want anything other than to do nothing. The planets must have aligned far out in space, because somehow his nagging desire to keep moving had abated and his bed felt more comfortable than it ever had before.

Rolling onto his stomach, he felt the air travel up his pant leg and a grin split his muzzle. One day, this heat was going to end up killing him. Removing his cap, he placed it beside him on the bed and ruffled his fur to try and air out the sweat.

Grunting in shock, Jayden's hand darted down to his pants pocket to retrieve his phone which was sending an uncomfortable vibration down his leg. Holding the phone up to his face, he raised his eyebrow as he looked at the name printed across the top of the screen.

Francis? He... wait, what? Jayden hadn't talked to Francis in over a year because he was one of those guys that had decided he wasn't ready to like boys, at least openly. He was one of the few that Jayden hadn't actually slept with, as bad as that sounded, because at the time, Francis had felt... different.

Jayden had felt something almost right about Francis, because at the time, he'd felt like he'd be someone he could actually love. All the other guys were quite different and felt more like time fillers, just to keep him from feeling lonely.

The vibration stopped and his phone's screen faded off, leaving Jayden to stare at his confused eyes in the blackness. Shaking his head rigorously, he hit the power button on his phone and slid his finger across to unlock it.

His finger shook slightly as his heart pounded uncomfortably in his throat. Staring blankly at the keypad displayed on the screen of his phone, he wondered what it was the Francis could possibly want. He... he didn't just want to talk, because none of the others ever had.

Looking at his recent contacts, Jayden's finger hovered over Francis for a split second before a fresh pulse of blood made his finger twitch. Francis' name appeared on his screen and Jayden held it to his ear quietly, closing his eyes, trying to calm down. Why did this scare him so much? Francis had been the one that broke his heart, not the other way around. Francis should be the one who was scared.

Maybe he was. Had he hung up the phone, too? This was so odd, this was so wrong. Why was Jayden calling him back? He didn't need this stress so soon after the last guy. Jayden had swore that he was going to stop with this insane and psychotic closet case bullshit. Oh God, oh God, oh God, the phone was still ringing.

What if Francis had just called to chat? Maybe he'd come out? Jayden would never know until he picked up the other line. Why won't he pick up the damn ph-

"Hello?" Francis said, his voice just as booming and certain as he remembered it. Letting out a shuttering exhale, Jayden felt his resolve shatter instantly and placed his face in his palm.

"H - hi," Jayden mumbled, and collapsed forward, pressing his face into his bed. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Now Francis would know he was nervous and that definitely wouldn't set the context he wanted. He should just hang up before he made a complete ass out of himself, although that really wouldn't take a lot. What were they going to talk about? Hey, I know I didn't sleep with you last time, so how about we fix that?

That would make his life a hell of a lot easier, because sex usually ended up being an icebreaker for him. When Jayden knew what he wanted and they didn't, it tended to be the easiest way to get from point A to point B and make sure they were on the same level. It just usually ended with them putting their clothes back on and doing the walk of shame, which was a tad depressing now that he thought of it like that.

"So, um, what're you up to?" Francis said, trying to revive the conversation that Jayden had been ignoring while he was lost in thought. Opening his eyes abruptly, the wolf saw nothing but blackness.

"Nothing much, you?" Jayden answered, his voice muffled and drowned out as he doltishly talked to his mattress.

"What?"

"Nothing much, you?" Jayden mumbled again, rolling over onto his back again, letting his head hang over the side of the bed. Covering his eyes with his hand, he tried to ignore the anxiety.

"I was actually wondering something," Francis said shyly, his voice drifting slowly out of the phone, "um, I know I haven't talked to you in... a while, but I was wondering if you could help me with something?"

Jayden let his head loll back and forth over the side of the bed as he let out a sigh. Yup, they never called to just talk. He'd walked them through one of the most confusing points in their young lives and all he ended up being was someone they could use.

"With?" Jayden said, pulling himself off his bed so he could pace endlessly around his room. Maybe this was a good thing. Maybe Francis could get him out of his cycle of depression and anger. Rolling his eyes to himself, Jayden knew that it would only end up being a short reprieve, just like the rest. But, at this point, he was just sick of feeling lonely while everyone else so mercilessly threw that fact in his face.

"Well, my computer won't... work right and I don't want to have to pay some company to repair it, so I wondering if you could help."

"I - er, sure, why not?" Jayden replied, butting his forehead into the door pane. He never knew whether to be insulted that people always came to him first with computer problems, or if he should be happy that his name was out there. It wasn't like anyone ever paid him, anyway.

"Are you doing anything right now?" Francis asked.

"Nope, nothing," Jayden answered absently. Why was he doing this? It wasn't going to end well. It was going to end up blowing up in his face just like it always did. If it hadn't worked the first time, why would this be any different?

"Cool," Francis said, sounding elated, his voice bubbling over slightly as Jayden heard him crack a smile. Was Francis excited to see him? "Do you mind if I come over now?"

"Come on over," Jayden said, smiling wanly. Furrowing his eyebrow roughly, the wolf looked himself in the mirror. Had he just said yes? And, why the hell was he smiling?

"Awesome, I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

Dammit. His room was a mess, and it was nearing a hundred degrees, so he was all sweaty and disgusting. If he took a shower, Francis would know that he was freaking out.

Jumping onto his bed, it warped in on itself dangerously, but Jayden ignored it as he continued his mantra of 'oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.' Pulling open his closet, he flicked through his clean t-shirts. A Perfect Circle, Linkin Park, Marilyn Manson, The Used. Oh, The Used. Did Francis like The Used?

Wait, what? Why did he even care? He was only fixing his computer. Ripping the shirt off the hanger, he pulled it over her head and stumbled into the bathroom, still unable to force his hand through the sleeve.

Tripping on the threshold, Jayden grabbed onto the edge of the sink and prevented himself from face planting into the tile floor. Turning on the faucet, he grabbed his tooth brush and squeezed the nearly empty tube, cursing to himself as it refused to give him what he wanted. Things always went wrong; always. Stupid Murphy and his stupid laws.

He brushed his teeth before turning his frenetic gaze to the mirror as he checked his teeth. As he was about to dart out the door, he stopped and looked at himself again, fixing his fur before he rest his hands on the edge, exhaling loudly.

"Okay, I got this," he mumbled to himself, "just think of it like a video game. Calm, cool, collected, and whatever you do, just don't shoot your damn team mates in the face. That shit's annoying."

His neck twitched as his heartbeat slowed, and he tried to ignore that painful feelings that came from experience. He always got his hopes up, just for it to end the same way. Why did he keep doing this to himself? He must be some twisted form of self-masochist or something.

Now that he'd rushed to get ready, he had nothing to do to occupy himself while the seconds bumbled on and he was left to run through every possible outcome in his head. Over thinking and obsessing deluded him into believing that he'd be ready to deal with the blows at a moments notice, but he always ended up just as hurt.

The buzzer sounded in the kitchen and Jayden picked up his head to look at his eyes once again, imploring himself to calm down and not act like a complete idiot.

"And boom goes the dynamite," Jayden grumbled to himself as he rest his claw on the buzzer, to unlock the door on the bottom floor. Padding lightly back to the apartment door, he closed his eyes and breathed slowly, fixing his hat in the process.

A low rumbling echoed down the hall, marking Francis' heavy footfalls. Jayden opened the door slowly just as the hefty bear appeared in front of the door frame. The tan fur around his mouth cracked into a grin, rumpling the mocha that covered the rest of his face. Jayden smiled back, looking like a head case. Dammit, strike one.

"Can I come in and put this down? It's a little heavy," Francis said, heaving the monstrosity of a computer tower further up his side as it began to slide down.

"Oh, yea, of course," Jayden said, leading the way down the hall into his bedroom. God, did he want to be anywhere but his bedroom.

Francis dropped the computer onto Jayden's bed, brushing off the dust that had clung to him. It looked as if the tower hadn't moved in ages, possibly since it's creation day. The black metal side and scuffed plastic bezel were still covered with a thick layer of dust, despite the equally thick layer on Francis' gray sweatshirt. Coughing loudly, the bear collapsed onto the bed beside his computer and Jayden looked at him nervously.

"Well, err, this is my room. It's changed a lot since you've been here."

"God damn has it," Francis mumbled, his piercing blue-gray eyes just like he remembered them. They darted from the computer set-up to the television to the rest of his desk. He completely ignored the bookshelf and all of the stories Jayden had written, "Are those surround sound speakers, man?"

"Mmhmm," Jayden hummed quietly, his arms crossed as he saw Francis' small ears twitch animatedly as he continued to look around.

"And is that a high-def TV?" Francis groaned, "What is it, a twenty-six inch?"

"Twenty-four, so yea, close enough," Jayden said, smirking quietly. He didn't remember Francis ever being this into technology, but he really liked it. Every time Jayden tried to talk specifics about computers to Paige, he'd end up having to explain five other things on top of what he was originally trying to clarify. But, if he knew about computers, then why was he here?

"Damn," Francis mumbled, leaning back on his hands, as he stared at Jayden's computer longingly, "Compared to your computer, mine just looks..."

"Kind of like it belongs in the Smithsonian."

"Exactly," Francis said with a chuckle, his stomach jiggling exuberantly before he collapsed backwards onto the bed. His shirt rode up to show his tan belly and his black silk boxers peeked through, making Jayden's stomach turn uncomfortably, "Where did you get all this stuff?"

Francis undid the carabiner on his belt loop and began to toss it into the air, catching it as it was just inches from his face. He sure was comfortable. Jayden still had no idea how he was ignoring the searing heat in that sweatshirt, or the fact that he'd broken his heart just a year ago. But, no one ever remembered that last fact. Or, at least, they tried not to.

"Most guys spend money on cars," Jayden mumbled, staving off the nauseous feeling by lugging Francis' ancient computer to the floor, "but I spend all my money on electronics."

"I'd do the same if I had money," Francis said, rolling along the bed to look at Jayden as he plugged the TV into the back of the computer. Francis handed Jayden the keyboard and mouse that he'd tossed across the room so he could connect it, "That way I'd actually be able to game on my computer."

"I may have some extra parts," Jayden answered automatically. Gaming, you say? He'd told Paige that she could have anything extra he had, but he could always just tell her that he didn't find anything, "So, what's the problem?"

"It randomly turns off," Francis said, "It's usually about fifteen minutes after I turn it on."

Pushing the side of the case off, Jayden let it fall to the ground and they were instantly engulfed in a shower of dust, "Well, there's your problem."

"Holy hell," Francis coughed, covering his nose with the crook of his arm.

"Yea, I think it might be overheating," Jayden laughed, laying the computer on it's side to try to stop the dust from floating away, "are you busy tomorrow?"

"No, why?"

"Well, this is going to take a while. If you stay over, we can just do it tonight," Jayden said, mentally smacking himself over the phrasing. Strike two, "I mean, we'll need a can of compressed air, or ten, but it'll end up working eventually. Maybe I can even put those parts in."

No, no, no. That's not what he meant to say. He didn't want him to stay over, he didn't want to be nice to him, and he definitely didn't want to end up falling for him again. The last time Jayden had been interested in him, he'd ended up disappearing with some girl and was never to be seen again. At least, until now.

He really shouldn't be letting him back into his life, because it was such a stupid idea. Unless he had finally accepted he was gay, then it might be different this time around. Jayden was sure he'd written this exact story before.

"Sure, sounds like fun. Maybe by the end of the night I'll be able to school you in gaming."

Dammit.

~

"Oh no, the zombies killed God!" Jayden shouted, his voice curiously deadened beneath the loud reverberation of gunshots. He could hear his mother yelling above the cacophony, but it didn't matter to him in the slightest as he was completely absorbed in the onslaught.

"Okay, this shit is amazing," Francis said from the bed behind Jayden's back.

It had been against Jayden's better judgment to give Francis the three-hundred dollars worth of computer parts, but that annoying little voice in the back of his head had decided to speak to his loneliness without any form of consent. This was the same voice that often led him astray and down a path that he would normally avoid by assuring him that all his hard work would be rewarded in the end. It'd always lied to him in the past, but what was the harm in trying another time? He couldn't exactly be anymore lonely than he already was, and once you hit the bottom, the only way was up, right? It would calm him a little if he knew for sure that he wasn't chasing after a 'straight' man. Again.

They'd been playing video games for the last four hours, like all the other unproductive members of society. Francis had to be the first person that could keep up with him, regardless of what they played. Jayden had learned that he could actually maintain an intellectual conversation with Francis about anything from electronics to games. It was his excuse for getting to know him again.

"Fff-" Jayden growled, stopping himself from swearing as a pipe bomb exploded beside him in his moment's distraction.

"You okay?" Francis asked as Jayden's computer screen made him aware that he was, in fact, dead. Jayden wasn't okay, he was actually pretty far from it. He was closer to batshit crazy than okay, but Francis didn't need to know that quite yet. His mouth, however, didn't not agree with this ruling.

"I'm just curious," Jayden pondered aloud, spinning his chair so that he could look at the lost expression painted on the bear's face, "why did you ask me, of all people?"

"You're the only person I know who can fix computers outside of a company that charges," Francis said, and Jayden didn't know whether to feel used or not. He had wanted him to say something along the lines of 'because I missed you' but that kind of thing only happened in those sell-out romance movies that everyone seemed to love, despite the minute chance of something like that ever actually occurring in real life.

"So, that's it?" Jayden mumbled, trying to look unabashed despite the dropping feeling that occupied his entire chest. This was the response that the small voice in his head had ignored. Jayden had to be stupid to have expected something from a guy that had ditched him a year ago and had just ended up on his doorstep again.

"You are a fun person though, so I thought, you know, we could hang out," Francis said, his confidence quivering ever so slightly, but Jayden caught on quickly. Was he curious again?

Jayden swore at himself in the confines of his mind; he really wanted nothing more than to run away screaming, but how could he ignore another chance? Maybe he should look a little more into what he's dealing with...

"Ahh," Jayden said, "What've you been up to for the last year?"

"Had to drop out of college and get a job, but I got laid off a few weeks ago," Francis sighed, laying himself across the end of the bed so his head was close beside Jayden's crossed legs, "aside from trying to find another job, I've been sitting at home doing nothing."

"Since I dropped out of high school, all I've done is put up with my mother denouncing my writing, like it's an interesting little quirk that will get me nowhere in life. She doesn't seem to understand that writing pays off later."

"My parents've been on my case, too. Said they're going to kick me out if I don't find another job," Francis grunted, folding his hands across his stomach as he looked up at Jayden, "I just needed to get away from their constant nagging, so I came over here."

"Why?" Jayden asked before he could stop himself. And that's how you make yourself look like an ass, he thought to himself.

"Huh?"

"What I meant was, I'm sure you have lots of other friends, why did you come here?"

"Most of the people I know have full time jobs and went off to college, so they're too busy for me," Francis replied as he stared at the ceiling with vacant eyes, his hands still laced on his stomach. Jayden watched him contently, his arms crossed, making him feel like he was in a therapist's office, "and you were the last good friend I had."

And there it was, the good start to their bad ending. They had been good friends. They had been close friends, until he'd disappeared without so much as another call, or another word about what had brought about their end.

He was too afraid to listen to the voice of reason over the alluring whisper of hope. Maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't have to curl up with his pillow tonight, hoping to feel the warmth of someone else beside him. It hadn't been an 'I missed you' but it was close enough, at least for now.

"What happened to Grace?" Jayden questioned. That damn voice in his head needed to shut up. More often than not, Jayden was left wondering if he was even in control of the things his mouth blurted out. He'd plan on saying one thing, then out came a completely unrelated sentence.

"Who?"

Oh, wonderful. He didn't even remember her. He didn't even remember the name of the girl who had stolen him away, "Never mind. Must be thinking of the wrong person. My brain's probably just fried and full of the dust from your computer."

"What time is it, anyway?" Francis said, stifling a yawn as he stretched his arms behind his head. They both looked out the open window and gazed silently at the moon as it rest comfortably in the sky above them. The sun had brought much of the days heat with it when it departed, but Jayden's room refused to cool a single degree despite the fan that hummed lazily feet from them.

"A little past one," Jayden mumbled, throwing a fleeting glance at Francis before he could catch him. This was the part he had been dreading most; staying up all night thinking himself into oblivion while Francis slept peacefully without a care in the world, "getting tired?"

"Yea, I didn't get to sleep much last night," Francis said as he fished through his pockets and pulled out a pack of Marlboro's, "Want to go outside with me?"

"When did you start smoking?" Jayden asked, pulling himself up from his chair as Francis scratched his head lazily before scooting himself to the end of the bed.

"Almost a year ago," he replied, following Jayden down the hall towards the living room, "and before you ask, I started because I needed something to take my mind off my parent's constant nagging."

"I can understand that, but smoking will kill you."

"I was kind of hoping that the secondhand smoke would kill them before it killed me," Francis grumbled to himself and Jayden smirked deviously, he'd never quite thought of it like that.

They passed into the living room and Jayden began to navigate his way through his mother's boxes of stuff. Not watching where he was going as he pulled a cigarette from the pack with his lips, Francis grunted loudly as he walked right into the table. The glass candleholders rang loudly against the metal base and Jayden cringed, afraid he'd woken up his mother.

"You might want to watch where you're walking, my mother kind of turned this room into a minefield."

"You think?" Francis groaned quietly as he limped through the sliding glass door. Resting his elbows on the railing cautiously, Jayden leaned over the edge and studied the cramped parking lot three stories below. The black clouds now covered bright summer moon, and Jayden heard a faint click followed by a deep exhale. Jayden's eyes skated over the mirroring glass doors, and saw that they were alone; not a single light was on and everyone else was already fast asleep. A thin chill snaked down his back and he struggled to contain it.

Francis stood right beside him, blowing the pungent smoke away from Jayden's face. Lacing his finger nervously, the wolf looked over to Francis who was staring pensively at lampposts that dotted the parking lot.

"Do you want the couch or the bed?" Jayden asked quietly, still managing to shatter Francis' concentration with a start. Francis flicked the ash off the end of his cigarette and studied the ember before turning to face the wolf's blank facade.

"We can always just share the bed. It is big enough," Francis said, mid-exhale, "I mean, only if it doesn't make you uncomfortable."

Oh dear God, the amount of money Jayden would give for someone to smack him across the face and clear his thoughts. His insides shuttered nervously and he tried to look unfazed, despite the fact that he felt like he'd be splashed with a pale of ice-cold water.

"That works, too, I just didn't want to ask that because I thought it'd make you uncomfortable," Jayden said, evoking a light chuckle from Francis. Obviously confused, he turned to the bear who smiled at him coyly.

Jayden looked at the black asphalt sea that surrounded them and was instantly reminded of the last time someone had slept over, but that wasn't going to happen this time. He didn't want to risk it self-destructing this soon.

That was, of course, assuming that he'd decided he liked guys again. It was odd thinking of sexuality like a switch that he could easily turn on and off, but that's how all the guys he'd met seemed to regard it. Some days they were gay, some days they were straight, making it incredibly difficult for Jayden to decided which they were at any given moment.

"I know what you're thinking," Francis chuckled, his cigarette perched motionlessly between his fingers, "and I'm debating it."

"What?" Jayden said dumbly as the bear ground the cigarette on the railing before tossing it over the edge. It landed on the hood of a silver Neon and they both stared at it wordlessly for a second, trying to ignore the awkwardness that was glaring both of them in the face.

"About whether or not I'm bisexual," Francis said. Jayden hated these conversations, because he could never really say anything. If he told him it was okay to be bisexual, they'd think he just wanted to sleep with them, "but it doesn't matter, just thought I'd throw it out there."

As Francis disappeared back into the darkness of the living room, Jayden couldn't help but smile at the bear's faltering confidence. It meant that he was actually being genuine. The moon peeked through the overcast sky, and the same air that had just chilled him seemed to enlighten him. It was going to be different this time, he thought, not even having to silence that droning voice.

Jayden headed down the hallway quietly, and seeing that his light was already off, stepped in quietly, locking the door behind him instinctively. Wading through the darkness, he tried to make his way to the bed, but he couldn't even see his own feet.

Stumbling clumsily, Jayden grabbed onto the closest thing he could, which ended up being his bookshelf. Straightening himself out, he threw his eyes over to the bed, and Francis was undisturbed. Bending down to try and find what made him lose his balance, his hand landed on messy folds of fabric. Picking it up, he felt his heart skip a beat as he realized it was Francis' sweatshirt, along with his t-shirt.

The universe was playing a sick, sick joke on him. He knew it. Why couldn't someone else be the punch line, just once? Why was he always the one that got tormented like this? Dropping the heap of cloth onto his computer chair, Jayden traipsed to the empty side of the bed, his heart doing complicated acrobatic moves in his chest as he pulled down the covers.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed slowly, he tried to muffle any squeaks or moans from the mattress. Pulling off his shirt nervously, Jayden let it fall to the floor as he let the fan's heavy breeze play across his back. The buzzing echoed through his mind, clearing his thoughts but it didn't do anything about fluttering in his stomach.

With one final breath, he laid down under the covers, feeling more like he was charging into battle than trying to go to sleep. Why was he so nervous? This had happened so many damn times before and never bothered him, yet here he was laying as stiff as a board, too afraid to move.

Glancing over at the bear, he saw him laying on his back with his arms reclined behind his head. Judging by his breathing, he was still awake and doing a horrible job at feigning sleep. His mouth went dry as he stared at the soft, tan fur on the bear's chest that stood out in the blackness. Now that Jayden's eyes had finally adjusted, he followed the bear's fur down to his belt and the comforter that covered his lower half.

Why would he offer to share a bed unless he was completely comfortable with it? Staring at the ceiling and counting the pockmarks feverishly, Jayden wanted to just hug him. God, did his fur look soft and comfy. And when was the last time someone had actually slept in his bed with him, without actually sleeping with him?

He could feel his warmth from here; a pacifying warmth unlike the dry summer heat. Jayden had to do it. He could just slide over and rest his head on Francis' chest. What's the worst that could happen?

He'd get kicked out of his own bed, have to sleep on the couch, Francis would leave in the morning and they'd never see each other again. Why was he still debating this? He wanted to do it, but his body was ignoring him.

Rolling over onto his side, he slowly brought himself closer to the bear, watching his fur roll like waves in the ocean as the fan washed over them both. Jayden didn't even care about the confining heat that always cursed his room as his head came to rest of Francis' chest.

Closing his eyes as he breathed in, Jayden rest his anxiety ridden hand across the bear's stomach and bit his lip as he smelled the soft scent of vanilla on his fur.

Francis shifted suddenly and Jayden's eyes darted open as his mind furiously debated moving, afraid he'd upset the sleeping bear. A weight came to rest on his side and he looked, only to find Francis' arm resting on his side.

Smiling contently to himself, Jayden nuzzled Francis' chest with more affection than he felt he should have. But, he didn't care right now because for the first time in months it felt like his bed was just the right size.

Closing his eyes, Jayden drifted off to sleep, knowing full well that all good things came to an end, so he needed to make the best of it while it lasted. And it was the best night sleep he'd had in ages.