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Chapter 38: Melancholy's Purpose

The high school gym's weight room had become something of a sanctuary for Melancholy Bear when she lived on earth, a place she could go to work out and keep people from assaulting her while the teachers looked the other way from "the freak". While she felt more accepted in the Kingdom of Caring old habits died hard and she sought out the gym regularly to work out the new batch of frustrations that had cropped up since she joined.

Melancholy had her gym bag slung over her shoulder as she stepped into the Care-a-Lot gym, only to freeze half-way through the front door when she saw Gentle Heart Lamb running on one of the treadmills.

Gentle Heart turned briefly as the door opened and did her best to smile without slowing down. Melancholy had wanted to turn and leave but the lamb's smile calmed her nerves and she passed through the gym to the changing room. It was odd that she didn't feel like changing unless she was out of sight, as she had adopted the common Care Bear practise of not bothering with clothes, but that oddity was barely a passing thought as she emerged from the changing room in a workout tank-top and shorts just as Gentle Heart stepped off the treadmill.

"Hello, Melancholy," she waved.

"Hi, umm," Melancholy paused for a moment, "Gentle Heart?"

"That's me," she walked over to the dark blue bear.

"I didn't remember you being this... buff," Melancholy cast a glance over Gentle Heart toned muscles.

Gentle Heart smiled and flexed an arm, "I wasn't always. It was after my son was born, I was so exhausted and so tired of being weak and frail that I decided to do something about it."

"I see. I just do it because... well because looking strong kept people from wanting to hurt me." Melancholy walked over to an elliptical machine, "Now I just... I need to be stronger."

"Is something wrong?" Gentle Heart followed Melancholy as she started her routine.

"Sort of... maybe..." Melancholy just stared at the machine's panel as she started. Gentle Heart didn't want to interrupt her breathing so got up on the same treadmill and started running again.

Half an hour later they both stepped down from their cardio and moved to the weight machines.

"Want to talk about it?" Gentle Heart picked up two of the free weights.

Melancholy lay down on the bench press, "Maybe when I'm done. I just need to unwind first." Gentle Heart nodded, better not to disrupt their breathing.

Two hours of exercise later, Gentle Heart and Melancholy retreated to the change room to shower.

"Want to talk now?" Gentle Heart asked as they stepped into the shower. There were only two private stalls for those who were shy and the rest of the showerheads were in open space.

"Ok," Melancholy turned on the taps and sighed in relief as the hot water cascaded over her. "I just feel like I'm not really doing my part up here."

Gentle Heart was about to reply when Melancholy continued, "I go to training with General Love Heart every day and I see myself falling farther and farther behind everyone. I just barely learned mana control and I finally figured out my element, darkness, and got promoted to Corporal, but everyone else is so far ahead. Even Lonesome is a Sergeant and she's pregnant, Shimmers is just a kid and he's already a Warrant officer," Melancholy hadn't event started to clean herself and she started to cry, her tears mixing with the hot water as it drained away.

Gentle Heart almost immediately pulled Melancholy into a hug. "Just let it out, I'm here."

Melancholy only broke down harder and leaned into Gentle Heart as she cried into her shoulder. Gentle Heart was glad she had kept up her exercise or she might have collapsed under the younger bear's weight, as it was she was able to support Melancholy until her sobs dwindled to minor sniffles.

Gentle helped Melancholy to steady herself on her feet, "Feel better?"

"A bit but... I just feel... useless... or that I was just brought here to be a tool..." Melancholy wiped her eyes, trying to get the tears out despite the water still falling around them. "And my emotion..." she looked down at the crying blue star that was her tummy symbol, "It's something no one wants." She slid down until she was on her knees.

"You're not useless," Gentle Heart crouched down and helped dry her eyes, futile as that was in the shower, "and sadness isn't a bad emotion, just ask Grumpy Bear and Anger Heart. People might not like being sad, but if you bottled it up then I wouldn't have known. You just need to let it out some times, get the weight of the world off your shoulders." She smiled, "And don't compare yourself to the other magi, all of them had training from a much younger age. Just because you're starting later doesn't mean you won't get it. Soulful Heart had trouble on caring missions for a long time but now he knows what to do."

"But there's this end battle everyone's preparing for and I..." Melancholy brought her hands in front of her, "I don't think I'll be able to help at all... and that's all I was brought here for."

"Don't you ever think that!" Gentle Heart's sudden shout startled Melancholy. Gentle Heart took Melancholy's head in one hand as she dropped to her knees, "We would have come to help you if we had known, but there's so much we can't do. We wish we had found you sooner but we brought you here because we wanted to help. No one's going to think less of you for not catching up or fighting." Gentle Heart pulled her into a hug, rubbing her back.

Melancholy sat stunned in Gentle Heart's embrace, then hugged her back. She felt tears spring involuntarily to her eyes, "No one's ever held me like this before."

"No one's every hugged you?" Gentle Heart couldn't suppress her surprise.

"I grew up in a foster home, or orphanage or whatever it was called," Melancholy sniffed, "The people who ran it were nice... I think... they didn't turn me away but... they were never really kind to me, never stopped the other kids from teasing and bullying me, same with my teachers. No one was ever nice to me unless they needed something." Melancholy's face was scrunched up, "This is... is this? Is this what it feels like when someone really cares about *sniff* about you?!" Melancholy started crying again.

Gentle Heart just rubbed her back, "There there, it's alright Melancholy, just let it all out. I'm here for you."

They completely lost track of time in the showers until Melancholy finally calmed down, sniffling a few times, her eyes puffy and red and her nose running from letting so much out as both of them finally did what they came to do in the shower, dried off then packed up their gym bags.

"Want to visit my house? You could meet our son," Gentle Heart said as they stepped out the gym door.

"Thank you but... I'm not good with kids," Melancholy stared at her feet for a moment, "Besides I think there's something else I need to do."

"Alright, just come and talk if you ever need to let it out again. Not just me but anyone," Gentle Heart patted Melancholy on the shoulder before she headed home. Melancholy watched her go before she turned and headed for the Hall of Hearts.

OoOoO

The training gym that Defender Bear had created in the Hall of Heart's janitor's closet still existed, though it was used for one-on-one training these days. Inside, Love Heart was training Shimmering Star, sparring with Love Heart twin swords clashing against Shimmers' double bladed sword as lightning and sonic waves clashed around the room.

Eventually Love Heart called a halt as Shimmers was panting from exertion. He smiled as his son dissipated his sword, "Very good, Sergeant Shimmering Star. In fact," he held out a hand to his son, "Give me your ID card please."

Shimmers nodded, still trying to catch his breath as he passed the ID card to his father. Love Heart cast the simple spell then handed it back to him, "Congratulations, Warrant Officer Shimmering Star. You are now able to fight in self-defence or with a full Magi on missions." He smiled as Shimmers took the card. "If things go well you might make a full Magi by the time we save the world."

Shimmers grinned, "Than you daddy!"

"Just promise me one thing," Love Heart said as he and Shimmers headed for the door.

"What, daddy?" Shimmers looked up at him.

"When we save the world, take a break and be a kid for a while." Love Heart paused with his hand on the exit door, "I know you'll be a great Magi some day, but I want you to enjoy being a kid for a while, alright?"

Shimmers nodded, "Ok, daddy."

Melancholy was reaching for the door to the gym when Love Heart opened the door. All three of them froze for a moment. "Oh sorry, Love Heart, I Wanted, I mean..."

"We're done here if you want to train alone, you're allowed to do anything in there," Love Heart stepped out, followed by Shimmers.

"Maybe, but not now. I just wanted to talk to you for a minute." Melancholy watched the door shut, "Can I come with you?"

Love Heart paused and turned to look at Melancholy, gym bag still slung over her shoulder. "If you want but... this isn't something pleasant."

"I can handle it," Melancholy said. She fell in step behind father and son as they left the Hall of Hearts.

Melancholy was stunned when they got to their destination. "A graveyard?" Truthfully Melancholy hadn't explored most of the Kingdom of Caring, keeping to herself most of the time.

Love Heart stared at the three graves, "Yeah. Each is a tragic memory." He touched the first one which had the name "Lily" carved into it. "She could have been my sister."

"Your sister?" Melancholy asked.

"It's a long story, ask Aqua Bear..." Love Heart dragged his hand across the top then passed by the second, which was unmarked.

"What about this one?" Melancholy asked.

"We... don't talk about it... it was too painful..." Love Heart stopped in front of the third grave, which had a long strip of ratty cloth tied to a spire that jutted out from the top. Love Heart touched the cloth as his unicorn star glowed, magic weaving into the cloth and restoring it to pristine condition.

Melancholy leaned over to read the grave. "Flash Heart Bear?"

"He was... my brother-in-law. Confidence Heart's adopted brother." Love Heart stared at the grave, "I got him killed. I was being reckless, irresponsible, and stupid. I ran off to fight a monster called Dusk Heart and Flash Heart came with me. He was...killed..." Love Heart was tearing up, "And it was my fault...all my fault for being such a stupid, useless so called leader!"

Melancholy could see it, and walked up alongside Love Heart and looked at the date on the grave, "Over ten years ago, you're still beating yourself up about it?"

"I can't stop!" Love Heart blubbered, "I can't forget what I did! If I had just... had just stopped and thought... instead of running off to fight... he might still be alive!"

Melancholy rubbed his back, she couldn't help but tear up slightly too but brushed her tears aside, "I don't think he blames you, Love Heart. I wasn't there but..."

"How could he not! He had a life! Ambitions! He was in love..." Love Heart's shouts faded.

"I don't blame you, Love Heart."

Love Heart blinked some of his tears away. That sounded like Flash Heart! Melancholy either hadn't heard or wasn't reacting and Love Heart looked around. The only other person there was Shimmering Star who had come up to take his father's hand.

"Daddy, don't cry," Shimmers was sniffling slightly too.

"There's more too." The new voice came from Harmony Bear who had emerged from the Forest of Feelings and now approached the grave. "I miss him but... I know Melody wouldn't exist now if he were still around." She touched the spire on the top of the grave, "I stopped wondering 'what-if' a while ago, Love Heart. You should too."

Love Heart nodded, "Thank you, Harmony."

"Just let it out, but don't dwell," Melancholy said.

"Thank you too, Melancholy." He took Shimmers hand and headed home.

Melancholy watched them go, then remembered what she had come to talk to him for and jogged after him. "Love Heart, hold up a moment."

Love Heart stopped and turned to face Melancholy. She didn't wait for him to reply when she spoke, "I wanted to see if I could get some help to catch up to everyone else."

Love Heart looked her up and down, "I'm not sure I'd be able to help you with that, but I think Confidence Heart can. Go to the gym in the Hall of Hearts tomorrow and she'll be there to help you."

Melancholy smiled, "Thank you. I'll be there." She turned and headed home. Despite what she'd seen she felt better about herself. She was going to make sure she did her part, even if that was just helping people when they were sad.