FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Oh the lives I tried to live

Trying on identities

To find the one that fit for me;

But many did not, and still don't

And each me that fails the test

Must come to its own end.

I thought I had a boyfriend

Who loved me fair and true.

He seemed so sweet; but I did not see

The secrets in his past.

He broke my heart in ways that he nor I

Could know of at the time.

It did not work; I left the fox.

I killed myself again.

I thought I had a daddy wolf,

He filled my broken soul.

A hole I did not know I had

He filled, and I was glad.

But on the eve of when we'd meet

He vanished from my life.

I knew not why; I could only cry,

So I killed myself again.

I thought I was a gay man

But maleness did not fit.

I tried to live a life for me,

But nothing felt quite right.

Off went the mask; off went the me.

I killed myself again.

I thought I was a monster,

But learned that I was not.

My feelings came from monstrous deeds

Long repressed to save my soul;

I faced the demons; forgave myself.

I killed myself again.

I thought I had a new girlfriend,

I loved her deep and true.

But she did not, nor could she love

A woman quite like me.

I broke right down, my lioness,

My heart still beats for you.

But longing's wasted on girls like you.

I killed myself again.

Each part of me that tries and dies

Breaks me a little more

But I'm a phoenix; I won't lie down

From the ashes I will rise.

My fox, my snep, my rocks heal me

And bring me back to life.

My family helps me get back up;

I'll not kill myself again.