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Chapter Four

A Prelude to Panic

There's this scene from this movie. The name eludes me, but it's one of those old black-and-white classics. The main character was the owner of a bar and, in the scene prior, happened to run into an old flame who jilted him. So now, the owner of a bar is sitting alone, trying to drink himself into a coma and he says to himself:

"Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world... she walks into mine."

Considering my situation, I couldn't help but empathize. Except, in my case, it was me who walked into the wrong gin joint (or dining hall, in this case), and thanks to my carelessness, I was now face to face with the one person I swore off ever seeing again, doing my best to fake a welcoming smile while simultaneously preparing myself for the inevitable bear-hug she was about to throw my way.

"Heeeey, Perci," I awkwardly squeaked as I was once again glomped by the crazy poodle.

"I was soooooooo worried you weren't gonna make it!" she squealed as she finally let go of me.

"Yeah... me too."

"I mean, it was pretty short notice, after all."

"...Yeah."

"But I'm glad you made it."

"...Yeah." I desperately wanted to say something other than "Yeah," but there wasn't anything else of which I could think to say. Mind you, I was in the middle of mental gymnastics, figuring out how best to say that the fact I'm here is total coincidence and that walking on hot coals would likely be better for my mental health than socializing with you or any of your associates.

"I think you'll like my friends. Can be a couple of oddballs sometimes, but they're good people. Group's right over there," She said, pointing off into the distance

Peeking behind her and following the direction of her index finger, I spotted a group of four conversing with each other. They were standing unusually close to each other, almost affectionately.

The first one that stood out was the bearded grizzly bear that towered over everyone else with a height of at least seven feet tall and had black, spiked earrings almost twice the size of his ears. He wore an open black hoodie, with a black shirt underneath displaying the name of some metal band I couldn't make out, as well as baggy, dark black jeans with a chain hanging on the side. He stood there silently with his eyes barely open behind his glasses. I likely would have mistook him as sleeping standing up if his lips weren't moving.

My eyes travelled down to the siamese cat with whom he was conversing. Standing next to that sleeping-walking monster of a bear made her look much smaller than she actually was, but if I had to guess, I'd say she was probably the same height as me. And while the bear's attire screamed hardcore metal, her attire was definitely more suited to psychedelic rock, dressed in a red and blue tye-dye shirt and denim jeans.

Alongside those two were a couple, a tiger boyfriend with his arms wrapped around his raccoon girlfriend from behind. The tiger was modestly built, dressed in a long-sleeve green and black plaid shirt and black pants. And between his brown-orange coiffure and beard, he had so much hair surrounding his face, it looked like a lion's mane. Maybe he was part lion.

While the tiger was only an inch or two taller than the siamese cat, the short, voluptuous raccoon betwixt his big arms made him look much larger than he was. She couldn't have been any taller than four foot ten, but likely didn't weigh any less than 170 pounds. She wore a tight fitting black tank top and red pantyhose under her dark blue denim shorts. She would have looked right at home in a red light district.

"Here," she stated, picking up my empty plate and soda bottle, "let's throw your junk out and I'll introduce you to them."

While she was busy cleaning up my mess, I was wondering by what divine force this injustice was cast down upon me. There were quite a few deities in the ancient mythologies that came to mind, known for their devilish trickery. After all, the only being that would know damn well I needed to get Perci of out my life and out of my system, and throw her right back at me regardless, it would have to be some omnipotent asshole. Still, even if the ancient gods did exist, the chances of them singling me out as a target were microscopic, if not nil.

In the end, I really had no one to blame but myself. If I had just turned on my phone a little earlier, I could have seen the text, went to a different dining hall, and avoided this situation altogether.

With equal parts "reap what you sow" and "seize the moment" running through my head, I got up made my way towards the group, ready to face whatever punishment Perci and the universe had in store for me. The siamese cat immediately took notice of my approach.

"Hey," she said, "You're Perci's friend, right?"

Upon closer inspection, I could see her left eye was blue, while her right was red. Heterochromia aside, I was also drawn to a small nick in the top of her left ear. Was it from a knife fight? An abusive relationship? Or maybe she just got an earring caught on a tree branch. Regardless, I should probably greet myself before going immediately into interrogation mode.

"Pat," I responded, extending my arm out for a handshake.

"Cairo," she answered in turn, shaking my hand. She pointed to the massive grizzly, still as stoic as ever, "The big guy here is Bear."

"Bear?" I questioned, turning to the giant.

"Bear." the grizzly responded in a tired, deadpan voice.

There were plenty of jokes I could've cracked about his name, but a sneaking suspicion told me that he's likely heard every single one of them. The temptation to ask about the story behind his name was alluring, but I had no strong evidence to suggest that it was anything other than, "It's what my dumbass parents named me."

Still, the fact that these two considered each other friends struck a curiosity within me. High school taught me the importance of keeping to your own clique, yet here were these two, who appeared to come from polar opposites of the social spectrum, being so casual with each other. I've admittedly kept to myself a lot for the past semester and a half, more than most would consider healthy. Hence, it would makes sense if I still had plenty to learn about the social climate of college. Maybe this little get-together wouldn't be a painfully anxiety-inducing as I thought it would be and might have a chance of being educational.

"Excuse me, but who the fuck are you?" a forceful female voice from my right suddenly threatened my eardrums.

Wincing, I turned to my right to see the short, chubby raccoon girl, staring at me with an eye raised and an odd combination of a smirk and a frown.

"Teej, this is Pat," Perci spoke on my behalf, "the friend I was telling you about?"

"Oh, okay." Just like that the expression on the face of the raccoon, whose name was apparently Teej, went from an intimidating glare to a casual shrug. "So we're just waiting on David and we're good to go?"

"Yeah," Perci responded, "He'll be here any minute."

"Someone call my name?" a voice came from behind. Both of us turned around to see a large, white afro of wool perched atop a pair of aviator sunglasses. Upon further inspection, I realized I was actually looking at a ram, with curved horns barely escaping from the white, curly madness atop his head, and dressed in a camouflage hoodie and baggy, dark green capris.

"David!" she squealed as she drew the other boyfriend in for a hug, "I was worried you wouldn't be back in time! How was Israel?"

"Not bad," he responded, "Gran-gran was glad to see me."

"All right," the raccoon apparently named Teej rudely interrupted, "everyone's here! I've been waiting for tonight all fucking week, so let's get a move-on!"

And like that, the whole group made its way to the parking lot, with me in tow. I ended up in the backseat of an SUV with Bear the bear in the driver's seat and Cairo calling shotgun. The other four piled into a four-door sedan a few spaces over.

"So, where exactly are we going?" I finally decided to ask once we were buckled in.

"My house," answered Bear.

"His parents have a real nice place off-campus," Cairo continued in his stead, "and they're out of town for the week, so we have it all to ourselves... Oh! That reminds me! Bear, did you talk to your dealer yet?"

"Yeah, I got it," he replied monotonically.

"Yes!" she fistpumped.

"Wait, got what?" I asked.

"Weed!" She responded excitedly.

My eyes widened at her response. Marijuana, weed, pot, ganja, grass, bud, herb, chronic, kush, the devil's lettuce, Mary Jane, whatever you call it, I was going to a party in which we would be partaking in illegal substances. My mind immediately jumped to the worst case scenario, which involved handcuffs around my wrists for the next 15 years of life.

"Wait," Cairo turned back to Bear, "you didn't get too much like you did last time, did you?"

Oh lord, what happened last time?

"Just an eighth." Bear answered.

"Oh good. That should be okay for tonight."

Now, I may be scared stiff off being arrested, but I've seen enough stoner comedies to know an eighth is only a fraction of an ounce, which, in most states, would only get you fined... at least that's what I thought; I'm still not sure honestly. But I digress, while this new development wasn't enough to keep me from worrying, it was definitely enough to keep me from having an all-out panic attack.

"Bear got too much last time and we had smoke it all before his parents came home the next day," She explained to me, "Perci ended up having a bad trip. So we spent most of the night trying to calm her down. Didn't really get to have any fun."

"A bad trip?" I questioned, "You can get those?"

"Yeah, but like I said, it's only if you smoke too much."

Okay... I should state that I've had, at minimum, a curiosity about how cannabis affects the mind, but I always had a million and one reasons not to seek it out. The illegality, the possibility of jail time, the possibility of addiction, the reputation as a "gateway drug," the possibility of addiction to other drugs because marijuana is a gateway drug, the rehab, the withdrawal, the possibility of the weed being laced with God knows what, need I go on?

And yet, here I am, with two stoners who're acting like having a mental breakdown because of smoking too much is nothing more than a party buzzkill. How much weed does one have to smoke for that to be your reaction to a drug-induced freakout?

"You ever smoke, Pat?" she inquired.

"Huh? Oh, no, haven't."

"Do you want to smoke?"

"I, uh... I don't know."

Even though every shred of sense in my head, was telling me to scream out a negative answer, I didn't want to come off as a downer (or worse, a whistleblower) and ruin what little rapport I had with this unusual pair. I figured the best course of action would be to just let them do their own thing and keep out of their business.

"Well, if you ever change your mind..." she let the sentence linger, "No pressure, of course."

And with that, the car went silent. I expected Cairo to carry on about drugs or... anything, really, but instead the conversation grinded to a halt and we were barely off campus. Normally, extended periods of quiet wasn't a problem with me. In most cases, it was simply people keeping to themselves. But Cairo fired up a conversation and it was dead after less than a minute, and Bear's silent nature wasn't helping. This wasn't a tranquility of self-preservation; this was the awkward silence of failed socialization, the worst form of awkward silence.

The hell with it. If I'm gonna be stuck with strangers for the rest of the night, then I might as well try to make them not strangers anymore. Besides, I had a few questions I've always wanted to ask a stoner.

"Is it addictive at all?" I piped up.

"What? Weed?" Cairo countered.

"Yeah."

"Eh, not really... Well, as long as you don't smoke too much..." I'm starting to notice a pattern. "It's kinda like any other drug, you know? The more you take, the more reliant on it you get?"

"I guess that makes sense," I shrugged.

"But it's not like cigarettes, you know, with all the nicotine and stuff to get you hooked? So one bong hit isn't going to ruin your life."

"What about your health?"

"Physical or mental?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, medicinal marijuana is a thing, you know."

"I know that, but what does it actually cure?"

"Technically, it's more of a treatment than a cure. Like chronic pain or depression. Heck, I use it for anxiety."

"Really?" I didn't know hippies could get anxiety.

"Oh yeah, way better than some of the other meds I've been on. Heck, I could give you a whole list of anxiety drugs and all of the annoying side effects that-"

"We're here." Bear interrupted. The SUV slowed as we turned into the driveway of a decently-sized house. It was actually quite nice: a traditional one-floor, but taller than most, with off-white paneling and flowerbeds on both sides of the front stoop.

We got out as the other four individuals pulled up behind us. Once Bear unlocked the front door, we entered into a living room with an outlandishly high ceiling, at least twelve feet. The left wall was decorated with a fireplace and shelves along each side featuring numerous miniature statues and figurines, possibly collected around the globe. The wall facing the backyard was almost entirely made of glass, complete with a sliding glass door to the deck outside. Red plastic cups and bottles of various beers, hard liquors, and mixers were already neatly arranged on the coffee table in between the L-shaped couch and the sofa, both of which were for some reason covered in plastic lining. Looking over to the right, the shag carpet of the living room made way to the hardwood floor of the kitchen. The kitchen, much like the living room, was larger than average, complete with an island countertop, stove, oven, big-ass refrigerator, and cabinet after cabinet filled with food, plates, glasses, and silverware.

"All right, everybody," Bear spoke, "make yourselves at home."

"Fuck yeah, we will!" exclaimed Teej.

And with that, Teej dragged her tiger boyfriend over to the sofa and pushed him down onto the seat. She then proceeded to make herself comfortable, straddling the tiger's lap. Meanwhile, Perci bellyflopped onto the couch, David and Bear went into the kitchen and began raiding the pantry, and Cairo made her way to the coffee table and poured herself a concoction of God knows what.

"So, when're you bringing everything out?" David asked, grabbing for a bag of pretzels from the cabinet. I assumed he was talking about the cannabis.

"Later," Bear responded.

I planted myself down upon the small section of the couch that wasn't taken up by Perci's splayed-out form. Her face was tucked in between the cushion and the armrest, making me question how she was able to breathe down there. Regardless, it was kind of adorable, which made what I wanted to do all the more difficult.

"Perci?"

"Mmph?" she muffled in response.

"Why didn't you tell me there was going to be weed here?"

"Mmph?" My mention of the drug must've triggered something in that brain of hers, because she was then able to summon the strength to coordinate herself to pick herself up from her lackadaisical state and sit herself upright. "What about weed?"

"Why didn't you tell me it was going to be here?"

"Oh..." she muttered, "I didn't realize it was gonna be a problem."

"And you assumed that why?" I questioned her, unintentionally louder than I wanted. Seeing her flinch at my tone, I tried dialing back, "I'm sorry, I'm just freaking out a little."

"'Cause of the weed?"

"Yeah," I sighed.

"Well, you don't have to try it if you don't want to. Nobody's gonna make you smoke," she motioned to the couple across from us, "Teej and Dwight don't smoke either."

I looked in the direction she was pointing to find the couple were now making out, giving little pecks while staring into each other's eyes. It was almost unnatural to see the loud and vulgar raccoon in such a calm, romantic scenario. Whatever that tiger (who is apparently named Dwight) was capable of, I'd like to learn.

Regardless, Perci did have a point about the drug. Cairo and Bear may have a bit of a bias towards marijuana, but by no means did they attempt to bully me into trying it. No pressure, they said, right?

"I mean, I've always been kind of curious about it, you know, from movies, but..."

"You think it'll end up ruining your life?"

"Kind of... I don't know. Cairo said something about bad trips and all I can think about is going to jail and... I just wish I had known ahead of time."

I threw my head back against the couch. Being this morally and emotionally conflicted was exhausting. All I wanted to was be myself and not care, but being surrounded by strangers who partake in illegal substances is not particularly beneficial to the headspace of an anxiety-riddled introvert. Taking deep breaths, I tried to slow my mind.

"Can I ask you something?" she pried.

"Go ahead."

"Would you have came if you knew?"

"To be perfectly honest..." my mouth began on its own, "I wasn't even planning on coming tonight."

I don't know what the hell got into me, whether it was the mental pressure building up inside of me finally bursting or something else, but the truth flowed out of me like a river of confessions.

"I didn't see your text until, like... 10 seconds before you saw me. It was pure coincidence I was there... and I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to be rude."

"Why didn't you want to come?" she asked, surprisingly without any anger in her tone.

Because I've been having sexual thoughts of you ever since I saw you naked in my dorm room and I didn't want to do something stupid like try to make a move on you while you already have a boyfriend. I didn't actually say that, but it was the truth.

"I'm just not comfortable when it comes to meeting new people," I half-lied, "I'm awkward. I can't carry conversations. I never know what to say."

"If it makes you feel any better, I think you're carrying on this conversation just fine."

I scoffed, "Really?"

"Yeah, I'm being serious."

Feeling something brushing against my leg, I darted my head up from the couch to see her hand placed on my lower thigh, letting her fingers casually caress my knee.

"You're being honest about yourself," she continued, "You're opening up to me even though we only met a few days ago. You're doing great."

Normally, I'd assume anyone who paid me a compliment as wholesome as that was being sarcastic, but somewhere between her hand on my leg and the weight of her words, the heavy pounding of my manic heart had reduced to its soft, natural rhythm and I found myself smiling in relief.

She somehow took my nervous trainwreck and put it back on the rails, almost like magic. It was like the shower all over again, where everything disappeared: the weed, the party-goers, the lingering adulterous thoughts that were haunting for the past three days. It was only the two of us again, and I couldn't have been more grateful.

"Thank you," I spoke, turning my gaze towards her bright violet eyes. It was only two words and eye contact, but it was the least I could do. I wanted her to realize how hard it was for me to look people in the eye without feeling intimidated, and I refused to let that get in the way of looking at her like a decent, sapient being would.

I could feel my heartrate accelerating again, but this time, it was different. It wasn't thumping into the ground, forming that ache in my gut, and pulling me downward. Instead, it was outward, like it was trying to burst out of my stomach, or pull me forward, even closer to this pixie dream girl of a poodle, until the gap between us was bridged and...

...And I noticed that I had unconsciously placed my hand on top of hers... and that her boyfriend was only ten feet away, snacking on junk food in the kitchen.

The facade had left just as quickly as it came, and I was left with naught but indecision about my circumstance. I quickly averted my eyes and moved my hand off of hers, using it to nervously scratch the back of my head.

"Forgive me if I'm still a little tense. I mean, you're pretty cool and all, but it'll probably take a bit of time to-"

I never got to finish my sentence, as I was interrupted by the oddest of sensations against my cheek.

*smooch*

There was no mistaking it. The implications of that affectionate sound and the fleeting warmth against my cheek couldn't have been disproven. I brought my hand up to the side of my face and felt a faint wetness against the feathers of my face, aligned in an uniquely oval fashion, only validating my suspicions even further.

While the gears in my head were still turning after such out-of-nowhere intimacy, the glass door behind us was slid open with giant thud, almost breaking it along with my concentration.

"Dude!" Bear exclaimed, or more accurately spoke at a louder volume than his norm.

"Shit! Sorry, man," the stoner goat apologized, "but anyway, anyone who wants to light up! Outside on the deck! Now!"

With that, Perci darted off the couch without a word, following David, Cairo, and Bear into the backyard and leaving me with my lingering thoughts as well as the two lovebirds on the sofa. My gaze followed the affectionate canine longingly as she disappeared into the darkness of the night outside.

'Follow her, you idiot!' I internally shouted at myself, 'go out there! Take a risk for once in your life an be with her and friends and her...'

Her boyfriend, goddammit, her fucking boyfriend. How could I forget about him? How could she forget about him? What the hell was she doing kissing me when she already had her own loving and caring commitment to another man?

Sure, she could pass off casual nudity as being natural and confident in your body, but you couldn't use that excuse to justify cheating. Unless this woman was an absolute slut, than nothing about her made sense whatsoever. Maybe I should smoke after all. Sure, the proximity to the promiscuous poodle and her unknowing cuckold may not help, but if marijuana is as calming as it's portrayed in movies, then I could really fucking use it right now.

Ugh, my mind was attempting to spiral even further down into anxiety. Focusing on the moral and ethical pros and cons of saying "fuck it" and trying a puff with the canine enigma (who may or may not have feelings for me) and her boyfriend was not how I wanted to spend my night. I faced forward and looked down at the liquor collection, aiming to figure out which bottle would provide the best mental distraction from my woes.

However, peering up from the coffee table, I immediately found an infinitely less inebriating distraction in the raccoon and tiger across from me, as they'd progressed from mild pecks on the cheek to absolute, high-octane face-sucking. I was unsure if they were aware of my presence or not, but if they were, then they obviously didn't care.

While common decency was telling me I should go into another room and give them some privacy, or alert them to my presence, their PDA had me hypnotized, with my butt firmly sat in my seat, my mouth speechless, and my eyes locked on the action.

Dwight had both his hands on Teej's ass, gripping it like he was holding on for dear life, while Teej was rubbing her wide hips into his hands and his lap, her hands clutched atop the back cushions of the sofa. Soft moans emanated from both of them as they pressed their muzzles together, replaced by heavy breathing moments later as they separated their lips.

The moment of tranquility didn't last long as Teej was quick to emote herself even through her lust-filled panting.

"Fuck it! I ain't waiting." she gasped, gripping the seams of her tank top.

Shedding all of her inhibitions, she threw her arms up, bringing the tank top up with her, and show that there was no bra hiding under said garment.

My beak would've hit the floor if it wasn't attached to my face. I almost couldn't comprehend what was happening. For the second time this week, my eyes were graced by the unbelievable sight of a woman in a state of undress.

But this was different. The first time, I was explicitly warned about what I'd see. This time, I didn't even know if the woman in question (or her boyfriend) was aware of my presence. I wasn't a guest to this show, but an unwanted voyeur. As much as I wanted to take in the view of the topless raccoon, I quickly came to the conclusion that she'd likely beat me up for spying on her with her breasts exposed.

Escape! I needed a way out of this nonsense before it ended up biting me in the ass. However, with the layout of the house, the hallway to the other rooms were behind the couple, meaning I'd end up in Teej's vantage point and face her wrath. Hiding behind a piece of furniture for God know how long would only delay the inevitable. That meant the only option left was the sliding glass door behind me.

Carefully, I removed myself from my seat, doing my best not to shake up the plastic covering and make more noise than Teej and Dwight were making. Once on my feet, I beelined for the backyard, only looking back once I crossed the threshold of the sliding door.

I could see Teej and Dwight still making out on the couch, Dwight now enjoying a handful of his raccoon girlfriend's chest. They didn't see me, I thought to myself. Thank God.

"So, you decided to join in?" I heard Cairo ask from behind me.

Turning around and moving away from the sliding door, I found the four standing in a circle, a butt of smoke leaving Perci's snout.

"Eh," I replied, doing my best to shrug off the heavy petting going on in the living, "Eh, it was getting kind of awkward with Teej and Dwight making out. Hard to keep a conversation."

"Ha, yeah," Cairo laughed, "hard to tear those two apart. You wouldn't believe some of the shit they get into."

Suddenly, I was struck by the suspicion that this wasn't the first time Teej was naked from the waist up in front of others.

"But anyway, since you're here, care to join us?" she inquired, pointing to the pipe in David's hands.

I shrugged, "I don't know. I've... never..."

"You never smoked a pipe before!?" David interrupted.

"No." I answered honestly.

"Oh, don't worry, dude. It's super easy." he assured me.

"First, you want your bowl filled with a fair amount of green, as I already have here," he began, motioning to the pipe in his hand, "Second, you're gonna wanna take your lighter, flick it on, and stick the flame right into the bowl."

He turned the pipe around and pointed to a small hole in the side of the bowl. "Now, do you see this hole in the side?"

I nodded my head.

"This is called the carb," he resumed, "Now when you're inhaling, you want to keep the carb covered with your thumb, but when you're done you'll want to release the carb and move the pipe from your mouth. You do not want to blow into the pipe. Otherwise, hot ash is going to end up everywhere."

"Okay, good to know." I commented.

"Also, the bowl's gonna get hot so don't touch it. And when you're done, pass it to the next person, do it with the mouthpiece facing them, so they don't grab it by the bowl.

"Anything else I should know?" I inquired.

"Yeah, the usual etiquette for a smoke circle is two puffs and then pass to the left, but that's more of a guideline than a rule."

"Okay," I responded.

Without further ado, David brought the mouthpiece to his muzzle and the lighter to the bowl, taking a nice big breath of smoke, following his own instructions to a T. After his two puffs, he passed it to Bear, who repeated the motions and passed to Cairo.

After her two puffs, she passed it to me. I was about to reach for the bowl, but quickly reminded myself that doing so would end with me burning myself and dropping the pipe. A split-second later, my hand changed its trajectory and I had the shank of the pipe secure in my fingers.

I could still hear that voice in the back to my head, listing off all the reasons I should skip taking a puff and pass the pipe to Perci, but the voice was much fainter than before, and the list it was reading off of was significantly shorter. After all, every single school program about drugs would talk about how marijuana would ruin your life, but these four stoners standing with me in a circle weren't homeless or riddled with sickness. They were college students, aiming to get degrees, which would lead to them earning careers in their respective fields. Their lives were far from "ruined."

Looking at everything, I was in college, the place where experimentation supposedly went hand-in-hand with education. And I had the opportunity to learn, firsthand, how marijuana affects the body. If what they were saying was true, then I had no reason to turn down their offer.

This was it. This was really going to happen. This was going to be my first taste of all the experimental hijinx that occurs in all those college comedy movies.

"Carpe Diem." I toasted. Listing off the instructions in my head, I flicked the lighter on and brought the mouthpiece to my beak. I stuck the flame into the bowl and waited for the herb to ignite. Finally, I took in a nice long breath and held it in.

After about five seconds, I let it go and I felt... nothing. I didn't even cough like you see in the movies. That didn't seem right.

"I don't feel anything," I spoke aloud, "Shouldn't I feel something?"

"It usually take a couple minutes before you feel anything." Perci answered. "Don't worry about it."

Well, if you say so, I thought to myself. Reassured, I took my second puff, making it slightly smaller than the first, and passed it to Perci, who then passed it back to David after her turn.

The cycle continued as long as there was herb in the bowl. Over that period time, I was able to feel the drug subtly, but noticeably take effect. I felt a calmness wash over me. My heart rate and my breathing had slowed down significantly. I was at ease with the company I was currently with, which allowed me to converse with them a lot more easily than before.

Cairo was a freshman like me and was studying to become a nurse. She was taking more classes than average because she wanted graduate a year early. Bear and David were both seniors in business, but Bear still had another year because he hadn't chosen his major until he was a sophomore. Teej is a liberal arts major and Dwight is in computer science. It also turns out "Teej" is short for "T.J." which is short for "Triple-J" which is short for her initials, J.J.J., which are short for Juno Jolene Jackson. Perci and David met each other during a Hanukkah party, and they met everyone else at random school functions.

I mentioned my freshman status and my EE major. I also mentioned I met Perci by happenstance through Rohan. I was originally going to leave out the nudity, but Perci ended up bringing up the details I omitted. David, interestingly enough, didn't bat an eye.

After spending a half-hour smoking and talking with them, I could not deny that my first experience with this group of friends was a positive one overall. I probably won't smoke again, but at least I can say that I won't be afraid to see these guys again... except maybe Teej. She is a bit in-your-face.

"Hey! When are you drug addicts gonna come inside and fucking start this thing?"

Speaking of said in-your-face raccoon, we all turned to see her standing in the frame of the sliding door. Her tits, which upon inspection appeared to be twice the size of Perci's, were still on display for everyone to see.

"Looks like you got a headstart," David countered, absolutely nonchalant about her state of undress, "Hey Bear, where do you keep the stuff?"

"I'll get it," Bear spoke, heading toward the inside of the house. David followed.

"Wait a minute," I flustered, "what stuff?" Looking to either side of me I was hoping one of the ladies would answer my question. Perci looked as puzzled as I was, but Cairo was willing to shed some light on the subject.

"You know, for the scenes." Cairo responded, as if that would answer my question.

"Scenes? What scenes? Are we making a movie?"

"Hold up!" Perci interjected, "Nobody told me it was going to be this type of get-together."

What type of get-together?

"Teej explicitly told everyone in the invite!"

Told everyone what?

"Not me. I'm not on social media right now. Bear told me."

"Can someone just tell me what the hell is going on?" I finally shouted.

The girls looked at me, then back to each other, then back to me. I would've laughed at how cartoony the whole charade looked if I wasn't so damn flustered.

Finally, Cairo asked Perci something. Something that made me understand everything: why Teej was topless, what the "stuff" probably was, and most importantly, how absolutely, undoubtedly, stupefyingly in over my head I was.

"He doesn't know this is a kink party?"