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"You uh, you doing alright there, Chris?"

Chris looked uncharacteristically tired; with sagging eyes his head rested against both of his folded arms on top the lunch table. A few bites were taken out of his chicken fritters, and he looked awfully close to clocking out right then and there. Normally something like this wouldn't even register on my radar, but I was surprised to see such a drastic change in the Wolf's demeanor. He was usually the most energetic out of all of us...

It was particularly weird because the cram-packed cafeteria was extra loud with all the furs in cliques prattling about who was taking who out to homecoming... Not to mention the annoying fucks who would stand up on the tables to announce to the whole goddamn Midwest what hot date or the other they nabbed... Was Chris seriously planning to sleep in these conditions?

"Ran a 5k this morning... was fine five minutes ago but I feel spent now," Chris explained with a gaping yawn. "Mmm wake me up when the bell rings Jayce."

"Chris, I advise you to finish your lunch before resting," Jayce said with a concerned looked, rubbing Chris' shoulders.

"Mmm..." Chris said sleepily, popping fritters into his mouth and chewing without opening his eyes. It wasn't long before he was snoring like a dainty princess.

So it was just me and Jayce then.

*Shifty eyes*

Guess I'll talk about anime real quick before the others show up...

"So... Jayce, you enjoying the new season of Attack of Titan?" I asked casually, trying my best not to sound like the repressed anime loving weeb trash that I was.

Jayce looked to me with intrigued eyes, and in turn his dewlap extended slightly (happens sometimes when he's eager about something). He politely put down his chopsticks to talk. "You know I wasn't particularly impressed by first season and it's over-emphasis on shock value, but I'm glad I stuck with it. I rather enjoy the political course the story has been taking."

I nodded by head even though I didn't really have an opinion formulated on anything that he just said, "Uh, yeah me too. And I liked the part where they... killed Titans."

"...Indeed," Jayce said, the interest totally drained form his voice. I began to feel flustered at my own incompetence.

Shit, I've been repressing my nerdy side for so long that I don't know how to host natural conversation on the topic! Let's just segue into something else before I dig myself into a deeper hole here.

"Oh hey, Daren and Toru are together chatting, wonder what that's about?" I said in a way-too interested tone, pointing over to the two doggos.

Daren came walking in with Toru from the hallway. I only mentioned it for my own convenience, but once I thought about it, it was odd because 1), Daren stalked off on his own earlier looking like he was back in his total introvert mode and 2) He was with mister stress ball of all people. Toru seemed like he would be terrified of Daren, so why/when/how did they start talking?

It was especially weird because their demeanors were not what I would expect from then. Daren was a bit of a grouchy pants just a few minutes ago but... his expression looked smug? Arrogant even? Talk about doing an around face... And Toru actually looked happy for once! He tail was wagging, what was up with that?

"Hey, Daren, uh, did something happen?" I asked curiously as Daren took his seat next to me.

He smirked at me with narrowed eyes, "Oh nothing much, I just got asked out to homecoming by someone is all. Said 'yes'"

Wat.

"O-Oh... y-you did?" I said with a sudden surge of confused feelings inside of me. "Yeah," Daren said winking at Toru _ OH MY FUCKING GOD! WHAT THE FUCK?! THAT DOESN'T MEAN WHAT I THINK IT DOES, DOES IT?!?!?_ in Toru's direction. Toru smiled shyly with folded ears, before he began unpacking his bagged lunch.

"Good... for you," I said with even more strained awkwardness than I did in my conversation with Jayce. My expression was uncertain as all heck.

Daren's smirk evolved into a full on grin as he crooked his neck to look at me straight in the eyes, "Yeah, he a real cutie too. Perfect since nobody else wanted to ask me out to homecoming."

*Processing sarcasm*

*Processing sarcasm*

*Processing sarcasm*

*Success*

Oh dear, I appear to be getting angry.

My mouth just... moved on its own. Still, I spoke quietly though so nobody besides Daren could hear, "Must be nice being able to say 'yes' to the first guy who comes to you since you never want to commit to having a boyfriend!"

Shots: Fired

The Rottie's floppy ears were beginning to raise. He looked downright offended. He gritted his teeth for a moment before replying, "Maybe I wouldn't be going with someone else if the guy I'm interested in wasn't too busy pretending to be fucking some beard bitch!"

OHHH NO YOU DIDN'T!

Toru and Jayce's eyes were on us, and Chris' were inching open. For once I didn't care. I was pissed.

"Maybe if you were less pushy about it he'd have an easier time doing it!"

"Maybe if he would just drink a nice tall glass of 'ain't nothing bad gonna happen if you just come the fuck out' then I wouldn't have to force myself to be so goddamn patient all the time!"

"Maybe if you just realized that things here work differently than-"

"-What are you guys talking about?" Toru asked in that terrified whimpering voice he does so well, ears folded backwards.

"I sense some interpersonal turmoil here..." Jayce added in with concerned eyes.

Daren and I both shut up for a moment. We had an angry staring contest for a moment, but there was understanding shared in that. "Nothing," Daren and I muttered together. I shot a glance at Daren, "This conversation is just hypothetical. Isn't that right, Daren?"

_ _

"Yes indeed, quite hypothetical, good sir," he said through his teeth, doing his little 'I'm angry so I'm talking formally now' spiel. Oh ho ho, he was trying to get under my skin, wasn't he?

Toru and Jayce looked at each other, perturbed.

Shit... we kept our voices down for that but so I don't think they caught on to much of what we said, but still...

"Hey guys! How's it hang... ing." Scott said as he and Marty suddenly arrived with their lunch trays. After encountering the aftermath of the battlefield that was our table, Scott's happy go lucky expression immediately changed.

He looked at Toru, who seemed terrified from the HYPOTHETICAL argument. Then at Chris who was so tired he looked like a corpse. Then at Jayce who looked visibly uncomfortable. Then at me and my cross expression. Then at Daren who was being a snooty little annoying... something. And also Marty who looked confused... well okay Marty always looks like that and that had nothing to do with the current situation.

"Goddamn, did the Grinch come to steal Christmas or some shit? What's up with you guys?" Scott asked while cautiously putting down his lunch tray.

"Nothing!" Daren and I retorted peevishly.

Scott's eyebrows raised with a comic frown, "Damn, we need some comic relief in here, stat. Uh... maybe I have some funny memes on my phone or something..." he said, immediately whipping out his phone after putting down his lunch tray. Marty just sat down with that blank expression of his and began shoveling food down his gullet.

After a few moments of rummaging through his phone's images, Spot scotted Scott spotted something in the distance that caused his eyes to pop, "Oh, perfect timing for a distraction!" Scott leaned forward to look at me past Daren. "Check it out Rob, looks like the fashion slaves are coming to have a word with us! I wonder what that's about~" the Polar Bear trilled, pointing sideways with his thumb to a dubiously dressed Badger and Squirrel, who I had dubbed the 'fashion slaves' a few months ago. I enjoyed the inside joke a little bit, but was still angry at Daren being a salty drama stirrer.

But still, Pesto and Allie coming over to talk? That's curious... Come to think of it I saw them going around lunch tables earlier. I turned over to get a load of the fashion slaves' look of the day.

Allie was in her usual color-clashing dungaree getup... Lavender colored Dungarees to an orange shirt today, because Squirrel girl had like 13 different colored pairs of dungarees for SOME reason. Pesto, oh boy, was wearing a lacy shoulder-less black dress, large black lens-less glasses and a cross necklace. Her outfit of the day made her look like a... sexy goth librarian? They were just talking to the other Varsity jocks at Taro and Sean's table and now they were heading this way...

I had just gotten off the roller-coaster ride of a conversation with Daren, but lucky me, guess I was just lining on up for a whole new roller-coaster ride. It only took seconds after Badger and Squirrel walked up to our table. "Hey boys! How's being fabulous treating you all?" Pesto greeted us with a flirty wiggle of her fingers. Marty made a loud gulping swallow at that...

"Hope y'all are hyped for homecoming cause' it's going to be lit AF!" Allie mentioned with a big bucktoothed grin. None of us answered that question. You might be able to guess why.

"Hey Pesto, you're looking hot today!" Scott deftly replied with a wink and a single finger gun. Typical Scott... Also what was up with Marty? Why was his head looking back and forth between Scott and Pesto like some sort of sideways bobble head? Stop that, you're making me dizzy!

Pesto let out a low giggle, "Oh Scott, you're such a tease," the Badger replied with a swish of her wrist and a droll smile.

Truuuuuuuuuuuuuth. Finally some external validation on that point!

"Heh, yeah he sure is..." I said absentmindedly with a light chuckle of my own before realizing WHAT THAT FUCK I JUST SAID.

"Wait, what?" Scott said and looked at me with an intent gaze. His lips were opened slightly. He was still smiling.

"What?!" I replied immediately, feeling the tingling of panic roll across my fur as I tried to evade the question. I was vaguely aware of Daren rolling his eyes.

I done fucked up.

Scott began talking to me at the same time, "No, I mean it sounded like you just said I was a tea-"

CALL ME ISHMAEL! BECAUSE MOBY SCOTT IS HOT ON MY TRAIL!

Pesto was whispering to Allie at the same time saying something bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, "Do those two secretly want to fuck each other or something?"

*Screams internally*

PANIC MODE: ACTIVATE

"HEY PESTO, have you met Daren yet?" I said suddenly in an entirely unnatural tone, with my hands gesturing to the Rottie in an entirely unnatural way. It worked, despite the sudden harshness of my question.

Scott was forced to drop the question when Pesto's attention shifted to Daren. "Oh, guess not. Hey there I'm..." The green-haired Badger cocked her head and readjusted her glasses. "Have we met before? Like outside of school?" she asked, thumbing her necklace.

Daren looked at her gingerly, clearly still not one for introductions, but then after a moment looked suddenly very interested in her, "Hey... Yeah I feel like I seen you at a party or something."

"Yeah yeah..." Pesto agreed. "But you'll need to be more specific. Was it a party at a trap house?"

"H-h-haha, trap house HAHAH! That's funny!" Marty said with an intensely panicked smile and laugh.

Oh my fucking God.

"That's not what 'trap house' means Marty," Chris corrected (sorry for my argument waking you up earlier Chris >.<), without opening his eyes.

Marty's comment didn't seem to register to Pesto as Daren continued, "Hmm, have to be more specific. Was it a party at a trap house across from a TJ Max?"

Pesto furrowed her brows like she was thinking really hard on it... what the fuck? How many parties do these two go to, anyway?! "Mmm, you'll have to be more specific. Was it a party at a trap house across from a TJ Max where they were butt chugging Xanax and wine coolers?"

"Nah, it was Xanax and Bud Light," Daren said matter-of-factly.

"Oh, guess we've never met then."

What the fuck kind of lives do these two live??

"H-h-h-ey P-P-P-esto!" Marty wedged in before letting Pesto and Daren finish their introductions. ...There was no way this was going to end well.

"'Sup Marty," she said coolly.

"I like your, uh, tiddies!" He said with wavering eyes and a shaky smile.

Everyone at the table collectively cringed. 'Oh so that's why Marty was asking about traps,' I thought to myself with a facepalm and a judgmental shake of my head.

Pesto's reactions was entirely level though: an amused snort, "Thanks, I like them too. I got them done when I was fifteen. Just needed a permission slip from my parents. Gotta love America," she said before quickly redirecting her attention to the group, "But yeah, Allie and I are here because I'm trying to secure votes for homecoming queen. That's what's up."

"Oh nice, so you want to be the first trans homecoming queen then? I'm woke as fuck so I'll vote for you," Scott asked with a few wiggles of his eyebrows.

There was a distinct lack of recognition in Pesto's expression, "Huh? Oh, I guess I could have done that, but no. I'm trying to get people to vote for someone else, for secret reasons..."

"Like, super-secret you guys. We're totally like, not even going to tell you who it is until three minutes before voting starts," Allie said in a sudden Valley girl accent, still texting.

Pesto nodded as Allie spoke, "But mostly I just want to make sure Francesca doesn't get to be homecoming queen. Fucking hate that bitch..." The badger added with angry sass.

Oh no, she said the 'F' word.

_ _

No, not that 'F' word, the one that started with 'Fr' and rhymes with 'blancesca'.

_ _

Also oh no, what's that dangerous look in Daren's eyes?!?!?

"Well better not tell Rob anything crucial 'cause..." Daren stood up on his dinky foldable lunch table chair. He slowly began to cup his muzzle with his paws. My tail began bristling and I suppressed the instinct to protract my claws.

"Daren, don't you fucking dare..." I snarled quietly, angrily tugging at the side of my varsity jacket.

Daren's eyes were challenging. "Oh I'm Darin' alright" he countered without the slightest bit of pause.

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! CRITICAL DAMAGE PUN!

And then he bellowed loud enough to carry through the entire lunch room, "ROB HAMILTON IS TAKING OUT FRANCESCA TO HOMECOMING!"

Near-silence encased the lunchroom. People were looking at Daren, and then at me. ...Who knew such a quiet guy could have such a loud voice?

Everyone at my table looked confused, but that didn't stop Scott from looking impressed and giving me a thumbs up. I let out a disgusted groan and kneaded my temples, but only for a moment. I was mentally preparing for what I knew I had to do, and then stood up and climbed up on top the center of our lunch table.

Some rando said "Niiiiiiiiiiiice" and a bunch of guys at the Varsity started clapping.

And then most everyone started clapping.

You might think that this would cause me undue stress and make me want to explode into a million tiny pieces, but no, I had complete control of the situation. This was my territory. Daren couldn't hold a candle to me in these games. All these years of maintaining a reputation and pretending to be somebody who I'm not have given me excellent public speaking skills.

No way in hell I'm gonna let you get away with that, Daren!

I stood up onto the table and addressed the cafeteria in its entirety with open arms and a cocky upward tug of my varsity jacket, "Yes well, just let me say that I'm honored to be chosen for this great award. I'd like to thank my parents, Raptor Jesus, the Grovedale high chargers, and the academy! Wouldn't have been possible without them! Let's make this the most lit homecoming dance Ohio has ever seen! GO CHARGERS!" I roared with arms pumped up in the air to a cacophony of applause and hooting, mostly from the other jock tables. Lunch lady Suzanna was particularly invested in my speech for reasons that I imagine are entirely creepy.

Recovery Game: on point. Hook line and sinker.

Swaggering back down to my seat, I glared conceitedly at Daren.

His look was one of glorious defeat! Muahahahaha.

"Ew, you're taking out Francesca?" Pesto finally commented to me once the cafeteria's din of applause was replaced by the normal din of inane homecoming-related conversation.

"Believe me, it's not a decision I'm proud of..." I muttered to her, my mask of enthusiasm already off.

Allie snorted at that my comment. "FYI Rob, I heard when she climaxes, she screams GROVEDALE HIGH!" the Squirrel said, still texting vigorously on her phone.

Pesto let out a sardonic chuckle before continuing, "Anywaaaaay, I'll just cut to the chase because this is taking way too long and Mommy has places to go. I hate political campaigning so I'm straight up bribing anyone who will vote for my mystery person. I'm offering four different forms of payment if our guy comes out on top: Twenty bucks, a *secret* popularity point boost, afterschool blowjob, or I can get someone to do one day's worth of homework for you-"

Jaye's expression looked mortally offended, "-Excuse me Pesto, did you just say you're giving blowjobs away to get votes for Homecoming queen?"

Pesto blinked twice at Jayce, then shrugged. "Yeah. I mean, go hard or go home, right?"

Jayce's tone continued to have that ever lovely self-righteous flare to it, "Aren't you worried that that would make you a bad role model as a trans woman? That's shameful and petty behavior after all!"

Pesto's scoff was quick and pronounced, "Who the fuck says I have to be a good role model? I do whatever I want."

Chris spoke with his head down and eyes still closed and a weakly raised fist, "Girl speaks the truth. Fight the power," the Wolf said with attempted vigor, but his voice wasn't even loud enough to put exclamation marks on his quote.

She did have a point though... Jayce certainly didn't know how to follow up to that one.

So we (sans Jayce) went around and said what we wanted in exchange for the vote. Allie and Pesto were both taking notes on their phones. Payment would come after their candidate won.

"Popularity points..." I muttered, knowing that Daren would make some disapproving gesture at me. He did. He clicked the side of his mouth.

"Twenty bucks," Daren said immediately.

"PP points, woo!" Scott said.

"I'll take twenty bucks, I guess..." Toru said quietly.

"I'll take somebody to do my homework for me," Chris said with muted energy.

"My vote will not be swayed by bribery," Jayce stated resolutely.

Finally we got to our resident derpy eyed Bull friend, "I'll do a blowjob!" he said with a shaky, intense smile.

Great. Great job Marty. As if lunch today wasn't uncomfortable enough.

Pesto grinned. "Alrighty and one blowjob. Any requests for what technique you want me to administer?"

Marty looked back blankly for a hot minute before replying, "Oooooohhhh, you were going to give me a blowjob."

UHHH

This is your doing, isn't it Scott?!

I looked at Scott with a confused expression as if to say 'Did you have something to do with this?!" He just shrugged his shoulders at me with a smile.

Surprisingly, Pesto's muzzle was open in a pleasantly surprised smile, "Look at this kid, Allie. Fucking, snatching my wig off and shit. Kinda don't even want to wait until after the results are in to give him his payment."

"Dude, you should totally go for it," Allie said while texting, with a casual swish of her free wrist.

Pesto strutted over to Marty. "C'mon Marty, Let's go get you your payment right now. In the bathroom," she was leading him out of the cafeteria by his collar, with a mischievous grin on her face.

"Later guys!" Marty said with a surprised tone, as he was dragged away.

I coughed. "Wow... that just happened."

"Yup," Daren said curtly.

"I feel like so much is happening right now and I can't process it all and it's really stressing me out, aw geez..." Toru said, gripping his muzzle.

"Aw man, that's one lucky Bull," Scott said with a big smile.

"Spectacular..." Jayce muttered.

Allie finished the chain of extra comments, "So ummmm, any of you guys also decide you wanted to suck dicks recently?" she mentioned as if she were asking the score for a football game she missed.

Yeah, none of us responded to that. Awkward looks and stank faces for days~

"Just asking. Oh hey Toru, is that a new phone? It looks Fly AF, I bet you could play a lot of games on that," she said walking over to him and crouching down to inspect his phone.

"Oh, no I just got a new case is all, though this phone is new..." the Akita responded shyly.

And that spark of normal conversation was enough to let the flow of lunch go back to usual... well, mostly.

Daren and I refused to acknowledge each other for the whole while we were eating. So I mostly talked to Scott about football over Daren who sat between us... but for some reason I couldn't recall any of the specifics about the conversation almost like the person who writes this story doesn't know shit about football.

We also all had to process that Marty, fucking Marty, fucking 'are traps gay?' Marty, actually managed to impress a trans girl enough to give him a blowjob during lunch. What a crazy world we live in.

Sooner or later Pesto had returned, dragging a terrousified looking Marty by his wrist. Must have been an intense experience for him...

"That was really hot, thanks for reciprocating. Feel free to call some time big boy," she said as she guided him back to his seat, patting him on the back. "Anyway, that's good for now. Thanks for your support boys~ Allie, we can pick up the rest tomorrow. I should probably eat some actual food now."

Oh my god I'm gay and even I find that disgusting.

_ _

Huh, maybe she actually is a good match for Marty...

"'Kay," the Squirrel said as she walked with Pesto to the center lunch table where all the kweens and boujee boys sat.

"Niiiiiiiiiiiiice," Scott said to Marty with a frown smile and a thumbs up.

"So uh..." I chimed in.

"How was it, Marticus?!" Scott finished, looking congratulatory like he was talking to his son who just won his first peewee soccer match.

"It. Was. Amazing..." Marty said in a ghost-like voice, with eyes so peeled open you'd think he was gazing into the future with them.

Then I noticed something on his muzzle.

Oh dear lord...

"Marty you've got some uh..." I gestured to the spot where he... just, goddammit. He had FUCKING JIZZ on his brown muzzle fur, okay. It stuck out!

"Oh, whoops" Marty said AND HE LICKED IT OFF WITH HIS TONGUE.

"Ewww sick man!" Scott said in a shrieking laugh, nearly falling backwards off his seat. Toru dropped his spoon full of yogurt and froze with his mouth still open. Daren let out a low 'shit'.

Jayce dropped his chopsticks, and pushed his lunch forward as though he just lost his appetite and said "Excuse me, I may have to retch in the boys bathroom," Jayce said, up and leaving right there.

Well that's going to be a reoccurring nightmare for a while.

Suddenly: a look of terrible distress on Marty's face. "Guys, am, am, am, am I gay now? I'm having an identity crisis here! I sucked a girl's dick and I liked it!"

Scott to the rescue... "Dude, Marticus, this doesn't make you gay! Remember what I told you?"

"Dick with dicks is legit?" Marty replied in a low whimper, eyes looking pathetic enough to credit Toru.

"Chicks with dicks is legit! Your tastes are totally straight, just like, evolved straight," Scott said, in that bizarre way of his where he straddles the line between total bro and reassuring friend, "You're fiiiiiine brah! I'm actually jelly of you man! Pesto seems really fun and nice, unlike... my... girlfriend... uh, but anyway yeah, you're totally straight bro. You can trust me, I'm a certified 'no homo' expert with over ten years of experience."

I don't know if I'd call that good counseling for a normal person, but It seemed to be effective on Marty, "You're you're right! I have to be straight because I love the saggy tiddies! I-I-I-I-I-I I HAVE TO ASK HER OUT TO HOMECOMING!! PESTO WAIT UP!" he said, nearly tripping as he scurried out of his seat to the center lunch table.

"Godspeed you beautiful son of a bitch!" Scott all but sang, pretending to wipe a tear off of his cheek fur.

"Can we please talk about something else, now?" I offered with my ears folded down in discomfort.

Little did I realize how open my comment left me to Daren, "Yeah, why don't we talk about HOMECOMING, and how sexually attracted we are to each of our respective partners?" he offered with more than a bit of snark.

"You really aren't going to let this go, are you?" I asked in a low but incredulous voice.

"Nope," he said flatly, with narrow eyes.

The vibe we were emanating seemed to be upsetting Scott. He opened his mouth to speak, only to be interrupted.

Chris, apparently still awake, let out a massive disappointed sigh, grabbing the attention of the whole table and completely saving me in the process, "Shit, that's right... I might have to miss out on homecoming this year..."

Toru looked at Chris with sympathetic eyes. "Are you feeling okay, Chris? Is something wrong?"

"Yeah, you loved homecoming last year, bro. What's up? No date?" Scott added.

Chris let out an uncertain moan, now fully awake, "No, I don't care if I don't have a date, it's my training... Homecoming is Friday of next week right? That's before the October 5k. There's going to be all sorts of junk food there and, you know somebody's going to spike the punch and I'm going to want to drink it and... I dunno... it seems like it'll hurt my chances. Doing this thing for Lach is more important than some dance anyway..."

The topic was heavy enough for it to distract the table. Daren, who I guess was friends with Chris now all of a sudden, tried to counsel him and suggest that he could look out for him and make sure the Wolf didn't eat any junk food or spiked punch. But Chris still seemed unconvinced.

And the only other thing to happen at lunch today was that Marty eventually came back to our table. Apparently Pesto agreed to go to the homecoming dance with him... good for him... going with someone his likes... shit.

The bell rang. Suddenly I didn't feel right letting lunch end the way it did. There was no resolution. I just sidestepped any sort of direct confrontation with Daren. Even when we did argue it was hypothetical.

"Uh, bye Daren, um..." I said in a wavering tone. I guess I was internally struggling to say 'sorry' or something. I dunno...

"Yeah, bye," he countered in a mocking tone before thudding out of the cafeteria. I felt that old anger surface up again. Right when I was have second thoughts too, UGH!

I gritted my teeth and let my claws protrude. They dug into my right arm a little when I gripped it angrily.

Goddammit, why does he have to be so unreasonable?

Goddammit, why he gotta be so unreasonable?

_ _

Walking to my next class alone, I put on my fiercest scowl. I wanted to let the boujee suburb students in their tacky designer pants, Ugg boots and shitty vintage clothes that I didn't want any of their petty shit. I could have used a beer or two. Or five. Fucking mad.

Why you gotta be such a fucking pussy cat Panther about coming out?! Fucking ratted my ass out to your friends without even thinking about it! Even when I'm pissed at you I ain't do the same shit! And it's giving me fucking ulcers not telling Chris about you, fuck! I'm not gonna date a closet case again! Not here!

The whole fucking reason my Mom dragged my ass here was cause this is the most LGBT friendly school in all the goddamn Midwest. After she found out what happened to me at... Shit, no I ain't gonna think about that. I'll just fucking trigger myself. Don't wanna fucking break my hand again punching a wall.

_ _

_Just, goddammit Rob. And to think if you said 'yes' I was gonna finally ask you to go steady with me... what am I gonna do with you? _