Through The Eyes of Insanity, Chapter Two: More Memoirs of a Madman
Disclaimer, if you are under the age of 18 years, 21 years in some places, please do not read this, also if you are offended by Sexual activity and expression between anthropomorphic beings, please do not read this. You have been warned.
Through The Eyes of Insanity, Chapter Two: More Memoirs of a Madman
I wake up, and of course, I'm facing a white wall.
I am no longer in the middle of the room; I suppose I rolled over on my side in my sleep. I get up and walk back to the center of the room, exactly seven and a half feet from each wall.
Most of the time I sit in silence after I wake up, I mean, what else can I do? I have no choice but to wait until they come to feed me.
Of course, I had no dreams. I haven't dreamed since they put me in this place, I haven't spoken to Mommy since either... Maybe it has something to do with the medicine they make me take. Maybe not; what do I know?
I hear the tiniest of clicking sounds coming from beyond the door to my cell. It must be breakfast time.
I have heard stories of furs that tried to escape through the door when it was opened and the guard walked in with the food.
That's stupid. Of course, there are always more guards beyond the door. Escaping this place is simply not possible, even I know that.
A guard walks in with a tray of food. He is followed by two other guards, one that waits at the door and one that walks behind me.
The tray is sat in front of me, and they must watch me as I eat with a plastic spork. They seem to believe that something as simple as a spork is harmless, when I could easily rip my own eyes out of my skull with them and commit suicide, but I'm not that stupid.
My medicine is handed to me when I am through eating. I am watched very carefully by the guard in front of me as I take it, after each pill I am asked to open my muzzle and show that I have completely swallowed it.
The first guard stands up with the tray, and looks down at me to ask, "Simon, do you need to use the restrooms?"
I nod and stand slowly, one of the two guards that was behind me moves to the door and looks out the small glass window, the guard outside unlocks the door for him to let us out.
Now, the reason that locks are not installed on both sides of the door so that the guard inside may simply unlock it from the inside when he needs to get out is that if the guard were to drop the key, and I were to pick it up, I could get out of my cell.
I am escorted to one of the many bathrooms. The space is tiny and the guards wait outside for me, I am surrounded by four very close together metal walls, and a small, stained, dirty toilette. The room, like all the other rooms in this place is made to be virtually impossible to hurt oneself in.
But there's always something.
I look around as I urinate, straining my brain to find the one thing that could be used to kill with. In any situation, no matter where you are there is always something...
Ah-ha! In this situation it would be a small bit of piping running down the corner where the wall in front of me and the wall to my right meet. A screw is loose on the fifth placement thing down. One would only need to rip the piping from the wall, and from there on out it's basically obvious.
I hear a banging on the door, the guards way of telling me to hurry up.
I finish, and button up my pants (no zippers, go figure)
I am walked back to my cell, to wait until the days "play time" when they let the inmates run about in a large room with a couch, two ping-pong tables, afew books, and games such as connect four, checkers, chess, et cetera.
As I walk into my cell, one of the guards turns to me, a large grey lupine, with notable white markings under his eyes. "Simon, your recessive time today has been removed from your schedule, so that you may have more time with your Doctor."
I blink and shrug, and sit down in the center of the room, watching the guard leave.
In truth, I never cared much for play time; all I ever did was stand in the corner, left from the entrance, and watch. I like to watch other furs and people, I like to watch them play fool, and pretend that everything is alright, that they may be viewed as "healthy" and be released from this place, and it has happened, but let's face it, when you're in an asylum, your time is better spent in deep thought, not games of ping-pong. So far as I'm concerned anyway.
Though, I know I will never be free from these walls, I know that I will live the same day, every day, for the rest of my life.
Wake up, eat, sit, recess, eat, sit, doctor, sit, sleep.
Always the same...
I do remember, when I was younger, a second family had taken me in, even after "the incident", I was told that to be where I am now means that I am a sick, twisted person. I can't say I find their meaning, I'm just as sane as I ever was, if I ever was, that is.
Some have said I was never sane, those that know me from long ago say there was always something odd about me. In honesty, I found most of my 'friends' and 'family' to be the odd ones, perhaps I was wrong...
I am being led back to my cell now, to sit and wait to see my doctor; as usual the guards walk in with me, make sure I'm in, and then walk out. "We'll be back in about half an hour to take you to your doctor, freak." One of the speaks.
I simply ignore the remark, and shrug it off.
There was no point in getting angry at the guards, all it did was earn you more time in here, and make you seem even more unfit for society.
I take my seat in the center of the room.
I often wonder how my mommy made out; I miss her unbearably in this place.
You see, if you've ever locked yourself up in a walk in closet for more than an hour, you kind of know what it feels like to be in my situation, only an asylum is significantly worse.
For all my appointments I am put in a straight jacket, as requested by the psychiatrist, though I have been deemed mentally fit enough to enjoy recessive time, without my straight jacket.
That's aside from the point; if you have any sanity left upon entering this place, these walls can squeeze it right out of you.
More than afew in this place have claimed they can hear the walls mock them, but then again more than afew in this place are clinically insane.
And the worst part?
The time seemed to just pass you by as slowly as fucking possible, I honestly thought I'd stayed up for three days once.
The half an hour that I have to spend sitting here seems to take forever!
But sure enough, an alleged half an hour later, the guards come back, and help me into my straight jacket, to take me to my appointment.
These hallways they take me through seem to never end, and they are very bright. In fact, if you've ever seen a really long hospital hallway, it would look like that.
People even die here sometimes, too.
I am brought into the room with my psychiatrist, and sat in a white chair.
"Now then, Simon," The man behind the counter says to me. "Last we talked, you spoke of cars coming to your home, to take you away from your mother, is this correct?"
"It is." I hear guards leaving behind me.
"Good," He smiled and paused.
You know, I never noticed that he was a wolf. I guess I never really cared until I started to pay attention to him.
"Well," He continued "Let's talk about that, where did the take you?"
I decide to fuck with him. "The cars or the people in them?"
"Well, I'd assume that the people in the cars, brought you into one of the cars, but where did they take you from your home?"
"Kim Hong Children's Psychological Institute."
"I see," He wrote on his notepad a little. "And how long do you recall being there?"
"Three days, and fourteen hours, I was then sent to live with a foster family." I reply, hoping to be right on the time of my residence in the institute.
"Why so quickly, Simon?" The wolf raised a brow at me. "With a case like that, a child is usually tested and viewed for mental health disorders for a much longer period of time."
I shrug "My psychologist said that all I needed was..." I take a deep breath, this part always angered me. "To see what life was like with a real mother, and father."
He jotted quickly on his notepad. "I see... tell me about your time there, with that family."
***
"Hello Simon!" grinned a rather corpulent Feline woman, as I stepped out of a government owned car, and onto the grounds of my new home. I noticed one thing instantly.
These people were loaded.
That is to say that they had sufficient funds to support them for the rest of their lives, and mine had I chosen to stay there. Apparently, they owned an oil company of sorts.
For some reason this lady reminded me of Aretha Franklin, not sure why.
However her husband was a rather skinny cat, who always seemed to be wearing a suit, and a fedora.
I nodded to the woman, as the man strode over to speak with the official in the car.
"Aw, are you shy young one?"
I shrugged and looked away, it wasn't that I was shy, if you'd just been taken away from your mother you'd be the same way. You'd understand how I felt.
The lady walked me inside the house. It was a beautiful place, with many rooms, a large kitchen, and warm beds.
But it wasn't home.
The woman had food prepared every day, at breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
I remember my first night there, the woman tucked me in and kissed me on the cheek.
Something about that mad me very angry, I remember pushing her away from me and growling.
Her husband came to the door to see what the matter was, but the woman simply told him that it was just my shyness.
You see, they were well informed on how my mother once raised me, and they thought it was terrible, and what's worse was that this woman was trying to replace my mother.
If there was one thing I did not appreciate it was a woman trying to be my mother, the smug bitch even made me dinner and never made love to me, and then she sent me to school.
I'll never forget my first day of 'real school'
I had felt a sense of foreboding when first viewing the entrance to my school, it was a public grade school. I was in the fifth grade.
Instantly the other children seemed to loathe me. The females kept away from me, unlike the males who felt it necessary to fuck with me every chance they got.
"What's wrong with you dork?" A rather large boy punched me in the back of the head, coming out of class for a bathroom break.
This boy was your everyday ordinary stereotypical jock, a sixth grader, and a known bully throughout the school.
"That hurt." I glare at him.
"Aww, just gonna be a pussy about it and whine?" He punched again.
I growled and grabbed him by the arm in the middle of his punch, twisted his elbow forward to make the boy fall. I heard his head smack against the hard tiling of the schools dirty floors, and took a moment to enjoy the sound, to relish in it. Then I took vengeance with my teeth, lashing them out at his wrist, digging in until he bleed onto my muzzle.
I could feel the flesh breaking away as I dug in, the viens ripping open, my teeth scraping against his very bone, and I loved it.
His blood was warm, I didn't swallow, but something about the feeling of have your teeth covered in another males blood is invigorating... it was my first ever taste of blood, and it wouldn't be my last.
"Wait , stop, I'm sorry!" The boy screamed.
I held him in place, and lifted his head up by the headfur, smacking his forehead back down on the tiled floor again, hearing him scream once more I whispered into his ear, echoing his words back to him. "Awww... Just gonna be a pussy about it and whine?"
"Simon! You get off of Larry right this instance!" A teacher shrieked from the end of the hallway.
I turn my head and glared at her, "He tried to hurt me!"
The lady would not listen "Jesus Christ, Simon! What have you done?!" she pulled out a cell phone and dialed three digits onto the keypad. "I'm going to call an ambulance, you-well you go to the principal's office, I'll be sending another teacher."
I shrug and head down the hallway; the principal's office was near the entrance of the school, I could get there easily.
As soon as I got into the office, I took a seat in the chair closest to the wall, the one farthest left out of the three, left from the door when entering.
Soon a teacher walks in, I can hear the faint whistling of sirens. First she speaks to the lady behind the counter, then to me. "Simon, go into the principals office now." Her voice was firm.
I walked in and sat in front of the principles desk, where he glared at me with a pair of the most intense, and frustrated eyes I'd ever seen at that age. "Simon your parents have been notified and are on their way to pick you up, what you did was terrible and now that young man is being taken to the hospital because of it."
I shrugged my shoulders and yawned. "Did they say how fast they were going to get here?"
The principal stood up and slammed his fist on the desk "Simon you may have killed that boy!" His face was red through his graying fur with rage.
I felt no fear, I felt good. I felt good that I may have destroyed that kid, he was a bastard anyway.
My foster parents burst through the door, and quickly ushered me home. I remember them whispering feverishly to eachother, and the words from her muzzle; "It was too early to put him in school, we should have waited longer.."
***
"I also remember the look on her face, a look of worry," I look up to my Psychiatrist, narrowing my eyes. "to this day I don't understand why she cared so, if she hadn't she'd still be alive..."
Many Psychologists have implied that I lack developed emotional skills, compassion never came easy for me, and during my youth I had an understanding of that. To an extent I knew the other children had something mentally that I didn't.
A weakness was all it was, not my weakness, theirs.
The doctor looked back to me, after jotting down afew notes onto his notepad. He spoke. "And I'll have to stop you there, Simon. We've run out of time."
I nod softly and stand up, one of the guards walks to my side to begin escorting me to my cell.
"I'll see you next time, Doctor."